Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love
by Paradigm of Writing
Summary: Percy hooks his thumbs into the loops of Nico's jeans, drawing the male closer to him. "It's just a kiss," Percy jests, eyes sparkling. "What's the harm?" The slow, dull thump of Nico's heartbeat begins to roar, before he's drowning in a sea of senselessness and romance.
1. Chapter 1: Loose Control

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new story in the Percy Jackson fandom... *drum roll* Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, one that I am super stoked about writing... and we've got Nico, Percy, Annabeth, Rachel, Luke, and Thalia all in one huge group of friends... AU of course. Nico and Percy are roommates, almost like a similar kind of set-up from Friends where each person in archetype. This kinda drops itself in the middle of the story, I am going to be telling it kind of backwards... ish. It's hard to explain, but I'm excited as this'll be my first Rated M fanfiction in awhile that I think I'm going to take seriously, like _really_ serious and draw out on many and multiple things. I hope you enjoy Chapter #1: Loose Control, which drops us immediately into some trouble. Enjoy! **

* * *

Nico Di Angelo and Percy Jackson end up stumbling back to their apartment around two in the morning after the party has died a slow, painful death. Two A.M is practically early on New Year's Eve... or technically New Year's Day, but who gives a fuck. It's late. This is actually kind of pathetic; Nico's not even that tired, but after a miserable shit-show of an evening things just sort of fizzle out. He is at the very least thankful that he got to spend the horrific evening with his best friend.

Also, he might be a little bit drunk. Okay, stupidly drunk. But he's not going to feel too bad about that, because Percy's drunk too—he has to be, because it's the only explanation for why he would ever kiss Nico. Back at the party, the youthful twenty something year-old gets accidentally pinned to the refrigerator by the taller, handsome best friend and before he can speak, Percy has connected his lips against Nico's in a quick, soft kiss, but it is enough to leave Nico's head spinning for the rest of the evening. The drive home had been extremely awkward though.

The taste of it lingers in the back of Nico's throat like the warm tingle of whiskey. He's tried to wash it down, flush it out, but the foreign heat won't leave his lips. He can't help himself, the guy just has to think of the curved line of Percy's jaw, or the ripples underneath his shirt with those sharp emerald eyes and so much more luxuriousness he cannot wait to uncover.

Percy's sliding out of his jacket like he has no idea that Nico's thinking about kissing him again. Of course he has no idea; these aren't the kind of thoughts he just blurts out loud because he likes to hear himself talk. So instead he blurts out something else, because Nico is nothing if not skilled at making things humiliating and awkward: "Why did you kiss me?" Of course, he slaps a hand over his mouth the second he gets, because _fuck_ that really wasn't a good move. He waits, almost on the edge of infinity, for Percy to respond, but instead gets a reaction he sort of did not expect.

Percy lifts an eyebrow, a flawed, yet gorgeous black eyebrow. "'Cause you wouldn't stop whining about getting kissed at midnight," He sort of shrugs, sees that Nico's waiting for him to elaborate. "Did you see any other volunteers?" There's a quiet stirring between them, and Percy decides to not add on the extra statement. _You looked beyond pitiful, watching everyone share saliva, so maybe I could've been your superhero._

Nico can't help but feel offended that he was kissed not only under the influence of alcohol, but also as an act of charity. Feels like grade school all over again, with girls that had frolicked pink ribbons in their heads, or with pursed lips that smelled like wine and tobacco. With minimal swaying, he sulks to the kitchen counter and plops down onto a barstool. The carpet looks like it's moving.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Percy says, clapping a hand on Nico's shoulder. "This doesn't mean you're gonna have bad luck dating for the rest of the year." Oh, what the charmer?

"That's what you got from that?" Nico just stares at him. Percy's known to sometimes be pretty dense, as he is of the male species after all, but... _really_? It feels like the inappropriate thoughts swirling in Nico's head have formed some sort of radioactive barrier around him that's visible from space. Another minute of stilled silence flickers in the apartment, only accompanied by the innocuous ticking of the clock against the wall and the shuffling of feet on the carpet as Percy crosses his arms.

The emerald eyed male narrows his eyes in that way of his when he's thinking really hard. "Wait, did it make you uncomfortable or something? I'm sorry if it did, wasn't my intention."

"No!" Nico yells out a little too quickly, his face half blushing, half paling as that is the exact type of response he did not want. "No, no, the kiss was fine," He slides off of the barstool and finds his legs without too much levering. He takes a couple of steps toward his best friend, who's watching him with confused interest. "That's actually what I wanted to—" He stumbles forward into Percy's chest, but the emerald eyed man catches him and holds him upright before Nico ends up with his face in Percy's crotch. Wouldn't that be awkward? Nico is biting his tongue so he does not continue his thought of, _It was more than fine, Percy. Euphoric._

The insecure, neurotic part of his brain is passed out drunk right now, so Nico decides he's going to take advantage of this fleeting confidence while it lasts. "I want you to kiss me again." Everything slows down for a second like an insect doused in amber. That sounds bad, but at the same time, Nico Di Angelo is known by all of his friends to sometimes be a hopeless romantic. This has to be one of those times.

Percy stares at him for a moment, his brow furrowed in confusion. It's an expression that Nico is very familiar with; he's seen Percy look at particularly challenging crossword puzzles the same way. Percy's dyslexia messes up the paper a lot, and usually he'll just give up. "Nico, you're drunk." There's nothing hard in Percy's voice, but his eyes seem steely, differing from the usual benevolent and warm glow they exude. Strange.

"You're not wrong, but"—Nico takes a deep breath through his nose—"oh my God, you smell amazing." A strong scent of cologne hits him, and for a split second Nico's floating until the best guy in perhaps all of the world brings him back down to Earth.

Percy gives him a proud, grateful smile. "Thanks! But it's nothing special. Just the same aftershave I always use," Then he frowns, like he's angry at himself for being distracted by the compliment. "Wait, how come you want me to kiss you again?"

"Because I liked it, okay?" he answers a little too defensively. "Because I liked it and it's New Year's Eve and our dates bailed on us and we're alone and you're really attractive and why not?" It comes out in a flood of words that Percy doesn't seem to be following. All there is after Nico blurts perhaps the most pathetic excuse he's ever uttered in his entire life is Percy, eyebrows furrowed, mouth parting open to try and say something, but he's stuck at step two while the smaller roommate is on step twenty-five, which _yes_ does entail both men getting undressed.

There's a long moment of silence where Nico gets to enjoy the echoes of his stupid words as if they haven't just ruined his entire life. Why does he let his brain talk him into things? He's never drinking again. Or smoking. Or probably ever showing his face around New York again, maybe the world.

"Actually, I think it's New Year's Day," Percy says, sounding blankly unmoved by Nico's word-vomit. The green eyed man is unsure exactly how to take all of this. It's new. Too brand new.

He curls his fingers in Percy's shirt, which only draws his attention to the fact that he can see ridges and curves and muscle through the material. Damn it, this is not helping. The rigidness of the Grand Canyon, that breaking smile of pallid teeth, the eyebrows, and once again those soft lips.

"Never mind. I'm an idiot. Forget I said anything. I should've stopped talking five minutes ago," Nico shoves himself away from Percy and starts moving toward the first door he sees. "I'm just—I'm just gonna go to bed now, and we can forget this ever happened and get on with our lives."

He's in the middle of turning the doorknob on the front door when a warm hand eclipses his own. "Your bedroom's that way," Percy reminds him, tipping his head in the opposite direction that Nico's going. The heat is almost causing Nico to erect right then and there, but he has no idea why body heat of all things is getting him stimulated and stirred up. Almost out of a horrible porn video or something.

"I knew that. I was just—" Nico turns his body around, and Percy's _right there_ , watching him with appraising eyes—then he's pushing his mouth over Nico's. Percy Jackson, _Percy Fucking Jackson_ is kissing Nico Di Angelo. For a second time, and definitely not accidental. Oh, gods. Nico sort of gasps around the kiss, making Percy nudge him back against the door, their mouths still latched. Nico feels a surge of panic, because there's definitely _something_ hard against his thigh, and he's fairly sure it's not Percy's wallet. He's trying not to think about that, but through the boozy haze the realization hits him that he's kissing his ridiculously attractive roommate who might just be fully hard. That can just be tacked at the very top of the list he makes about the impossible things before breakfast, like Alice would in Wonderland... except it meant that Percy Jackson would top the entire list.

Percy reaches out and palms the sides of Nico's face, pulling him forward to deepen the kiss. Nico hums a moan. "This is really good," he murmurs around Percy's mouth, because that's something he has to say out loud. The words make Percy pull away, and Nico has no idea what he did wrong. "And you're stopping. Why are you stopping? Was it because I started talking? 'Cause I can... not do that." This is not helping the situation. ABORT! Abort you stupid fucking idiot.

Percy shrugs in a way that's self-conscious and lost, and it makes Nico's chest hurt. "I didn't think I'd wanna do it again, y'know? It's like I was kissing a woman—"

"I'm going to let that one slide," Nico warns.

"But I was kissin' you, too!" Percy squirms, his gaze flickering back to Nico. "Okay, I liked it a lot, alright? 'Cause it's you, y'know, and that's pretty great, but it's _you_ and that's also sorta weird!" He's gesturing in a way that Nico guesses is supposed to mean something. The flailing of limbs reminds Nico of himself, and he can't help but grin, before catching hold of the words. This 'gay' stuff is getting his best friend, and perhaps his crush, all bugged out and _that_ will not be a fun time for either of them.

"So, what, do you just wanna pretend this never happened, or..." It's a wonder he manages to say that much before his throat swells.

Percy hesitates for what feels like the longest five seconds of Nico's life, his emerald eyes swimming in a sea of confusion and sadness. He can only stare at Nico's befuddled face, the cute jut of the jaw, those eyes, _those eyes._ Percy swallows before kissing him again, and this time there's a rougher edge to it. Nico shuts up and lets it happen, his mouth occupied in the best way. He raises a hand to tug Percy closer, then he feels Percy's tongue in his mouth, which shorts his brain a little and sends a shiver of confusion up his spine. Oh. _Oh._ Well, he didn't expect to become a French student _that_ quickly.

Percy eases forward, slides his knee between Nico's legs and he has no idea how he's _not_ supposed to grind into Percy's thigh when it's right is the hottest thing Nico's ever been a part of. The reason behind all of this sexual exploration squirms, shifting his hips, and, oh Gods, the friction feels so good. Percy grunts a little when their hips come together in a mutual nudge that makes Nico's insides clench. Nico is very aware of his own erection right now, even though Percy's is shoved against him like they're in an over-crowded elevator. A really overcrowded elevator that has no air conditioning, where there's only enough room for really one body to fit comfortably, and windows.

Nico sucks in a startled gasp when Percy's fingers shove at the edge of his pants. The man's fingers grab nimbly at the loops of his jeans, but there's trouble as Percy is sort of unsure exactly how to do this. _Holyshitholyshitholyshit. Percy Fucking Jackson_ is undressing him—or trying to. Nico reaches down to help him.

Percy interprets this as resistance and immediately backs away. "Whoa, sorry, sorry, I thought—I thought you were cool with it." A burn fills the man's cheeks, and now he's super embarrassed, and now hopes nothing is too awkward.

Nico wets his lips, realizes that Percy's not kissing them. "I—I am. I was trying to help you." The feeling of evaporated heat lingers on his lips like a phantom, floating up into the hazy halcyon light of the ceiling like wisps of a dying fire with curled tendrils of pallid smoke.

"Oh," Percy looks humiliated for a second before chuckling to himself. "Well, in that case..." He closes the distance between them again and covers Nico's mouth with his own. He thinks his heart might burst free from his chest, like something out of a bad sci-fi movie, because his best friend's fingertips are moving and flexing over his skin in a way that slams right through him. He can still feel the engorged line of Percy's dick. Again, maybe a good thing, maybe not. He reaches down and brushes his hand over it, wrenching a moan out of Nico and making his hips jerk forward.

Nico realizes with a start that Percy wants him to touch his dick. But... that couldn't be possible. Could he really do this without being thrown out the window like some filled bag of garbage? Nico's cheeks burn, he feels like it is civic duty as a best friend that he has to ask, just to make sure, because it's the polite thing to do, and he really wants to hear it from Percy's mouth. Oh, he really wants to hear it out of his mouth. "Is this—this is okay, right?"

There's a shuffle of movement, and then Percy makes a noise in the back of his throat and croaks, "Yeah, of course." They're staring at each other's hands, their foreheads pressed together in this mutual moment of confusion before Nico reaches into Percy's underwear and curves his fingers around his cock. It's weird from this angle, but Nico's a fast learner, stroking slow and easy. Of course, hours of jerking off from adolescence to now helps.

His gaze jumps between the thick jut of Percy's dick and the way his best friend's face is reacting to the shift of his hand. Percy groans through his teeth as Nico's fist closes around him, and the sound travels down his spine and bursts in a hot flare of arousal in his groin. A ripping and roaring flower of nerves that are confused on exactly how to react, but this still feels good and he wishes that maybe it didn't. Only because they're best friends, and that's a line you can sometimes not cross. Or, perhaps... never. He can't remember ever being this close to a sex noise that's made his insides go all twisty and funny.

Percy's rolling his hips into Nico's hand, making cracked little moans in his throat. Amidst his gasps and panted breaths Percy gets his hand around the length of Nico's cock. Both men make a choked noise of arousal, because Percy is touching him and it's good all the way through him, and the emerald eyed man is making the noise because Nico's cry of lust and pleasure is so fucking sweet, like honeysuckle dripping off a stick into a clear jar. "Oh my God—" Nico bites down on his lip, suppressing a groan.

"Do you want me to"—Percy bites his lip and makes a pleading noise when his hips collide with Nico's fist—"I mean, I can touch you, right?"

"Yes, yes, touching is good!" Percy sort of shouts, his voice too high and panicky and already in shambles. "Keep doing the touching." On a normal day he might feel self-conscious about that, but Percy's hand is warm and tight and perfect around him, and this is absolutely not a normal day.

Percy's breathing the filthiest fucking noises into Nico's ear while his hips pound into his fist, rhythm gone out the window; Nico's only ever heard him like this through the bedroom wall before now. His mouth drops open when he realizes that Percy's going to release, and he gets to watch it. That necessarily wasn't on his impossible list during any meal, but now it will never be on there as it _is_ about to happen!

"Are you gonna—"

Percy answers that by shoving himself forward and slotting their bodies together, head hung low, eyes fluttering open and shut at the gorgeousness swamping over his body. Nico doesn't have any words left, just watches Percy's hips push into his hand until it all shakes out of him and Percy's coming in jerky, messy thrusts over Nico's fingers and his body slackens like the bones have been pulled out of him. A steady stream of white bursts forth from his best friend's cock, almost like a blizzard that is filled to the brim with salt and sperm. Everything about Percy in this moment is just perfect and so fucking good.

Nico takes a moment to remember how to inhale properly while Percy's ghosting shuddery breaths against his ear. They slide down the former's spine like slick and wet tears, cracking and spreading out like frigid veins of frost. Nico strokes his fingers over Percy's softening dick, and the latter jerks him hard and fast in appreciation. "Oh Nico gasps out, because everything is hard and wet and he's too close to the edge right now. He can feel his orgasm pressing at the base of his spine, waiting to erupt like a firecracker.

"Go ahead," Percy's voice is low and thick with lust, low and gravely like a construction worker working with too many cigars and tossed back shots of liquor, and Nico doesn't even bother wondering why that turns him on. He moves his hand to cover Percy's and tips his head back against the door. He's whining embarrassing, pleading noises that he hopes Percy won't hold against him later, because all he can do right now is beg and grasp his hands in Percy's shirt for something to hold on to. "C'mon," Percy murmurs with no trace of impatience, his thumb dragging over the swollen head of Nico's dick, and Nico can feel the dizzying pull of orgasm hurtling toward him. "Give it up for me." Something about that, the way Percy almost requests that Nico comes in front of him, the huskiness, and in part the seriousness throws the scrawny male over the edge.

That's when the dam breaks and Nico's coming harder than he ever has in his entire life. White flurries let loose and they go everywhere, a few droplets landing right on Percy's face, some on Nico's drawn up shirt, at his nipples, and even one lying against the speckled crimson and mahogany leather of the couch.

He licks his lips and drops his head down, his entire body broken and weary. His muscles are loose and shuddery-good. Everything's pretty good right now, if he's honest. He wants to do this all the time. He takes a moment to focus on how Percy's breathing wetly over the curve of his neck. It feels nice, like something he could get used to.

"So, uh, so that was a thing that—that happened," Nico manages to say, still blissed out from his orgasm.

"Yeah, that happened," Percy agrees in a way that tells Nico nothing. There's a long moment of silence in which they retract their hands from each other's dicks and adjust their pants. This isn't even the most awkward post-sex experience Nico's had. Not that he necessarily has anytime to muse over them in his head while the two men occasionally throw glances at each other, but it is enough to have his heart flare out of surprise, and maybe guilt and selfishness. But he doesn't want this to end on a "let's pretend this never happened" note. That can't happen!

He's about to say something stupid when Percy looks down, frowns, and draws his shirt over his head. Nico blushes deeply as he sees that his seed, _his seed_ is all over Percy's shirt... maybe ruined by the smell of musk, penis, and other sex odors; he might just be the luckiest man alive today. He can't help but gape in awe at how Percy just curls out of his clothes; Nico barely manages to keep his tongue in the vicinity of his mouth.

Percy slings the shirt over his shoulder before walking into the kitchen. His entire body, though not entirely ripped like a professional wrestler or man in the military, it has enough form to have protruding shoulders and shoulder blades, a fine set of abs... and it is enough to make Nico's mouth water as if his best friend is a damn piece of meat. Well... part of him is. "Damn, I'm thirsty," he says in a way that doesn't sound like uncomfortable silence-filler. He opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of orange juice. Nico's gaze is still snagged on the tense muscles of Percy's stomach and the naked slope of his chest. Percy takes a long swig from the carton, letting out a satisfying gasp that mirrors one of love and that almost returns Nico on again. Percy turns to him and asks, "Want some?"

Nico's almost certainly going to get hard again if he keeps ogling him. He manages to shake his head in response and tear his gaze away from Percy's body. "I should, uh, I should go—get a shower," he says, fleeing down the hallway. "I mean, it's late. Long day tomorrow, y'know. Some of us work for a living."

Percy doesn't say anything for a moment, then: "Nico, you don't work tomorrow!"

Nico shuts the bathroom door.

* * *

To set it straight, Nico Di Angelo and Percy Jackson were roommates who had a few mutual friends from work and other things such as that. In a way that almost seemed like a miracle, there was a group of six formed, a coalition so to speak where it consisted of Nico Di Angelo, Percy Jackson, and four great friends by the names of Annabeth Chase, Luke Castellan, Thalia Grace, and Rachel Dare. Each one had their own quirks, and they all loved one another. Nico accidentally spills coffee all over Percy's new suit one afternoon at a Starbucks, buys a new suit with a brand new check, and all of a sudden they are best friends. Percy introduces Nico to Annabeth, a gorgeous and striking blonde who has the affinity for intellectual dealings, but cause a quick hurting to a man in his nether regions. Down the line they go. Punk artist Thalia. Painter and visionary Rachel. History professor and sometimes a daredevil Luke Castellan. Hearty band of six.

Later that morning, after the whole... handjob predicament, Nico's sprawled out dramatically on the couch at Annabeth and Thalia's. The two girls roommates as well, who decided it'd be cute to all be together in a way like that across the hall. Luke and Rachel had apartments somewhere upstairs and downstairs in the building too, though Nico has never decided to learn their room number. Nico shifts one hand to rest behind his head, still wondering what it all means. Percy's still sleeping back at their apartment, probably hung over from last night. No, Percy's _definitely_ hung over, because there's no way he would have touched Nico's dick without every cell in his body soaked in alcohol.

"How come you're not hung over like the rest of the guys?" Annabeth asks him from the kitchen table. Her blonde hair is curly this morning, her delicate sapphire eyes rising up in question as she smirks. There's always a way to get something out of Nico if you prod him hard enough.

"Well, I, uh, I didn't really have time to drink that much. I sort of... hooked up with someone after the party."

Annabeth frowns. "Oh God, honey, tell me it wasn't who I think it was..." her voice trails off dangerously. Annabeth Chase, brilliant extraordinaire, is referring to one particular girlfriend of Nico's from an unbearable time's past... the one and only Silena Beauregard. Silena Beauregard is a gorgeous woman with dark hair just like Nico, sweet as a strawberry, but poor Silena had confidence issues and broke up with Nico one evening after sex because she felt she had not performed well enough for him, when in actuality it had been Nico who did not show up at the bedroom frame, let alone the door.

"No, it wasn't Silena," Nico groans. He really wishes people would let him live that whole relationship down, but he knows it's never going to happen. So he came too early one day and it embarrassed her? Let it end already. Let it die. "It was good, but... I don't know what to say now."

"What did you say when it was over?"

"There was a lot of standing around awkwardly, stilted good nights, and I might have taken refuge in the shower until they left." He's not proud of any of this.

Annabeth snorts a laugh. "Only you, Nico." And she's one hundred percent right in this.

"So just tell her it was a one-time thing and let her down easy," Thalia says. The girl in question appears from behind the refrigerator, a César salad in a bowl clutched in her left hand. Thalia's usually spiky black hair is down, running rampant with highlights of vibrant navy and almost amaranthine like streaks. This is one girl who can look straight into a person's soul and tell exactly what and how they're feeling as that is who she is. Nico doesn't mind it... except probably right about now because it's Percy he's thinking about... with sex. She studies his distressed expression for a moment. "You've never been on the other side of this conversation before, have you?"

Nico sort of squirms under her stare. "That's the thing, though. I don't exactly...mind that it happened. I really want it to happen again." Yep, Thalia Grace totally fucking went there.

"And you don't know if _she_ wants it to happen again?"

"Exactly!" Nico sits up and tucks his legs underneath him. Although his fear has risen only slightly because Thalia seems dangerously close to getting the pronoun game right, it is _exactly_ what he's thinking. "Okay, so imagine you're at a party and this guy kisses you," Thalia sits on the arm of the couch, puts on her best 'I'm listening' face. Truth be told, it just is one hand pressed underneath her chin, eyes staring straight dead at the person she's listening to. "You end up going back to his place and kissing some more, then one thing leads to another but it's not like ' _sex'_ sex, you just sorta fool around and there's an orgasm or two in there. It seems like they're focused on making you feel good, making sure you're okay with it, y'know, but you had no idea this guy even knew you existed. Then they act sorta casual when it's over, like it wasn't even a thing. Would you think the guy was into you or not?"

"Not if he hid in the shower," Annabeth says when Nico's finished. Again, the brainiac.

Nico glares at her over the top of the couch before he has a lightbulb moment in his head. Did he fail so hard that he gave Percy the absolute worst impression? Gods, he hopes not. That would be an all time low. Not only could he never please a woman, even a man thinks he's failing. Gods, should he become asexual? Would that work? Because that sounds exactly like something he would do. Knowing his luck, Percy might've been into him but gotten scared off because Nico has the interpersonal skills of a swamp creature.

"Oh my God," he realizes. "I'm an idiot!" His lips pale somewhat, his complexion already nearly translucent in the sunlight which is open from all the blinds being open in the apartment.

"They're always the last to know," Annabeth says to Thalia. The two girls share a giggle, but Nico's up and hugging them, smiling like a fucking banshee. Annabeth raises an eyebrow, but she chooses to not say anything to him. Sometimes, when Nico is in the mood to have him hugging, it can lead to other questions and answers that she wishes to not delve into.

Nico rushes out of the apartment and goes across the hall. He needs to tell Percy that he's just a social disaster before Percy assumes Nico flat-out doesn't like him. Because the truth is absolutely the opposite of that, and it's kind of absurd how bad Nico is at life. Okay, _okay_ , he's lying. He's only a half failure at life. He had dates, he _has_ best friends.

He gets the door open to see Percy in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of cereal, like he's not hung over and nothing out of the ordinary happened last night. This is what Percy usually does after a night of orgasmic experience, where he'll act as content as anyone would, but holds back even further. And for some reason, this time it seems to be directed almost angrily at the other party. Nico swallows thickly, his throat suddenly dry as his courage drops out of him. Well, that was an empowering five seconds.

"Hey, Nico," Percy says around a spoonful of Cap'n Crunch. His eyes brighten to a much happier shade of green when his eyes land on his best friend.

Nico manages a 'hey.' Perhaps the worst response he could've given in the whole world. This whole unattainable crush thing was so much easier when Percy didn't have his hand in Nico's pants about nine hours ago. Or the cum stained shirt, the panting, the kissing, the hickey that Nico found on his chest while showering... If Percy remembers those little details, he doesn't seem to care. Nico wonders what life must be like when you're not constantly worrying about something. It must be nice.

"Great party last night, huh?"

Nico thinks Percy's just making fun of him now. "Yeah, actually, about that..." Percy stares at him, waiting for elaboration and shoveling in spoonfuls of cereal. "I, um, I really, uh..." Nico feels his heartbeat pounding in his throat. "I really enjoyed last night." Crunch. Crunch. "And, uh, if you wanted it to happen again sometime, I would be—I would be okay with that."

Percy gives him the weirdest look. Was he speaking Chinese? "The party? Well, yeah, it was fun, but I don't think it's gonna happen again for a while. You can't have two New Years' in one year!"

Nico drops his gaze to the countertop and says, "No, I—I mean the _afterparty_." _The handjobs, the intense kissing against closed and locked doors... other amorous actions that may be considered unhealthy for best friends to exactly do..._

Percy lifts his eyebrows in realization, then he's putting on his seductive face. "Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, that was great too."

He called it great—that's gotta count for something, Nico figures. "So, you wouldn't mind doing it again sometime?"

Percy smiles and carries his bowl to the couch, clapping Nico on the shoulder as he passes by. "Yeah, that'd be nice." The one receiving the touch jumps and shudders. Percy's hands on his dick is just a feeling he cannot stop thinking about. He'll never, _ever_ get it out of his head, will he?

And now it's been downgraded to nice in record time. Nico's getting worse at this somehow.

"Okay, great, 'cause, y'know, we gotta live together, so let's get this out in the open and make sure nothing's weird." He's pretty sure jerking off your roommate counts as weird, but, whatever, he's just going to go with it.

"You're making it weird, Nico," Percy says with his mouth full. "Just relax."

"Relax?" Nico enunciates, gesturing wildly to the benefit of no one, since Percy's seated in the armchair not looking at him. "I don't know what that word means!"

Percy looks back at him in surprise. "Really? That's a shame, even I know that one. I mean, hell... didn't we do that last night when we got back?"

Nico just groans, although there is the creep of bright, burning red blush on his neck and searches the kitchen for suitable breakfast food. Looks like he shall be eating breakfast over at Annabeth and Thalia's. After all, he smelled cinnamon rolls being made. And those were just as good as Percy perhaps jerking him off. Almost as good.

Okay, not even close.

* * *

 **Well here I am at 6k... something I did not expect to reach for my first chapter. Wow, second longest opening chapter of a story I've ever written. *fans self* Where did all the time go? In all seriousness, that was the first chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, which is long and cute and I love it. I'll probably be updating twice a week, maybe _more_ if I can handle the time it takes to edit these and all that jazz as I've got a few other projects I'm planning and getting ready to write, but we'll be there someday, right? Nico and Percy certainly jump into it rather quickly huh? This is only a taste of what is to come (bad pun is bad, but I digress). There's a lot to get through, and we'll be seeing more and more of our six manned crew. I literally had finished watching a Friends episode before I wanted to sit down and write an idea like that... thanks PJO crew. Thank you all for reading, and maybe leave a review! I'd love to hear what you thought. Have a great day! Bye! Love you all!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	2. Chapter 2: Unintentional Failure

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter in Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #2: Unintentional Failure. This story is going swimmingly as I already have almost two hundred views of one chapter not even a week after it has been up, which is beyond quick for me regardless of my view counts on stories and such. So I just want to say thank you! Thank you so much for doing so. We're only scratching at the surface with this story and there's a lot we've got to get through and _will_ get through. I love breaking and disrupting canon in any fandom that I'm in, so the PJO one is no exception. There's some backstory with this chapter that is riddled in through, so enjoy! Hope this still is on the same caliber as the first chapter, given that the word count is not. I just love Nico, and I think this story is going to make me love the little guy even more. Enjoy! **

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Nico's in bed flipping through some boring novel Annabeth insisted he read. After getting all of the awkward tensions out of his system to Percy, Annabeth swung by, despite the fact she lives literally right across the hall, and hands him a book, almost placing it in his lap, dropping it intentionally from a high height and demanding he reads it. The title, written in some stupid manuscript that Nico cannot make out because he never decided to study, is mysterious and simply says, _Glass Timers._ So, being the amazing, _amazing_ friend that he is, Nico obliges. And now the raven haired male who truly has nothing better to do with his time is actually picking up the book and flipping through it. It's been a couple of days since the 'incident' with Percy, and he hasn't made any attempt to acknowledge that it happened or that they'd agreed it could happen again. How someone could simply skip over the fact they shared shaky breaths with each other or had their seed coating parts of their clothing is beyond Nico, but it wasn't as if he had the courage to simply go up to his crush and flat out go, 'Hey, what did I do wrong with making you orgasm? Any specifics? Can I write them down? Did Nico break some sort of unspoken, handjob etiquette rule by acknowledging that it even happened? Percy seems to have gone back to life as usual, as if the whole thing was just a blip on the radar of his sex life. With that body, perhaps it _just_ was such a thing. Nico really hopes Percy doesn't bring tonight's date home, because the absolute last thing he needs right now is to be reminded of what he's missing. He's happy for his best friend, Percy Jackson's dating and sex life is realistically breathing, unlike his at the moment.

It's probably for the best, anyway. Dating Percy would suck. Keeping it a secret from everyone else would be a royal pain in the ass. Luke would be mortified and betrayed, because it's not enough that his first engagement ended with the girl killing herself, then when he got married his ex-wife became a lesbian, no, his two best friends have to discover their sexual enlightenment together too. And here the blonde still cannot get himself to ask Annabeth out, it drives him mad and crazily. The girls would be overly supportive and accepting to the point of just being patronizing. Rachel especially. Nico has an image in his mind now of Rachel painting him and Percy sucking each other off and it gives him an awkward mix of arousal and horrification that certainly gives mixed messages to his little friend down south. Nico goes back to considering the advantages and disadvantages of dating the emerald eyed wonder.

If they broke up, they'd have to move out and make entirely new friends—it wouldn't be fair for just one of them to keep the apartment and hang out at the other's apartments like damned rejects. Nico has friends simply through insane strokes of luck; somewhere in his personality the geeky style looks good to some, but besides that there's nothing, so Percy would definitely come out the winner on that front. All his roommate had to do was smile and Nico knew immediately that he wished to house with that guy till he died and could no longer walk. Nico could potentially lose everything here. He should be relieved that Percy seems to be repressing the entire incident. Now, if Nico's heart could finally lay still would be a godsend. All these irritating pulses of blood and sexual urge to his dick were starting to get annoying, more than just the typical, 'go fucking jerk off, and you'll be okay'. It is pleading, _screaming_ , 'just have him fuck you!'

Nico starts to drift until he hears a knock on his bedroom door, then Percy's voice from the other side: "Hey, Nico, you up?" Nico takes a deep breath, sighing in contentment. The guy's voice is calm and breaks like an oceanic wave. He can visualize the gentle smile, the appraised glow in his eyes, and perhaps the hickie mark left on his neck. Percy sure is successful.

"Yeah, just keep it down in there, alright?" Nico's voice cracks, and he's wincing at the evident feeling of sadness that just over in the next room he'll hear Percy fucking out some dumb bitch's brains out without even knowing the true intentions in perhaps the closest person he has on the planet.

Percy opens the door and lets himself in, because he has no sense of personal space. "What're you talking about? My date was terrible!" Percy's eyes are bloodshot, as if he's been crying. Nico sits up, closing the book, immediately on with it. Sometimes he can throw personal issues within his heart out for stuff like this, things where your friends need you. Percy runs a hand through his hair, movements shaky. Clearly disheveled. His voice cracks, subtle yet powerful. Everything in Nico's body shuts down while he processes what may have happened over his dinner date. A car ran over a homeless dog? The girl didn't laugh at his corny, yet lovable jokes? He spilled water all over her? Kissed her the wrong way? All these scenarios go flying by in his head, but none of them are making much sense. He's known Percy to be quite the stoic guy. He hardly ever cries. So whatever she must've done, that stupid fucking _whore_ did to hurt his Percy Jackson, must've been bad. Nico treads carefully, feeling like he's walking on glass.

"Did she stick you with the check?"

Percy collapses into a sit on the edge of the bed, looking as if he's been wronged by the universe. "Worse. She insulted me. Said I wasn't-" he breaks off, unable to continue looking at Nico straight in the face.

Nico grips his best friend's wrist, clamping down perhaps a little harder than he wished, but this didn't matter to him. "Said... what, Percy?"

"That I didn't look like a guy who'd treat his significant other the way they should be treated," Percy bites down on his lips, causing a droplet of blood to appear. "Which is totally bullshit!"

"Why would she say that?" Nico cries, taken aback. "Did you insult _her_ or something?"

Percy sighs, eyes brimmed with disappointment. "No, we just didn't have much in common, y'know? Kinda like you and Silena."

Nico cringes at what he's about to say: "Silena and I share similarities." Not that he hates Silena Beauregard or anything, but again, gods, their relationship did not go as planned.

"Like what?" Percy's face is speckled with humor, making a smile that hints at much more.

"We're both incredibly off-putting and reek of desperation," the emerald eyed man scoffs in an almost angry way at Nico's statement, which causes Nico to be unsure how to exactly know how to answer that, but he keeps talking. "Did you even give this girl a chance?" _Please say no. For the sake of me and my cock, say no._

"'Course I did, but, for one thing, she kept laughing at all my jokes."

"Not seeing the problem."

"She didn't seem like she had much of a personality, I guess, like she was always reacting to what I said instead of trying to make me laugh or something." Percy's face is dejected, almost like a kicked puppy who all they wanted to do was get a hug or good pet. He curls into Nico's arms for a minute, head resting against the other's shoulder, Nico freezing up and looking down with uncertainty. What was going on?

"Maybe she was just nervous," Nico says in an attempt to be helpful. He focuses his eyesight to stare straight ahead. _Don't look at his crotch, Nico Di Angelo. Don't you fucking do it. I'll fucking- you fucking look at his crotch, you idiot!_ "She might really like you and just didn't want to say anything too stupid on the first date."

"Or maybe I got too focused on her looks when I asked her out."

Nico pushes his best friend's head up in a panic, distancing himself by an inch exactly to the left. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Percy Jackson? I feel like I heard wrong."

Percy snorts a laugh. "Come on, Nico, don't you ever get sick of dating women you got nothing in common with? Why do you think Thalia stopped going after guys? They were driving her crazy. Hell, she thought about dating me at one point! Me and her? She must've been desperate."

"'Sick of dating women'?" Nico squeezes his eyes shut, pulls a thoughtful face. "I don't understand what those words mean in that order. And it frightens me that you do," The joke doesn't seem to lift Percy's spirits. Nico shrugs and pats him on the shoulder. "Cheer up, Perce, there'll be plenty of other dates. I'm sure you'll find a woman who loves food as much as you do, or the sea, or walks on the beach..." A lightbulb flicks on in his head. "What about Annabeth?"

"Our Annabeth?"

"Why not? She's an intelligent nerd who loves you, she's hot, you're already friends with her, and why am I still talking?" Nico hates his brain for this. He needs to be throwing himself at Percy, not bimbos that, although he loves, don't deserve to get the gloriousness of his body. Nico pinches himself.

"You really think Annabeth would have sex with me?"

It comes out before Nico has a chance to stop it, almost like he's a prisoner in his own body and someone who hates him is speaking for him: "You can have sex with anybody. I mean, we said we could make New Year's happen again, remember?" Oh. _Oh shit. You dumb fucking idiot Nico Di Angelo! Learn to shut your mouth every once in awhile!_

It takes a moment for Percy to understand, but once he does he's wearing his seductive face again. "Oh yeah, we did," He crawls closer and leans forward, flattening his palm over Nico's stomach. Nico is acutely aware of how close Percy's hand is to his dick right now. A warmness spreads over his stomach, rising up to his cheeks. What is in the emerald eyed man's finger receptors do such a thing like this? Shit. Abort. "You want it to happen again?"

Nico swallows hard, his gaze flitting between Percy's face and hand. "If—if you do, yeah." He really needs to work on not sounding like a complete and total virgin. Though he is pathetic, he's not _that_ pathetic.

Percy moves into Nico's lap, legs on either side of him, and gives his hips a little push. Nico makes a choked noise and pushes back. He begins to position his hands behind Percy's back, shifting a little bit uncomfortably. How this could this just happen? Nico decides to not try and figure this one out for a little bit, at least with his best friend sliding fingers up and down his cock. Percy shifts, then there's a redistribution of weight focused on Nico's dick, and oh Gods that's good. Nico reaches out with shaky hands and grabs Percy's hips, pulling him forward. Nico is being a little bit rougher, he realizes, but it seems that Percy is okay with all this intimate touch, so why the fuck not? The friction forces a startled, throaty moan from Percy, and, wow, Nico enjoys that a little more than he should. Something spikes in his dick, and the raven haired male has half the reason to believe that it may have been a spurt of pre-cum.

"Oh, you, uh, you like that?" Nico's burning calories trying to sound sexy. His entire body is burning up, flaming hot, scalding burns of pleasure erupting down his chest, down his arms, and especially in his groin. "You'd tell me if I did something you didn't like, right?" Percy bites his lip and pushes down wordlessly, letting the spike of heat that flares in Nico's groin speak for itself. "Oh, that's—that's good," Nico breathes out, rolling his hips. "That's really good."

Percy folds at the waist, covers Nico's mouth with his own hand to stop the flow of words. "Nico, shut up. God, you're killing me!" His fingers flex over Nico's stomach, like he wants to dig them in. Nico murmurs something against the fingers, actually kind of liking the muffling. Wait? He's a kinky person all of a sudden? Gods, what does this man do to him? Why does he allow this man to do this to him is the question he should be asking! Percy removes his hand from Nico's mouth, instead cupping the side of his jaw, leaning in and kissing him. When they break apart, Nico's eyes are swimming in an euphoric paradise of hazy lust and glossy orgasms doused in green light.

"Shutting up. I can do that."

There's a shift in the bed, and Percy kisses him again, this time opening his mouth and touching Nico's tongue with his own while their hips grind. Nico gasps hotly, his spine arching up and into the pressure. Percy moans over Nico's mouth, and Nico can feel it rumble through his body and rattle his bones. Each sound is a mini earthquake that rivets at each joint with brain deep cracks. None of Nico's normal bodily functions are working like they're supposed to. Overtime, no pay strenuous hours, all ready to make one glorious cup of seed. His hands are in Percy's hair, pushing through the brittle tufts of gelled strands. The coolness goes in between his fingers, like small droplets of water sliding down his chin. Percy's moving quicker and harder, grinding against Nico in a way that makes him feel hot and aching and bruised. He grits his teeth because, oh no, he is _not_ going to come this soon. But Nico rocks back and forth over his hips, breathing hot sighs against his mouth, and then realizes that he absolutely _is_ going to come in his pants in front of Percy. Oh, this is surely embarrassing.

Nico doesn't get an opportunity to warn him. When Percy grinds down again, Nico's gone, choking out praises around Percy's lips as he comes. Though he is wearing pants, the section where the crotch normally goes bulges forward some, the smell of male musk drowning into the bed sheets. Nico's hands curl into the sheets, a white, dark stain appearing at the crook of his private parts.

Percy freezes, as if a switch as been flipped. He breaks away from Nico's mouth and sits up straight in his lap. "Did you..." He trails off, gestures vaguely.

Nico really wishes the earth would swallow him right now. Though, if it decided to take both of them to hell at that point in time, it wouldn't be all that bad. Well, he thinks it wouldn't be. "Yeah..."

"Already?"

Nico squirms and pushes a hand through his hair to sort of shield himself from his shame. "I can... make it up to you," he says around a shaky breath, his orgasm still reverberating through him. "If you want, I mean. Or you can wait a couple minutes and I'll be good to go again. Just an unintentional failure on my part. Silena and I had the same issue, as you know. We just... I can cum earlier than others expect."

Percy looks impressed by this. "Really? Wow. I gotta see that." Then: "You want me to just sit here and wait for it, or...?"

"No, you can... do things." Nico really wants Percy to do things, particularly to himself while he watches.

"Great!" Percy's eyes brighten to one of impeccable heights, halogens of olive green that sparkle and dazzle with the ferocious force of an emerald tide. He folds at the waist again to kiss him, and this time it's a little slower, deeper than before. He's gripping the pillow underneath Nico's head, the other hand cupping his cheek to keep Nico fully engaged in the kiss. The latter gets caught off guard by the pushiness but fuck it, Nico decides to be adventurous and sticks a hand up Percy's shirt. Touching his best friend in his chiseled abs is another one of his things to put at the no longer impossible list, and Percy doesn't react until Nico tweaks a nipple with his thumb, and that gets his hips moving again. The nipple hardens and pinpoints sharply like a stalagmite on a cave ceiling, quick as that. Oh fuck. Percy must be hornier than a wasp's stinger. Percy's skin is hot and tight under his hands; Nico can barely hear him gasping approval over the rush of blood in his own ears. Nico's had his fingers around Percy's cock, yet somehow the span of his chest beneath his hands feels forbidden and dirty. He knows that, Percy knows that, but they're allowing it to happen to each other on the bed spread.

Percy's still rocking his hips in Nico's lap, soft and hard all at once. The constant motions back and forth feel like a pleasuring massage where it crushed and not allowing any sensory perceptions to be passed. The sounds he's making give Nico a surge of fearlessness, and he grabs the hem of his best friend's shirt and lifts it until Percy pulls it over his head. This allowance feels amazing, Nico thinks he is a god of sorts, dressed in Egyptian garb, demanding to see hot deeds performed in front of him at his liege. Seeing Percy's naked chest not two feet away makes Nico's heart skip a beat or five. Percy is half-naked—on top of him—in his bed. Nico wonders what he did in a past life to earn this. Not even ten minutes ago Percy was complaining about his date, now they're jerking each other off and kissing and so close to fucking that Nico can feel this moment brimming on the cusp of turning into full blown sex with the anal and lube and the whole shebang.

He decides not to push his luck, to simply admire Percy's shirtless upper body, and he lets his hands wrap around the hard muscle of his best friend's thighs. Percy moves his hips like he wants Nico's hands touching something else, and the guy is more than happy to comply with that. He plucks open the button on Percy's jeans and works his hand in, finding the rock-hard jut of his cock. Nico starts tugging and squeezing in way that makes Percy tip his head back and moan. Percy has a feeling of warmth spread over his entire body. The girl and her damn bitchy face disappears and he barely opens his eyes to look at Nico. Nico is stuck between gasping and biting his lower lip, and Percy can only imagine what his own face even looks like. Nico struggles with his urge to smile while he cups and twists the head of Percy's dick, feeling the rough rub of denim against his wrist. Percy grunts a breathless sound and covers Nico's hand with his own to guide his strokes. Nico doesn't realize he's humping blindly between Percy's legs until his own erection is throbbing again.

"Oh man, you weren't kidding," Percy says with a breathless chuckle. It is quite the feat, and he's impressed. The New York god himself doesn't have that gift of revitalization that quickly. Nico bites back a moan and keeps tugging fast and hard with slickened fingers until Percy replaces them with his own. Percy's fist moves over his cock, the sticky-wet head of his dick disappearing then poking out again, and Nico watches with lips uncoupled. He's still thrusting up and meeting the solid wall of his best friend's hips, and the friction is doing wonders for both of them. Percy squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers something that sounds like a warning. Nico drags his messy hands down Percy's lower back and digs them into his underwear. He cups the tight, hot curve of Percy's ass and pushes him forward, then the emerald eyed man is gone, crying out and shooting over his knuckles. Streams of white rip from Percy's cock, gushing and spewing. One globule lands on Nico's face, salty and tantalizing, rewarding too. White smears on the backboard, and all over the two gentlemen's sweaty hands.

When Nico manages to stop staring at Percy's bliss-laden expression, he realizes his own chest is striped wet. Percy doesn't seem to notice this, continuing to thrust through the aftershocks of his orgasm. Nico just frowns at the mess—his shirt is probably ruined now—but on the inside he's pretty proud of himself; he did that, he thinks—he made Percy cum. Nico Di Angelo just made fucking Percy Jackson shoot his load for the first time, when the last time it happened it really was because seeing someone orgasm before you gives said masturbator an incentive. Percy's coming down from the endorphin high, rocking his hips for Nico's benefit. "You're still hard," he pants. "Want me to take care of that for ya?"

"Y—yes, please!" His response is a girly plea, a whine so high pitched it rings with tinnitus against the windowpanes. Nico wonders if anyone below them can hear the reverberations in the floor, or worse... hear their cries of orgasm. That'd be embarrassing.

Nico sits back on his heels and chuckles. "Is this how you ask for stuff from girls? No wonder you got so much trouble." He takes Nico's cock out and starts lazily working his hand over the shaft.

"Remind me which one of us was"—Squirm. Grunt. Sigh—"complaining about his date tonight?" Nico wants to sound bitchier, but it's not easy when Percy's jerking him off with a loose, slow fist. The _slick slosh_ sound is kind of gross, but Nico tries to put his mind at ease.

"Least I got a date!" Percy argues, tugging on Nico's dick and looking incredibly unenthused, like he has a million other things to be doing.

Nico props himself up on his elbows to fix him with a glare. "Are you bored?" This wouldn't be the first time he's had a sexual partner lose interest mid-coitus; he's sure that says something very sad and revealing about him. Maybe he just looses all the greatness his somewhat pale, appealing body has to offer.

Percy meets his eyes. "No! What about you? This doing anything for ya?" He tugs a little harder. "Come on, man, gimme something!"

That sentence can be taken very dirtily and Nico would absolutely love to give him something if he didn't think that Percy might be a little uncomfortable having another guy's lips around his dick. Well... if Percy closes his eyes and imagines it's a girl then that might not be _as_ bad. Nico keeps that thought in his head and revels in it. He doesn't have to coax the noises out of his throat; Percy's fingers are doing a great job of that.

"Good, huh?" Percy teases, his hand sliding to meet the plane of Nico's hips. That son of a fucking bitch. Nico makes a sound of agreement and grips the sheets between his fingers. They shift and slide together, complementing the other's movements. He tips his head back, humming a soft, contented moan. Percy sighs—actually fucking _sighs_. "Come on Nico, my hand is getting tired! You came easier before, now you're resisting me!"

 _Then use your mouth_ , Nico thinks, smiling wryly. He doesn't bother _not_ imagining Percy's mouth around him, all heat and suction, and that's it, that's so far past it he can't even think anymore. His orgasm leaves him in a burst of garbled words and frantic thrusts. To imagine all of those sounds, the slurping, the feeling of the foreskin being sucked into a vacuum that could give pleasure beyond his wildest dreams... Nico orgasms, his eyes roll into the back of his head, supernovas clouding his vision in a burst of stunning amaranthines, hazy pallid streams shooting outwards in a burst of cacophonous pleasure.

Percy lets him slip free and peels his fingers from Nico's dick. "There we go." He looks at the white splatters on Nico's t-shirt, unaware that some of them are his own. "Man, what were _you_ thinking about? Were you having that fantasy where you're the only guy on the beach and there's that hot girl who comes over and gives you the best ride of your life?" Percy smiles. "'Cause I've had that one."

Nico gives a non-committal nod, unable to form words right now—which is probably a good thing, because any words he might have would be embarrassing. Percy does not need to know about the blowjob fantasy, particularly the part about his involvement in it. Or... he could, but then that would just complicate things in a way that'd be hard for everyone to understand. _Don't you dare fucking say it Nico Di Angelo. Don't you dare tell Percy Jackson that you want him to suck your cock! Don't you do it. Don't you fucking do it!_

Luckily for himself, Nico does not mention the fantasy. Cool as a cucumber.

Percy slides one foot onto the floor and stands up, grabbing his shirt off of the bed. "Well, thanks, Nico. That was.. .good." Percy hesitates for a word that could somehow mark the occasion. Again, how could they do such a deed and go around like nothing happened? Nico doesn't think he can survive like this. Percy smiles. "It was really good." He makes his way to the door. Nico's still lying in bed, shivery with satisfaction. "Oh, by the way, you might wanna change." Percy gestures to his best friend's shirt and pants, both of which have been ejaculated on tonight.

"Yeah, I'll—I'll do that. Thanks, Perce."

Percy gives him a thumbs-up before closing the door as he leaves.

Nico lets the silence of the door shutting fill the empty void of confusion in his heart. Muddled thoughts brimmed to the rim with amused perplexity override all other bodily functions. The thought of Percy sucking him off comes back and before he can even say a word, another small spurt of cum leaks out of Nico's cock. He looks at it awkwardly, going straight away to thinking of Silena crying in his arms, and there, that does it. He's flaccid again.

 _Or..._ he could think of Percy Jackson fucking him sideways over a couch.

Dammit.

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 **There we are guys! That was Chapter #2: Unintentional Failure, for Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. Clearly it seems like our dark haired, pale skinned male is getting more than hopeless affairs and flirts. Don't worry, not every chapter will be a sex fest, as I do not have the municipal energy to be able to even do something like that, two in a row was enough. There's friendship to explore and expound upon, something I'm very excited for! So, what did you think of this chapter? Same expectations as before, better, or worse? I'd love to see some more reviews on this piece, as it'll be pushing the lines a few of my pieces in this fandom have done in times past. I don't know when Chapter #3 will be coming out, probably around Thursday or maybe even earlier, by Tuesday, but we'll have to see. I had fun typing this, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it! Chapter #3: Taste of Lingering Chapstick will be in the works for the next few days, and then I shall post again. I hope you have an amazing day, and thanks so much for reading. I love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	3. Chapter 3: Taste of Lingering Chapstick

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #3: Taste of Lingering Chapstick. Sorry that I've been away from this story for so long, (sixteen days feels like an eternity for me), I've just been very busy with other stories in my other main fandom of Super Smash Bros., midterms for Junior year of high school, pure laziness, and just the fact that I've been typing ahead in this story. SO... this chapter isn't going to be huge or anything, something simple and quick and I'm happy to have finally gotten it out. There's a weird review glitch going on (this happens a lot it feels like), so I won't be getting your review immediately should you decide to, but oh well. I'm already at like 500 views and for only two chapters, I'm sorry, that makes me really, _really_ happy when my average isn't even that usually. So thank you all, silent readers, fans and whatever else I may be missing. Enjoy Chapter #3: Taste of Lingering Chapstick.**

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Nico finds Thalia and Rachel at the local bookstore / coffee shop the next day. "Hey, Rachel! Thalia!" he calls to them, entering through the front door. He's smiling and bemused beyond belief after all the fun he had with Percy last night. When the raven haired male woke up that morning, he forgot to wash the bed sheets so his best friend's seed is still littering the cotton pillowcases.

Thalia turns around. "Oh, Nico, hey! So did you talk to her?"

He sits on the arm of the couch. "Yeah, I—I did." A blushing tint places itself on his cheeks, and dammit, he's burning bright and happy from it and he almost wishes he wasn't. Percy's name sits on his lips like a recursive disease that scrapes over thin hips and rusts in a curved ribcage. The syllables leech off his lips like lingering smoke, and he can taste the lingering of cherry chap stick in the back of his throat, that with no matter how many bottles of water he drinks can he wash out.

"Ooh, who are we talking about?" Rachel asks, setting down her magazine and directing her full attention to Nico. The woman's fiery auburn hair is tied down into two fishtail braids, her simple dress splattered in an array of ceruleans, cardinals, and amaranthines. Her eyes are bright and wide with attentiveness, Rachel placing her fists against the underside of her jaw to listen.

Thalia rolls her eyes and explains, "Nico hooked up with some girl on New Year's, and he wanted to see her again, so—"

"Ah, ah, ah! My story!"

"Oh, sorry," the goth woman laughs and touches his hand. "Go on, honey." Thalia beams at Nico, seeing the boost of confidence within him. Whatever must've happened last night really, _really_ worked and she, being the mischievous devil that she is, needs to get to the bottom of it. She hadn't seen the scrawny, pale faced friend of hers smile the way he was in quite a long time that she honestly forgot how long it _had_ been since then.

"I don't think I wanna tell it now," he says with a pout. Nico's cheeks turn a darker shade of crimson. He hates when people spill his secrets without his say-so, without his authority. When Thalia gives him a look, he shrugs and says to Rachel, "You're caught up."

"So what happened?"

"We hooked up again last night, but... I don't think it's gonna go any further than that." Nico isn't sure what's worse: being able to touch Percy whenever he wants but having it mean nothing, or Percy just being off-limits to him entirely. That thought causes him to frown. He and Percy just jerked each other off again, clearly mutual, but to what extent? Nico realizes that he just walked into the coffee shop, a smile weighing a million bucks, to now be frowning and rubbing his chin like he had just said something to get the entire country blown up.

"Aww, I'm sorry, Nico," Thalia says. Her heart sinks. She makes a sympathetic face, patting his hand. "There's always more fish in the sea." Thalia absolutely despises that saying, but for someone as damaged and bruised as Nico Di Angelo, she can make a few reservations in her bank of witty comebacks and sayings to say that.

"Ooh, ooh! You could go out with my friend Drew!" Rachel interjects. "She's into"—she searches for the word—"funny guys."

Nico straightens up, tilts his head. "You think I'm funny?"

"Well, she will." Rachel furrows her eyebrows together, realizing that perhaps wasn't the best thing to say to a guy who's romance ego may have just been bruised irreplaceably.

Nico's self-confidence plummets back down to its usual total of zero. He rubs his face with his hands, and stares at them for a moment while Thalia goes back to her friend to reprimand her for such a vitriolic, back handed slap in the face. Not even ten hours ago those hands, _his_ hands were curled around Percy's cock, making him orgasm, making _his_ best friend see supernovas and stars in his vision, _making him_ cum all over his bedspread... and then he goes back to feeling absolutely nothing at all. How... how awful.

He groans, going to the counter to order a coffee and a strawberry pastry. He was really going to need a drink or two after this.

Hell, maybe even a whole bottle.

* * *

The next morning, Nico's in the kitchen making toast when Percy finally emerges from his bedroom. Percy is fully dressed with a shirt, shoes, pants and the whole shebang, but however he left out one simple, _simple_ thing. Percy didn't button his shirt, so the nice and evenly toned chest is there for Nico to see. The raven haired man's left eye begins to twitch, once again realizing part of his body was slick with sweat against that very same chest just two nights earlier, but he doesn't say anything. Nico scowls back into the toaster, trying to get rid of the inexplicable blush creeping up. He decides to think about something else, anything to do with Percy that wasn't his body. Shit. There wasn't much he could think of on the spot like that. He'd never admit it, but Nico is insanely jealous of his best friend's ability to just wake up whenever he wants; he is not, however, jealous of Percy's running tab with him. But he's a reasonable man; for a blowjob, he'd forget about it.

He really needs to stop thinking about blowjobs—especially blowjobs that involve Percy. Oh. Gods. What the fuck is wrong with Nico Di Angelo?

Percy lifts an eyebrow at Nico and does this appraising walk thing he does when he's checking out a beautiful woman, slow steps, head arched down, an eyebrow perfectly raised, a slow, yet steady widening smile. And dammit, does it work. Nico feels the prickle of his stare and tries not to succumb to the full-body thrill of it. "So, Nico, you, uh, you busy tonight?" He flashes a full smile that would absolutely make Nico disrobe if he were a more brazen man. "I don't have anything planned, so if you wanted to"—he shrugs—"y'know, I'm available." There's many meanings behind that statement and the man making toast is a full one hundred percent unsure of what direction to take it to. Sex? Ordering pizza and watching a football game? Seeing a Star Wars marathon for the fiftieth time? God. Percy Jackson causes Nico to be unable to function.

That's when he remembers. _You have that date with Rachel's friend, Drew, remember?_

"I'd like to, Perce, but I have a date tonight."

"Oh. Good for you!" Nico watches all traces of positive emotion fall right off of Percy's face; it's pretty heartbreaking, a look like a child racing down the stairs of a two story house for Christmas and realizing there's no presents under the tree as both parents are shit-faced drunk on the couch, that there's no Santa, and there will be no Christmas for that toddler. Percy tries to force it back on, but it doesn't look right. His face is stuck between a half scowl, and half smile, one eyebrow furrowed, another raised, and honestly it looks extremely, _extremely_ confusing. "That's great! Anybody I know?"

"Rachel's friend Drew. Apparently she'll think my jokes are funny." _Even though no one else does._

"I think your jokes are funny!" _Well, except for you._

Nico rolls his eyes. "Well, Drew has a few things you... don't." He has no idea how to make this any easier than saying that unlike Percy, this girl he's about to date doesn't drive him crazy to the point he masturbates in the shower to his best friend. Or, well... an easier object to make example of, too.

Percy stares at him blankly. "Longer hair?" Nico gestures over his chest in a way that's supposed to represent breasts; Percy gives him a cheeky grin. Nico wishes the Earth could swallow him whole. Either he is bisexual, which wouldn't be the worst possibility in the world because it means he's got Percy, or it is a one time thing that everything in the whole wide world is telling him it is. He couldn't possibly be gay... could he? "Oh, I gotcha. Nice."

Nico is stunned that evening when his date with Drew doesn't end in a humiliating disaster. She doesn't seem to get the impression that he's a walking failure at everything, and Rachel was right—she does think he's funny. However, at which part of him she thought was funny has yet to be disclosed. She _did_ agree to a second date though, which gave him a little bit of fire under his belly.

He returns to his apartment later that night with a much-needed confidence boost. Percy calls to him from another room: "Nico? That you?"

"No, it's a burglar with a key to the apartment; I've come for your valuables." the other man chortles, shutting the door to the apartment. He throws his keys to the counter, wincing as they chink off the counter.

Percy's chuckling as he swings open the bathroom door and lets the shower steam out. "Good one. So, how was your date?" His hair is damp, his white t-shirt clinging from the humidity. That mother _fucking_ son of a bitch. Does Percy do this on purpose?

Nico's heart slams erratically in his chest. He shuts his eyes, wets his lips. Think of Drew, think of her god awful laugh, her not so good makeup, and the fact that Rachel doesn't think you're funny. Anything! "Good, it was... good." He's trying not to ogle, but Percy's body is insanely distracting, and his wetness really isn't helping Nico focus.

His best friend gives him a sympathetic look before patting his shoulder. "Aw, I'm sorry, man."

Nico has no idea what the hell Percy's talking about. Does everyone in the whole damn world believe that he can never get a break in his dating life? The nerve of people, the damn nerve. "No, it was fine! She wants to see me again Friday night!" _God Perce, way to be fucking subtle with that one._

"C'mon, Nico, you don't have to lie to me. I've had my share of bad dates too." Percy flashes another genuine smile which makes Nico knock his knees together, and he can feel the straining of an on-coming erection in the waistline of his pants, but he shakes his head, forms hands into fists, and scowls back. Percy's pretty boy tricks wouldn't work on him this time, _no sir_ , he could act independent outside of his comfort zone. Nico tries to not think about the hardness currently bulging from his crotch region at that damn smile.

"Is it really so hard to believe I went on a date that didn't end in disaster?" Percy opens his mouth, but Nico cuts him off. "Never mind, don't answer that. Look, I'm not lying. Drew and I had a great time, and we're going out again. I wanted to bring her here for a drink, but"—Nico rubs the back of his neck—"I got too nervous. All I could do was kiss her good night." Good lord, his best friend is going to run him through the wringer for this one, _he's_ really going to give him hell for being an inadequate partner at this.

"Hey, a good kiss does a lot for a woman." Percy raises an eyebrow, unsure exactly of what Nico means. In all his life, he found Nico's depleting self-confidence in himself to be partly amusing, partly pathetic, and wholly wrong. He knows that Nico is a great guy, and truthfully he wishes he could explore more of it without... well, fucking it all up.

 _"Or a man,"_ Nico thinks, remembering how Percy's mouth felt on his own—wet and hungry. How he wanted it to linger down further, mouth a particular section that at this very moment in time is doing the same thing. Dammit. Dammit! He sees an opportunity here and grabs hold of it. "Do you think I'm a good kisser?"

Percy gives him a controlled shrug. "How'd you do it?"

"Well, Perce, when two people like each other they put their lips together and—" Nico cannot help but give off a slight smile in accordance to that.

"No, I mean, you weren't too intense, were you?" Nico thinks about it. "You don't wanna scare her off, but you wanna let her know you're into her, right?" Percy puts on a serious face, crossing his arms. This was one of those times where he really cares about the person's feelings and it's not just some façade that disappears at the next second he gets. It's genuine, and it almost makes Nico's heart grow three times its normal size, like the Grinch or something.

Nico nods. "Do you—do you want me to show you...?"

"If you want. I could give you a few pointers." Percy leans against the kitchen counter in a confusing mix of nonchalant and seductive. _SO_ many mixed messages with this one.

Nico wonders if he's fallen into an alternate universe where his life is an adult film; he feels like the funky porno music should be kicking on. "Well, okay..." He steps toward Percy tentatively, like they haven't jerked each other off twice now. That makes things awkward. He wonders if he should bring that up sometime in this kissing lesson session. _Hey, charge me a nickel to kiss you and spill white all over my knuckles. Sound good?_ He brings a hand up to Percy's cheek to pull him in. Percy's drawn into the kiss, eyes shut like he's contemplating the world's existence at this point, but he doesn't kiss back, just lets Nico lead. Nico tries to kiss him the way he kissed Drew, but it's so different with Percy—there's heat there, and the good kind of fear, like the split-second before the plunge on a roller coaster, and a fluttery feeling in his stomach that's more than just nerves, and just _the_ history. He cannot be expected to kiss in such a normal way.

He pulls away before he goes too far, and when he opens his eyes he sees Percy's appraising expression. "Nico, man, you gotta relax," he chuckles. "You're all tense. Your hand's like a block of cement. You gotta be gentle, like this." Nico feels the heat of his best friend's palm against his cheek before Percy's kissing him, soft and controlled. Oh shit. Why, world, why? Nico wonders if it's too late to call Drew back and apologize, to have her come over to his house again for a second round. He has to remind himself to breathe through his nose, not to gasp around his lips like being kissed is a totally foreign concept. He feels the subtle presence of tongue in his mouth, a slow glide over his own, and then his bottom lip before it's finished. Percy's forehead presses against his temple. Percy murmurs, "Then when she thinks it's over," and their intimacy lasts the length of one breath—he tilts his head and goes in for another kiss. This one's much shorter than the first, a light peck of lips that promises something more.

Nico doesn't understand how parts of his body that aren't his dick have any blood in them right now. It's really a wonder that his legs haven't just given up entirely underneath him. He licks his lips, because, yeah, he's a cliché, and says, "Wow." There are so many things he could have said, but that's the one he chose. He hates himself.

Percy's grinning all self-satisfied. "Yeah, that's how it's done. That little one at the end seals the deal every time."

Nico's got half a mind to try it out on his best friend in a totally inappropriate manner at this point and time, but Percy probably has some sort of weird immunity to his own tricks, like a sexually frustrating wizard. A wizard with appraising eyes, a gentle smile, rough sandpaper hands, and good sex noises. "R—really?"

Percy nods. "Try it out. Get some practice in. You don't wanna mess this up."

"You sure?"

"Yeah!" He whacks his hand playfully against Nico's chest. "Quit bein' a wuss and kiss me," He hooks his thumps into the loops of Nico's jeans, drawing the male closer to him. "It's just a kiss," Percy jests, his emerald eyes sparkling playfully. "What's the harm?" The slow, dull thump of Nico's heartbeat begins to roar like a lion, spilling out like a earnest battle cry, before he's drowning in a sea of senselessness and romance.

Nico doesn't need to be told twice, but since Percy insisted he's feeling a little more confident. He gets his hands full of Percy's t-shirt and tugs them together, further than where the latter pulled them close. Nico feels Percy's lips pull into a smile or a smirk—he can't tell which—and he pushes his hands under his best friend's shirt, skimming over the curve of his stomach. Instinctually, Percy's stomach curves in at the touch, shivers sliding down his spine like nerve synapses firing off in a cascade of feeling and euphoria.

"Nice," Percy laughs around his mouth, "Got a little hand action going there."

Nico recaptures his lips for the encore, his hands curving around to the dip of Percy's lower back. He keeps his palms pressed there, heavy and warm over Percy's freshly-scrubbed skin, even after the kiss is finished. The roar lulls and quells into a quiet, steady drumming beat, and Nico's smiling, eyes glossy with an unsure feeling of lust. In the back of his throat is that lingering taste of chap stick, and by the gods it is keeping him from swaying over into his best friend's arms. How could he get so lucky?

"That was great! You kiss her like that, and she'll do whatever you want!"

Nico's pretty proud of himself; he's a fast learner, and Percy complimented him on his kissing expertise. Now, complimenting him on his handjob expertise will take some time. A lot of time. He's had a very productive day. There's an opportunity here to make it even more productive, but touching Percy is a privilege that he doesn't want to abuse. Especially under the circumstances: he doesn't want Percy to think he's just using him as a practice dummy. So instead of kissing him again, Nico says, "Well, I hope so. That's... sort of what I'm going for."

Percy doesn't have the same restraint. He curls his hand around the back of Nico's neck and nudges his head forward so their mouths can meet. Nico makes a soft noise in his throat before managing to get his lips free. "Ah, ah, careful. I might do whatever you want if you kiss me like that."

The taller male laughs like he thinks Nico's making another joke, but Nico's never been more serious.

He makes his way to the fridge to get a glass of wine.

He really needs to get this chap stick taste out of his mouth once for all, at least until the next time they masturbate together, kiss, or well... fuck. Nico wishes the last one could happen sooner than later, or otherwise it is going to drive him crazy.

* * *

 **That real life moment when one of your friends like two years ago had you help her with this... #awkward. So, anyways guys, there we are! Chapter #3: Taste of Lingering Chapstick. I am really happy where this chapter went, as I realized having three sex scenes in a row, while they'd advance the plot somewhat, that'd be quite excessive and we don't need excessive, we need good writing with good plot advancement, no? So, Thalia is here for the long term ride of acting as Nico's support, as I've always found their relationship in the books to be like a younger brother and sister relationship despite the whole thing with Bianca and Hazel, but I digress. Rachel in this is going to be the zany, crazy girl that I love writing so much. Like a Phoebe from Friends or something like that, artist who may not fully be all there. Do you know anyone in real life is like Percy? That'd be quite awkward, huh? So, thank you all so much for reading. My next update will be really soon, Wednesday actually, so be ready for Chapter #4: Percy's Mistake in the shortest time then. Love you all so much! Have an amazing day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	4. Chapter 4: Percy's Mistake

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a new update for Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #4: Percy's Mistake. After all, I _did_ say that I'd be updating on Wednesday, so true to form here I am! Probably another update on Friday if I'm feeling generous to you guys, as I do have three WIPS on my plate and I haven't been that busy with fanfiction in quite sometime. So, anyways... last chapter, we didn't get any sex or nothing, just some kissing. Percy is starting, just _barely,_ to get more comfortable with all of this intimacy and hinted here by this chapter title, what the hell is our Jackson man gonna do? Won't be good, do you think? Thanks so much for all the views on this story, again, it's great seeing those numbers when I normally don't get there often. I wouldn't be the writer I am without the readers and reviewers I have, so thank you! Thank you so much. Enjoy Chapter #4: Percy's Mistake! **

* * *

Nico plans out tonight's date with Drew in his head all day at work. He thinks about what he might say, imagines his side of the conversation going conspicuously well. She seemed to like him enough on their first date; she didn't shove him away or wince when he moved in to kiss her. _Percy doesn't do that either. Oh shut up, you. You'll ruin any other chances with him._ That's always a good sign. He wonders if she said anything about him to Rachel. Then he remembers some of the conversations he's heard—and partaken in—walking in and around New York City and Thalia's apartment. Drew definitely talked about him with Rachel. He's not sure why that excites him so much, but his working theory is that Drew might actually be into him. _Okay, just take a deep breath. You're totally not being talked about behind your back, at least not in the way you think you may be._

He runs a hand through his hair, taking a deep sigh as he begins to jog up the stairwell up to his apartment. Nico is more than capable of taking the elevator, but he chooses not to because being breathless and sweating and out of shape turns him on when he thinks that walking back into the apartment door will have Percy swoon over him entirely. Well... he hasn't gotten that far in the plan yet. Nico goes over the day's events in his head once more, should incase his roommate get a million questions to possibly ask.

It's a rare thing for Nico to have a girl—or anyone, really—be interested in him. He's not going to fool himself into thinking Percy's one of the exceptions. People who look like Percy are not interested in people who look like Nico. Simple as that. Percy Jackson has a great smile, bright emerald eyes that just manage to peer into your soul at that impeccable angle which causes you to be incapable of thinking straight, and those hands that masterfully tune you like a guitar. What does _he,_ a measly Nico Di Angelo have? Flailing arm syndrome? A stutter? Not that he _wants_ Percy to be interested in him that way—no, of course not. Nico loves women. He may love guys, he has no fucking idea. He truly doesn't know if he likes Percy to be honest, and that may be an alleyway he hopes to never explore. The whole friends with benefits thing is just a can of worms he's not going to open because thinking about it gives him a migraine.

He's putting his key into the lock of his apartment just as Percy's leaving Thalia and Annabeth's. Percy is currently holding a towel under his right arm, and a plate of pizza in his left hand, and Nico's mouth waters for a moment as it hits him that Percy is about to take a shower. So he can see his roommate shirtless, dripping wet, and that luxurious cock- "Hey, Nico," Percy starts before biting into a slice of pizza in his other hand, the interruption being very well needed to distract Nico from his hard on, "what if I told you I got your favorite pizza, and Luke gave me two extra tickets for tonight's Rangers game, and"—he lifts an eyebrow, grinning—"later on we got the apartment to ourselves?"

Nico gets a sudden flash of Percy shoving him against the door on New Year's, the latter's hand running through his hair, their kisses, their orgasms, and he blinks. He fights the delicious shiver that rolls up his spine. "Perce, I'm sorry, I got a date tonight, remember? I can't cancel on her." He hates it, downright hates it that he has to turn such a thing like it down.

Percy looks disappointed for a moment before his face goes weirdly neutral, eyebrows settling to a thin line, taking another bite out of the slice of pizza. "You don't have to cancel it. Just reschedule." The New Yorker says it as if it's as easy as counting to three on your fingers. Nico frowns at him, tilting his head slightly to the side like a confused dog. He doesn't need these conflicting messages right now.

Nico sighs and lets himself into his apartment. Percy follows him in, chewing another bite of pizza. "C'mon, man, you get all these opportunities for dates," Nico says. "I can't just blow off the one person who likes me." The distressed furrow of Percy's brow grows deeper and deeper. "Go with Luke. He's the one who gave you the tickets in the first place, right? If he can't go, maybe think of inviting Rachel if she doesn't have plans. Go out for drinks and have a good time. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Percy looks slightly alarmed by this, evident by the fact that he places the plate of pizza down on the kitchen counter. He never, ever, puts anything else before food if it's in his grasp. "Tomorrow morning?" Then he gets it. "Oh, nice. You got some confidence, huh?" Deep down, the raven haired man wishes that his best friend could practice that newly found confidence on himself, rather than giving it to some sleazy woman whose breasts hang out of her dress like children squabbling to get through the front door. Or the girl who won't really appreciate who Nico Di Angelo is, unlike Percy Jackson, who appreciates every curve, every sound, and every little bit of his roommate.

"I'm remaining cautiously optimistic," Nico corrects, because there's a huge difference between being confident and just hoping nothing goes horribly wrong. He opens the door to his room, waving at Percy. "I mean... come on. It's a second date, it can't go _that_ badly, right?"

And lo and behold, Nico's cautious optimism pays off. His second date with Drew goes surprisingly well, and she doesn't even cringe when he suggests they retire to his apartment. He is absolutely going to have sex tonight, and it's sex with a woman who thinks he's 'cute and charming.' This might be some sort of miracle. Nico had to pause several times during dinner to make sure what he was about to go through with wouldn't damage whatever rep he may have had with Percy and all that pent up frustration. It'd pass. All things would eventually do so. That was the inevitable course of nature.

"Tonight was the first time I've had ice cream in, like, ten years," Drew's saying as they round the corner to Nico's apartment. "I forgot how good vanilla tastes."

"Have you been living on the sun for the past decade?" Nico raises an eyebrow. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.

She giggles and swats at his chest. "No, silly! One summer when I was thirteen, my friends and I were at the community center pool, and there was a guy there I had a crush on, so I was wearing this cute little bikini. Anyway, the ice cream truck came by, so we all started chasing it, but my stupid brother just _had_ to get there first," She rolls her eyes. "So he grabs the back of my bathing suit to sorta pull me backwards, which completely just pulls off my top. All my friends saw my boobs!"

Nico feels bad for laughing, but he figures there's a statute of limitations for things like this. "And that put you off ice cream for ten years?" In all honesty, had it been his pants that had been ripped off for something so... menial, he'd have been scarred for life to, a mild form of PTSD due to swim trunk removal. _You wouldn't mind Percy Jackson ripping your pants off of you, would you? Especially if he was to use his teeth. Yeah... you'd like that, wouldn't you?_ Nico shakes his head back and forth, blinking back. Where in the hell did that thought come from?

She gives him a look. "You try enjoying something when your brain associates it with giving teenage boys their first look at real breasts."

He shrugs, conceding. "So I take it you haven't gone swimming since then either?"

They reach the door of his apartment, and she slides a hand up his arm. "Maybe that can be our next date." she says. Nico feels electricity crawl over his skin.

"Will I get to take off your top?" He's half-joking, but Drew answers with, "You can do that tonight," and Nico's insides twist into an aroused knot. Oh shit. This date changed from, _'now we're having a good time'_ to, ' _if you mess this up, then so help me god, consciousness.'_ He brings his hand to the back of her head, his fingers sliding through the short bob of beach soaked blonde hair, and she stands on her tip-toes to kiss him. Her lips taste like cherries. The cherry chap stick taste from Percy's kissing lesson again reemerges in the back of his throat, but all it is to Nico is a reminder that quickly subdues itself. Percy isn't here, and truth be told, Nico Di Angelo doesn't give a single fuck. He tries to remember the pointers Percy gave him, but that takes his brain in an entirely different direction and reminds him of kissing his roommate, and that's not something he wants to think about right now. He focuses on her body against his—it's nothing like the rigid muscle of Percy's: it's soft, smooth, plush. Nico wonders how she might feel when it's just skin on skin, his mouth roaming over breasts and thighs. Nico wonders in some rigid form of strange peculiarity how that even when he tries to not think about Percy, he _still_ thinks about him. God, it's like the man is a parasite just waiting to override its host.

He takes her bottom lip between his teeth and gets the door open with his free hand. He doesn't bother flicking on the lights, just keeps kissing her with varying intensity. Screw Percy's advice; he's winging it here and doing pretty damn well. Nico hoists her up onto the kitchen counter to make the whole kissing thing easier. She wraps her legs around his waist and pulls him in, making a contented sound around his mouth. He slides a hand along her thigh, hitching up her skirt. He's breaking one of his own rules here. Ever since Silena, Nico tries his hardest to not go to far without the girl saying whether or not they wanted themselves to be touched there.

Drew mumbles, "Nico..." and he freezes almost statue-still. Did he break the rule already? Dammit, he sucks at this.

"Should I—should I not do that?" His face is a study in sheer panic.

"No, that's fine," she says, placing a reassuring hand on his. Then she drops her voice to a murmur. "But I sorta want you to kiss me... somewhere else."

Nico's amazed he hasn't spontaneously combusted by now. He's never gone out with a woman who actually asked him for oral sex; they must have figured if he was awkward and clumsy during the date he'd be awkward and clumsy at that too. "Is that something I can do? You—you want me to do that?"

Drew nods, gives him an encouraging smile. "Hands are fine too. Y'know, if you've never..."

Nico thinks he's blinking too much. "You're not playing one huge joke on me, are you? Because if you are I think I might actually cry," That makes her laugh. "I don't know how to live in a world where women actually ask me to do that." He wishes for a world where Percy could ask him to do that, too, but it vanishes from his mind shortly after its conception. Percy. Isn't. Important!

She laces her fingers behind his head. "Well, for starters, you could say yes."

Nico is absolutely about to say yes when there's a creak from behind him. A bedroom door opens. The sound snakes up his spine, firing off triggers and warnings of 'abort', or 'panic', but Nico presses on, his lips against Drew's in a slick kiss, before the door creaks all the way open. The sound of padded feet taps softly against the carpet of the apartment. Percy, in the crook of his bedroom door, rubs his eyes, yawns, and then calls out, "Nico?"

Oh goddamn it. Nico's blood goes to the temperature of frozen plutonium. If the sexy bastard that is his roommate does not disappear back into his crevice cave of sex and masturbation and dark light, Nico will have blood spilling over the carpet, and it'd be a glorious crimson morning.

Percy starts walking out of his bedroom. "I thought I heard your voice," He notices that Nico isn't alone, and his expression changes in realization. "Oh, is this your date?" There's a subtle hint of jealousy peppered in his voice which causes Nico to stir uncomfortably, his brow furrowing. Nico's expression, however, changes back to one of annoyance and pure disbelief.

He sighs. "Drew, this is my roommate Percy. Percy—Drew. Well, that was fun! Goodnight, Percy!" He moves to try to shove Percy back in the direction of his bedroom, but the dark haired, emerald eyed god of man doesn't budge. _Fuck._ Nico knew he wasn't the strongest in the world, but for God's sake... unless his roommate was just being a persistent bastard for the hell of it, then he needed to get himself back in the gym.

Percy just stands there, ignoring him like Nico's a doggedly persistent mosquito. Then he turns his attention to Drew, the woman's lips turned up in an amused smirk, unsure of exactly how to address the situation. "How you doing tonight, sweetheart?"

"Dude, no!" Nico panics, because if Drew's got low enough standards to like him she's not going to stand a chance against Percy's charm. _Why, oh you cruel world, decide to fuck things up for me when things get good? Regardless of who my feelings are for, let me live a little you motherfuckers!_

"What?" Percy asks around a laugh. "It's refreshing to see him bring a woman around here," he says to her. "He's not the luckiest one with all of that." Percy's being honest, he's being earnest, and if Nico's face wasn't turning redder by the second, with steam spilling out of his ears, then he would've seen the reflection of disparaging sadness in those emerald orbs.

Drew hops off of the counter to be nearer to Nico. "Yeah, he told me he hasn't dated in a while."

Percy glances at him in disbelief. "You didn't tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"Tell me what?"

Percy turns back to Drew, and clear as fucking day, recites, "Nico's gay." The way it slips off of his tongue, it sounded like he practiced it for so long that it just comes out like natural regurgitation of a biology fact. Nico's mind literally explodes. _What did that motherfucker just tell my date? What in the hell did he just say? Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, please let this be a dream._

The man in question flails his arms so much it looks like he's trying to fly. "What?" _I'm gonna skin him alive like he's a fucking bear, but who gives a shit if it's rabbit season. He's a dead man walking._

Percy continues ignoring him. "Yeah, it's a shame. He tries bringing girls here every once in a while, but he never gets very far. Oh, sure, he can kiss 'em, but once it starts going further than that..." the man makes a gesture, and Nico's got no idea what he's supposed to be communicating with that. The picture perfect frame in Nico's mind starts to collapse and every step and thought about that hurts. Why must his roommate ruin this for him? Nico wouldn't even dare and try to desecrate on Percy's holy dating status around New York. Given his friend probably has screwed every girl which way till Sunday in the city block.

"What? No! No! He's lying! He's lying!" Nico insists. His voice raises up a pitch, his skin pales even further. It's a nervous tick, a defense mechanism when things aren't going the way he planned them.

"See, he won't even admit it!" Percy says. "He's so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents!" _Okay, that was kind of good. But you're still a damn liar, you son of a bitch._

Drew stifles a laugh. "That... actually explains a lot," Nico's jaw drops in horror. World: 1. Nico: 0. Percy's just grinning like an idiot, and all of a sudden the entire room slows down as if it was an insect drowning in amber. She reaches out and takes Nico's hand. "Nico, honey, tonight was fun, but I think I wanna date a guy who knows how to please a woman." _If Percy Fucking Asshole Jackson hadn't interrupted our little session there, I could've have shown you how I DO please a woman, thank you very much. God, such a skank._

"I can learn! Teach me!"

Percy's trying very hard not to laugh; it may very well be the best acting he's ever done. "If you ever want a guy to help you pick out furniture, he's your man!" he calls to Drew before she leaves them alone in the apartment.

Nico takes a deep, slow breath through his nose, then he turns around to face Percy. "I am going to punch you in the mouth!" He storms up to the emerald eyed wonder and jabs his finger into his chest.

"Ooh, Nico, I get all tingly when you take control like that." Percy coos, and then he does the unthinkable. He grabs Nico by the shoulders and pulls him in for a quick kiss. Nothing major, a simple peck. _What the fuck?_ It's enough to cause Nico to loose even more color in his face before he spins out of it. However, the little distraction wasn't working for him. Not. One. Fucking. Bit. He's pissed. He's pissed, moreso he's pissed at Percy Jackson. He'll give him hell alright.

Nico pulls away, taken aback by the flirtation, and just opts to scowl at him. "Is this your idea of a joke? Why would you go bother giving me advice the other night if you were just gonna sabotage me?" Percy's face scrunches in, and Nico feels a little guilty that he made Percy look like that, but here in the grand scheme of things this is not going to matter. "You get dates all the time! Women throw themselves at you! Why couldn't you just let me have this?"

Percy shuffles his feet and stares down at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. "Alright, maybe I went a little too far—"

"You think?" Nico shouts, still furious. Percy has a good three or four inches on him, but he stands on his the tiptoes of his heels, eyes wide and ablaze, and he's not letting up. 5'5 and intimidating as hell. The stare is so pointed into Percy's consciousness and morality meter that he shivers, downright shivers in his clothes.

"But, come on, man, I saw how nervous you were when you came home from that first date. Hell, you made out with me 'cause you were so worried about getting' it right with her," Percy shifts his weight from one foot to the other and pushes his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. "I just—I just think the right person won't make you so nervous, y'know?" he says. " _Like me._ " He doesn't vocalize this aloud for a very good reason.

"Hi, have we met? I am the personification of nervous!" Nico barks.

"Didn't seem that way when we were kissing the other night," Percy sort of mumbles, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you want me to say to you Nico, except that I'm sorry and-"

Nico opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. "That's different. It's you. We're friends. We're comfortable with each other."

"Then maybe that's what you should be looking for."

He scoffs an angry sound. "Really? That's rich coming from you, Perce; you've asked telemarketers out over the phone!" This is true, and it's a story set apart for a different moment in time.

"Hey, sometimes they just sound hot, alright?" Percy replies defensively. Nico keeps glaring at him, so he provides a better answer. "Besides, what works for me doesn't work for everybody. You're kinda terrible at meeting women, so it might be easier for you to date somebody you're already close with." The name of Silena passes in his head, but it'd be beyond excessive and cruel for him to mention her to Nico at this point.

"Like who? Annabeth? Rachel? Thalia?" _You?_

"W—well—"

"And let's say one of them, for some god-forsaken reason, actually wanted to go out with me. What if we broke up and couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other?"

"So, what, just 'cause something bad might happen you're not even gonna try?"

"It's like you don't know me at all!" Nico exclaims, stalking across the floor to his bedroom.

"Wait!" Percy calls after him. That's exactly what Nico wants, he needs someone to feel shitty for ruining what may have been amazing, and so he stops and listens, arms crossed over his shoulder, eyebrow raised objectively. "Alright, look, there's another reason why I acted like an idiot tonight," Percy admits, tentatively, like the words physically hurt him. "I really like spending time with you, and I thought if you got a girlfriend, we wouldn't be able to hang out as often, y'know? And I... I kinda wanted us to have the place to ourselves tonight..."

Not good enough. Nico's still furiously angry. "Here's an idea: why don't _you_ get a girlfriend so you don't have to do all that stuff with me?" He doesn't give Percy time to answer before he's slamming his bedroom door behind him. _You fucking dumbass, Nico Di Angelo. Did you just ruin all your possible chances with him? Yeah. I think you did._

Oh, _that_ really went well, didn't it?

* * *

 **DUN DUN DUN. Okay, not really, but uh-oh. There's Percy's mistake right there, ladies and gentlemen. Our green eyed knight in shining armor has ruined Nico's date and it looks like a handjob or two will not fix anything right at the moment. Drama at four chapters in? Yes, I think so. I actually had a lot of fun with this one as I have always seen Nico Di Angelo being one of those silent ones who curses in his head anytime something goes wrong and not in his favor, especially for the longest time that it's Percy, and canonically... oh you know what I mean. I've gotten too many PM's demanding Percy and Nico have sex and I'm like... hold the phone, let them even _agree_ to date before I've got them stripping and screwing. (I mean, we have had two 'handy' encounters, but going to intercourse, full-fledged intercourse is one jump you have to make properly or it messes everything up). So, I'm thinking on how I can take this story. I have two Chapter 5's written, and it can go one of two ways. Option A, Percy apologizes and Nico takes the apology, but nothing sexually happens between them yet. OR, Option B, Nico looses all restraint and fucks Percy angrily, which is the straw that breaks the camel's back. Think about it. Of course, Option B sounds great, but... that'd mean consequences further down. Let me know what option you'd like, and whenever I post next you'll all find out what option was picked. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing, and I hope to see you all soon for Chapter #5: Charred Bridges. Have a great day! Love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	5. Chapter 5: Charred Bridges

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #5: Charred Bridges. Last time, our great buffoon by the name of Percy Jackson messed up Nico's date by saying he was gay... and that did not make things any better. Afterwards, I asked you guys in the PM's and/or reviews to tell me one of two options, and to be fair, one was damage control, the other was to see who _really_ wanted sex at all costs. Luckily for you all, we got Option... *drumroll* actually it's a surprise, you'll have to see for yourself which one won depending on the chapter title as it is. Thank you all so much for being patient with me on this update, as I had a few minor setbacks as trying to get some of this dialogue down correctly, and then there were a few viruses thrown in there and stuff, but oh well. Our road shall only get even bumpier from here on out, so if you're willing to be here for the long run, HOLD ON TO SOMETHING! Anyways, hahaha, enjoy Chapter #5: Charred Bridges. **

* * *

Percy can't sleep, too busy agonizing over the total dick move he pulled on Nico tonight. He makes the worst decisions sometimes, he knows it deep down in the bottom of his heart but goes on doing them anyways because it's what Percy Jackson does, and he totally gets why Nico's so angry with him. His best friend, his roommate, Nico's not gay—at the most he's probably, like, half-gay—and the emerald eyed man didn't think the joke would backfire like that. He didn't mean to freak the girl out; it was mostly meant to tease Nico and make him squirm. Then again, there wasn't much in the world that didn't make Nico squirm. He freaks out over butterflies landing on his palm, the irritating sound of the water in the sink going down into the drain as the _slurp_ sounds quite gross, despite the fact he can make that sound over and over again during sex.

Whatever. It isn't Percy's job to keep track of Nico's idiosyncrasies. However, _it_ is his job to be a good friend. What he did do was not that, clearly.

He knows it isn't fair to expect Nico to drop everything and hang out with him. But this is the first time he's had a roommate, and maybe he's gotten used to Nico's bad luck with women and just figures he'll be around all the time. Percy didn't mind so much with Silena, because even Nico knew that woman is teeth-grindingly obnoxious. But a chick who doesn't have a voice like a foghorn? Percy'd have some serious competition there. _Don't forget about all the sexual talking you fucking plebian! You know you like it, and YOU know you want it. Resisting it certainly won't help, dipshit._

Percy's harsh on himself when something goes wrong, as it's the complete opposite of his gentle, happy, all the time smiling nature. He's never screwed up this badly.

And, okay, _maybe_ Percy got a little jealous thinking about Nico kissing and touching someone else the way they've been doing over the past week or so. And maybe he just wanted it to stop. He's not proud of it, but at least he's admitting it... in his head. Actually, Percy's isn't half what jealous. He's full blown jealous. It's just been so awkward trying to tiptoe around what and whatnot to say, how to go about wanting to fuck his roommate without fully saying it... because even though he's seen Nico react the way he has in their past two exhibitions, whose to say he isn't acting?

Percy knows he screwed up, but he doesn't know how to fix it. He doesn't think Nico's on speaking terms with him, so apologizing over breakfast probably isn't going to work. It certainly is the case, as when Percy gets up in the morning, he crosses into the bathroom and sees Nico dressed up for work at the counter. The man has the half urge to wave, but at his best friend's death glare which is mustered with the full force of a god, the apology dies in Percy's throat. This is going to require a second opinion. He gets out of bed early—for him, at least—and finds Rachel and Luke at Stoll's Coffee Shop. Stoll's Coffee Shop, owned and run by two brothers named Connor and Travis, basically opened up the place for the ragtag group of six as they ate and drink there constantly when not having to work. Percy groans and it sinks into his shoes. He'd really rather not let Luke into this debacle, because Luke has the tendency to make fun of him, but Nico's just going to have to deal with that.

"Hey, Rachel."

The artistic woman whirls around at the sound of Percy's voice, auburn hair down in frizzy spirals and zigzags like hazy waves of heat streaming up from the sidewalk. Some dried paint, a deep fuchsia, is stuck on her nose. Her normally bright eyes sour immediately. "Percy Jackson, I am so angry with you right now!" Her voice is loud, and definitely angry. Rachel Elizabeth Dare does not get angry, even moreso less than Nico does, so when she screams and yells, he cowers.

"Aw, come on, not you too!" Percy whines, collapsing on the couch in the space next to her. "I need your help!" He's about to get ripped a new asshole at this rate.

"What did you do?" Luke asks him, looking up from his newspaper. Luke Castellan is perhaps the best and worst guy on the planet sometimes. Generally dressed in a dress shirt, slacks, and wearing like forty year-old loafers, his academic mind would never quit acting up. Percy looks over the paper for a quick glance and sees he's reading an article on some meteor shower. Yawn. Boring. Luke runs a hand through his sandy beach blonde hair, looking up at Rachel politely.

"I got Nico a date with one of my friends," she explains with a huff, "and Percy just had to butt in and ruin it." She looks over at him and snaps, "Get your own women!" She very well knows he can do that, _would you look at his fucking body, those abs and arms,_ and so her rage is direct.

Percy sighs dejectedly. All throughout his life, he's been the comical guy, the relief, the sweetheart, and then there's this pile of shit. A shiver goes up his spine when he realizes that he didn't even listen to Rachel, instead going back to the look that Nico had given to him and how hot it felt to get such a true, blistering fury directed at him like that. "I know, Rachel, I'm sorry. I screwed up. But you gotta help me make it up to Nico. I am not going to be able to live with not doing something."

Rachel just folds her arms over her chest and frowns at him like he's the cause of everything wrong in the world. Percy can see that her outfit is a simple white t-shirt and jeans, covered in paint splatters of god knows what.

"Maybe I can help," Luke offers. "How'd you ruin his date?" He puts the newspaper down, sitting up. Luke Castellan never really puts down his scholarly work unless it's truly, _truly_ important.

"I might've... said some things that weren't true." Percy admits. He rubs the back of his neck, mind still stuck on Nico's angry face and how much he wants to kiss it. _Get a grip you big idiot! If you thought Nico Di Angelo was going to love you before, now you've really messed that one up. HEY! Stop thinking about your lips on his, or his lips around your cock. It is not going to happen!_

"Tell him exactly what you said." Rachel demands, arms crossed, one eye trained expertly on him, the other looking at Luke for his reaction.

Percy rubs the back of his neck. "Nico brought his date home last night, and, as a joke, I told her he was gay. An absolutely stupid idea, I know. It didn't end well."

Luke looks at him in disbelief for a moment, then starts laughing. "What?"

"Because you wanted to date her yourself!" the painter snaps at Percy.

"What? No, I don't! I mean, yeah, she's hot, but that's not why I said it." he's completely taken aback by this, a face of pure horror replacing the one with a frown. How dare she even think such a preposterous idea? Percy may be a certified asshole at times, but he certainly wouldn't try to steal someone else's date. That was unfathomable for him. Just like Nico and him having sex. _Fuck._ He thought it again.

"Then why'd you hit on her with your whole 'how you doing'?' thing?"

"She told you about that?" he asks, more amused than annoyed.

Luke tries to steer the conversation back where it belongs. "So, wait, you told her that Nico was gay, and what happened?" The blonde's eyebrows are furrowed together as if he's trying to solve a complicated problem of Calculus or something. Something wasn't computing.

"She left, obviously. Why stick around, y'know?"

"If you didn't wanna go out with her, why'd you tell her Nico was gay?" Luke asks. There's the million-dollar question.

Percy doesn't think he can get away with an "I don't know," so he tries to explain himself the best he can. "Well, I didn't think she'd actually believe me!"

"Really? I thought Nico was gay when I first met him." Rachel says. There's no hint of deception in her voice. _Wow. What a fucking friend you are. Why don't you ask next time before assuming, huh?_

Luke sort of shrugs in silent agreement. Percy is dismayed. Does everyone who meets Nico Di Angelo think he's gay before they get to know him? Oh, good gods! This whole sex, blowjob, handjob think probably needs to stop before he somehow makes Nico gay. If that's even possible.

"Plus, he sorta blew me off when I asked him if he wanted to go to the game last night," Percy continues, "And when he came home from their first date he was all nervous about kissing her, wondering if he did it right or not. I just... I dunno, I didn't think she was right for him." He decides to not add that he really, _really_ liked kissing Nico the way they did, and that if had a girlfriend, that'd really be cheating if they were to continue doing whatever it was they were apparently doing.

"Honey, you gotta let Nico figure that out for himself," Rachel tells him pointedly. "If you, _any,_ of us were to jump in and save his dating life whenever there was one thing that went south, how do you think he'd feel? Ever thought about that?" Percy shakes his head glumly, meaning no. "Exactly. Nico is perfectly capable of having his relationships not end up like the Titanic, Percy!"

"I know, but it sucks watching him get dumped over and over." Percy is genuine there, a full one-hundred percent.

Luke snickers. "Don't worry, Persephone, I'm sure he'll ask you to prom." _The double entendre behind that statement, did you catch it Perce?_

Percy was absolutely prepared for this sort of teasing, but he still goes bright red and pushes a hand through his hair. How'd he know? Wait... did Luke know? No, that wouldn't be possible. "Come on, don't you feel a little upset when some guy treats Annabeth like crap?"

Luke just gives him a look communicating that he thinks Percy's an idiot. Before any of the group met each other, Annabeth and Luke were close, almost brother and sister from protecting each other as the evils of the world, and then from that point forward when the two became adults, Luke developed a sort of infallible love for the smart blonde but could never face the music directly and ask her out.

"Well, what about Thalia?" Percy stammers. "Don't you get mad when a guy breaks her heart or stands her up? Rachel is like _my_ sister—"

The artist grins with no trace of frustration and puts an arm around him. "Aw, thank you, Percy!" Then, she shakes her head as she realizes, she may have just let him off the hook really easy with that distraction. "I'm still mad at you, though." Inside her mind, it was reeling from ideas of painting retrospective portraits of Nico and Percy, looking downcast, at the floor, away from each other.

"You think I won't have something to say if a guy treats her bad?"

Luke makes a face like he's grudgingly okay with Percy's argument, as over the years the two came to notice that there wasn't always much they could agree on, let alone willingly compromise for. "If it bothers you that much, why don't you just talk to this girl and tell her the truth? Maybe she'll go out with him again."

Percy thinks about that; he's sort of surprised he hadn't considered it, but it's early and he doesn't do his best thinking in the morning. "You think that would work?" he asks Rachel. "Is Drew one of those girls who's willing to listen? Or is she the one who's a total bitch?" Percy's tongue feels kind of foreign saying that about someone he hardly knows, truly all he knows is that Drew _is_ a bitch by thinking Nico was gay, but he digresses.

Rachel shrugs gamely. "I guess it's worth a shot." He notices how she totally avoids his question, instead the ginger cringes inwardly at the coarse language.

A fire begins to burn in Percy's belly, and he smiles, standing up. So the trip didn't prove to be a total disaster. That's good.

 _What are you going to say to her, Perce? Any ideas? We could start off by saying that YOU'RE gay and just wanted to throw your frustration onto Nico because you despise liking men to a fault but can't help yourself. Or... that you meant to say something that rhymed with gay but it slipped out? Someone who bleaches their hair with that much dye has to at the very least believe something as stupid as that._

Shit.

Percy's going to have a hard time with this one.

* * *

Nico inches open the door to Thalia's apartment and peers inside. She's cooking something on the stovetop, and he can smell something sweet and buttery. Cake? Nico inhales the scent and sighs. A much needed relaxer from everything going on in his life since well... last night.

Thalia notices the door is ajar. "Can I help you?"

"Is Percy here?" he asks in a low voice through the opening.

"No, why?"

He swings the door open dramatically and lets himself inside. "Well, then let me tell you about _my_ day!"

She takes a wild guess, although it really isn't that hard to guess, because out of everyone in the group, Nico and Percy have the strongest, most evident bond of friendship and brotherhood. "Are you and Percy not speaking to each other?" _DING, DING, DING! You are correct, a Miss Thalia Grace!_

"No, we're not, and I don't think you should speak to him either, because he might be possessed by Satan!" Nico howls.

Thalia's almost completely immune to Nico's theatrics by now. Almost. Her mind quickly goes over all the possibilities and settles on one. Nico had a date. Percy fucked it up in the way that he always messed things up, accidentally and with humorous intent. "What did he do?" She is dressed up with an apron, flour all over her already pale skin. Flecks of blizzard white powder cling to her curls, which are bound up to the back of her head like a bouquet of roses.

Nico pulls up a chair at the table and practically falls into it. He's found that being dramatic about the whole situation really works. "I brought a date home last night, and it was going"—he literally grasps for the word—"amazing is almost too mundane to describe it. I am about two seconds away from getting laid when Percy decides to play a little game called 'how can I ruin Nico's life today?' He lies and tells the girl that I'm gay," he says. "Gay!" Nico cries, arms flopping into the wind. He tightens his tie, face flushed with excitement.

She pats him on the shoulder and sets a plate full of warm waffles in front of him. "And she thought he was serious?" Turns out she was making waffles, not cake. Still delicious, however. Nico's mouth waters momentarily, and then realizes the same taste of Percy's cock in his mouth could give him the same reward. _You really got to stop thinking about his dick anywhere on your body. Are you going to crave to him that easily all of a sudden just because it's Percy Jackson?_

"The one time he's a good actor! She left and said she'd rather be with a man who can please a woman," He has some sort of angry spasm. "I was literally just about to do that!" Nico slumps in his chair and gives into the temptation of delicious waffles; it's either eat or smoke, and he has no doubt Thalia would put the cigarette out in his eye. Something that only two of the members in the group know, them being Thalia and Percy, is that he likes to have a cigarette or two, or three, or nine whenever he's stressed out about something that he has no idea how to handle.

Annabeth's voice sounds from one of the bedrooms as she comes out into the living room. "I just had this horrible dream that Nico was complaining about something and—" She stops, sees him sitting there at the kitchen table. "Oh God, the nightmare continues." Her blonde hair is tousled and dirty, stark gray pajamas covering her body head to toe like a silver dollar. Annabeth also notices that her roommate had gotten busy, and sniffs the delectable air.

Nico glares at her. _Really, bitch? Really? Go back to sleep._ Sometimes Nico Di Angelo really has the feeling to strangle some of his friends.

"What happened this time?" Annabeth says, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. She takes the chair across from him, tapping her fingers on the table methodically. Thalia bustles around the kitchen sink and counter, dousing a spatula into a warm bucket of water, before dusting her hands off on the apron.

"Ask Thalia." Nico answers around a mouthful of waffles and syrup. His voice is down, a hint of perhaps monotonic depression seeping through.

"He brought a date home last night, and Percy told her that Nico was gay and scared her off." Thalia explains, also taking a seat. While one trio discussed the issue on Nico's side of the ballpark, there was Percy trying to fix his mistake.

"See, Nico? That's how you tell a story."

He just keeps glaring and chews angrily. "I don't understand why Percy's suddenly decided to ruin everything good in my life. It's like his New Year's resolution was 'make Nico miserable and sexually frustrated.'" That's so close to the truth he's amazed he actually said it out loud. _There's the blowjobs, the handjobs, the sex that you really want, and now you're just spewing all of this out in the open? Why don't you just say it out loud that you want Percy to fuck you raw over the couch while you gaze into his eyes and as his moans spill over your ears? Do that and see what happens?_

"Did he tell you why he did it?" Thalia asks. She knows Nico, and she knows he sometimes blows things out of proportion. Thalia Grace also knows Percy Jackson and that sometimes his insignificant jokes and quirks cause avalanches in Tibet. It's a balanced seesaw.

"He did it as a joke, he thought she wasn't right for me, he didn't want a girlfriend monopolizing my time... he gave me three explanations and all of them were terrible!" Nico stabs his fork into the waffles for emphasis. _Actually, be honest, Nico. Deep down, you liked those reasons. That'd he feel jealous at you having your hands all over some girl's body. Wouldn't that be for the best? You somehow get to be the dominant man in the relationship? Or does that scare you?_

Annabeth asks him, "So did you try to explain it to her?"

"Well, no, I—I chose to yell at Percy instead of doing that," Nico frowns. _Yeah, nice one, you dumbass._ "In retrospect, I chose poorly," He looks up from his plate. "Why am I allowed to make decisions?"

"So just call her and tell her the truth: that your roommate has a weird sense of humor," Thalia says plainly, like she never has relationship troubles ever and is oh-so-levelheaded. Her tone is complacent, and from the fact that she bothered to listen for a minute, it feels as if she's moving on to Annabeth because she's more important and more interesting. Thalia has already heard one failed date story, she doesn't want to hear _too_ many more. Nico may be feeling a little bitter right now, because Thalia doesn't have problems like this; Annabeth would never say Thalia was a lesbian to screw her out of a date unless some serious betrayal was committed. _Although it'd be pretty funny. Don't lie to yourself, Nico Di Angelo. That Thalia would be secretly dating Annabeth on the side?_

Could Nico have somehow betrayed Percy? He can't think of how, unless Percy's mad that Nico turned down his offer to go to the game. Which, really, is the emerald eyed man's own fault, because he knew his best friend and roommate already had plans. _Or is it because you came to early? Didn't give him enough pop and comfort after his failed date? There must be numerous, numerous problems out there and you haven't hit the nail on the coffin yet. Don't worry big guy, it'll come._

"Or you could show up at her apartment or work or whatever." Annabeth suggests. As soon as the words leave her mouth, her face grimaces by realizing how truly awful that might actually sound in hindsight.

"That wouldn't be unintentionally creepy?" Nico doesn't have Percy's good looks or charm, so he's really got to be careful about this kind of thing. He doesn't want to end up on the floor with his eyes burning from pepper spray, or being forced into the back of an NYDP cruiser with handcuffs for a trespassing and stalking charge.

"You're just trying to explain yourself. It's not like you're showing up for no reason. And sometimes it's easier to communicate in person," Thalia thinks for a moment, catching Annabeth's drift on where she meant to go with her statement. "She didn't say anything like 'I never want to see you again,' right?"

Nico shakes his head. "I don't remember. After she insulted me, I sort of blanked."

"C'mon, Nico, you're not exactly physically threatening," Thalia reminds him. "I could snap you like a twig." It's true. When Thalia Grace wasn't cooking or hanging out with friends, she was down at the gym about three blocks over, pounding the living shit into a punching bag while screaming and yelling at the frustrations of life, given her own personal cubicle to do so.

"Because you're freakishly strong!" He finishes the waffles and pushes away from the table. "You're right. I'm not gonna let Percy screw this up for me. If anyone's gonna ruin my relationships, it's gonna be me!" He feels somewhat happy about that statement and heads for the door.

"Go get 'em, tiger!" Annabeth calls with minimal enthusiasm at him as he practically races from the apartment, bustling down the steps instead of waiting for the elevator.

Nico opts to walk the few blocks to Drew's apartment. On the way, he thinks about how he might explain himself, because even though he's going with the truth he still needs to make it sound a little less ridiculous. Nico's good with words in his head, but when he opens his mouth it all goes to hell. _You're also not good at making Percy Jackson fall in love with you. You have to start working with that gifted tongue. Wrap it around his dick like a vice and suck._ Nico hates his inner conscious mind, which for some reason only gives him lustfully filled comments and directed statements that are vitriolic. He'll snap one day.

He doesn't see the impending disaster until it's too late. From afar, the guy standing at her doorstep could have been any stranger, and Nico would have been reluctantly okay with that and walked away. But he's glancing off here and there, so when he finally sees who's talking to Drew, the wet rag of humiliation and fury slaps him in the face. What. The. Living. Fuck. Is. He. Doing. Here?

Why is Percy standing there? Why the _fuck_ is he standing there?

Percy Jackson should absolutely not be visiting her. Seriously.

Why does Percy Jackson hate Nico Di Angelo's happiness? _God is not going to answer that question for you, my sexually frustrated friend._

"Percy!" he calls, trying to keep the rage out of his voice as he storms up to him, but too late, he's pissed and screaming.

"Oh, hey, Nico! I was just clearing up with Drew why I acted like an idiot last night." Percy waves, smiling happily. Is his best friend just that damn stupid?

"Really? Because from where I'm standing it looks like your little 'steal Nico's potential girlfriend' plan is going swimmingly!" Nico growls, grabbing Percy by the collar of his shirt and slamming him into the apartment wall. His eyes are filled with a black fire, searing and furious. Heat is literally leeching off of his skin, and the thought of seeing Nico so upset and pissed off almost gives Percy a boner on the spot. Almost.

Percy furrows his brow in confusion, then surprise as Nico pushes him against the plaster. What the hell is his deal, anyways? "Well, maybe you ought to be standing somewhere else then."

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

The door to the apartment opens, and then all of sudden there's Drew, dressed only in her bra and panties. Oh. _Oh._ Nico drops Percy's collar, completely embarrassed. This doesn't look good. His eyebrows raise up in peculiarity at the sight of her clothing, or... lack of clothing. Drew looks from Percy, whose face is completely shell-shocked, caught totally off guard, to Nico then back to Percy. "Why are you guys here?" They immediately start talking at once. She holds up a hand to shut them up. "One at a time."

Percy goes first, trying to not notice her breasts, and trying to keep his erection from going out too far in the bridge of his pants. "I was trying to tell you that Nico's not really gay. I was just trying to mess with him, and I took it too far. I'm sorry. Don't not go out with him 'cause of what I said."

Nico isn't sure if Percy's being sincere or totally full of crap. "Well, yeah, I wanted to say that he was just making a joke, and that I'm sorry for acting like an ass."

Drew looks at him for a moment. "Nico, you're a great guy, but I don't wanna fight over you with your roommate." She inches the door closed. "Have fun, you two."

 _Wait... what? YOU said what to me, you fucking bitch!_

* * *

Nico burns through almost an entire pack of cigarettes over the course of the day, mostly during his lunch break. He knows it's an awful habit, and he's been smoke-free for a while now, but the stress of his roommate being a life-ruining moron is starting to take its toll on him. He's developed a talent for smoking at work that's really come in handy today. The smell of tobacco lingers on his breath, puffs tangling into phantoms or wisps of burning candles that spew over the papers collected on his desk like a murky swamp, red bile flowing freely from his self-inflicted wounds that are buried skin deep.

He hates Percy.

Percy is dead to him. Completely. Fucking. Dead.

He wonders if Luke would make a better roommate. The blonde academic would probably want to redecorate with fossils and dinosaur crap, and Greek mythology stuff and it doesn't sound appealing, and Nico is not about to have that. Besides, he also does not have a crush on the blonde, who is currently infatuated with Annabeth, and he isn't going to mess that up as it wouldn't take much for him to do just that.

He storms straight home after work, fully prepared to elevate the silent treatment into an art form. Nico gets inside to see Percy standing in the living room with a pleading expression on his face.

"Nico, look, just let me—" the raven haired, smoking man ignores him and keeps walking, at least until Percy lays a palm flat over Nico's stomach to pause his stride. He feels a jolt at the touch. Flashbacks of Percy's smooth, yet coarse hands running over the head of his dick send shivers down his spine. So much for being dead to him. "Look, I know you're mad, and I'm really sorry. I just got a little jealous."

"Of me?" Nico asks, because he's positive there isn't even an alternate universe where anyone is jealous of him, much less Percy. He stifles a laugh that says it all. His roommate cannot be serious, no way.

"Well, sort of." Percy looks away, cracks his knuckles, and Nico tries not to cringe at the sound. He hates to even hear that sound. "I mean, I really wanted to, y'know, fool around last night, but then here comes somebody else takin' your attention away." Nico's mind is temporarily disabled at the fact that his best friend just admitted he wanted another handjob from Nico's hands. Percy shrugs dismissively, and it makes him look about twelve years old. "I like spending time with you. I like that _you_ like it. You're my best friend..."

Nico doesn't like himself very much right now. Percy's always had the best intentions, but Nico just keeps misinterpreting and reading it all through his warped lens of how people work. Percy's never hurt him on purpose. Percy is warm and giving and makes everything feel so easy. _Percy Jackson is warm, indeed. When his naked flesh is on yours and y'all are touching dicks and shooting seed together. Oh, Percy is very, very warm._ " _Shut up_!" Nico screams to himself.

He sighs, and it's as if all the anger deflates out of him. It might actually be impossible to stay mad at Percy for too long; he must have some kind of superpower. "I'm sorry too." He means it, and the entire weight of the world is lifted off of his shoulders, like Atlas instead the total opposite. It's almost like he started to burn a bridge with Percy, some Phantom of the Opera shit by being a point past no return, then giving up and realizing it was unnecessary and stopped. The bridge is charred.

Percy smiles that stupid grin that makes Nico feel way too attached to him. They hug for about two seconds before Percy's politely pushing him away. "Dude, you smell like an ashtray. Go take a shower or something."

Nico smiles ruefully, shrugging, peeling off his coat and letting it fall to the floor. Percy leans forward for a second, and Nico thinks that maybe there's something stuck on his face, but what his roommate does is lean down and kiss him on the side of the face, before retracting. Then, Percy turns and walks into his bedroom, shutting the door. Nico blinks and realizes he almost just missed it. The hug felt like an eternity that he wished would never end, and now this.

Poor Nico Di Angelo is confused to all hell right now, with good reason to be.

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #5: Charred Bridges, is complete. And man, this was longer than I intended it to be. I've realized over and over again that I get into this typing sort of state and then never stop to breathe. (Wrote this is one damn sitting, actually), with edits afterwards for the last two and a half days. But, back to the piece! There's Luke everyone, last person of the six to appear. So... how did it go? I didn't want to go into depth on what was going on in Drew's room at her apartment with her being scantily dressed and all, but moreso the humor and hint of upcoming plot points. Percy and Nico are on good grounds, but it seems like Percy is more confused on what to say and what to do with his feelings than the other way around. Now, don't worry. We'll be getting back to some real Rated M material sooner than later, but we've got to build it slowly and be like Dory. (Sorry, I had a lot of sugar before sitting down to type). Do you guys like the inner voices that Percy and Nico have? Snappier, more sarcastic and hornier versions of themselves? I do, and I'll probably keep it! Thanks so much for reading guys. I'm probably going to have a new chapter out on Monday or Tuesday before I go back to school as Winter Break is over in a week... dammit. I hope to see you guys at Chapter #6: Enigma of Time. Please review and let me know what you thought! Have a great day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	6. Chapter 6: Enigma of Time

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #6: Enigma of Time. Lo and behold, as I've promised, I've made the update a _day_ before Monday, as I wasn't expecting to have this much time on my hands to write, so here we are at 5:52 PM on a Sunday writing more fanfiction. I've been writing way too much to be considered healthy this December, having 9k written the past two days (which may or may not seem like a lot to people, but to me it's exhausting sometimes). I have to say, just WOW, what a way to start off the new year when I checked the view count for this story and saw how far along it already is, only being a month in since I've started it, so I have to say thank you so much. I've gotten incessant PM's demanding I update so it looks like there's a train of people simply wanting it, so here I am to provide. Hope you enjoy Chapter #6: Enigma of Time. **

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It's two a.m., and Percy's sitting in the armchair with Nico in his lap, their mouths latched while Percy jerks him off. Percy can taste the faint edge of tobacco, and the lingering flavor keeps his tongue from wandering. The scrawnier of the two is shuffling awkwardly, a hand latched to the back of Percy's shirt which is now bunched up in the fingers and fists. He groans a gorgeous noise into Percy's ear, causing the man to provide all the sexual attention more fire, his hand starting to pick up irrevocable speed. Nico can feel the low burn starting to spread and fire off synapses long dead. Nico's backlit by the luminescence of the TV screen, his fingers weaving through Percy's hair while his hand works inside his roommate's sweatpants. The chair is criminally small, and Nico has his knees squished on either side of Percy's thighs. Not that he minds. _Of course you wouldn't mind, Nico. He's the man of your fucking dreams and all you have to do is ask for some comfort and he'll give it you by the twist of an hand, and oh so much more._ Percy's skin is flushed and hot connecting to Nico's, a warm hue passing between shades of pale and black.

"You keep smoking like that and you're gonna lose your kissing privileges," Percy tells him in his serious voice. Nico's shoulders quake when Percy twists his wrist around the shaft of his cock. Percy's loving this. _You love this so much, watching that fucking twig twist and moan beneath you, because deep down you like the power struggle and that he's your bitch, and your his owner and all of that creepy kinky shit. Say it. Say it._ "I'll make sure to never allow you to kiss me. Why did you start smoking again, bud?" he looks down at his best friend, a genuine glow in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was stressed," Nico mutters, struggling to keep his voice even, however he is unable to as his chest rises and falls. His breath comes out in uneven stutters, as the dark haired male realizes it's really, _really_ hard to speak coherent sentences when the love of your life is throwing your dick around every which way and making you orgasm. A little hard to focus when someone of that caliber is doing something of the like. "Which, by the way, thanks for that." He nudges his hips, almost instinctually as that's how he gets places, into Percy's hand, and Percy grips him tighter around the hilt. The grip is almost like melted butter to the pan, yin and yang, cotton and gin, night and day, it is so good and Percy hopes it never ends. Nico winces, bites his lip a little; he smiles at the reaction. Tonight is their third time doing this—whatever it is—and Nico's more sensitive this time around. Every slight stroke and squeeze makes him react like he's never been touched like this by anyone else. Percy ventures a wild guess that he hasn't— he knows, sadly, that Nico isn't exactly popular with the ladies, though Percy can't understand why; he's really cute, he's got a smart-ass answer for everything, and, sure, his interactions with the opposite sex can be hilariously bad, but Nico is genuine and giving to a fault. That kind of thing goes a long way. _Maybe you think he's better with guys. Better with you. Yeah? Yeah? I think so._

Percy begins to move his hand faster up and down Nico's shaft, and the man underneath him downright quivers, whimpering and thrashing about. A long time ago, and Percy means this as a _long time ago_ , on his first casting call ever, the director needed the men to strip, as there was a shower sex scene, but what the script had forgotten to go over was that the main character was gay. The poor man, only a youthful nineteen, blushing the whole time, had to experiment with another dude in the shower for the main lead. It was nothing more than simply Percy looking the other guy in the eyes, placing a soaked hand up to the other actor's cheek and kissing him before, in the film, it'd lead to other things. Problem was, he let it extend afterwards. The actor he had fake fall in love with actually became a real thing, where for two whole weeks he fucked and got fucked by his acting partner.

Then it ended. Percy Jackson is left standing on the street outside his 'boyfriend's' apartment with a fifty and told to get lost because he couldn't treat a man right.

And so he, Percy, decides to not ever really buy into the whole gay idea, until Nico comes swinging into the picture and now he's for certain he's at the very least bisexual. It's something within Nico, and he'll never understand why it is. But that's for a different story at a different time and-

Nico drags out a moan when Percy's thumb rubs over the head of his swollen cock. Percy is jolted out of his thinking state, he had been so caught up in the little story his train of thought decided to go down that he didn't realize just how fast his hand had been moving up and down Nico's shaft. Nico's back goes up in an arch. He sighs, "God, Perce," then his body tenses like he's going to come, his hands around the top of the chair, fingers digging into the leather. Nico's face goes through a complicated mix of emotions, and Percy can't read them all. Nico's mouth moves to form a silent o as vowels and words of praise come forth, the feeling within his stomach surging into an eruption, a supernova of pure bliss as cum goes everywhere. Nico lets out a cry, and watches as stars flood his vision. Percy takes a step back to watch as the white ropes of cum go everywhere, and some even lands on the side of his mouth. Percy licks at it with his tongue, swallowing, and then grimacing. He hasn't tasted another man's seed in such a long time, he honestly forgot. Looking back at Nico, the emerald eyed man frowns. Nico is sitting up in Percy's lap, eyebrows furrowed and confused. He wishes he could get inside his best friend's head. Nico blows out an angry breath through his nose and climbs out of Percy's lap. Percy stares at him while Nico hitches his pants up and over his hips in a rough, jerky movement. _Okay, Percy, listen to me buddy. What in the living fuck did you just do wrong? Man, you had one job, one fucking job and here you are getting your estranged past all caught up to present day. Look at what you did. Look at what you fucking did._

"Did I do something wrong?" Percy has no idea how he could've messed this up. Sex is supposed to be the easy part—at least, it's always been that way for him. He can charm the pants off of someone, and well, three times now with Nico, so he does not see the problem here. "I'm sorry if it was, I'm really, really sorry if that's the case. I- I can make it up to you and-"

Nico sighs, scrubs a hand through his hair while he paces nervously. "No, Perce, it's not you—it's not... I just can't do this, okay?" His vision is slightly foggy still from the orgasm, and he tries to blink through it. He's done playing this game with himself. He either has to admit he really indeed has feelings for Percy Jackson and get them out in the open or try to bury them, just like the feelings he's buried with other people beforehand because he knew they'd go nowhere. These ejaculations and handjobs haven't built up to anything and _certainly_ by the third occurrence he'd have the courage to at the very least suck Percy off, but no. Nico is being a coward and he damn well knows it.

The pieces of the puzzle click together in Percy's head. "Oh! Well, hey, it's not a big deal. Happens to the best of us." He spreads his hands as if to say 'even me.' _Except it definitely has happened to you before, and maybe you weren't giving him a good one in the first place. What if you sucked him? How'd that work for ya?_ The moment he thinks this, Percy's cheeks burn a bright crimson and he coughs, fixing the erection building in his pants.

Nico looks so tragically frustrated with him. He shakes his head and says, "Just forget it," and he begins to walk toward his bedroom door. " _He'll never understand will he? The feeling he has on me and that it's something you just can't blurt out in the open. It pisses me right the fuck off and yet there's nothing I can do about it without seriously screwing things up, and that's not something which is impossible for me."_

He shuts himself in his bedroom before Percy can answer, leaving him alone in the armchair wondering what the hell went wrong.

"Great," Percy mutters. "Fucking great."

* * *

By the time Percy wakes up Nico is gone, so he doesn't get the chance to actually talk and work this out. The undesirable want to bend Nico over their couch and screw him till he sees stars still sits in the emerald eyed man's mind, which causes him to shudder as that is beyond lustful. A feeling you can't just go out and say, ' _hey, best friend, can I fuck you so much that it hurts?'_ Percy still doesn't know what he did wrong. He doesn't even think he _said_ anything wrong, unless Nico got upset over Percy's anti-smoking jabs, but then that means their friendship / relationship or whatever the hell it is would've ended a long time ago due to how often Percy does make fun of his best friend about that. It's not unbelievable Nico might be sensitive about quitting smoking or the idea that people might not want to kiss him if his mouth tastes like an ashtray. So, yeah, Nico could totally be upset about that. _Which is all the more reason to try and quit, wouldn't you say? You give him that... incentive of him not smoking so he can receive head and orgasms! Works perfectly, yeah?_

So then why didn't he just say that? How hard would it be for Nico to say, "hey, I'm really sensitive about this?" Instead he just pulls away from Percy like he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. _Which you know is totally not fucking true, that guy clings to you like a fungus to toenails or something super disgusting like that._

But Percy's first thought was that it isn't so complicated. Maybe Nico just couldn't perform. But he can't understand why that would be a sensitive issue for them; they know that kind of thing happens sometimes. It's not like Nico was on a date with a Victoria's Secret model—just a lazy handjob with his buddy Percy. _Except it wasn't lazy as your laziness made him cum like, what, four times? I'd call that a success._ Percy Jackson really needs to let his horny, wild side of his mind sit down for a few minutes, relax and have a cup of coffee.

He really wishes he could talk to Rachel about this, but he doesn't know what he would say. It's the matter of trying to not spill Nico's secret. He knows the man would absolutely, positively die if someone found out from the guy he was sharing handjobs with that they were doing it. Especially without permission of course. A guy and girl thing, perhaps that wouldn't be a problem. At least the last time he fucked up he knew exactly what the problem was. This time, Nico's given him nothing but angry glares and silence. _Why do you think he's angry at you, Percy? You can't just sit there and let him do this to you. You have to find out the whole reason, the whole fucking reason why something is the matter._

That afternoon, Percy's with Luke at the girls' apartment helping Thalia in the kitchen. He has no idea why she needs to bake twelve lasagnas; he might go so far as to say there's way too many lasagnas here. Percy hates how this _thing_ with Nico is fucking with his brain—Percy Jackson has never once believed in a concept like 'too much lasagna', or 'too much salt'. Then again, those expressions were food based and he doesn't sense how they can presumably work towards sexual encounters and situations, but by all means he can try and figure that out later. The smells in the kitchen are glorious, and Percy's mouth downright waters at the smell of basil, cilantro, arugula, cumin and pepper, pepperoni, baked mozzarella and of course the pasta. Percy licks his lips, and back on does the horny side of him pull through. _You want those lips around his cock. Fucking face the facts that you do._

"So, Thalia," he says, "are you just really hungry, or...?"

"I'm doing a favor for Luke." she answers, handing him a tray to put in the oven.

"Is _he_ really hungry?"

"Hey, Perce," Luke calls from the couch, his nose in a book, "what do you think of the name Sam? Or how about Marcus? Or... maybe something mythological like Kronos?" The blonde man wrinkles his nose, frowning. "No, that wouldn't work at all. Too old school, too... _old_ in general."

He mulls it over. "I think I'm gonna stick with Percy." Why the hell would he change his name to something that so isn't him?

Thalia whacks Percy's arm with a potholder. "He's trying to pick out a name for the baby."

"Oh, right, yeah!" He forgets that Luke is going to be a father, because he doesn't see Clarisse that much, and there's that whole lesbian thing that his brain takes in a whole different direction. Percy's mind can be a fun—albeit confusing—place sometimes.

Nico stops by a little later while they're discussing baby names. "Hey guys, what's—" He takes one look at Percy, and a guilty expression forms on his face. "I should come back later." He scurries to the door, but Thalia leaves the kitchen to rush over to him. Percy's expression brightens at seeing his best friend, maybe now is the time to get some matters disclosed and all, and then it darkens back at Nico's almost scrambling run for the door. What in the living fuck did he do wrong that constitutes for this type of behavior. He doesn't understand it, he truly does not understand it. Perhaps he never will with how many little clues Nico is dropping him all the time. Oh... wait. Nico isn't dropping any fucking clues whatsoever!

"Come on, you two, this is ridiculous! You guys are best friends!" She pushes Nico to the kitchen table and practically forces him into a chair. "Will you just work this out already?"

Nico's mouth drops open, and he stares at Percy in disbelief. "You told her?" Percy blinks in rapid confusion, totally thrown off guard. Hold up, what exactly did you tell her, you stupid git? _Yeah, stick it to him Perce!_

Thalia gives him a curious look. " _You_ told me, Nico." She has no idea what's going on and she honestly really doesn't want to find out. Lasagnas are burning in the oven and, besides, Nico and Percy's friendship is not the highest thing on her mind when burning down the apartment building and everyone in it could be damn disastrous.

Percy quickly realizes two things: Thalia assumes they're still feuding over the whole Drew debacle, and that Nico talked about it with Thalia. He's not exactly sure how he feels about the latter. _It should make you angry, Percy. In fact, it should make you so damn fucking angry you want to slap him across the face for daring to be so disrespectful to the great guy that you are. You need to or otherwise it'll simply collapse in your hands like a fucking mess you don't want._

One thing Percy _is_ sure about: pretending that they're still fighting over Drew is in their best interest right now. There's no way to frame what happened last night as anything other than questionable. _I mean, you could tell him what's up and then ruin everything you've built over the past couple of years, but it's totally okay to not fuck things up and take a weird moment by turning it into something beautiful._

Thalia puts a hand on Nico's shoulder. Percy wonders if it's easy for her, as easy as breathing, or if her throat gets locked up all thick and confused when she touches him. "Just tell him what's wrong and how he can fix it." Percy wonders if Nico gets thoughts of having sex with Thalia the way he does, as there can be a lot of history there.

Percy nods in agreement. "Yeah, tell Percy!" He has no idea why he's referring to himself in the third person, but fuck it, doesn't matter now.

Nico pushes a hand through his hair, nervous under the attention. "Look, it's not even a thing anymore, okay? Just forget it."

"You're the one who's making it a thing," Percy insists. "Yeah, maybe I made a joke that went too far or did something stupid, and I'm sorry, but you don't have to freak out and leave me worrying about what I did wrong. You have to talk to me 'cause I'm not a mind-reader."

Nico's whole face winces before he stands up and moves in the direction of the door. "Percy, I'd really rather have this conversation in private." He follows him into their apartment where Nico paces the floor like a caged tiger. Without all the angry growling at the very least.

"Are you embarrassed 'cause you couldn't"—Percy doesn't mean to point in the direction of Nico's crotch, but it happens anyway—"y'know?"

"No, I could, and that's..." Nico takes a breath, starts over. "We can't keep doing this."

"I know, you gotta talk to me."

"No, I mean... _this_. This whole hooking up thing we're doing. It's too much," Nico says, suddenly tired, like they've had this conversation before, but the way Percy feels like he's just been punched in the gut is entirely new.

Percy swallows thickly, prays that he misunderstood. "You seemed cool with it before."

"Well, I'm not now, okay?" Nico doesn't look like he's enjoying this conversation, and Percy tries to take solace in that, but it's so damn hard when Nico's basically admitting that he doesn't want him anymore. "So, if we could just go back to the way we used to be, before all the touching and kissing and confused orgasms, that would be great."

"If—if that's what you want, yeah."

Something flickers over Nico's face, but it's gone as quickly as it came. "Look, Perce, this isn't about you or anything you did. I promise." He looks like he wants to say more but doesn't. Then he's just gone, locked away in his bedroom.

Percy stands there for a minute, trying to remember how to breathe properly. This has never happened to him before. He's argued with Nico over money, girls, the best sandwich meats. Percy knows what it's like when they fight, how the air around them feels heavy but quickly peters out, then they're back to watching _Hospital_ reruns and lounging at the Stoll's.

But this feels different. For the past two days, talking to Nico has been like navigating a minefield, and Percy's attempts to fix whatever he's broken just seem to make it all worse. The air between them is thick with tension, rigged to blow at the slightest prickle of emotion.

He goes across the hall to let Thalia and Luke distract him and lift his spirits. It doesn't fix things, but it's a start. Thalia even lets him have a whole lasagna to himself.

 _Yippee._

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #6 is complete. I don't have much time to write out this last AN, but thanks for reading! And I'll see you soon! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	7. Chapter 7: Failed Revival

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here! Here I am with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #7: Failed Revival. I must say, thank you guys for all holding and waiting with bated breath for this update as I'm severely behind schedule on updates and I hate being behind on things as easy as this. Oh well, I'll simply have to catch up (I already have Chapter 8 and 9 typed up too, just need to edit them some) when it feels appropriate. But! Now we're at that divide here where Nico cannot, for a time at the very least, go on and continue doing whatever you want to call what Nico and Percy were doing, but you all now know that what Percy has is undeniable attraction for his roommate, but it's the dilemma of whether or not he makes it known and it seems like we all know what any sensible person (yes, that does include Percy), will do. I'm excited for what is to come and I hope you all enjoy! So, hope this chapter has been worth the wait.**

* * *

Nico loathes Rachel's new boyfriend. He really, really does. Now, it's unlike him to be so... untrustworthy of someone in the way that he is of this guy. It's like the dude came from a sunflower field with the perfect looks, opened his mouth, and killed every single floral arrangement in the vicinity. He's sure the guy has some good qualities—maybe if you squint—but he's a shrink. And shrinks _know_ things. They can smell emotional issues a mile away, like how sharks can smell a drop of blood in the ocean. So, yeah, shrinks are like sharks. They wait hungrily, licking their lips at the slightest hint of trouble, because deep down they know. They know there's something wrong with you on a level you may not know yet. All they have to do is scoop it out like ice cream- Nico's not entirely sure where he was going with that train of thought, so he's just going to get off the tracks now before it takes him to an even weirder place.

They're gathered at the girls' apartment, and Ethan—what a douchey name, Nico thinks—is psychoanalyzing Luke's failed marriage. With the recent news of Percy's somewhat likability to their past experiences with their handjob sessions, all of this is veering dangerously into 'things Nico doesn't talk about' territory, and of course it normally means in _his_ life that all of those topics will be brought up to some degree. He bet fifteen bucks the other day to Thalia that Ethan would find something in all of them to rub each friend the wrong way. All that's missing is the topic of repressed homosexuality, then the uncomfortable triumvirate of Nico Di Angelo will be complete. At least he got to see Annabeth's breasts the other day, so not a total loss.

Which is an entirely other story to delve into. Percy and Nico were arguing over what type of bread to get as Nico was concerned about calories and getting the super cheap bread meant that they'd be fat by eating so much of it. Percy argues that getting the cheap bread just saves money for subscriptions to things. He doesn't specify _which_ things, but Nico doesn't have to think that hard. Make a long story short, they barge into Thalia and Annabeth's apartment at the same time Annabeth is taking a shower with the bathroom door open as she's the only one in the apartment, Thalia out running errands. Nico was so... mentally hurt at the fact that Percy wasn't going to take care of his body that they wanted the girls to give their opinion. To, voila, Annabeth steps out of the shower, entirely nude, and Percy nearly faints.

Nico does nothing to stop his blush too, as Annabeth howls at them to get out. But, what he _is_ unsure about is whether or not it had turned him on and-

A burst of yelling disrupts Nico's memory and he snaps an angry glare in the sound's direction. Luke and Ethan are sitting on the couch, discussing the marriage feverishly. Luke is red in the face, something the darker haired male seldom ever remembered seeing. Luke Castellan is scholarly, and does not get angry at anything or anyone.

"Why would I marry her if I thought on any level that she was a lesbian?" Luke demands. Nico dreads where this is going. He really shouldn't be sitting so close. It's like he's implying that he wants to be next in this psychological experiment. He scampers away from them just a little where he feels somewhat safer. However, it draws him closer to Percy and he isn't sure being near his best friend at the time is healthy for his mental state.

Ethan shrugs, says, "Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail." He has a sort of hawkish face and has a freckle right on his nose that he sometimes sees Nico staring at.

Nico takes that as his cue to detach from the conversation, the actual full conversation. Taking a gander around the room, there aren't any inviting options. Rachel is in the bathroom, Thalia and Annabeth cooking a turkey which means they'd make him help and he doesn't want to work. Which... leaves Percy. Of course. Fuck. Whatever. He gravitates to Percy, who's sitting near the window on the other side of the room.

"So how come you don't like Eth'?" Percy asks. He actually called him _Eth_ _'_. There is no God. Nico knows that there isn't really a way to shorten the name of Ethan, and takes slight offense to Percy's statement. Is his friend being drawn to the man or something? He shakes his head in dissent. Okay, now he's just going crazy. _Paranoid, eh? Hmm... maybe you should test the waters of where Percy's thoughts towards the shrink lie. Wouldn't that be for the best? Get your heart broken all over again? I think it'll be fun!_

"Come on," he whines. "That guy, I'm surprised you don't see it. He's so phony. Why would anybody deliberately sabotage a relationship?" Nico can get away with that question around Percy, as Percy is easy going, but Ethan would've heard the implications there like a shark that smells blood. And there's that shark metaphor again; maybe Nico was a shark in a past life or, knowing his luck, eaten by one—he makes a mental note to ask Rachel about that. If she's to paint something about sharks and Nico in the same piece of plaster, then perhaps it'll give him the answer he's been looking for. He's a carnivore.

 _A carnivore who wants cock._

He coughs, blushing heavily. That wasn't what needed to happen.

"That's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!" Luke shouts, pointing at Annabeth. The blonde female in question stops from the stove, hands in mittens. She raises an eyebrow, rolls an eye, and turns to Thalia, muttering something about boys.

"See? Even Luke thinks the guy's a quack," Nico says to Percy. "We both know Luke is like super nice and likes nearly everyone. He hardly never shouts and he hardly ever gets mad."

Percy shrugs. "I dunno, Nico. He was sorta right about you."

Nico whirls to face him, because Percy _did not_ just say that. "What?" His voice is definitely upset, and he can feel the rage boiling over like a scalding pot of pasta.

His roommate appears oblivious to his best friend's fury. "Yeah, I mean, he knew you were an only child and that your parents got divorced when you were a kid," He digs out a spoonful of peanut butter from the jar he's holding, thinking thoughtfully. Nico glares daggers at him; he's got fifty million places he can think of where to stick that spoon in Percy's body, and the emerald eyed man sure as fuck wasn't going to enjoy it. Percy sort of shrinks beneath his gaze. "I'm just saying, maybe he's not wrong all the time."

Nico scoffs. "That doesn't mean anything. Rachel could've told him that stuff. And the divorce rate in this country gives him a fifty-fifty chance at guessing right. Technically, he gets those odds on the only child question too. I either have siblings or I don't."

Percy makes a face that Nico thinks has way too much sass. _Bitch, didn't you hear what you just fucking said? Stuff like that makes me want to wring your neck. You know how sore that is for me!_ "I'm gonna go check on my parents, y'know, keep an eye on them." Nico watches Percy leave, his gaze lingering until the door closes. He really needs to work on not being a total dick, especially to Percy. It's not his fault that he has an unattainable, life-ruining crush on him. But Nico's absolutely going to hold him accountable for that, because when Percy looks like Percy the least he can do is be an asshole so the attraction is only aesthetic. But no, he has to go and be a good person too. Jerk. _A very good looking jerk where all you want inside of you right now is him and yet you're stopping from taking it, given you saw how he reacted. What is up with you lately, Nico?_

Luke is having some rivalry argument with Annabeth on God knows what, Nico isn't really listening, when Ethan approaches Nico in what he probably hopes is a casual, 'not psychoanalyzing you at all' way. Nico just mouth-glares at him. _If this fucking shrink gets any closer and says anything..._ "Clearly, there's some tension between you two," Ethan notices. "Something to do with his father's situation?" _He just has to say something, doesn't he? Dammit, what an idiot._

"None of your business," Nico says without too much murder behind it. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't-"

"I'm just observing. I noticed that his body language was relaxed until you came to sit with him, then it turned defensive and closed off. Quite like the way you're sitting now," Nico frowns harder, resists the reflex to sit a different way. "I also noticed how you look at him when you think he's not watching. He does the same to you when you look away." Ethan remarks, making a very casual statement. He isn't necessarily poking into the wrong bush and about to get a rattlesnake leaping for his face. Nico may leap for his face with hands outstretched into claws should this continue further and worse than it already has.

Nico bristles at that. "I don't have to pay for this session, do I?" It's cruel for Ethan to dangle that false hope in his face, because with something like this he'll cling to it like a life raft. _He's getting your goad well, and you're letting him. Kiss the guy or something, right? I mean, maybe Rachel will walk out of the bathroom and call it the hottest thing she's ever seen. Or she'll be betrayed, yell all these nasty things at you, get you to cry, and then you go back into the apartment and wait for Percy like a broken piece of china and kiss the guy on the mouth. Or cock. Your preference._

Ethan chuckles. "Deflecting with humor. A textbook defense mechanism. You know, it's not unusual to be in love with your best friend. It happens to a lot of people."

Nico feels mortally wounded, the words stabbing into his side like a hot blade. "Didn't some artist in the 50's write a song about things that aren't unusual?" He needs to stop talking, because he's only providing more fuel for the fire; Ethan can tell where Nico's weak spots are just by the way he reacts. He feels another shark metaphor coming on. _Abort the mission. Fuck it man, he's onto you!_

"Take this with a grain of salt, but you'll be much happier if you don't bury how you feel."

"Thanks, but I'm on a low-sodium diet." Nico scowls.

* * *

Nico isn't sure how they ended up like this, because when he thinks about sleeping with Percy it's definitely not taking place on an uncomfortable couch. And in his fantasies there isn't much sleeping. But here they are, sprawled out on the fold-out couch in the living room. Well, Percy's sprawled out. Nico's curled into himself to take up as little space in their makeshift bed as possible. This might be actual torture; Percy's got his face nuzzled in Nico's neck and one of his hands curled over Nico's stomach. That hand is dangerously close to cock proximity. He's getting whiff after whiff of strong aftershave and maybe the remnants of semen somewhere on Percy's clothes. _I wonder what he jerked off to, then? Don't you? I mean, maybe it was you and then he came so much and it was great. Wait, why are you guys sleeping on the couch? Were there rats in your beds? Oh, they may have watched them! Go ask them right away if Percy masturbated to you!_

He knows there's definitely something wrong with his mind if it is suggesting he goes and talks to rats on how his best friend spends his time giving himself pleasure. Just... no. Good god.

How the hell did Nico manage to sleep through this? He isn't used to sharing his bed, so maybe the touch of another human jolted him awake. He really wants to know how this happened. Percy is practically cuddling with him. Not that Nico is totally comfortable with it or anything, clearly, but he also isn't feeling that much bothered by it on the same token unless the hand dips lower and actually knows what it's doing. Is this something Percy's body just... does? Just clings to whatever warm body is next to him? It makes sense, but why? Why does this have to happen to Nico, who desperately wants to put distance between them to get over this stupid, weird crush? It's not like he's the only one nursing an attraction to Percy—Nico's assumed everyone that's ever met Percy developed a crush on him (because, hello, look at him)—but this is ridiculous. _So ridiculous that you aren't saying anything and very well may try to move Percy's hand lower to where it is touching your penis and then we know what happens from there._

Nico stuffs a hand into his mouth, subduing a scream. He needs to stop thinking about this right now. Anything, quick! Ethan's smug psychiatrist face appears for a split second, but then he remembers what his mind schemed up back in the apartment just before he left and so it spikes up the pressure building in his chest.

Would it actually be so bad if Nico really _is_ in love with Percy? Would it actually be so bad if _Percy_ was in love with him?

Speaking of the devil, Percy stirs in his sleep, and his hand shifts over Nico's lower stomach, fingers just grazing his erection. Oh no. This is the opposite of what he wants. A small flame of passion ignites in Nico's stomach and he moans a soft sound, biting down on his hand again. It seems that if Percy leaves his hand just 'hanging' there and gently applying pressure, the poor raven haired man may let loose a torrent of white simply from the thought. _Jeezum, he's like a damn medication for you. You love him a lot, don't you?_

Nico holds his breath, risks a glance at Percy, who's dead asleep and breathing occasional quiet snores into the juncture of Nico's neck and shoulder. They're super cute, and even if Nico did not have a crush on Percy he'd say the very same thing at that. The last time they were this close they were kissing, and Percy's fingers were wrapped around Nico's dick. His hips unconsciously nudge into Percy's hand at the memory.

No, no. Stop. Stop it now.

He freezes, forces himself to stay statue-still and thinks about something that definitely won't turn him on: whether or not he's in love with Percy. Because that's guaranteed to terrify him beyond all reason.

So maybe he's never been in love before, but he knows he's obsessively nitpicky. He's refused a second date over too-big nostrils, height differences, even whether or not the girl could pronounce 'supposedly'—because 'supposably' is absolutely not a word, and anyone that argues otherwise is a lying liar who lies; Nico will fight about it. _So what is it with this hunk of a man that has you encapsulated like so? Is it his strong abs? His photogenic smile? His undying love for friendship and all of his apologies? Or is it because you just really want a man to fuck you into the mattress and if it could be someone, why not have it be Percy?_

Nico isn't answering his mind back in a long while, that's for fucking sure.

But he's never had those overly-critical moments with Percy, never seen any of his less-than-hygenic habits or possible shortcomings as a deal-breaker. Sure, Percy may be a little dim-witted, but he makes up for it by having a huge heart. Heart. Yes, heart is definitely where Nico was going with that sentence. _Totally, man. Like I was going to say that you're the fucking president of the United States of America. Oh. Wait. You aren't. SO, yeah, you definitely were thinking Percy has a huge dick and it's because you know that you've seen it._

Now he's getting back into boner territory. This isn't helping. He ought to just wake Percy up and say, "Hey, get your hands away from my dick." But, truth be told, he's kind of enjoying it. And that's what makes him want to pull away, what makes him feel sick in the pit of his stomach: the fact that he _likes_ it. And he wants Percy to like him, too. All the kissing and touching they've shared over the past few weeks likely means nothing more to Percy than just physical release. But for Nico...

His heart plummets sickeningly. This was why he'd made them stop, because Percy will never see him the way Nico wishes he would. How could Nico ever hope to rival the beautiful women Percy brings home on dates? He's not a beautiful woman, he's socially awkward to the point of just being pathetic, and he can barely control his own limbs when he has an opinion about something. Not the most attractive traits in a potential partner. He knows to some extent that Percy has been enjoying their flints and flirts and whatever they call it. But, at the same time, who knows if his roommate simply plays a game because he knows it'll make Nico happy? Gods, how insulting and hurtful would that be? Nico pauses to think about it. He's had a few women in his adult life do the very same thing. A pity card. Percy has indeed came all over Nico twice, but what if Percy was thinking of a woman being in Nico's spot, never telling him?

And now he's depressed. At least that takes care of the whole awkward erection problem.

Percy groans in his sleep, moving restlessly, and shoves his hand over Nico's t-shirt so it's resting flat over his chest and the thump of his heart. This is better, yet so much worse. But Nico decides to just enjoy it while it lasts and turns his head so his nose is buried in the fluff of Percy's hair. He closes his eyes and breathes him in, letting this feeling—whatever it is—settle into every portion of himself.

 _You want it, don't you?_

 _"Shut up mind!"_ Nico growls to himself.

* * *

The next time Nico wakes up it's morning, and he's mostly sprawled on top of Percy. This is a pretty incriminating position; their legs are tangled together, for God's sake. Percy's got an arm draped over Nico, his hand resting on his hip. The latter can hear the faint throb of the former's heartbeat under his ear. He has a moment of panic to hope that he didn't drool all over him in the night. Because that's just the kind of thing that would happen to Nico. He opens an eye and makes sure that there aren't any hands being anywhere close to Percy's genital region or otherwise that'd look very bad.

He stays motionless, wonders if pretending to be asleep would be the best option. But they have guests in the bedrooms, guests who might have something to say about the way they're tangled up together. So the whole pretending to be asleep thing might not be a great plan. If Percy's awake he's being pretty cool about this, considering that they're practically snuggling.

Nico swallows, and he instantly worries that the subtle movement of his throat is going to wake up Percy. He waits a moment before loosening his grip on Percy's t-shirt.

"Well, good morning to you too, sunshine," Percy says, sleepily. Fuck. Fuck it all to hell. He's awake. Nico yelps, his limbs flailing in a desperate attempt to put as much distance between himself and Percy as possible. He gets as far as the other side of the couch before his back hits the armrest. Percy's chuckling at him now. "Never had that reaction before." He brushes a long, gorgeous swoop of dark hair out of his eyes.

Nico sits up, pushes a hand through his hair. This is _super_ embarrassing. "God, I'm sorry. I think my body just... does things while I'm asleep, which sounds way worse than it actually is, but—"

"Dude, it's alright. You need to stop getting so freaked out," Percy interrupts with a grin. "I don't care. I'm just glad it wasn't me this time," He pulls himself to a sit, then his smile widens when he looks at Nico again. "Your hair is ridiculous, by the way," The shorter raven haired male tries to fix it, but Percy's still grinning at him, so his hair probably isn't any better. "Relax, I like it," he tells him as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. Nico's heart starts beating dizzyingly fast. Before he can find an adequate response to that, Percy stands up and says, "You want breakfast?"

"Sure." Nico answers, breathing heavily. And his mind is quick to say a horny punch line back.

 _A waffle with butter, some scrambled eggs, bacon, a toast dick sandwich._

 _"I said shut up!"_ Nico growls again.

* * *

 **And there we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #7: Failed Revival, of another Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love chapter, which I am very happy get out to all of you. *sigh* Why must this pairing be so much fun? I don't know which I like better, to be honest... Percy x Nico or Will x Nico because each has their promises and somesuch. Anyways, thanks so much for reading and I hope you all decide to review. I got an influx of them since my last update which I'm very happy to have seen and I want you all to know what I read them all the time and they give me happiness and I make sure to keep your statements and thoughts in my head as I write the upcoming chapters. I think I'll be posting another chapter sometime by this Monday-Wednesday, but it all depends on my schedule. I hope to see you all with Chapter #8: Lopsided Birthday Gift. And since I** _ **LOVE**_ **doing this, if anyone wants to take a guess at what happens next chapter can very well be my guest and we'll see whether or not they were spot on. I love you all so much! Have an amazing day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	8. Chapter 8: Lopsided Birthday Gift

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter in Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #8: Lopsided Birthday Gift. I know it's been several days since I updated, a little longer than I wanted and that's all on me as I simply am lazy (lazy to the point where four days without writing feels like an eternity, since I know people who go months at a time and that isn't me. Ten day breaks are simply unacceptable to me, and so if that happens a lot from now to this story being finished, fire me! Lol!) Anyways, I have to give a huge and special shout out to reviewer ged565, for their absolutely amazing review, and dare I say the best one I've ever gotten in my life on this site. Waking up to that Tuesday morning, just going through the motions of getting ready for a typical day as a junior in high school to read something so exclamatory and profound as that made my day, and it's a reason why I'm smiling as I'm posting the chapter. So kind ma'am/sir, thank you very much for even having the thought of being so nice. To everyone else who has been reading and reviewing, thank you as well, and my know I appreciate every single one of you. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"So, what should we do for Percy's birthday?" Rachel asks at the Stoll's Coffee Shop while Percy's at a photo shoot. "I was thinking we could have a big surprise party at Thalia's"—this seems to be the first time Thalia's hearing about this, from the way her eyebrows lift up and a frown plasters itself on her face—"'cause Percy's gonna expect something at his place, you know, but then he'll get home and be like 'Oh, okay,' so then when he goes to Thalia's for a sandwich or something: surprise!"

"Also, it's hard to plan a surprise party for someone who doesn't have a steady job," Nico adds, rubbing the back of his neck from his spot by the window. "How can you surprise him? He's home all the time." There's a bitter edge to it, because he's sick of not having any time to himself. Percy's always there, wanting to hang out with him and poking at the raw wound of Nico's ridiculous crush with just his mere existence. Not that Percy knows about the crush, but, still—Percy's constantly around, and that's a big impediment for the whole healing process. _You say that Percy doesn't know about the crush, but you just wait. He'll find out one way or another by you bending over backwards and sucking his cock every which way till Sunday. Am I right or am I right?_

"Nico, do you think you can keep Percy occupied for the next couple of days while we get everything planned?" Thalia asks him. All of a sudden the rocker seems resigned to the fact that there will indeed be a surprise birthday at her apartment for the one and only Percy Jackson and now it's up to her to be the planner despite it being Rachel's idea in the first place.

Nico must have done something awful in a past life. Maybe he killed a child accidentally by poisoning their apple juice. Or he peed in the public pool one too many times as a toddler. Or he didn't profess to loving God in public in front of believers. Or he simply didn't go out in the open to Percy and explain why he was so infatuated with his best friend. Well, on the bright side, least he'd get to look at Percy's gorgeous face and abs. _And if he pulls down his pants for a shower that you'd join him in, his dick. Will you'll have in you every single hour of the day by the time he finds out you love him. Right?_ Nico's face burns and he stirs by the window uncomfortably, pulling at his collared shirt.

"Ooh! I still have to go shopping for his present!" Rachel announces. Her auburn hair is down and curly, with flecks of paint, per the usual, sprinkled throughout the fizzy amber waves.

"I took care of that early and squared away some season Knicks tickets for him!" Luke says proudly, looking up from the newspaper he was reading. Nico scoffs. Give it to the straightest man in the world to get his male best friend a gift probably a year in advance. Tickets for the latest game were sold out not even two weeks after they went on sale, which was give or take ten months ago. A twinge of pain flashes in the raven haired man's chest. Luke Castellan got a gift for Percy and he can't even surmount the courage to be in the same room as him?

Rachel scowls at him. "Well, aren't you Mr. Early Bird?" She's preaching to the damn choir. She turns to Nico. "Nico, what about you?"

"Uh, I—I haven't really—" _Come on! Answer it like this. I'm gonna give him birthday sex. Now, repeat it after me. I'm. Going. To. Give. Him. Birthday. Sex. And you have to say it with an Italian accent or otherwise it falls short. And maybe raise your eyebrows. Wait- why aren't you saying it with me? What the fuck is wrong with you Nico? You know you fucking want it. Just got to be man enough to fucking get it._

Nico needs to put a leash on his inner consciousness, as for some reason sex is heavy, prevalent, and usually both at the same time. _Like Percy's dick!_

Dammit.

"Great, you can come with me!" Rachel claps giddily, leaping from the sofa, breaking Nico out of his thoughts on what it'd be like if he truly gave Percy Jackson birthday sex as his gift. She's grabbing his hand and pulling him along as she skips out the door.

* * *

"So I was wondering if I should make my Best Oatmeal Cookies In the World recipe or my grandma's secret chocolate chip cookies."

"It's Percy. Make both," Nico laughs to himself as he realizes that this is true. The guy likes anything food wise. He only wishes his best friend was like that with people. " _And yet he can't like guys and girls to save me a lot of struggling._ "

They're browsing through a nearby outlet store, and Rachel's sifting through the racks of clothing in the men's department. Nico has a feeling this is going to take forever. He doesn't even know what Percy wants, aside from a lifetime supply of deli meat (ham, turkey, salami, pepperoni... you get the gist of it), and Nico has no idea how to go about procuring that. He doesn't want to get Percy just any old thing; he wants this gift to be special. _Like your cock in his ass, or better yet, his in yours! Come on, it'll be great!_

"Hey, Rachel, how are you and"—Nico cringes—" _Ethan_ ' doing?" Even the sound of her boyfriend's name causes him to want to crawl into a hole and die. He needs to get his mind off what he _could_ give to Percy and what he's actually going to get. But all of this stuff about shirt size and shoe size and other sizes is making Nico's skin itch, and what better way to get his mind of things than Ethan, the dick. _Great, you're thinking about dick again_.

"Oh, we broke up." she says casually, flying down a rack of polo shirts before moving on to another set of jeans.

"Really? How come?"

"Well, he was kind of obnoxious, and I didn't wanna date somebody that my friends hated."

"We didn't hate him," Nico says, trying to find a nicer word. He isn't one to be necessarily nice, but because he finds it hard to be a complete asshole, he leaves it. "We just..." He can't find one. "Yeah, we did. I'm sorry, Rachel." _You're not sorry. Admit it, man. You wouldn't fuck him even if he gave you a million fucking dollars to do it._

"No, it's totally okay! I'm glad you guys were honest with me. What did you hate about him?"

"He was way too analytical," Nico explains, and Rachel nods like she knows what he's talking about. "And most of the time it seemed like he was just bullshitting. He said Luke purposely sabotaged his marriage, and that I was in love with Percy!" He scoffs to hide the way his voice wavers around the words. "I mean, come on!" he rages. "Percy and I have a good friendship, don't get me wrong, but suggesting something like that and expecting us to be happy about it is just plain wrong. It'd ruin the friendship he and I have and it's not right to even think it."

"Right, the gay thing," Rachel shrugs. "Well, hey, if it makes you feel any better, everybody else was wrong about that too. Not just him."

It doesn't make him feel better, because he's not entirely sure they _were_ wrong.

"Ooh!" Rachel shoves some hangers aside and pulls out a gaudy silver jacket. "This is perfect!" Her eyes are bright, and Nico remembers a time when Silena used to look at that when he'd appear in the doorway after work. He shakes his head, and then actually notices _what's in_ her hands, almost retching.

Nico's horrified that this is a thing that exists. This jacket does not belong in the closet of anyone who isn't Michael Jackson. "Yeah, for a Solid Gold dancer!" _Maybe it can be his new pants, after you rip and destroy all of the pairs he owns from the vicious sex you'll be having once you're together._ A tint of red appears on Nico's face, and the beltline gets a little bit tighter, and Rachel is still super happy about getting this god awful jacket for Percy.

"When Percy was a kid, he had an imaginary friend named Tyson who was a space cowboy," Rachel explains, sort of shoving the jacket at him. Nico backs away like it might infect him with its poor fashion sense. "He'd love this!" Her voice is way too eager for something this horrible.

"Rachel, that had to be at least twenty years ago. I'm sure Percy's sense of style has changed since then." _Looks like hers hasn't._

Rachel just gives him a look. "It's Percy." As if a statement that simple can explain the disorder in the universe as to why the thing even exists.

She's got a point. Nico remembers that Percy has a god-awful hat with moose ears somewhere in the apartment. Something about how the hat represents Boxing Day in Canada when Percy Jackson isn't Canadian. Nico honestly doesn't care, but he can say for certain that Percy wearing the hat is something he does not look sexy in. Not even Percy can fix that hat.

They migrate to the second-floor jewelry section, but Nico's reluctant to entertain buying anything here. Jewelry says too much. It's expensive and serves no real function. On guys, at least. A big-screen TV or a video game system, while pricey, at least _does_ something instead of just being a fancy accessory. Nico would totally spring for a new, huge television if he didn't think that might encourage Percy to stay home more. He looks into his pocket and realizes he brought almost no money with him... at least not enough to buy a flat screen.

"You haven't found one thing you like?" Rachel asks in disbelief, carrying an armful of items. "Percy's not that hard to shop for, Nico. God, look at all this crap I picked out!"

"Crap, indeed," he mumbles. Nico's looking for something that strikes a delicate balance between being too much—because he kind of wants to say "I might sort of like you as more than a friend, maybe" with an expensive gift—and being a casual present from a friend. There isn't an aisle for that kind of stuff, is there? If there is, Luke's gift for Annabeth's birthday is a no-brainer. _You could go and buy him a pack of dildos to use on you. Or ropes and chains and a whip and lube and all of this amazing gay stuff that only helps you and him because you'll both be gay for each other!_ Nico takes a double take. He's been... definitely suggestive and lude before, given all the innuendos and mentions of Percy having sex with him, but this felt like one on a whole other level.

"Well, you know, Percy's birthday isn't for a couple days," Rachel says. "You don't have to decide now."

It might be a good idea to subtly drop hints to Percy about what he might want for his birthday. At least then Nico wouldn't have to guess, because he's terrible at guessing things like this. He has enough stress in his life; he doesn't need to worry over whether or not he picked out a good gift. Might as well just be _told_ what Percy wants. _Sex! Nico, the man wants fucking sex from you, you dumbass._

When Nico gets home, Percy's eating out of a pizza box on the kitchen counter, and the dining table's in pieces in the corner. Nico looks at the battered remains of the table, then looks at Percy, then back to the table. "What happened?" He's unsure he really even wants to know.

"Table broke." Percy says with his mouth full of pizza.

"I see that." Percy doesn't seem to be very concerned about the lack of a proper eating surface. "This doesn't bother you at all?" As far as he knows, and he sort of hopes this with half anger and half relief, that Percy had sex on that table with some woman who's breasts were too big, and her lipsticked smile too glossy, and that Percy will forever dislike women from now on in a dating sense and never go near that other gender again for blowjob favors. Besides, it's what he has Nico for.

Percy shrugs. "Not really. We can just get a new one."

"We? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the one who was home all day. It was fine when I left this morning!"

Percy frowns at him. "It was yours anyway!"

"So just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?"

"That's the rule."

"What rule? There's no rule! If anything, you owe me a new table!" This isn't going to end up well.

Percy huffs in annoyance. Nico gives up trying to reason with him and snags a slice of pizza.

As he grabs the box of pizza, something sharp and acute catches his nostrils. "Oh! Good god," he croaks out, Nico grasping his nose. "What's that smell?"

"Huh?" Percy looks up, throwing his plate away, then heading into his bedroom. "What smell?"

"It's over here by the table and kitchen counter!"

"Oh... that..." the emerald eyed man's voice is drawn out. "That's where me and my date just fucked. It's kind of why the table's broken. He loved it though!" And then Percy disappears into the bedroom, leaving Nico's mouth dropped open.

The raven haired male is distraught with jealousy that someone got to screw his best friend on _his_ table. However, instead of hearing the 'he loved it though', all he heard was the sex part before he walks over to the now closed bedroom door. He pounds his fist on the door frame.

"You tell that slut that she's not allowed in this apartment if all she's going to do is ruin everything!" Nico shouts. Unknown to him, Percy's date wasn't a girl. But it wasn't like he was going to openly admit that to Nico. Nico runs a hand through his hair, sighing heavily.

He then turns to face the shattered remains of the table, a globule of white cum sticking out on one of the legs. Nico's stomach churns, realizing that very well be Percy's own product. Nico slumps to the base of the door, hearing Percy inside preparing something, sounds like a shower. The thought from shopping comes back up.

Nico coughs.

"Fuck this..." he mutters.

* * *

They end up with a foosball table in their apartment the next evening. Nico's still not entirely sure how that happened. He wanted to get a new table after work, but ended up taking Percy along to prevent him from finding out about the party plans. Nico didn't see anything practical enough, and Percy kept pointing out things with gaudy patterns. Then Percy discovered the foosball table, and Nico got that rare, all-encompassing feeling of finding the perfect gift. He managed to distract Percy long enough to get the stupid thing delivered to the apartment, and here they are.

Nico notices, however, that on their trip, Percy was a little quieter than usual, eyes constantly dancing around the stores they went to like a frightened cat. He has half the mind to ask what's troubling his friend, but decides that it is perhaps something out of his league in dealing with helping him out, so Nico leaves it alone. Only if he knew that Percy's scared look was to make sure he didn't run into his one-night stand from before and come up to him, asking for another parlay fuck. It'd be especially awkward to have act all... homophobic too.

Nico looks over at Percy from across the table, his best friend's face furrowed together in concentration. This gaze causes Percy to score, and Nico lets out a string of curse words. " _Fuck_."

"You know my birthday's not for, like, three days, right?" Percy asks during the beer-break lull between games.

"Yeah, well, I thought I'd do something nice for you."

Percy grins and pulls Nico into a one-armed hug. "Aw, thanks." They haven't been this close to one another in a long time... actually since Nico complained about not being able to keep the charade of jerking off Percy when he needed it. His skin bristles with electricity, excitement, the rushed feeling of blood roaring in his ears, euphoria dancing like moonbeams across pebbles floating on the aquamarine surface of a pond. He bites down on his lip, before frowning. Anything to get Percy off his trail; to throw the scent so to speak.

"And now you're making me regret it."

There's a modicum of hurt on Percy's face before he chuckles weakly. "Sorry."

It turns out that keeping Percy occupied over the next three days ought to be a full-time job. However, it luckily does not deal with anal intercourse between the two of them. Just two best buds hanging out. In between sparse auditions and modeling and runs in the park, Percy's got plenty of time to waste, and it's up to Nico to find a way for Percy to use that time away from the apartment. It is so much harder than it sounds. Nico thinks this might be a glimpse at what being a parent is like.

His first evening keeping Percy busy takes them out to dinner. Percy talks about his latest callback and his upcoming date tomorrow night with the hot casting director—which totally isn't a method of bribery, the emerald eyed man insisted. Nico just lets him talk, closed fists under his chin, an ever present smile on his face as he watches, because Percy gets sort of flaily and excited when he talks about things, and Nico finds it pretty endearing. _So endearing, right? Bor-ing. Get to some fucking already!_

"So what's this about anyway?" Percy asks around a mouthful of meatball sub. "I mean, we don't usually go out to eat, y'know?"

Nico shrugs, trying casual. "It's nice to get out sometimes."

Percy thinks about that over a swig of beer. Then he looks terrified. "Did something happen? You're not trying to soften some bad news by buying me food, are you?"

Nico is offended to even be asked. "No! Of course not!" _I mean, it depends on whether or not he'd find out you like him. That can be bad news if he totally doesn't swing that way._

"Are you trying to get better at dating? Is that what this is? Like some sort of practice run?" Nico just stares at him. "'Cause that's pretty cool! I'm like your dating coach." Good god, his best friend can be so dense at times. _And thick! Don't forget thick, with that head and all._ Nico blushes heavily, and he knows for a fact that his inner mechanism of sexual tension inside his mind was not talking about the head sitting atop two shoulders.

"That's not... no! I'm trying to get you out of the house more," Nico admits, and it sounds really bad when he phrases it that way. "I mean-"

Percy scoffs a laugh. "What're you talking about? I go out all the time. I get dates," One look at Nico's face tells Percy that was the wrong thing to say. _So he's not that dense._ "Not that you don't, I mean, just... yeah, I go out." Percy tears off a piece of his sub and shoves it into his mouth to stop himself from talking.

Nico shrugs in silence, his ego mortally wounded. It's not like Percy's trying to hurt him, it just... happens. And he knows this, yet it still somehow stings every time and there's nothing on the entire face of the Earth that could fix that for him.

When they're finished with dinner, they're outside, and night has fallen. Nico pulls his coat tighter around him, but Percy seems to be undisturbed by the chill, probably working off of his own body heat. They opt to walk home, because Nico's actually enjoying these little moments where they can just _be_.

"So, uh, you got any dates lined up?" Percy asks innocently while they're both walking.

Nico shakes his head. "I think I'm gonna take a break for a while." Because he was already such a huge hit with the ladies. "I'm sure my hiatus from the dating scene will break many a heart," he jokes. " _Maybe even yours..._ " Nico thinks dejectedly.

Percy chuckles along, but there's an edge that Nico's never heard before. He's in the middle of trying to decode it when Percy exclaims, "Ooh!" and rushes into the darkness of the park on their right. Nico follows him with cautious steps. This is exactly the kind of lackadaisical bullshit that gets people killed in horror movies. Such as splitting up and looking for clues. Driving the car through the cemetery. Never closing open doors behind you when you enter a room. Letting the blonde and the stereotypical black guy, and the couple who always die by having sex to hang out in one room. And most of all, giving Nico Di Angelo and Percy Jackson and afternoon together. Or more like three afternoons together.

"Where are you going?"

"They got swings!" Percy cries. Nico can see a huge, empty swingset looming ahead. It would be kind of serene if it wasn't so goddamn creepy here.

"Well, this is it," Nico muses. "This is how I'm going to die." He moves a little closer to see Percy excitedly hopping into the seat of one of the bigger swings. "I've always wanted to be a leading story on _Hard Copy_!"

"Aw, come on, Nico, live a little." Percy's swinging back and forth already. The light skinned male just wants to be shot dead by something other than good looks at this very spot in the park.

"You know you're turning twenty-five this year, not five, right?"

Percy scoffs. "You just don't know how to like things."

Nico folds his arms over his chest and leans against one of the thick support poles for the swingset. He still refuses to swing. "I like plenty of things!"

"Like what?"

"Like... smoking and _ER_ and long walks on the beach." It's hard for him to not look at Percy and say 'you'; God, he's pathetic. Nico knows he's pathetic and yet he isn't doing anything of the sort to try and fix this. It's starting to piss him off, but that's his lifestyle and it's not going to change simply because he's falling in love with another dude.

"Is this what it's like being on a date with you?" Percy asks with a dazzling smile that makes Nico's knees weak. "No fun at all when the girl wants to experience something childish and whimsical?"

He looks around for any bloodthirsty serial killers that might be lurking here. "W—well, I usually save the 'reckless endangerment of our lives' part for the third date." Maybe Ethan was right; maybe he does use humor as a defense mechanism. And Nico sure as hell is damned if that asshole of a fake psychiatrist actually got something else right besides his crush on Percy.

"You got nothing to be scared of! Percy's here!"

Nico takes a moment to admire the scenery instead of grouse about how much he doesn't want to die tonight. The moon is a pale, bone-white, glowing incandescently amongst the speckle of stars in the sky. Crunchy leaves blow in the intermittent breeze, the cold night air giving every breath a crisp bite. They're sort of secluded, tucked inside the park away from the bustle of the street, which would be romantic if this was a date. The subtlety and quietness of the atmosphere around them makes it seem like the park is wrapped in a snow globe, and that if shaken, would cause an earthquake to happen and kill them all.

That got dark very quickly.

Nico gives in to Percy's childlike enthusiasm and sits in the empty swing beside him, though he refuses to actually attain locomotion. The wind flows around him each time Percy flies by. Again, Nico has to wonder if it would be so bad if he was actually in love with him. It might be wonderful. It might be exactly like this, except with joy to replace the parts of himself that ache with open wounds, the parts torn open over and over again by the cleave of heartbreak. Nico can see himself kissing Percy here, waiting until he slows to a stop before sharing a few-seconds-too-long gaze and pressing his mouth over Percy's. But that only happens in the movies, and Nico's life is not a movie. Well, maybe a horror movie. Or one of those really depressing art films.

Percy eventually slows, the heels of his boots dragging against the gravel, and he looks over at Nico expectantly. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Anything." That came out a little breathier than Nico wanted it to be.

"Well, there's this girl I'm crazy about..."

It shouldn't hurt, but it does. "Not the hot casting director?"

"Nah, somebody else. I like her so much, but... I don't think she sees me that way, y'know?"

Nico lifts an eyebrow. "Percy Jackson having trouble with the ladies?"

He smiles in a way that's sort of pained. "I guess you could say that."

"You know I am amazingly bad at this, right? You must be desperate if you're taking advice from me."

"Yeah, well, I sorta am." He gets a far-off look in his eyes, staring out at the thicket of trees in front of them. "She's just... amazing! I've never met anyone like her. She makes me laugh, she cheers me up when I'm down, and her eyes!" Percy swoons. "I just wish I could tell her how much I like her."

Nico's pretty surprised that Percy hasn't waxed poetic about how hot this girl is—he's actually kept things pretty classy. He must really like her. Nico tries not to feel too jealous about that. "Well, why don't you?"

"You know how hard it is, Nico."

"Yeah, but that's me. If I didn't have trouble talking to women, the universe would implode. But you..."

Percy shrugs weakly. "That's the thing, though. I shouldn't have any trouble talking to her about this 'cause we're, like, best friends."

Nico mentally flips through a list of Percy's female acquaintances close enough to be deemed 'best friends.' He only finds three: Rachel, Thalia, and Annabeth. And he's leaning toward Rachel. Given that her and Ethan just broke up, too.

"If she says no, do you think you could still be friends?"

Percy thinks about it for a moment with a distressed look on his face. "I don't know... Maybe. I hope so. Part of me thinks she'd be really freaked out about it, but then I kinda feel like she might sort of... feel the same way about me."

"Maybe you should find out before you say anything," Nico offers, because the last thing he wants is for Percy to hurt the same way that he does. "Stuff like this... usually just makes things awkward."

Percy looks at him with hopeful eyes, his gaze sliding over Nico's face, and Nico doesn't have a clue what to do with this. Staring back at this wide-eyed, beautiful human being, he wants nothing more than to be selfish here. But he can't. If Percy really likes this girl, then Nico will back out gracefully and let her win. Just this once.

But, God, he really, really wants to kiss Percy here. And maybe unbutton his pants, but he's partly unsure about that one.

Percy pats Nico on the back, then stands up suddenly, as if reading his thoughts. "Thanks, Nico. I like when we talk about stuff," he says, his footsteps crunching on gravel before stepping into the grass.

Nico watches Percy walk away for a moment before pulling himself up and following him. "Could I _be_ any more pathetic?" he mumbles under his breath.

"You say something?"

"N—no, just the wind!"

* * *

 **And there we are ladies and gentlemen! That was Chapter #8: Lopsided Birthday Gift! And holy crap I went there you guys, by referencing the very fact that Percy definitely, oh most definitely, will take a man from behind and enjoy it. Any ideas to who this elusive gentleman might be, and will he stand in the way between Percy and Nico? Because... the 'girl' Percy is talking about is one of three options here. Either it is a girl in actuality and Percy sleeps around, Nico himself, or this new tease of Percy's that he doesn't want to refer to as a guy because he thinks Nico will flip. What are your thoughts and suggestions? And man, oh man, I'll tell ya, I had the best time writing the subconscious thoughts for Nico this chapter. Thank you all so much for reading. Please review and let me know what you thought! It'd mean so much to me. I hope to see you all again for Chapter #9: Quiet Attraction. Have a great day! Love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	9. Chapter 9: Quiet Attraction

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. Yes, before anyone bogs down my throat, I realize that it's been two weeks, and two weeks is too long of a time to have no excuse as to why I didn't update anything when I usually give reason. Pure laziness, lack of creativity on my part, school mostly, and perhaps the desire to not want to update, if that perchance makes any sense. I can sense that people have missed snarky Nico and snarky Percy, and so they're back by the double. Enjoy the chapter everyone, #9: Quiet Attraction, something at which we know our two main male characters are horrific at doing.**

* * *

Nico's having a one-man pity party at the Stoll's Coffee Shop when the girls walk in. He's curled up on the couch, nose buried into a magazine about sluts and whores and other barbaric things that he's trying to have interest him. _You think women with boobs the size of pillows are going to get your mind off what you really want? Think again, my dear boy._ Nico Di Angelo is sick of these mind games inside his head and wishes to be done with them, though he really isn't doing much in trying to stop thinking about Percy. Annabeth, Thalia, and Rachel are all decked out in matching sweaters, looking like a mini Brady Bunch without the golden hair. Annabeth and Rachel sit on the couch next to Nico who tightens himself into a ball, before sitting up as it was getting uncomfortable. Thalia collapses rather unceremoniously into the cushioned chair on the right of the couch, smiling wide.

"So what's everyone doing for Valentine's Day?" Rachel asks.

Nico makes an exasperated groaning sound and drops his head back against the couch. He really wishes he hadn't been a total idiot by breaking off whatever he had going on with Percy. _Dammit, you fool. Why don't you think things through? The fuck is wrong with you?_ Sure, it gave him sleepless nights filled with sexual confusion, but at least it brought them closer. Now everything feels awkward and uncertain, and Percy's got a crush on someone who isn't him.

He's unsure of how to address the new thoughts and feelings. Rage? Bitter contentment? _Joy?_ Oh no, Nico Di Angelo will not celebrate the preposterous idea that his Percy Jackson loves someone else that is not his roommate, that is not the man who he swore to cherish and care till the ends of his days. Nico wishes to rip the girl's spine out. Although, then he'd be a murderer, and he isn't keen on prison food, it'd make him leaner that he already is.

Annabeth scoots beside him some more, just enough to make it seem like she cares, and pats his hand. "I'm sorry, Nico. If it makes you feel any better, we don't have dates either."

"That's not entirely true." Rachel interjects.

The blonde groans into Nico's shoulder, and he suppresses a faint smile, only a hint, only by the quip of his lip. "No, Rachel, you're not going out with Ethan again. Don't you remember why you dumped that guy?"

Nico sits up. "Ethan? Mr. Talks-Out-of-His-Ass?" He makes a face. That name is not one to ever help soften or lighten his mood, especially after what he brought up had been so personal and reflective.

"'Cause he was creepy and mean and a little frightening," Rachel sighs. "Okay, you're right, but I don't wanna be alone on Valentine's Day. I mean, how sad is that?" Her eyes glance over at Nico, and though the gaze is harmless, it still hurts. It is a festering pain, a fresh wound that hovers over Nico's porcelain skin to remind him what he could've had, where he could've been by this point had he told Percy how he felt. He's upset with himself, he knows this, but eventually he'll find the right time to spill the beans. Or his lunch. Or his seed.

Nico winces. _Nice one, inner consciousness. That was all on you._

"You won't be alone," Thalia says. "You can come over and hang out with me and Annabeth," The dark haired woman then frowns, realizing the horrific grammar of her sentence. "With Annabeth and I." she corrects. Annabeth will never let her hear this one down, perhaps ever.

"Yeah, it'll be fun!" Annabeth adds. "We can eat a bunch of junk food and have a girl's night in," Nico slumps in his seat and sighs loudly. "Nico, do you want to come?" She looks over, blonde hair flying around like a whirling dervish and he's sick to his stomach by the way her eyebrows lift and the gentleness in the eyes. Her diamond eyes are like a reflective pool where all you see is despair.

He's quiet for a moment before answering. "I wouldn't impose on you guys, but Luke has a date tomorrow night because of this stupid egg thing, and Percy's making dinner for some girl he's been going out with, and I just... really don't want to be by myself." He mumbles the last part, ashamed of his own stupid emotions. His hands go back to twitching, as if he's imaging himself strangling that beast of a woman by the neck. _How dare she take away the man I'm meant to be destined with? Who the fuck does this woman think she is by just snatching away the one and only Percy Jackson from Nico Di Angelo?_ He wants to exhibit his anger, but the only remedy he's found is by beating his cock insensibly against the shower while moaning out his roommate's name against the tile. Nico's sick and tired of just masturbating to Percy. He wants to do it again with Percy, _on to_ Percy. Deep down, however, he knows it's not plausible. It isn't sensible.

It isn't right.

Annabeth gives him a friendly, non-judgemental smile. "You're not imposing! You're our friend too, remember?"

"Oh, this is gonna be fun!" Rachel claps her hands together.

"Uh, Nico, one thing I wanna get out in the open," Thalia says. "Girls don't actually have pillow fights in their underwear at sleepovers. You've been lied to."

"Ooh, don't tell Percy. He'll be devastated."

His heart twangs somewhat at the mention of his roommate, and he's saddened. It's then and there he understands, but rather learns to cope with the fact that he's horribly weak. So horrendously weak. All Nico has to do is mention that emerald eyed man's name and he's whimpering and sobbing into the bed sheets, longing for them to still smell like a musk from Percy's sweaty body, when all he has to do is get up and seize his best friend's cock himself. He's too damned scared, and it shows. It shows a whole fucking lot.

Nico comes home that evening to see Percy on the couch with a woman, his hands cupped around her face as he's kissing her. Nico thinks about how those hands felt against his own skin, how Percy kisses like he doesn't know how to stop. He swallows back the wounded offense building in his throat. He can feel his mouth opening, ready to spill out the nastiest of rebuttals, to rip Percy's face off that wicked wrench, kiss him hard and then everything else will melt away like dragon fire. "Hey, Perce, I see you brought a friend."

They break apart, and their heads swivel to look at him. "Nico, hey." Percy looks sort of guilty, as if he's been caught doing something he's not supposed to.

Nico heads to his bedroom. "Don't mind me. I won't bother you two." The depression is crippling off of his voice, like a twisted arm that's been broken so many times before just hanging there limp, lifeless, unimportant. That's him at the moment.

"N—no, it's okay, she was just leaving," Percy says, standing up and sort of ushering her to the door. "We got an early start for rehearsals tomorrow morning, remember?"

"Y—yeah, I guess I'll see you then," the girl says, sounding sort of put out. Nico feels bad for intruding on their evening, but in all fairness it's not like Percy put a sock on the door or anything. She leans in to give Percy a good night kiss; Nico averts his eyes. The taste of lingering cherry chap stick reappears and it stings, like a faint droplet of blood appearing on glossy snow white lips. He smears them and finds to his horror a dark smudge of what perhaps is blood, maybe from biting down on his lip and tongue so hard to not say the most awful of things.

"Did I interrupt something?" he asks when Percy's shut the door. His voice isn't that apologetic, and Nico knows this fully damned well. He isn't upset either. "I mean, I didn't know you had a date tonight, but you might've mentioned it and I just forgot—"

"Relax, Nico," Percy chuckles, patting him on the shoulder. "It's no big deal." His emerald eyes are appraising, and they flit over every detail known to man on Nico's body, causing the shorter of the two to shudder and shatter at those orbs of genuine beauty.

"Was that her? The girl you like so much? Because... that probably wasn't the way to go." He shrugs when he sees the way Percy's eyebrows knit at his words. "But then again, what do I know? I seem to only get dates through ridiculously convenient—or tragic—happenstance."

Percy looks hurt by this. Nico has no idea what he said to put that expression on Percy's face. Or fuck, what he even did. _Maybe it is you existing that is hurting him. Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think that being a constant reminder of what he's done isn't enough? No, of course it isn't you idiot. Maybe suck his cock and he'll forget._ "No, that—that wasn't her. That was the casting director for the play I'm in—"

"You got the part?"

He smiles. "Yeah! I guess I forgot to tell you with how busy I've been."

"Congratulations!" Nico's a little offended that Percy waited this long to tell him. Usually Nico's the first person he tells about any flux in his career—big or small. The paranoid, insecure part of his brain is having a field day with this right now. "So, is she the one you're making dinner for tomorrow night?"

"Yeah," Percy answers, flopping back onto the couch. "It's gonna be great! I'm making that eggplant parmesan you like, remember?"

Nico smiles at his enthusiasm briefly; Percy would be a completely different person if he lost his over-the-top passion for food. Then his brain back-tracks to the beginning of Percy's sentence. "Wait, if she's not the girl you're so crazy about, how come..." He trails off, gesturing in a vague sort of way. The train track puzzle pieces are not coming together as fast as he'd like, and though Nico Di Angelo can crave and support a good mystery, one dealing with his heart is not his favorite sanctum, clearly.

"Well, I thought about what you said, and I like this other girl so much, but... if I told her how I feel about her, it'd just make things weird between us, y'know? I don't think she could ever feel the same way about me, so I'm just gonna try to move on. But the girl you just saw, she's great, so"—Percy shrugs—"I'll see where this goes."

Nico nods and forces up a smile, trying his hardest to be happy for Percy. "Glad I could help, I guess."

He dejectedly heads for the shower. He strips out of his clothes and hangs them over the door to the living room. Nico lets the door hang open ajar and goes to town on his cock, mercilessly beating in and letting all the noises rip free. He even shouts Percy's name once, and though he bites down on his tongue after making his mistake, the damage is done. When Nico slinks out of the shower, body covered in a towel, he heads for his room.

His dark eyes pass over the couch and catch Percy's hand in his pants, eyes having never left him.

Nico hopes, though it is only a fools hope, that perhaps he was jerking off in honor to him.

* * *

Nico comes home from work the next day to find Percy busy in the kitchen. He's been sneaking cigarettes at work to take the edge off his anger and resentment over Percy's date tonight. He shouldn't be upset for his friend, not like this. It's barbaric. It's cruel. It's wrong, but it's the right thing to do. So maybe he's a little bitter that he doesn't have the courage to actually tell Percy how he feels, but how can he not be? It's like there are two parts of him—the rational Nico who very much wants to be direct and honest, and the asshole Nico that's riddled with insecurities and daddy issues who foils all his best-laid plans—and he can't get them to peacefully coexist inside himself.

He gives the emerald eyed man a lot of grief for being dim-witted, but Percy might have a lot more peace inside his head. To not be constantly at war with yourself, to know what you want and take action to actually get it—Nico wonders what that's like. He's been stuck in the same dead-end job for years, longing for something more but too cowardly to quit. He ends up sabotaging his relationships for one reason or another, terrified of commitment but wanting its fruits. It really shouldn't be so hard to just _tell_ Percy, but how can he when all the wires in his head are fighting against him? _Scared, eh, boy?_

"So, tonight's the night, huh?"

Percy's face is a study in pure joy. "Yeah! I'm excited!" His smile cleaves through Nico's heart like a hot knife.

"Well, don't worry. I'll make myself scarce tonight so you two can enjoy yourselves." Nico doesn't want to think about how they might do that, that someone who isn't him will be kissing and touching Percy.

"N—no, you don't have to leave!" Percy moves to stop Nico's escape from the conversation. "At least hang around 'til she shows up." He's close enough now to smell the tobacco clinging to his roommate's clothes. He sniffs conspicuously. "Nico, have you been smokin' again?" His eyes are wide and alert, alarming. Percy's unsure of what to do with his hands, unsure of where they should rest or go. Last time he caught Nico smoking, he gave him a good jerk just to have his mind moved on to other things.

Except that was also the time where Nico refused his company.

"No." Percy narrows his eyes. "Okay, maybe a little. Give me a break, I'm stressed."

Percy gives him an exasperated look. "This is the second time in two months you've been smokin'—"

"That you know about." Nico mumbles under his breath.

"That I know about! What's eating you, man?"

Nico shrugs in a way that's too controlled. "Look, it's just stress at work. It'll pass." He notices the genuine concern on Percy's face and his heart is briefly touched. Like a warm, kindling fire for dire wolves and their babies, but easily snuffed out by the howling and bitter winds of the west and east. "Would it make you happy if I quit?"

"Your job or the smoking?"

"The smoking."

"Well, yeah," Percy answers softly, as if he has no idea why Nico would ask something like that. "I don't think you'd believe I'd say no to you from no longer endangering your health."

"Then I'll stop."

Percy grins, but a moment of consideration makes it disappear. "Just like that?"

"Well, of course, I'll have to find healthier ways to deal with stress, but... yeah."

"Why don't you take a shower so you can smell good for a change?"

Nico just gives him a sassy look before following his advice.

Percy's still working over the stove when Nico steps out of the bathroom in his pajamas. He's moving toward the front door when Percy says, "Wait, where you goin'?"

"Oh, well, I told the girls I was going to Thalia's tonight. They don't have dates, so we're just gonna hang out. There might be a naked pillow fight in my future."

Percy lifts an eyebrow at that, looking intrigued, before his face closes off. "You're not gonna wait till she shows up?" Nico notices how he never uses his girlfriend's name, although the short raven haired man certainly hasn't tried pulling out of him other than by asking what's her name to his face. Maybe he needs other methods. _Your dick inside his ass, perhaps?_

Nico thinks about that. Not the sex part, gods no. He'd love to take advantage of this opportunity to spend more time with Percy, but he knows it's only going to hurt. Percy's moving on from his crush; maybe Nico should too. He shakes his head. "Sorry, Perce. But, hey, you don't need me tonight; it's Valentine's Day." He laughs darkly and crosses the hallway to Thalia and Annabeth's apartment.

Annabeth lets him inside, and the first thing he hears is Rachel announcing, "Now we need the semen of a righteous man!" Oh, her humor.

Nico lifts his eyebrows, spreads his arms and says, "Look no further, ladies."

Thalia gives him a playful smack on the arm. "Rachel, if we had that we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

"Do I even want to know what you guys are doing?"

"We're performing a cleansing ritual," the artist informs him, "to rid ourselves of bad luck with men."

"Well, good luck with that."

Annabeth gives him an appraising stare. "Nice pajamas."

He glances down at his holey sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants, his goofy wolf slippers that make him look like the epitome of maturity. "Thanks!" He wiggles his feet so the wolves move. "You guys got any ice cream?"

"There should be some left over," Thalia says. "Unless Percy ate it all, which I wouldn't be all too surprised at. You know him."

Nico opens the freezer and peers inside. "Oh, score! Cookies and cream!"

"No! The good kind is reserved for severe emotional crises only!" Annabeth gets up and grabs a pint of generic, boring vanilla out of the freezer. "Here. This is yours." It's half empty, but Nico manages to jazz it up with a squirt of whipped cream and some crumbled Oreos, because he's secretly an eight-year-old fat kid on the inside.

"So... a cleansing ritual?" he starts casually, propping his feet up on the coffee table. That's when he notices the flames coming out of the bucket they're using. "Oh God, that's on fire!"

"It was either burn the stuff they gave us or chant and dance around naked with sticks." Rachel explains. She's the fucking weirdest person on the planet sometimes, he swears.

Nico's eyes widen. "Why wasn't I consulted about this?"

They just glare at him wordlessly before tossing more mementos into the bucket. He thinks about joining in their little ritual, but adding something of Percy's to the bonfire might raise a few perfectly-plucked eyebrows, so he sticks to observing. _You can go find some lube, maybe. Give yourself a good rubbing with it first, spear Percy in the ass with the dick, fuck him dryly after that, then throw it into the fire. Sound good?_

An hour later, Nico's managed to finish off his ice cream and avert disaster by keeping Annabeth from pouring good alcohol into the fire. Now they're sitting on the couch watching infomercials because they've lost control of their lives. "Do you think it worked? I don't feel cleansed." Rachel comments, biting her nails as she hugs a pillow tightly. Nico cannot help but think of his boob to pillow connection back at the Stoll Coffee Shop, and the thought runs bitter chills down the entirety of his spine.

"I think it's a metaphorical thing," Annabeth says before being distracted by the television. "Oh my God, how do you mess that up?"

"Where do you think they find these people?" Nico wonders aloud. "Do the casting calls specify that they need people who fail spectacularly at things? 'Are you a galloping idiot too stupid to perform even the most basic tasks? You may be perfect for starring in an infomercial!'"

"It's like they make these products to solve problems that no one has," Thalia says. "Who has that much trouble using cling wrap?"

"That guy, obviously," Rachel says, giggling.

A knock at the door disrupts them, and Annabeth answers it. Percy's standing there with a sheepish expression. Oh fuck. _He just had to ruin this, didn't he? That son of a bitch._ "Hey, Anne. Nico, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure." He gets up from the couch to speak with Percy in the hallway. "What's up?"

Percy shifts his weight from one foot to the other, rubs the back of his neck. "Well, uh, she... couldn't make it," he says, looking—and sounding—a lot like he's been kicked. "She said her ex showed up and wanted to work things out." He shrugs weakly. "What could I say, y'know?"

Nico hates that someone could make Percy look so wounded. He's seen him upset over missed or fumbled auditions, even tripping in a new pair of boots during a modeling shoot or dropping the most expensive cone of ice cream to the ground, but this... Nico knows how much it hurts to be rejected. By the ex of all things. Fuck.

He sighs out a breath and puts a hand on Percy's shoulder, hoping to siphon some of his pain and bear it for him. "I'm sorry, dude." He doesn't know what to offer that won't be patronizing or cliché. "Do you wanna come in and watch stupid infomercials with us?"

"Actually, I was wonderin' if maybe you'd... have dinner with me." Percy's expression turns into something hopeful and shy.

"I'm not—I'm not really dressed for the occasion," Nico says, showcasing his pajamas. "My holey shirt and jeans and things do not belong at a dinner table with the beautiful food that you made."

"That doesn't matter," Percy chuckles. "You could be naked for all I care."

"I'm sure your appetite would have something to say about that," Nico quips. Percy's wearing his forlorn, pleading face. The shorter raven haired man guesses he should stop being an idiot and just say yes. "Of course I'll have dinner with you, Perce."

Over dinner, Nico remembers just how much he likes it when Percy actually cooks food. "God, this is amazing," he says with his mouth full. "How'd you learn to do this stuff again?"

"Hey, the bedroom ain't the only room I'm good in," Percy boasts. "When you got seven sisters, you learn a thing or two about cooking."

"Thank them for me."

Percy grins stupidly wide, emerald eyes bright and all telling. "You really like it?"

"Well, I do love being purposefully misleading," Nico jokes. "It's one of my specialties, as you know."

He notices that Percy's mood has lifted since they sat down to eat, and even moreso once they open the bottle of red wine sitting on the kitchen counter. Percy's pretty amicable for being stood up on Valentine's Day.

After the meal's finished, they retire to the couch with the wine, passing the bottle back and forth while watching some awful made-for-TV movie about dinosaurs.

"You think Luke is watching this?" Percy wonders aloud.

"I thought he had a date."

Percy shrugs. "Yeah, but you know Luke."

"Do I," Nico grabs the wine from his roommate and takes a swig. "Oh, the stories I could tell."

Percy turns his whole body to face Nico. "Tell me!" The suddenness catches Nico by surprise, but he stops himself as he sees the way Percy's face has turned itself to have his lips open somewhat half shut and half wide, and the glow in his emerald orbs are captivating. He almost crumbles right there.

"I swore to secrecy."

"Aw, c'mon!" Percy begs. "Please? I won't tell anybody!"

"Are you willing to swear a blood oath? Luke can never know I told you this. You promise?"

Percy nods.

"Alright!" Nico tips the bottle toward Percy, who delicately takes it from his hand as if it's made of paper-thin glass. He watches Percy's fingers wrap around the bottle neck, remembers how those fingers felt pumping and stroking his dick. Nico feels a slither of electricity crawl up his spine at the memory. His roommate puts his lips to the rim of the bottle, and Nico watches with an obscene amount of lust. God, he wants those lips around his cock. The way Percy's throat moves when he swallows, the way he looks at Nico with his lips uncoupled like he wants to put him in his mouth...

Nico grabs the wine back and douses his dirty thoughts with a splash of Merlot. "So, uh, Luke and I are going to Disneyland, and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say 'restaurant,' I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car," Percy watches him with unwavering interest. "So Luke has about ten tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Luke starts to feel a little... iffy. It wasn't the ride talking to him, that's for fucking sure."

Percy's trying very hard to hide the fact that he thinks this is hilarious, but the alcohol has wreaked havoc with his acting skills. "No way, did he throw up?"

"No, he visited a little town south of throw up."

Nico would have earned himself a face full of red wine if he hadn't moved aside in anticipation of Percy's spit-take. Percy's making gasping-choking noises around laughter. Nico waits for it to subside.

"Oh my God," Percy croaks out when he can speak again. "That is amazing!" He stops laughing to hack out a cough.

"Remember, you can't tell anyone."

"I won't!" Percy's shaking his head, chest rumbling with low chuckles. "Aw, man. We're outta wine."

"Well, if you had seen the punchline coming you could've enjoyed that last sip," Nico lies back against the couch, sinking into the cushions. "It's probably for the best anyway. I'm already spilling secrets. _Except the biggest one there is to tell._ "

Percy's quiet for a moment, then: "Hey, Nico? Thanks for having dinner with me tonight."

"No problem, Perce. I'm just sorry you got stuck with me instead of that woman. She's awful to stand up to you like that."

"'Stuck with' you?" Percy scoffs. "What're you talkin' about? You're great! I love talkin' to you!"

Now it's Nico's turn to grin like a moron. "Really?"

"Of course! You give me good advice, and you're so funny! I don't think you're even tryin' most of the time, it just comes out." Percy pats him on the shoulder. "You're a great guy, Nico. I'm lucky to have you as a friend."

Nico's never wanted to kiss anyone as much as he wants to kiss Percy right now. Even more then on that New Years Eve party so long ago, But he doesn't. It's Percy, for Christ's sake. Percy loves women almost as much as he loves food. There's no way he would actually be interested in another guy, much less Nico. Nico still doesn't understand the whole fooling around thing they had going on, but he's chalking that up to alcohol and raging hormones. No feelings. At least nothing emotionally binding.

So he just smiles and says, "Thanks."

He sits there as they watch more awful infomercials and then things stir into a quiet lull.

Nico has yet to embrace his quiet attraction and turn it into a trumpet's call and mighty sound.

* * *

 **That was the chapter, ladies and gentlemen! So, in my recent time of musing, I have thought of many stories. I am writing some original fiction and have been using the characters of Joey, Hannah, and some other names that I have thought of. For some stupid reason, being the distracted author I am with all the directions my mind goes in, I sometimes mean to type other names for the fanfiction and instead change them to the original fiction or other stories entirely, so it'd be really appreciated in the readings, that if you notice any mishaps name wise of any kind that aren't Percy Jackson, please let me know so I can fix them. Thanks!**

 **Now, to the chapter! Percy and Nico are heartbreaking, and it warms me yet kills me to write their relationship this way as I support this ship a little bit more than Will x Nico if that's alright with you (though I did write a Will x Nico piece called Cardinal Stasis if any of you wish to read it, a prouder one of my works though it jostled canon a whole bunch, big whoop) Anyone here actually have read it? Just curious. And, there is indeed a ritual that Rachel was describing. I looked things up in my creating and I came across this interesting article that I'll have to go looking for again. Valentine's Day is coming around the corner, eight days to be exact, so I thought that this was fitting. I hope to get back to regular postings once more after that irregular season which I am still beyond sorry for. Please review and let me know what you thought! I'm specifically happy this chapter about the line of the white lips from the first line break in this chapter and some other bits and pieces further down. I hope to see you all very soon with Chapter #10: Black Shroud and Hearts. Have an amazing day! I love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	10. Chapter 10: Black Shroud

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here again with a brand new chapter for Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. I first off have to say HOLY SHIT you guys thanks so much for breaking 4k views with this story last week... like, what did I ever do to deserve such a number on a piece of mine? That's literally insane, and since we aren't even like halfway through with the story yet, I can't wait to see where that number is going to go and I hope it's onto bigger and better places as that would be nice. I love all the reviews I've been getting and I have to say thank you so much again for being amazing readers. All I can say is that your patience from here on out will be very rewarding, and sooner than later you'll get what you all came here for. *coughs* Ahem, but let's focus on this chapter shall we? How was everyone's Valentine's Day? I had a good one despite being single lol, but that's okay, it'll get fixed one day I hope. Today is Chapter #10, Black Shroud, and oh boy do I have a good one for ya. Hope you like it! Enjoy!**

* * *

"We really need to get the heater fixed," Percy says through chattering teeth while they're cuddled in Nico's bed. The sound his teeth make while clamoring echo against the walls like drum beats which resemble those in Nico's heart, but he is trying not to ignore them, given how close he is to Percy and this time it's happening voluntarily without sleeping. How he ends up like this, he'll never no. Percy resumes his teeth chattering, trying to make light of the situation. "At the very least, we're not freezing our butts off alone!" He's not used to the firmness of the mattress, but Nico's got an electric blanket, and it's about minus five hundred degrees in the apartment tonight. Maybe even negative _five_ thousand degrees, but that's pushing it. Nico's thoughts really love betraying him, as they've been doing that the entire night.

 _Maybe, just maybe if you two were to fuck here and now the room would get a lot harder, eh?_

Nico shifts to roll onto his side, and his ass brushes against the hard line of Percy's dick. Which for some reason is engorged and erect. Percy bites down on his lips to not say anything, as that felt _really_ good and almost wants Nico to do it again. He can't help himself here, especially with this. It doesn't bother him that it was Nico glancing across his body. It only matters that he's getting some sort of sexual tension. Something he misses as it is no longer palpable given his best friend has now decided to draw a white line in the sand. The fucker. Nico doesn't seem to notice, but the emerald eyed man angles his hips away; he does not need any more temptation in that area. "Relax, I'll call my boss tomorrow before work and he'll give me a deal." Nico grumbles into the pillow.

Percy gives him a look that's futile because Nico's back is facing him. "You quit, remember?"

"That's right, I did." the smaller man lets out a little laugh. "How liberating."

He remembers it as if it was yesterday. When actually, it _was._ Nico Di Angelo, being the boss that he is, the macho man everyone loves and should love if Percy was in charge, throws in the towel to his superior. He was starting to smoke again, and if your job is doing that to you with no other alternative, you gotta drop or otherwise let the job drop you first. Also, the people there were dicks. Nico never felt the true meaning of happy until he swore out nearly every single employee in the building before stomping away and then crying in Thalia's arms about how he's probably going to get policemen at his doorstep for unruly conduct.

Thalia gave him two whole apple pies to eat for dessert and then had sent the blabbering man over to Percy's consoling arms.

Speaking of Percy, he scoots closer to Nico, hoping to siphon some of his body heat. "What's with that anyway? You get offered a promotion and you just quit? If I got some big-time role in a movie and turned that down, you'd get mad at me."

"You're not wrong." Nico answers. _You lied to him about the promotion though, just to keep him on his toes. It'll be explained one day when you're touching, dick to dick and loving every second of it. You know you want your seed covering him, right?_

"So how come you quit? I don't think both of us can be broke and still live here."

"I'm not broke," Nico says flippantly, almost to the point of annoyance, as he makes a very decent living, he'd say himself. "I've got a savings account. Besides, I've always pictured myself as having a cool job, y'know? I don't wanna lock myself into a promotion without seeing what else is out there." _Plus the smoking, Nico. You can't forget the smoking._

Nico finds that his 'egotistical' voice inside his head is stuck between giving sexual interruptions and actual, _actual_ life advice.

 _I'm not always a dick, you know._

He's officially reassured.

Percy burrows deeper into the warm space around Nico. He sort of stiffens at the touch but doesn't push away from him or raise objection. "Well, hey, if that's what you wanna do, I'll support you! And if it means we gotta move out and live in a box, I'm right there with ya!" He presses his forehead to Percy's back. "How are you not cold? I'm freezing! Turn up the blanket." His voice is a shrill whine, but it is almost super endearing and Nico breaks a smile, though he most certainly doesn't let his best friend see it. That's breaking the rules of close engagements.

"It's already on nine. You wanna be fried and crispy in the morning?"

"I wanna be warm!" Percy whines, kicking his feet like a child in the midst of a tantrum.

"Well, in that case..." Nico rolls over to face him. "I have a few ideas on how we can _warm up_." He wiggles his eyebrows. He's actually rather shocked that he's going so far over the realm into suggesting anything remotely sexual. Actually, he isn't just over the mountain and through the woods to his grandmother's house... Nico is off the planet Earth, bounding through all nine circles of hell, over into heaven and then kicked out by God... Nico's a fucking idiot.

Percy's eyes go wide. Holy shit, this is, like, ten of his fantasies involving sex with Nico. "I—I thought you didn't want to..."

"I don't," Nico says, like the words grate his throat to speak. "But if my only other option is letting you freeze to death, I think I'm willing to take one for the team, so to speak."

"I want to at least be able to feel my toes while I'm having sex." It also comes out like a demand which causes Nico to frown slightly. The apprehension was not necessary.

"I can feel them for you. My hands are warm." Nico touches the back of his hand to Percy's face to prove his point.

"We're not gonna do this when I'm in danger of freezing solid!" Back to the whining, Nico sees. His mind is literally screaming at this point. _Just fuck him already, Nico Di Angelo. Screw him over the couch and take him outside when you're done and beat the living shit out of him with your lips on his skin as Percy screams. You're so predictable with this shit. Do it! Wait? Why aren't you fucking him yet?_

"Not with that attitude."

"It should be romantic, don't you think?"

"So do you want me to go get some candles or—" Percy puts a hand over Nico's mouth. He recoils at the sudden jolt of ice. "C—cold fingers!" Percy gives him a look that Nico understands perfectly. "I'll stop talking."

"We shouldn't do it just to keep from freezing, y'know?"

Nico stares at him in disbelief. "Who the hell _are_ you?" Everything stuck inside his brain goes into an entire halt where he's completely unsure of what the fuck is going on anymore. Did Percy Jackson really want to consent into sex with him? _With him?_ He's Nico Di Angelo, hopeless romantic extraordinaire, never capable of hitching down the pants of a god like his emerald eyed roommate. He's almost in a state of shock. If Percy puts his mouth around his dick, he'll die.

Percy fidgets at the weight of his words, the almost-confession spilling from his lips. "I feel like things are different for us. You're not just somebody I met at an audition or a sandwich shop. You're Nico. Nico Di Angelo, you're my best friend. So I don't wanna"—he searches for the right word, comes up empty—"use you for something like that." He sneaks a hand inside Nico's shirt to warm up. He feels the heat underneath the skin, like a brimming wave of emotion and warmth, but each dousing of fire that radiates out of Nico's chest is a dagger to his heart where he realizes that Nico isn't having it with this whole sex conversation.

Nico startles at the cold bite of his touch. "Jesus, Perce, what're you doing?" He's not so sure why he's being so apprehensive himself, but it looks as all those dreams and thoughts in his head were true to some extent, but to how far is he decidedly unsure.

"I'm trying to warm my hands up!" Percy protests. "Look, I don't like this any more than you do, but we're gonna freeze if we don't share each other's body heat."

Nico nods, looking inexplicably sad for some reason. "Yeah, you're right." He rolls over again so his back is facing Percy. "Warm 'em up." _And maybe some sex afterwards? No? Dammit. You always let me down._

Percy slides his hand into Nico's sweatshirt, and he flinches at the touch. He spreads his fingers over Nico's skin, across the span of his back. Nico doesn't seem opposed to the touching, so Percy keeps his hands there until the heat from their bodies has lulled him to sleep.

* * *

Percy's been watching boring infomercials for two hours now waiting for Nico to get home from work. They're those super-long infomercials too, the ones you end up watching for about seventeen minutes before you realize they're not a regular-length commercial. He looks at the television screen almost bored out of his fucking mind. He wants Nico home right now more than anything, just so he can go back to placing his hands all over his best friend's body. To drown in the warmth, the lust, the taste, the very being that is Nico Di Angelo. Percy realizes that his call last night, his pathetic little plea did nothing for him other than dig the grave further as all he got to do was touch Nico... Percy's unable to push it further. He's unable to ask for more when clearly Nico himself loved getting touched in just the right spots.

He brings his attention back to the screen. He needs to stop thinking about Nico. Percy doesn't even need a new grass trimmer—he lives in an apartment in the Village, for Christ's sake—but he's thought about buying one for the past half-hour just to keep his mind off of Nico's absence here. That's how embarrassing his life has become; he's wide awake at four-thirty in the morning watching an infomercial for a weed whacker.

Nico would have called if he was going to be late, right? He wouldn't leave Percy wondering if he'd been abducted or mugged or murdered on his way home from work. It's not like they had plans tonight or anything, but still. Or maybe he's just worrying over nothing and Nico's new job has forced him to stay a little longer at the office. Today marks the first day of Nico's promotion at a new office, and that would be the simplest explanation for his absence.

Percy starts to doze off on the couch when the sound of the door opening startles him awake. "Nico? That you?" He sits up and peers over the top of the couch.

Nico shuts the door, looking the definition of frazzled. Hair is messed up like a tangled black wave of shards of glass mixed in tar. He's sweating, and to be honest, Percy catches himself staring then blinks out of it immediately. "Perce, what're you doin' up?"

"Waiting for you," Percy answers like it's obvious. "Where the hell were you? I thought you died!" His face is one twisted between helplessness and disparity.

Nico pushes a hand through his messy hair and drops his briefcase by the couch. "I'm sorry, this new job is keeping me really busy."

"You should've called!"

"I know, but I was on a four-hour conference call with our L.A. office about the WENUS," he says around a yawn. Percy stares at him like he's delusional, so Nico elaborates. "Weekly estimated net usage systems. Money, Perce."

Percy frowns while he thinks through the acronym; it's not as dirty as it sounds, he remembers. "W—well, next time, let me know you're staying late, alright?" That sounded a lot less naggy in his head.

Nico yawns again, slumps into the couch cushions. "Yeah, sure thing, bud." His eyes are closed, his body leaning against Percy's arm. At least Percy knows Nico wasn't trying to flee from their friendship; sharing body heat with him the other night has made Percy ridiculously self-conscious about his inappropriate crush. "So how was your day?"

Percy thinks about it. "Oh, Luke's date went great—y'know, with the girl who wanted him to talk dirty? And that guy that Thalia was cooking for ended up being a real jerk, so—" Nico sort of falls on top of Percy, sprawling out over his chest as his body's craving for sleep hits him all at once. Percy cuts off all his speech, completely taken aback and almost comforted by the bodily action. He looks down at Nico, his hair askew, half of his limbs dangling off of the couch. He's got one arm looped underneath Percy's neck, using his shoulder as a makeshift pillow. It's actually kind of precious, but Percy's not going to admit that he describes anything other than cute babies or animals as precious.

Percy's not going to argue semantics either; tonight makes twice now that he's literally slept with Nico in less than a week.

And maybe he can try to get there to be more instances.

* * *

If Nico thought he had trouble keeping his eyes open at work before, he was not prepared for the struggle to stay awake as a processing supervisor. He left Percy a message about an hour ago, letting him know he wasn't dead in an alley somewhere, because Percy has an outrageously overactive imagination sometimes. _With you being in places that are hurtful for most men to go into, but since it is you, that's not a problem is it? Doggy style can be difficult, but even someone as wiry as you will get used to it over time._ But Nico appreciates his concern, blinking out the dirtiness of his mind when the ones and zeroes sitting before him needed to be a priority. Not his super hot and friendly roommate. Certainly not him. Honestly, he'd expected to come home last night and see Percy passed out on the couch or fondling a lady-friend. It was nice to see that Percy cares enough to wait up for him.

This job might drain Nico's soul a little more each day, but at least he has a nice view of the city. He likes to keep the curtains open so he can look out at the bustle of the city and wish he was doing something more fulfilling than analyzing data sheets with silly names. He ought to be in charge of naming these things something less ridiculous. He gets side-tracked thinking up more professional names for the Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems, the whole money thing with Percy which reminds him of something he heard on TV when he hears the sound of a door opening. His head shoots up, his body flailing in reflexive panic and trying not to end up on the floor.

"Man, you really need to lock this place up better," Percy says, dropping a pizza box on Nico's desk. "Any idiot could walk right in here," He flips the box open to reveal half a pizza inside. "You got a microwave in here? It's a little cold from being in the fridge for... six hours." There's a half-eaten slice of pizza in the box that Percy's trying very hard not to look at. Percy notices that Nico sees it, and his stupidly-attractive face goes all innocent. "Sorry, I got hungry on the way over here."

Nico smiles and grabs a slice for himself, because the smell of pepperoni and cheese wafting from inside the box is making his stomach growl. "Thanks, Perce." Nico is not even close to good enough to have earned Percy's friendship. Seriously, he lucked out big-time. _Let alone the reminder that he's got to have his mouth on his, his hands on his dick... need I continue good sir?_

" _No_ ," Nico thinks sharply, noticing that his belt line was starting to poke out some. Uh-oh. " _We don't need that, mind_."

"Oh, and I brought you this too!" Percy's all awkward smiles as his other hand sets a tall cup of coffee on Nico's desk. "Thought you might want some coffee if you're gonna be working late." Leave it to an Italian working in New York.

Nico opens his mouth to say that his body's already protesting the titanic amount of stimulants he's pumped into it today, but Percy went out of his way to do something nice for Nico, so he probably shouldn't be a dick about it. "Thanks," he says instead. At least the coffee's still warm. He takes an appreciative sip, tasting the extra sugar and cream. God, he could just kiss Percy right now. But that would make things weird. "You wanna stay for a bit?" His gaze flickers to the clock at the corner of his computer screen. "I should probably take a break anyway."

His roommate grins one of those classic A grade smiles which makes Nico's heart flutter, and rather stop though only for a split second. Percy shrugs and drops down into one of the empty chairs. He starts playing with the stapler on the desk until Nico makes him stop. "Sorry." Percy smiles a little too wide, looks away with color in his cheeks.

"How'd you get in here anyway?" Nico asks with the coffee halfway to his mouth. "Or did I already show you my office? I can't remember. Everything's blurring together." He can count on one hand the hours of sleep he had last night. That's just sad.

"Rachel told me; you brought her up here yesterday. We were gonna go see a movie, but we didn't know if you were coming or not, so I checked my messages and heard you were staying here." He shrugs in a way that's too controlled; Nico wonders why.

Nico remembers bringing their artsy friend up to his office and watching with amusement as the ginger kept on running around scaring the shit out of everyone who so as much looked in her direction. Nico wonders where in God's name does Percy find his friends and how he hasn't killed any of them yet.

"So you decided to feed me in lieu of a cinematic adventure." He's partly happy about that because it means two things. A, Percy Jackson cares about him, but that's expected as Percy Jackson cares about nearly everyone who is somewhat a decent human being and they don't have to at all be attractive. B, Percy Jackson actually puts other friends of his behind Nico for his problems which could be obsessive, but Nico takes it as a good sign. C, because even though Nico wants to only think of two options, he says fuck it and thinks of a third, maybe Percy cares more than just a best friend. Maybe. Perhaps it's a fantasy.

 _A fantasy you want fulfilled, don't you dear Nico?_

"Eh, there's nothing good playing anyways..." Percy says, a twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

One hour later, Nico and Percy have managed to make a game out of tossing wadded-up paper balls into the wastebasket on the other side of the room. Nico's up by twelve points, and Percy's not taking it too well. "This isn't fair, Nico, you get to do this all the time! You got home-court advantage!"

Nico gives him a look. "I've seen you fling your socks into the laundry basket from the couch—with your feet."

"That's different!" Percy insists with a pout.

"How?"

"It just is!" He shoots another paper ball into the air, but this one soars over the trash bin and gets caught in the branches of the fake plant in the corner. "Oh, come on!"

Nico laughs into his coffee and crumples a sheet of paper in his free hand. "Watch the master." He effortlessly tosses his next shot into the tree, knocking Percy's ball out of the branches and into the basket.

"No! Call the ref in!"

"Don't let it get to you, Perce," Nico brags, spinning in his chair to face him. "I was captain of the paperball team in high school."

"Yeah, well, I had sex in high school, so who's laughing now?" Percy puts his hands on his hips. " _It may or may not have been with a boy but that's not really relevant is it..."_ he does not add this to their conversation. It isn't fitting.

"Still me." Nico says, shaking his head and smirking a little, because he never pictured himself pining for this big, dumb goofball. It's really pathetic when he thinks about it. He sticks his hand into the pizza box at the same time Percy does. His fingers end up grazing over Percy's hand and wrapping around his wrist. Neither one of them moves. Nico can feel the subtle throb of his roommate's pulse beneath the skin; it's warm and inviting. He has no idea what to do here. Should he make some sort of tender gesture?

"You can have it." Percy murmurs, risking a glance at Nico before dropping his gaze back to the lone slice.

"No, go ahead."

"I brought it for you. You should take it."

They're going to be stuck here until the end of time because Nico doesn't want to be the first one to pull his hand away.

"Or..." Percy reaches down, grabs the slice and tears it in half. "Even better!"

Nico takes his half, staring at Percy in disbelief. What just happened here? They shared an awkward—albeit intimate—moment, and Percy shared food.

This might actually be the end of the world.

And it's not a problem because Nico Di Angelo is spending it with his best friend, presumable crush even though he denies to his grave that he doesn't have one, Percy Jackson. Life is really good. Really fucking good.

* * *

Nico's hanging around at the Stoll's Coffee Shop when Luke shows up looking like someone told him the oldest panda bear in the world died. He's curled up on the couch like he usually is, flipping through a magazine like he also usually is, and looks up from it with reluctance. Nico's unsure if talking to pity poor me Luke Castellan will also transplant the feelings of depression on him.

"What's wrong? Did the dinosaurs go extinct again?"

Not even a smile. Tough crowd. Luke collapses onto the couch in the space beside Nico "It's Annabeth," he moans, glancing at her behind the counter when her back is turned. "I'm sick of seeing her date all these jerks who feel as if they know who she is and then break her heart when she's defenseless. Anne is a smart girl, you know this, but she knows literally nothing about love and here I am not helping her with any of it!" He sighs. "I just wish I could tell her how I feel about her, y'know?"

Nico doesn't know if it's possible to empathize more with someone. He feels the same way about Percy, watching him stumble through one failed relationship after another. If he wasn't such a coward, he'd tell his emerald eyed god of best friend how he feels, but the odds are stacked so high against him. At least Luke has an actual chance with Annabeth, considering that she dates men.

"Well, why don't you?" he asks casually. "She's not seeing anybody, is she?"

"I don't think so."

"And you're single..."

Luke frowns a little. "Thank you for reminding me."

"So just tell her. Invite her to your place one night, and you can, I dunno, surprise her with a big romantic candlelight dinner or something. Then you can tell her"—Nico shrugs—"how you've always thought she was beautiful, how she makes you laugh, how wonderful you think she is... Y'know, just...be honest."

Luke's expression lights up with hope. It's almost instantaneous that it brings a hearth into Nico's heart. For once, he gives another one of his friends actual interesting advice that works. "You—you really think that'll work?"

"Like a charm." He smiles wryly, but Luke doesn't seem to catch the sadness there.

"But what if she doesn't see me that way?"

"Just be sure you can live with whatever her answer is."

Luke's gaze flicks up to look at Annabeth. "You think she'll say no?"

He shrugs. "No idea. But if she does, do you think you could still be friends?"

Luke thinks about it for a moment, then he nods. "Yeah, I do."

The blonde historian is either the bravest man on the planet or flagrantly stupid; Nico's not sure which. He must be seriously desperate if he's coming to himself for dating advice. But odds are he was hoping Percy would be here and instead got stuck with Nico. _Don't be like that to yourself Nico, I guarantee you've done wonderful things for people before. And now is one of those times, most definitely!_

Luke fixes his hair, straightens his jacket. "Okay, okay, I can do this." He takes a deep breath and gets up from the couch, heads over to the counter where Annabeth's chatting with Travis, one of the Stoll brothers. Nico can't hear what they're saying, but Annabeth seems pretty interested: she's smiling, nodding enthusiastically, touching his arm. She might actually be into Luke Castellan. Holy shit. Huh. What a world.

He comes back to the couch when he's finished talking with Annabeth. "Oh my God, she actually said yes!" he exclaims in an excited whisper. "She's coming over Friday night!"

"Hey, you're halfway there!" Nico really hopes Luke and Annabeth get together, because he wants to believe that same kind of happiness is possible for himself and Percy. Maybe just seeing it in action, seeing a couple of good friends turned lovers would fill him with the delusional confidence to confess his own feelings.

But until then, he'll just wait...

* * *

Percy and Nico are in the kitchen enjoying a decadent breakfast of buttered toast on Saturday morning when Luke comes bursting through the door like the goddamn Kool-Aid man. Except, he's not in a costume with the red drink spilling everywhere like blood with crazed eyes that are bloodshot. Luke Castellan is wearing pajamas with cute little dinosaurs on them and he hasn't bothered to comb his hair. "She said yes!" he shouts, out of breath. "She said yes!"

"Annabeth?" Nico asks.

"No, the Prince of Wales," Luke quips, calm, before ratcheting up the energy and yelling, "Yes, Annabeth!"

"To the date?"

"To _me_!"

Percy really wishes he knew what was going on right now. "You and Annabeth...?"

Luke ignores Percy, rushing over to Nico and lifting him off of the stool in a bear hug. "Thank you! I did everything you said: the romantic dinner, the wine, and I told her how much I liked her, and she said that was the sweetest thing anyone's done for her, and she kissed me!" Luke is actually jumping up and down now, still hugging Nico.

Nico extricates himself from the embrace and takes a moment to wait for the world to stop spinning. "Okay, that's—that's amazing! My advice actually worked! That never happens!"

"What advice?" Percy asks, but he's ignored—again.

Luke hugs him again, though this time it's less physically engaging. "If we get married, you are definitely my best man!"

"Whoa, slow down there, champ," Nico says, putting his hands up as if warding off an attack. "It's been"—he looks at the clock—"twelve hours and you're already talking about marriage. At this rate, you'll have kids by the end of the week."

"What's going on?" Percy shouts, because if he's ignored one more time he might just have to start taking his clothes off so they'll pay attention to him. That'll get someone's attention most certainly.

Nico rolls his eyes and looks over at Percy as if he's just asked the most inane question ever uttered by a human being. "I told Luke to ask Annabeth out, and he did. The end."

"You went to Nico for dating advice instead of me?"

For that, his roommate mouth-glares at him.

"Well, I wanted to ask you, but Nico was there..." Luke admits in a low voice, like he doesn't want Nico to hear.

Nico frowns harder at both of them. "Why don't you just light me on fire and kick me down the stairs?"

Percy looks at his roommate, eyes ablaze in curiosity, not rage. "How did you know what to say?"

The shorter dark haired man sort of shrugs. "I just...thought about what I'd like someone to do for me." Percy's about to ask him what that might be when Nico adds, "I figured somebody ought to enjoy it, y'know?" He chuckles, self-deprecating, and it breaks Percy's heart.

Luke claps Nico on the shoulder. "Hey, man, if you wanna make it happen, you gotta be a man and lay it all down." Nico just scowls at him; he's very good at scowling, Percy thinks. The cheeky ass motherfucking blonde (which Nico doesn't even have his ego even think of which is most surprising), just turned his advice as a weapon of words. Fuck. Luke. Castellan. "Do what you told me! Do something nice, a big gesture to get her attention!" Percy panics internally that Nico might have someone in mind already—someone who isn't him. "C'mon, quit being a wuss!"

Nico's brow furrows impossibly further. "You've been in a relationship for twelve hours," he says, incredulous. "TWELVE!"

"Twelve hours longer than you!" Luke gloats before leaving the apartment.

Nico gestures with his entire body. "That doesn't even make sense!" He huffs in annoyance and sits down at the bar, staring at his plate as if it might hold the secrets to the universe instead of merely holding buttered toast.

Percy wets his lips. "So, uh, what'd you tell Luke anyway?"

"It's not some groundbreaking secret, Perce. Just the whole romantic candlight dinner routine. You've probably done it a thousand times."

"Yeah." Percy feels his face heat up. If Nico doesn't realize that they've basically _had_ that romantic candlelight dinner, Percy's obviously going to need to step up his game here. But he feels like he's done all he can, that the only way he could be more obvious about it at this point is to just put Nico's dick in his mouth, though that might be unwelcome without the obligatory discussion of emotions and a mutual wanting to touch each other's genitals.

So the question remains: what can Percy do as a big, dramatic gesture that doesn't actually involve talking about his ridiculously inappropriate crush on his roommate?

* * *

 **Well, there we are ladies and gentlemen, Chapter #10: Black Shroud. It is now evident and clear that our two leading men, Nico and Percy have complete love in one another but are too scared shitless to actually admit it, as is a natural thing in the world so getting upset at them doesn't seem like the route ladies and gents. Clarification from something pointed out in the last chapter in which I should presumably state back in Chapter One, this story is heavily influenced by the TV show Friends, almost like archetypes in a way of the characters and some dialogue that resembles it and so on and so forth, as I had binge watched Friends a few days before thinking of this story and here's the inspiration flooding through I guess. A very happy thing I can admit to you all is that from here on out to a certain point where I'll decisively tell you, chapters are going to be longer than just 6k, but even breach 7k, 8k, all the way up to 10k if I can manage. That means a lot more editing and combing over and those great things so bear with me - the chapters are getting longer. I hope to see you all sometime next week with Chapter #11: Ginseng. I love you all so much! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	11. Chapter 11: Ginseng

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. I have been waiting so long for this chapter, and good lord are we in for a long one today. From now on, at least for awhile, I can say that the chapters will be increasing in their word count for several reasons (a lot of storytelling to go through), and Nico and Percy's relationship among others in the show are really going to capitalize and take off... I hope you're buckled in ladies and gentlemen! Enjoy Chapter #11: Ginseng.**

* * *

Percy's been waiting for Nico to come home from work for about two hours now. The dark haired man is curled in on himself, hugging knees to his chest while he feels the droll of his heartbeat thump in his chest hours upon hours on end. Percy hopes that Nico likes his gift, which he was sitting in at the moment. He feels pretty silly, sitting here in one of their new sleek, black leather recliners in front of the TV. The longer the clock drags on, the more Percy panics. He knows that his roommate took the courtesy of telling his friend that being late was turning out to be a repercussion of the new job, but at the time hysteria sits itself skin deep in Percy's bloodstream, siphoning shots of sanity. This was the worst idea he's ever had; Nico's going to be totally overwhelmed by the gesture.

Maybe not in the best way, either. Percy is unsure whether or not his CPR lessons could save his best friend rather than completely killing him.

But it's not like Nico's exempt from giving expensive birthday presents; he got Percy the foosball table for his birthday, and that couldn't have been cheap. Percy actually checks online one day after his birthday for the cost, almost falling down several flight of stairs when seeing the near thousand dollar purchase. So Percy hadn't been too worried about this at first. He was actually really excited about the opportunity to do something nice for Nico without it seeming random and suspicious. Percy Jackson is known for random, he's upmost known for suspicious, but he's completely unsure whether or not he's performed something that is randomly suspicious or suspiciously random. He hopes that whatever is about to go down is something other than those two separate or a combination of either characteristic. Percy wonders when Nico's going to figure out this whole crush thing - Nico isn't always the most aware of his surroundings - because it's not like Percy's actually going to _say_ anything about it; Nico's his roommate, for Christ's sake. If Percy fucks this up he's got to live with the inevitable awkwardness between them or just bite the bullet and move out.

However, the thought sits in the back of his mind that he isn't going to mess up and it is all in his head. He knows it is all in his head. It _has_ to all be in his head, no questions about it. He runs a hand through his hair, breathing speed slowing down to normal levels as the panic was starting to catch up once more.

All of this is Nico's fault because he just has to put question marks over everything. Sometimes Percy wishes that Nico's brain worked like an actual person's, but a lot of Percy's charm lies in him not being normal. Percy grabs the wine glass by his feet and takes a sip. He sighs exasperatedly into the ceiling. "Only if Nico's mind operated like a key to a lock, ceiling. Like, my dick in his ass or vice versa type of key to lock, if you know what I mean." That is perhaps the dirtiest thing he's ever said in his life, and he's really, really _fucking_ proud of it.

He hears the sound of a key being jammed into a lock. As if his analogy was on cue, he blushes. Percy pops up from his chair and stares expectantly over the top of the recliner, the only thing being visible is his wave of midnight hair, his paler than usual forehead, and two oceanic emerald eyes that he knows will cause Nico to swoon before long. He's closer to actual sex than he's been with his best friend in so long, he can almost taste it.

Nico swings open the front door and immediately looks confused, like he thinks he might be in the wrong apartment. The businessman also tries his best to ignore how adorable Percy Jackson looks peeking out over the recliner, like a child on Christmas Eve staring over the banister on a staircase, seeing the presents laid out in the swamp of halcyon wrapping paper and delicate ruby red bows.

Percy grins at him, spreads his arms wide. "Happy birthday!" He laughs, it is airy and euphoric to his best friend's heart.

Nico blinks in silent shock. He gestures weakly to the chairs and then to himself. "For—for me?" His knees quiver slightly, _only_ slightly. His brain decides to operate again, of course at the wrong time. _You just want him to fuck you on that, don't you? I can sense it, it is almost deplorable my friend. Thank god I'm your conscious and can't quit, otherwise I would've done it a long time ago._

"Yeah!" Percy rushes to his side, as Nico's still frozen in disbelief. He takes his hand and leads him over to the recliners. "Check out the leg rest!" Nico sits down, sinks into the leather. The dark haired man squeezes the leather, it is cold and sends shivers down his spine akin to gumballs snaking out of the machine into an eager boy's palm. He continues to feel the leather, and for a mere split second, the dark leather of the recliner transforms into Percy's ass, bent over his lap and ripe red like a new flesh wound spilling crimson into the snow. Nico's face burns to the temperature of a supernova, shaking his head back and forth to dissipate the beyond dirty thought. _You'd like that, wouldn't you Nico? I know I would love to watch you do that, have him grovel at your feet while you own him... it wouldn't hurt to ask him, you think?_

"It's like sitting on a cloud!"

"I know!" Percy sort of bounces up and down. "So, you—you like 'em?" He knows what his best friend will say, but he isn't going to let him get off that easy. Percy Jackson knows how to play the game, and he's done it so many times that it is an expertise of his.

"Of course I do! They're amazing! Thank you!" Nico stands up and hugs him before cLukeing the floor. "Are the others next door? I should thank them too!"

"Well, actually, they didn't—" Percy stops and rubs the back of his neck, drops his gaze to the carpet. "This is just from me." His face heats up under the weight of the confession; even though he's not admitting to anything major, he still feels emotionally naked. Seriously, how has Nico _not_ figured this out? Actually, he can think of many, _many_ reasons why this hasn't come to light but this is his roommate's day, not his, so he won't spend hours frothing over jigsaw puzzles and labyrinths that are the enigma of Nico's mind.

Nico spins around and stares at him. "What? How?" He's doing that spazzy gesturing thing he does when he's confused. Percy finds it completely adorable and wants to squeeze the fluffy bunny into a huge hug. Maybe even kiss him, if he's that daring. "Did you rob a bank?"

"Hey, I got money!" Percy folds his arms over his chest. "And is that how you treat somebody who gets you stuff: ask 'em how they paid for it? Ever heard of 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?" He's surprised that he's whipping out one of those fancy metaphor, euphemism type of things, a right usually resorted to Annabeth or Luke when they get really frisky and really heated in some argument about comets causing the end of the world. Percy Jackson loves his friends, though.

"If someone's giving me a horse, I'm going to come up with every reason for them to _not_ do that."

Percy just frowns at him. "Well, excuse me for trying to do somethin' nice for you! Why can't you just be appreciative?" This isn't going in the direction he wanted, and that's cause for aborting the mission.

"I do appreciate it, Perce. I do," Nico says, but Percy's still scowling. "I just hope you didn't blow all your money on me." _But you do want him to... 'blow' you, eh? Have you go all over him, spend all that is you on him? Don't lie... feelings never lie my friend._

"Well, I didn't. The other chair is for me."

"You didn't spend too much, did you?"

Percy shakes his head, trying to find a way to sidestep the question while not seeming too obvious about avoiding it. "No, I—I actually got a gig so I could do somethin really nice for you. It's no big deal. Besides, I know how expensive that foosball table was for _my_ birthday and this is hardly anything near that."

Nico looks oddly surprised about this. Percy wonders if he said something to offend him. "Perce... What was it?"

Damn it. He was hoping the awesomeness of the chairs would overshadow how he got the money.

Percy's a little humiliated that he didn't see this coming; in side-stepping one awkward question he fell right into another. "That's the thing... I asked my boss if there was anything I could audition for, and..." He looks away, feels a weird twist in his stomach. "The only thing available was porn." He feels horribly ashamed to say this, as he's standing there in their living room hoping to get laid like a man who loses his virginity for the very first time and Percy's wringing his fucking hands. The woman was semi-attractive, the girl he was rather forced to having sex with, but the guy had been totally hotter. Yeah... a threesome.

"You're in a porno movie?" Nico blurts out with absolutely no volume control. The sound burst ricochets off the plastered walls, causing wine glasses to ring and dogs to bray.

Percy winces, because the last thing he wants right now is for the others to hear that without context. "It's not like I'm actually—"

Nico drops his voice a couple octaves, but it's still way too loud for this kind of sensitive information. "Oh my God, are you with another guy? Is it a gay porn?" No. Fucking. Way. Nico needs a drink, a real, _heavy_ drink. _And his lips around your cock, but let's not reach that bridge, shall we?_

"Nico..." the emerald eyed man squirms beneath his gaze. Half of his brain is thinking about whether or not Nico would be turned on by seeing him in a gay porn; would he prefer watching him fuck other guys or be fucked by other guys? Or maybe Nico's got an oral fixation, and, wow, that's enough of this train of thought. "It's not a big deal. Alright, yeah, I went there to audition, but I couldn't do it. A girl was there, so it wasn't completely gay as the script called for some of the guy on guy action, but really it was one dude getting a turn with the girl as the other watched." Percy lies straight through his teeth, and he feels partially horrible because there's a question he's waiting to get asked. " _I am waiting for you to ask me_ ," he thinks dejectedly, " _that you're going to ask me to show you what I had to do... and I almost want you to say it. No, fuck it, I WANT you to say it so I can bend you over and make love to you. Let me... please._ "

"You couldn't, uh, rise to the occasion?"

Percy shrugs, keeping the lustful side out of his head for the time being. Again, he's trying his hardest not to ruin whatever is happening between the two of them. "Not really. I wasn't scared or anything, I just... I dunno, I guess I couldn't do it." That's only partially true, but Percy's not going to tell Nico the rest of it, that he couldn't stop thinking about Nico and how much he likes him, and the very real possibility that he doesn't want to have sex with anyone who isn't Nico. As he's screwing the porn actress into the mattress, or the other actor, or getting screwed himself into the mattress that it isn't going to be the same unless it's Nico, and that hurts him. It twists inside his stomach like a recursive disease, sinew and tar spilling from his wounds. He hates this stupid crush; it's putting a real cramp in his usually active sex life.

Nico swallows thickly. "So then how..."

"They let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people having sex on it..." Percy looks at the floor in shame, as the rest of the story is that he then gets fucked against the copier, and that the copier is replaced by a bed with candles everywhere and velvet pillows and satin sheets... and gods he is beyond embarrassed beyond belief.

There's a moment of tense silence, then Nico snorts a laugh. "Oh my God! I have the best friend ever!"

"R—really?"

"You think Luke would be in a porno to get some extra cash to buy something nice for me?"

Percy frowns in disgust. "Thanks, Nico. Now I'm thinking about Luke naked." He's half disgusted, half intrigued.

"Now I am too..." Nico shuts his eyes, shudders. "That's an image I didn't need in my head." _You said it anyways, my friend. Maybe Luke is gayer than you think and he's bisexual and really wants to screw you instead! Ooooh, how about that? A threesome between you, Percy, and Luke! That'd be the best thing ever._ Nico hates his mind sometimes, but the entire world has been over that before, saying it is beating a dead horse twenty times over.

"Well, let's get it outta there and watch some TV!"

Nico saunters over to his new chair. "Why not? We've got a couple hours until my totally-not-a-surprise party." He loves his attitude at times.

Percy sinks into the chair besides Nico, heart deflated only somewhat. " _I'll get my chance soon..._ " he thinks happily, and lets his life be whisked away by horrible infomercials and terrible special effects.

* * *

Nico, Percy, Thalia, and Rachel are gathered on the couch watching a Spanish soap opera at the girls' apartment a few days later. Nico is sitting closer to Percy than he realizes, hand inching closer and closer to his best friend's leg. Thalia is perched on a chair, knees tucked together, Rachel taking the floor. They're silent, absorbing all the horribly acted drama taking place on the screen. Thalia wants subtitles, but Rachel hushes her and says it is for effect.

"You think I could be in something like that?" Percy asks.

Nico looks over at him. "Well, you'd have to speak Spanish, so... no." He realizes how close his hands are to Percy's thigh, but he does nothing to move them.

At this moment and time, Annabeth bursts through the front door scaring everyone in the living room nearly half to death, causing Thalia to spill out of her chair and onto the floor. The blonde is a whirling dervish of half fury, half excitement, and she's unsure of which emotion to necessarily... emote. "Hey, you guys! Guess what?"

"Oh, uh, sale at the latest Barnes and Noble?" Nico guesses, merely to annoy her. He wishes he was right. Just a little. Okay... actually, make that a lot.

"Oh, uh, shut up!" Annabeth sort of tosses her purse at him as she moves closer to the group, helping Thalia up. The punk rocker chef eyes her best friend sordidly, before reoccupying her spot on the couch. The brainiac turns to the rest of her friends, hands spread out of her hips, and this is the girliest Percy has ever seen her. _Ever._ "Luke just gave me the most romantic birthday gift!"

"I thought your birthday wasn't until next month..." Thalia says.

At the same time, Nico interrupts. "Don't tell me Annabeth! Let's see... a life subscription to Barnes and Noble!" He has no fucking idea why he loves antagonizing his friend with that book store, but, hey... it's a good book store and a place he knows his friend frequents often.

"He wanted to wait, but he couldn't." Annabeth answers, completely bowling over Nico's guess at which he sticks his tongue out at her like he's stuck in fourth grade.

Percy looks confused, eyebrows furrowed together, he's trying to process this all. "You're not talking about sex, are you?"

Rachel just sighs at him from the floor, throwing her hands up in the air. "If Luke offered her sex, I think Annabeth would be a little bit more flustered, Perce." He shrugs back at her, entirely hapless.

Annabeth rubs her forehead, like she has a million other things to be doing and instead she's choosing to waste her time talking to Percy. Except, she knows this and still loves the gorgeous buffoon like no time for tomorrow. "Luke and I are going on a romantic weekend vacation at the Marriott down by the coast. It opened up like five months ago, and it's the best hotel down by the beach!" she explains for him.

"Oh, wow!" Rachel exclaims. She gets on her elbows, looking up at her friend. As per usual, her auburn hair is covered in specks of paint and the smell of acrylic wafts from her splitting ends. "Do they offer massages? Or like art seminars... because I really need to get back in touch with painting and the classes here in the city are too damn expensive for me..."

"I think so, but the art lessons—"

"Okay, don't get one. Because if you do, I will find you. You think I won't, but I will," Rachel says pointedly, standing up and smiling sweetly. "I've wanted to have one with you and Thalia for the longest time and I'll be super pissed if I find out you got one with your new husband Luke before you have one with your sister wives!"

"We aren't sister wives..." Thalia groans into a cushion on the chair.

"He's not my husband." Annabeth retorts back, arms cLukeing over her chest, a frown on her face.

"I don't think she was planning on it, Rachel," Nico says, performing damage control. "Besides, your threat now must only guarantee the fact Annabeth is scared shitless to go get one, save she wants Luke to keep his dick.

Annabeth shakes her head, rolling her eyes. Why she picks the friends she does; an answer she'll never know. "Anyway, he wanted to go the weekend of my birthday, but they were all booked up, and the only thing available was a double suite for this weekend. It means that it's going to be almost a thousand dollars more than what we were hoping, but Luke wants to do this for me unlike any other boyfriend before... and I think it's impossibly sweet and something I won't be able to repay."

"Man, how fancy is this place?" Percy wonders aloud.

"The fanciest!" Thalia's way too excited for someone who isn't going. "They literally have a water park behind the hotel! And... I'm told, one of the best kitchens in any hotel in New York," she directs her attention to her best friend. "If I didn't love you like my sister from another mother, I'd have killed you by now to take up this opportunity."

"Whoa!" Percy cries out, objecting entirely the second half of Thalia's sentence which Annabeth winces at. Again, she _loves_ her friends.

"I know!"

"I'm glad you guys are interested," the blonde runs her hands through her hair, wringing them afterwards "'cause, uh, we weren't planning on sleeping in separate rooms. So"—she looks at everyone gathered on the couch—"who else is dating somebody?"

Nico smirks, raises his hand just to be contrary. _You're a fucking liar, Nico Di Angelo. Don't let it bite you in the ass on the way out, my friend_.

Annabeth doesn't find his shenanigans quite as amusing as he'd hoped. "Put your hand down, Nico. You're hopeless at getting a date, sweetie, but I mean... you've been graced with one before, but not likely." No one else has raised their hand. "Gosh, really? None of you guys? Did someone just skip over the Cupid bow and arrow thing with you all or...?"

"It's not our fault you stumbled into a ridiculously epic romance," Thalia quips, then adds: "With one of our best friends. Didn't we have that rule where..." she trails off.

"It's not my fault he's a great friend of ours! You cannot help you fall in love with, Thalia!" Annabeth breathes out, grabs some brochures for the resort out of her purse. "Okay, well, it's a couple's resort, but there's a lot of cool stuff to do!" She flips through one of the pamphlets. "Look, they have a casino, an all-you-can-eat buffet, and—"

Percy's head perks up. "All-you-can-eat?" Annabeth hands him a brochure. "Whoa, there's a movie theater, restaurants, and, like, ten pools!" There's only four pools, but Percy Jackson wishes to overhype everything as his gaze flickers over to Nico's expertly, almost egging him on.

Thalia flops into the couch cushions, switching spots from chair to couch. "I wish I could go, but a new recipe book came out and I've been dying to spend my entire weekend looking at it from cover to cover."

"What about you, Rachel?"

The artist sighs contentedly. "The place sounds wonderful, Annabeth... but twice, on Saturday and Sunday, this guy paid me to paint like an introspective landscape with him naked in it and he's got this cute smile... so I have to say no," she places an elbow under her chin. "You can't resist the charm of a non native New Yorker. I think he's German!"

"Can you say no to me?" Percy wiggles his eyebrows at her. "'Cause I'm going. I know I may not be some German supermodel, but I'll let you paint me naked..." he wiggles his eyebrows at Rachel who smacks him in the arm with a pillow.

Nico's starting to break out into a panicked sweat. He wants to go if Percy's going, because, hello, a weekend in a hotel that's designed to be romantic? But he doesn't want to seem obvious about it. _Obvious is your fucking middle name. What do you mean... I don't want it to be obvious? Are you a fucking dunce, you stupid moron? Everything you do is obvious, especially for him. Don't fuck this one up, Nico Di Angelo._

Percy's voice startles him out of his thoughts. "Nico, you should go!"

Oh hell. His body seems to think a panic response is appropriate, and it's not entirely wrong. Adrenaline pumps through his veins and makes his voice quiver. "Um, I don't—I don't have anyone to go with."

"You're going with me!" Percy says, slapping him on the arm. Nico sort of flinches. "And they've got cool stuff to do here anyway. It's not like we'll be bored." There's literally twenty million ways he can interpret that statement and he's not about to start at number one with it, no siree Bob.

Would it seem weird if he agreed to go now that Percy suggested it? He doesn't want the girls to think he's only going because Percy's going, which, yeah, that's the truth, but they don't need to know that. "I won't have to make little tiny moccasins out of beads, will I? Or- go and play bingo, because I really don't want to play bingo if I don't have to..."

Annabeth scoffs. "It's a resort, Nico, not a retirement home." She smacks him on the head with a pamphlet before sticking it in his hand. "See for yourself. I promise you, you're going to love it."

"They got an all-you-can-eat buffet!" Percy reminds him. _As_ if that's really going to change his mind on wanting to go. What a trooper, sacrificing food for the good of the group.

"Sorry, Perce, I just don't get as excited about food as you do," Nico muses. _Dick, maybe. No, wait... definitely. Dick is your life, you want it, you need it... and you especially want and need Percy's dick, too._ He flips through the brochure half-heartedly, because he's already made up his mind to go now that Percy's going to be there. "Okay, yeah, I guess I'll go. I've been pretty stressed out with work lately."

"Yeah, it'll be great! You'll actually get to relax for once!" Percy says, slinging an arm around his shoulders. For some reason, Nico is uncomfortable about this which is totally asinine given that the he was about to have his hand crawl up his best friend's leg mere moments ago before Annabeth burst in, scaring the literal fucking shit out of everyone, which she often had stake in doing so expertly well.

Nico wonders if the universe pushes him into these situations or if he just brings them upon himself.

* * *

Percy's still haphazardly packing when Nico comes home from work Friday afternoon. "You know we're leaving today, right?"

Percy scowls at him. "Yeah, I know. I overslept."

Nico sighs, heads down the hall for a quick shower. "Well, you might want to hurry. Luke and Annabeth are picking us up at five," he goes into the bathroom. "You know what happens when we're late to something either one of them hold

He takes his time in the shower as an opportunity to psych himself up for tonight. This trip holds the very real possibility of actual sex—sex that he gets to participate in—between himself and Percy. He might get to have sex with Percy. Oh God. This is the complete opposite of psyching himself up. Nico may actually be freaking out. _In a good way of course, you know it too, my friend. Everything with him psyches you up until you psyche your own self out. It's poisonous, and super detrimental to your health. Do you wish to see a specialist?_

It's not the sex that makes his stomach twist up in knots—although that is a contributing factor. It's the fact that he's going to have to actually admit that he likes Percy in a non-platonic way. Because the thought of Percy's disgusted and horrified expression (he can picture it perfectly in his head) scares the shit out of him. His logical side would like to point out that Percy's probably not going to react so dramatically, because they've kissed and fooled around a couple times already. If his best friend, his super gorgeous hot best friend, was completely opposed to the idea, he would have made it clear. Instead, it was Nico who made things weird by stopping their mutual orgasm arrangement. The dark haired business man's going to go ahead and take the blame for that one because, really, what the hell was he thinking?

Nico lets himself think about Percy—the way he looks at him sometimes, the way his mouth feels, how his hands had felt wrapped around his dick—and comes undone against the shower tile. Then, under the punishing heat of the falling water, he makes himself think about all the ways this _thing_ with Percy could go wrong, how opening his stupid mouth about his embarrassing crush would ruin their friendship and make him something he never wanted to be; the water's running cold by the time he's finished.

When Nico gets out of the shower and into a change of clothes, Percy has managed to stuff what appears to be his entire wardrobe into one suitcase. "Perce, we're only gonna be gone for the weekend, not the rest of the Clinton administration. Or, any new president's administration, in hindsight."

"Hey, I like to be prepared, alright?"

"For what, the apocalypse? Because if that happens, I really doubt your biggest concern will be what to wear."

Percy just rolls his eyes at him. Nico enjoys poking at that, but Luke and Annabeth show up before he has time to needle Percy any further.

* * *

Percy stays unusually quiet during the cab ride to the hotel, running through all the reasons why confessing to Nico sometime this weekend won't be the worst idea he's ever had. Maybe, like, second worst. Nico clearly doesn't hate him, judging by the fact that he's accompanying him on this little trip. He seemed like he was into the whole sex thing until he stopped it for reasons Percy's still not clear about. The man is beyond stupefied as to what if it was something he had done, which he isn't entirely adverse too, knowing everything. He wishes he could ask why without seeming suspicious or poking somewhere he shouldn't.

Percy's never been in a long-term relationship before. Hell, people chew a stick of gum longer than he goes out with one girl. But he's never dated anyone that he knew as well as he knows Nico. Maybe it's different when you know their little quirks and what makes them tic, when you get to see them as they are, free of pretense. So maybe he could make it work with Nico if he had the chance.

So how does he want to play this? Saying something tonight would, in the worst-case scenario, give them two whole days of awkward, close-quarters interaction—but if Nico's actually into him, Percy could be, uh, _into_ him over the course of the entire weekend. Telling him Saturday night would only yield one potential day of sex or discomfort, depending on Nico's reaction. Sunday seems optimal if Percy's primary concern is avoiding too much humiliation, but that would only give them Sunday night to have sex. He wants the sex. He _needs_ the sex. Maybe not necessarily with Nico as much as if he does not have it, it'll unwind him like a barbaric dog.

Percy's going to have to play this one by ear.

The hotel seems to be about fifty stories tall and twice as big on the inside. The polished wood floor glows with the bronze hue from the lights. The second-floor lobby has an enormous lounge and bar area that Percy doesn't have time to adequately appreciate before he's hurrying to catch up to the others. There's a stretch of hallway to the elevators, which sit in the middle of a massive circular surface that serves as the floor. More passages stretch out in almost every direction, long fingers reaching out like spokes on a bicycle. These hallways lead to various ballrooms and attractions; one leads to a casino, its lights aglow and flickering, another leads to a luxurious spa.

Below where they're standing lies another level that only seems reachable via escalator. The ground floor of the building appears to be a few stories below them. The layout of this place brings to mind that big, round room of the Death Star where Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader faced off in _The Empire Strikes Back_. Percy feels like a dork for knowing this and blames it entirely on Nico.

He doesn't have much time to gawk, because they all cram into an elevator and ride it up to floor twenty. The elevator opens to a warm, cream-colored hallway with elegant wood panels lining the corners and ceilings. Luke and Annabeth find their room; Nico and Percy's is right next door. They open the door to a stylish suite with a high ceiling. Soft lights hang on the walls, casting the room in an orange glow. Along the north wall are huge glass doors that open up to a balcony overlooking the bustle of the city. The sleek leather couch in the middle of the room faces a gigantic television set.

Nico sets his luggage down at the foot of the bed and opens the door adjoining their room to Luke's and Annabeth's. "Hey guys!"

"Hi!" Annabeth exclaims, as if surprised to see him. Annabeth and Luke's room looks about the same as theirs, with a few minor changes—different wallpaper, the bathroom is on the left instead of the right.

Percy is very aware of the fact that there's only one bed in this room, and he wonders if Nico is internally panicking about this very fact. Nico doesn't seem to notice, too wrapped up in talking to Luke and Annabeth. There's a nightstand with a touch lamp on the right-hand side of the bed, and Percy pulls the top drawer open and digs through it, curious as to its contents. His eyes go wide when he sees strips of condoms and an industrial-sized bottle of lube. Christ, it's like the room wants him and Nico to have sex. This room _expects_ sex.

Percy gulps, wets his lips and finds his throat impossibly dry. He shuts the drawer and opens the middle one. This one's actually _worse_ ; Percy sees handcuffs and some sort of whip before he nearly slams the drawer shut. He's already having enough trouble not thinking about sex with Nico; does he really need to involve handcuffs in those fantasies?

"What'cha doin', Perce?" Nico asks, joining Percy at the bedside table. "Anything good in here?" He opens the top drawer. "Whoa." Nico reaches in, pulls out a long strip of condoms. "Do they replace these, or do you think they just let 'em sit here until they're all gone?" He makes a face in realization. "These condoms could be older than I am."

Percy gives him flat eyes. "That's what you're focusin' on, Nico? Not that they're"—he takes a closer look—"banana flavored? What?"

Nico inspects the wrappers. "Really? Wow, imagine having 'condom taste tester' on your resumé."

Percy wants nothing more right now than to pull Nico into his lap and kiss him. And maybe a pizza.

"So, what do you guys wanna do first?" Luke asks, stepping into their room.

"I wanna eat," Percy says.

"To the surprise and shock of absolutely no one," Nico quips. Percy sort of glares at him, and Nico just smiles in a way that makes Percy want to kiss him even more.

After giving Annabeth a few minutes to freshen up, they head down to the dining hall, which might be the most magical thing Percy's ever seen in his entire life. Not only is the plethora of lush foods a sight to behold, but the dining hall itself is exquisite, with crystal chandeliers and wood flooring and folded napkins. At the back of the room is a wall of sliding glass doors that open up to a luxurious bay area.

Percy is much more interested in the food than the aesthetics though. He piles his plate perilously high with delicious foods from the buffet and carries it to where Nico's seated. Nico lifts an eyebrow at the sight of Percy's plate. "Does that come with an EKG machine?"

"Very funny," Percy mutters around a mouthful of rich, red meat. Rachel would hate watching this, he thinks.

After dinner, they head over to the casino where Annabeth plays the slot machines, and the guys huddle around the craps table. Luke' luck is abysmal, but Nico hits a winning streak that makes him fifty bucks richer. Percy plays it safe and watches Nico from the sidelines.

By the time Luke leaves to see how Annabeth's faring on the slots, Nico's won a hundred dollars. When it's Nico's turn to shoot again, Percy feels confident enough to offer him a bit of advice: "You oughta go all or nothin' on this one."

Nico makes a face. "Are you stupid? Why?"

"'Cause you've been pretty lucky—"

"I know! I'm tempting fate!"

"But if you win, you get double. If you lose, you're not really losin' anything 'cause it's not your money."

Nico just stares at him. "I'm sure that made perfect sense in your head." He ignores Percy's advice, places a safe pass line bet, rolls the dice.

Seven.

"Yes!"

"See, I told ya! Go all in!"

Nico's excited enough to actually heed Percy's advice this time, still giddy from his winning streak. "Alright, but if I lose I'm gonna kill you." He places the bet, rolls the dice. Percy holds his breath, because there's a slight chance that Nico might actually be serious about that.

The dice land on the table. Two and six: Easy Eight.

Nico swallows hard. "Perfect, I hope you've lived a good life," he warns, taking the dice again for his next roll.

"Hey, there's a lotta ways to roll an eight," Percy explains, as if he's suddenly a craps master. "Like, five." He isn't sure if he's trying to reassure Nico or himself; he'd really like to not die tonight.

Nico tosses the dice and makes a very flattering whining sound when the dice hit the far wall. Percy shuts his eyes, too nervous to look at the outcome. Nico must have his eyes squeezed shut too, because when the stickman announces the result of the roll—"Hard Eight"—Nico shouts "Yes!"

Percy opens his eyes, pleased that he's going to remain alive tonight. That's when Nico turns to him, grabs his face, and kisses him hard on the mouth. It feels like a reversal of their first New Year's kiss, quick with no real trace of passion, but Percy's going to take what he can get because _Nico kissed him_ —voluntarily—and he's never getting over this.

Nico's winning streak soon comes to an unceremonious end, leaving him with two hundred extra dollars padding his wallet. He's grinning, ridiculously proud of himself as they head back up to their room. Percy's still reeling from the kiss, his lips tingling. He wonders if it meant anything.

They spend an hour or two in their room watching television on the enormous screen. The couch is a little cramped, Percy notices, which forces them together. Not that he minds one bit, but Nico might have some reservations about being so close to Percy. He doesn't seem to care, though. Percy's battling the urge to drape his arm around Nico's shoulders, but he thinks that would be too much.

Percy doesn't know how to do this, and that terrifies him. He's always been able to get dates and flirt with women without having to second-guess himself. But Nico's not a woman. Nico's also his best friend, and it's that exact reason Percy can't mess this up. He doesn't know what the kiss meant—if it meant anything at all—so he's wary of assuming Nico is okay with randomly being kissed by his roommate, especially when Nico had made it clear that he didn't want to fool around anymore.

As if reading his mind, Nico gets up from the couch and stretches; Percy gets a tease of bare skin when his shirt rises up. "I'm gonna change," he says, digging through his suitcase for a fresh set of clothes. "Find somethin' for us to do in here, would you?"

Percy's mouth goes impossibly dry at the thought of what he'd _really_ like to do with Nico. He manages a nod before Nico shuts himself in the bathroom. Percy gets up from the couch and searches the mini-bar for any sort of alcoholic beverages to calm his nerves. He finds them in spades. He grabs a beer bottle, pops it open, and opens one of the doors on the entertainment center.

Bad idea—it's loaded with porn videos. He slams the door shut and takes a long swig of beer.

Percy wonders if the writing desk might have something of interest. He slides open the drawer and sifts through brochures, pens, and take-out leaflets before finding a deck of cards. The cards actually don't have dirty pictures on them, which surprises him, since everything else here is pretty much geared toward getting people to have sex. Even the bedsheets seem to encourage guests to stay in bed all weekend—the thread count is probably greater than the tri-state population.

Nico comes out of the bathroom in his pajamas, and Percy's actually angry about it. How is it humanly possible to look so attractive in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants? "Find anything?" Nico asks, oblivious to Percy's internal lusting.

"Uh—uh, yeah, we could play poker!" Percy says, holding up the deck of cards. An idea pops into his head, and he grins. "No, wait, _strip_ poker!"

Nico makes a face like the mere suggestion repulses him. "I'm not playing strip poker with you."

"You were on a winnin' streak just fifteen minutes ago!"

"A streak that ended, which is why we're here and not still in the casino," Nico reminds him. He notices the beer that Percy's holding. "Where'd you get the beer?" Percy answers by opening the mini-bar. "Dude! You know you have to pay for whatever you take out of there, right?"

Percy shrugs. "You got two hundred bucks to spend."

Nico looks angry for a moment, then his expression softens, and he shrugs in surrender. "Good point." He digs through the fridge, finds a pouch of a pre-made pina colada and squeezes it into an empty glass. There's no straws, so he's forced to eat it with a spoon like it's some sort of dessert.

Percy steals a spoonful in an attempt to be flirtatious. "If you like pina coladas, and gettin' caught in the rain—"

"No! I hate that song."

Percy can't help but chuckle. "Why?"

"Have you actually listened to it? Like, really listened? It's basically about a dude who's bored with his wife, so he decides to have an affair through the personals. Except the ad he answers ends up being his wife's." Nico gestures wildly with his free hand. "So she was sick of him too! And they think it's the funniest thing! Neither one of them realizes, 'Wow, they were totally ready to cheat on me! Imagine if they'd answered someone else's ad!' But I guess that wouldn't make such a catchy song!"

Percy feels bad for laughing now when he remembers that Nico's parents' divorce was the result of his father's affair.

They start out the evening playing regular, not-naked poker, but at some point in the night the alcohol eroded their ability to be embarrassed, so after three drinks or so the clothes started coming off.

Well, Percy's clothes, at least. "Damn it!" He has no idea how he's losing so badly here, especially since Nico's on his third drink by now. It's hard enough for Percy to distinguish a three from an eight while he's sober.

Nico leans back against the foot of the bed, raises an eyebrow. "Lose 'em," he says with a grin.

This really was not the ideal "first time being naked in front of Nico" scenario Percy had been imagining; he thought there'd be more romance, maybe the possibility of sex. He pushes his boxers down over his hips, feeling like the world's biggest idiot for losing a game he suggested. In his defense, he really thought Nico was going to lose when alcohol was involved. At least he got Nico to take his socks off. "All right, you win," Percy grumbles, pushing his wager of honey-roasted peanuts into Nico's massive pile of winnings. He's really glad they aren't playing with money.

Percy's sitting awkwardly to shield his barest of skin from Nico's appraising stare. "Aw, Buddy, you aren't shy, are you? 'Cause"—Nico blatantly looks him up and down, all subtlety gone—"you shouldn't be." He chuckles, shaking his head. "God, you're so hot. It's like you're hewed out of marble."

Percy blinks way more times than is necessary. "What? You—you really think so?" He doesn't know what "hewed" means, but Nico says the word like it's something reverent, so Percy's taking it as a compliment.

"C'mon, you really don't notice how people look at you?" Nico finishes his drink before he says any more. "Since we got here, everybody's been staring at you, and then they look at me like 'how'd he get _him_?'" He swings a hand out at Percy, as if making some sort of point.

Percy's brow furrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Nico scoffs a humorless laugh. "Well, look at me."

He's looking; Percy feels like all he ever does is look at Nico. "Yeah?"

Nico studies the blank look on Percy's face. "You know you're basically perfect, right?" He says it like it's insultingly obvious.

Percy's breath catches in his throat while his brain processes the implications in that sentence. "W—well, what about you? You're funny and smart on top of bein' hot! That's way better than just bein' hot!"

Nico stares at him, his brow creased impossibly further. "You think I'm hot?" he sputters out. There must be something catastrophically wrong with the universe if Nico has no idea how attractive he is.

"You really have no idea, do you?" Percy mumbles. He grabs his boxers before he stands up, then he awkwardly steps into them while trying to walk away. This is not a conversation that he wants to have while he's naked.

"No, wait, don't go! Are you mad 'cause I won? 'Cause I can lose! I can lose big—" Percy's got his back turned when Nico makes a distressed grunting sound. Percy turns to see him lying on the floor. "Oops."

"What happened?"

"I tipped too far." Nico demonstrates the concept with his hands before pushing himself up. "Whoa. Floor. Moving." The expression on Percy's face must not be too encouraging, because Nico slumps his shoulders and looks away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—I shouldn't have said anything." He rakes a hand through his hair. "God, why do I drink? It just makes me stupid!"

"I don't think you're stupid," Percy says softly, opting to sit beside him on the floor at the foot of the bed. "You're so smart. I don't know what you're talkin' about half the time."

Nico makes a disgusted sound in his throat. "So smart I can't even take my own advice."

"About what? Maybe I can help."

Nico's hand tightens in his hair, his back curved a little as his face goes through some sort of complicated wince. He lets out a sigh through his nose, straightens up, and opens his eyes. After a terse moment of silence, he says, "This shouldn't even be a thing," very angrily, as if he's furious with himself for having an emotion. "Why is this a thing? I thought I—" Nico stops himself, turning his head to look at Percy with unfettered anger. "This is all your fault!"

Percy blinks, his eyes wide in disbelief. "Me? What did I do?"

"You had to kiss me and make everything"—he struggles for the word—"something it isn't."

Percy feels his heart in his throat. "I'm sorry, Nico," he croaks out, struggling to keep his voice even. "If I knew it was gonna bother you so much, I wouldn't have done it. I never wanted to make you feel"—he doesn't know exactly what Nico's feeling so he just goes with—"like this."

Nico lets out a dark laugh. "I know you didn't, Perce." He shakes his head. "I pictured this in my head so many times, but...I never pictured it going right, y'know?" Percy doesn't know, but he tries nodding anyway to keep Nico talking. "Maybe it's not supposed to. It wouldn't make sense for you to want me," Nico says, the words catching in his throat. "I've always known that."

Percy freezes, his heartbeat stuttering in his chest at the thought that his wildest dreams might not be too far off the mark. "You—you want me?"

Nico sits there quietly for a moment, and Percy watches his eyes tighten and his lips purse in silent deliberation. Then Nico turns to face him. Before Percy can comprehend his next move, Nico reaches out, his hands shaping to Percy's face, and pulls until their mouths are pushed together.

...

Holy shit.

Lightbulb moment of the century.

Nico has a crush on Percy.

It's incomprehensible because it's impossible. Yet there it is.

Percy kisses him back after a moment of stunned shock, and it's good, so damn good. He doesn't know how he ever lived without it. He wants to drown in it, let it fill his lungs, wants the heat and electricity to fuse into his blood so he can feel a constant surge of it. He slides a hand around the back of Nico's head and curls his fingers in his hair.

"How drunk are you?" Percy hazards around the kiss, because Nico's not the only one who can ruin a moment by saying something ridiculous.

"Drunk enough to give into temporary insanity." Nico rises up on his knees to make kissing easier. Percy winds his arms around Nico's waist.

"This isn't like before, is it?" Percy asks. Nico's fingers are cold against his skin as he presses them over Percy's shoulders. "When it didn't mean anything?"

Nico breaks away, staring at him in surprise. "It always meant something to me," he murmurs, almost too quiet for Percy to hear.

Percy gazes up at him with a wounded look. "So how come you stopped?"

"Because it wasn't enough. Being with you...like that..." He sighs, looks away for a moment. "I wanted it to mean more to you."

"And you thought it didn't?" Maybe Percy's not as obvious as he thinks he is about this stuff. Or maybe Nico is just really, really oblivious.

"Why would it?"

Nico's hands have drifted to Percy's chest, and Percy covers them with his own. "'Cause I like you, Nico."

Nico's lips fall open in shock, and he actually breaks away from the embrace. "What? When were you ever gonna tell me?"

"And let you know I like you? Uh, _never_!"

Nico frowns, his eyes tightening. "Yeah, I can see why you'd wanna keep that one tucked away."

Percy winces as if the words have hurt him. "No, no, I don't mean it like that! I'm not embarrassed about liking you." He reaches for Nico's hands again, and Nico gives them to him. "At first I thought it would go away, y'know, but the more time I spent with you the more I liked you. But if I put myself out there and you didn't feel the same way..." He shrugs, lets the end of that sentence hang in the air.

"So you thought, 'let Nico do it, because he has such a great track record with asking people out'?"

"You told me not to, remember?"

"When?"

"When I told you I liked somebody and you said to find out how they feel first."

Nico doesn't have an immediate response to that besides creasing his brow. Then his mouth drops open again. "Wait, that was me? You were secretly asking _me_ for advice on how to ask me out?"

"Well, it sounds stupid when you say it like that," Percy protests. Nico seems to have lost his grip on the conversation. "I don't know how you didn't figure it out sooner! I got you a freakin' recliner for your birthday! Who does that?"

Nico nearly jumps out of Percy's arms. "What? That was—That's what that was?"

"Yeah, my big gesture, like you told Luke to do for Annabeth."

"You left out the very crucial 'telling the other person you like them' part!"

"Well, I'm tellin' you now: I like you, Nico. I like you a lot."

They're officially ten-year-olds and they need to stop.

Nico smiles, exuberant with joy. "Well, now I don't feel so silly doodling 'Mr. Nico Jackson' on the back of my chemistry notebook."

They make their way onto the bed, lying side by side and sharing chaste kisses. Nico's mouth is hot and wet on Percy's, and he lets Percy's hands trace webs over his spine. Their mouths meet in gentle pecks while hands roam over skin. Percy is amazed at how easy it is being with Nico this way; he doesn't need to use any special moves or lines or pretend to be something he's not. Everything just comes so naturally, like they've been doing this their whole lives. He wonders if it's this easy for Nico too.

Nico's hands and lips have stilled, the fingers of his left hand loosely curled in Percy's hair. "So, hey," Percy murmurs after a moment, his eyes closed, "are we gonna keep doin' this once the weekend's over?" His answer comes in the form of a quiet snore from Nico, who has somehow managed to fall asleep amidst all the kissing and touching.

Nico's streak of good luck had to run out eventually.

Percy laughs to himself and settles into bed beside him. He doesn't need to dream tonight.

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #11: Ginseng. Hope it was well worth the wait for them to hook together. Thanks so much for reading and please review! Love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm of Writing**


	12. Chapter 12: Hollowed Out Hearts

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #12: Hollowed Out Hearts. Man, it is time to make this very sad announcement, that there are only ten chapters left of this piece after this chapter. What a sad thing I literally just realized while typing this. Sorry it took a long time for the post, the past week has been very hectic with play performances and rehearsals, SAT's, a general crazy junior year of high school in general, laziness, and other things that torment writers all around. Besides that, look what we have here! Nico and Percy are finally in a damn relationship which I know millions of you (actually like six thousand, but let me hyperbole please), have been shouting for and screaming at where they have finally gotten together. Lol. I hope that this chapter was worth the wait. Enjoy!**

* * *

Nico's memory is a hot, flesh-colored blur. He remembers strip poker, pina coladas, and the heat of Percy's skin under his hands. He remembers there being hollow gazes passing over shoulder blades with tender kisses to his clavicle, a bite of teeth at the sternum, and a drop of blood sizzling against his forehead in a slick kiss that drew a little uncanny heat. Even when he's slightly hung over, he can figure out how those three things might have worked together last night. There's a foreign warmth pressed against him now, and Nico realizes in stark horror that it's Percy, who's curled around the curve of his body. Nico's knee-jerk reaction to waking up in bed with another person seems to be the startle response, and that sounds really sad now that he thinks about it. He's going to stop thinking about it.

Percy's got his face nuzzled against the back of Nico's neck, arms linked around his waist. Nico should probably find it disconcerting that Percy still doesn't have a shirt on, but Percy's body is a thing to be admired, so he's going to enjoy it the best he can while facing the opposite direction. Percy is close enough that Nico can feel the foreign line of his arousal pressed against his ass. Nico fights the urge to push his hips back into it, but it's _Percy_ , and, really, how many mornings has Nico woke up hard with his legs tangled in the sheets from a wet dream about the guy? Too many to count, if he's honest with himself.

He decides one little touch should be fine. Nico nudges his hips back, and, oh God, Percy's dick is _right there_ and why did he think this was a good idea? His legs shift against each other to bring some sort of friction-based relief to his own swollen cock. It's bad enough that he has to wake up with a boner when he's alone—does he really need one while he's got Percy in his bed? That just seems cruel, like biology has conspired to humiliate him at every turn. Sure, Percy's hard too, but Nico feels like Percy's always sporting an erection, and this train of thought is really not helping Nico focus on things that aren't Percy's dick.

Percy stirs a little, pulls Nico in tighter, and now Percy's chest is pressed against Nico's back and other body parts are touching and Nico is reevaluating his entire life. He refuses to orgasm like this; Percy ought to at least be awake. In a whisper, Nico croaks out, "Perce?"

He is absolutely not ready for Percy to kiss the back of his neck and answer, "Yeah?"

Nico flails his arms and twists around in Percy's embrace. "You're awake? How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough." Percy grins, lets his hands settle over the small of Nico's back. "You get pretty frisky when you're asleep, huh?"

Nico scowls, his face heating up. Now they're facing each other, and this is so not what Nico wanted when he wished Percy's dick wasn't touching his ass. He swallows thickly and tries not to let his gaze flicker down to where their hips meet, but it's pretty much impossible because their dicks are touching through their clothes. Nico looks at Percy and feels his face turn insufferably redder. "I didn't say anything too stupid last night, did I?"

"Depends on what you consider stupid."

"Oh, you know, spontaneous confessions best not spoken aloud."

"Then yeah, you did."

Nico groans and shuts his eyes in pain. _Hey, don't quit on me right now, you dumb fuck. Come on, don't be stupid like this. Don't do it. You may have just fucked him really good, but because you're so upset with midnight confessions or whatever the fuck you want to call it, now we're canned? What kind of superstitious bullshit is this man?_

"But hey, I'm stupid too," Percy says with a smile before covering Nico's mouth with his own. Nico lets his palms mold to the curve of Percy's arms as Percy starts to kiss the line of his jaw. He moans when Percy's mouth trails over his neck, and when Percy dips his tongue into the hollow of his throat Nico groans a sound he's absolutely going to deny making.

Percy tips his head to look at Nico, his lips uncoupled and his hair in morning disarray. "I wanted to ask you somethin' last night, but you fell asleep." He glances away for a second. "Would it be so bad if we still did this after the weekend's over? Y'know, like, if we were a couple?" He mumbles the last part, his gaze flitting from left to right. Nico's brain has decided to forget every word it knows, rendering him speechless. Percy fills the silent void with words. "I mean, I see how happy Luke and Annabeth are together, and I thought maybe you and I could—could be like that too. Or at least we could try."

Nico finally manages to string a coherent sentence together. "You want us to date?" His mind whirls around in a complex fashion that he's unsure adds up to anything that can presumably make sense. Is Percy asking him the words of the gods right now to his lips? Nico's heart roars slightly at the thought. _So you do want him to fuck you! I fucking knew it. Except, I really am in your mind all the time so it shouldn't be impossible, my friend. My dear sexually confused dark haired friend._

"How different would it be? We already live together. We get along great. All that's different is that we'd have sex with each other instead of other people."

Nico cannot afford to be distracted right now by the thought of having sex with Percy. But that's what he focuses on, because he's Nico. "You—you want to have sex... with me?"

Percy lifts an eyebrow. "Nico, c'mon, look who you're talkin' to."

A fair point.

"But you've—you've thought about it?"

"All the time."

Nico doesn't know what to do with this. The idea that Percy thinks about fucking him—let alone "all the time"—is staggeringly, mind-bendingly hot. "With me?" he finally says, remembering how to make words come out of his mouth instead of gasping noises.

Percy chuckles. "Well, yeah! I think it'd be great, y'know? The stuff we did before was pretty hot, right?"

Nico manages a nod. "Do you—do you wanna do it now?" he squeaks out.

"I'm flattered you want me to put my cock in you, Nico," Percy murmurs at his ear, "but I like what we have going on now."

"At what point this year were you replaced by a pod person?"

Percy breathes laughter into his hair. "C'mon, you don't think this is nice? Just being like this?"

"I'm hard enough to drill for diamonds, but, yeah, it's nice."

Percy reaches down to verify this. Nico sort of jolts at the touch. "Want me to take care of that?" His fingers are warm pressure points on Nico's dick. "Oh, hey, then after we can go downstairs to the breakfast buffet!" Typical Percy.

Nico pushes his hips into Percy's hand, which squeezes and strokes him through his clothes. A soft groan escapes Nico's throat, and he licks his lips. Percy tugs his pajama pants down to curl his hand around Nico's cock. The heat of Percy's fingers goes all the way through him in a full-body shiver. Percy slides his fist down to the hilt, and Nico jerks his hips forward. It's good—so good—to have Percy touch him like this again; Nico knows he's not going to last very long at all. "Perce..."

Percy covers Nico's mouth with his own as his hand strokes and twists and squeezes. Nico moans around the kiss and drags his fingers through Percy's hair. He thinks he may have actually died and gone to heaven. Percy's free hand pulls his boxers down, and he scoots forward a little to bring their hips together. Nico gasps around his mouth, because Percy's jerking them both off and their dicks are touching. Percy tips his head forward, his brow pressed against Nico's, and sighs a soft sound into the silence. Nico grabs Percy's arm to feel the strength there as he works them both in his palm.

"You, uh, you close?" Percy asks.

"Yeah," Nico breathes out. "Very..." He's half embarrassed, half mortified, one hundred percent turned on, and one hundred percent in love with Percy Jackson, someone he's unsure whether or not to call 'boyfriend', but fuck it, he'll do it and say it and shout it and whine it, he'll make ten million fucking noises with his lover in the bed.

Percy's mouth moves, greedy and hot, over Nico's before he speaks again. "I wanna watch," he says, licking his lips.

Nico feels his insides go all twisty. "Really?"

"Yeah, that's, like, my second favorite part."

Nico almost asks "what's the first?" before realizing what the answer would be. He doesn't do his best thinking in the morning, that's for sure.

Percy's slow, controlled, his hand stroking up and down and squeezing and touching. Nico squirms, his hips thrusting into Percy's hand. Percy drags his thumb over the head of his cock; a needy moan shakes out of Nico before he bites it back between his teeth as he comes.

Nico's still resurfacing when he hears Percy sigh his name, and his eyes blink open to watch Percy fall apart. "So good," he murmurs, his hips pushing forward into his hand to wring out the aftershocks of orgasm.

"I _am_ great at lying in bed and doing nothing," Nico says, still out of breath. "I fucking knew it!" he celebrates half-heartedly, fist pumping the air.

Percy takes a few moments to breathe and come back down to earth before kissing him again. Nico slides his arm around Percy's back, fingers tracing lines down his vertebrae. He doesn't know how it's possible to still be turned on after orgasming like that. All he can think about is climbing on top of Percy and...

"So, you probably wanna hit up that breakfast buffet, huh?"

Percy sits up with all the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. "Yeah! Just lemme get a shower first!" He hops out of bed and rushes off to the bathroom before skidding to a halt. "Wait, you wanna get in there with me?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Perce."

"Okay, okay."

* * *

"I still think you're wrong," Percy says over breakfast in the dining hall, continuing their argument from earlier this morning while they were freshening up.

Nico rolls his eyes and stabs his fork rather menacingly into his pancakes. "Because you have the imagination of a six-year-old. _Jurassic Park_ could not actually happen."

Percy scowls at him. "You're just sayin' that 'cause that's what Luke would say," Before Nico can argue, he says, "What about the thing with the mosquitos?"

"Yes, because that many mosquitos somehow managed to bite every species of marketable dinosaur _and_ get stuck in tree sap."

"Well, okay, maybe you couldn't get a whole park of 'em, but what about just one dinosaur?" Percy wants to believe even a fraction of the science in _Jurassic Park_ is plausible, because, hello, real dinosaurs?

Nico shakes his head in a way that says he's embarrassed to be a part of this conversation.

Percy spots Luke and Annabeth rounding the corner from the elevators. "Fine, we'll just ask the expert." He stands up and waves them over to the table. "Luke! Anne!"

"Hey, you guys!" Annabeth smiles and pulls up a chair next to Nico.

"Luke, could _Jurassic Park_ actually happen?" Percy asks before Luke even has time to sit down.

Luke just glares at him like he blames Percy for everything wrong in the world. "I'm in a good mood today, so I'm just going to let that one go."

Nico snickers into his orange juice. He knows what they did. He _knows_ what they did. And then he leaves it to Percy, the emerald eyed god of a man being whom he is that the dark haired guy shall spoil all meals with the next statement.

"Good mood, huh?" Percy grins, then he has a moment of realization. "What flavor of condoms did you guys get? Ours are banana."

Nico groans.

"Percy!" Annabeth's on the other side of the table, so she can't smack him for that.

Luke mutters, "Blueberry," under his breath.

"They _are_ different in each room!" Percy exclaims. He shoots a haughty glance at Nico. "I told you."

"Glad that mystery's solved," Nico quips.

"So what about you guys?" Annabeth asks in an incredibly smooth subject that Nico knows is trying to be sneaky, but it isn't necessarily working. "What have you been up to?"

Percy's about to declare the wonderful news that he and Nico are dating when Nico casually says, "Oh, not much. A little of this, a little of that. You know they've got cable here?" He cuts into his pancakes all daintily like he hasn't just told a bold-faced lie.

To his credit, Percy tries not to feel dejected over this, but it's a wasted effort. He can't understand why Nico would want to hide the fact that they're dating from two of their best friends. Luke might crack jokes, sure, but he'd be supportive. Could Nico be embarrassed about it?

Percy's never been in this position before. No one has ever been embarrassed to date him; hell, even his one-night stands brag about hitting the sheets with him. Annabeth probably gushed to Thalia and Rachel about dating Luke, and that's _Luke_ ; the man studies dinosaurs, for Christ's sake. _Hey, there is nothing wrong with dinosaurs! They were the real Native Americans of the nation, and you know it!_

He shovels in forkfuls of food to keep himself quiet.

Annabeth stands up when she's finished with breakfast. "Luke, I wanna check out the tanning booths they've got here," She gives him a flirty smile, leans over the table. "Maybe you can help me put my lotion on..." she murmurs before strutting away. Nico rolls his eyes at the obvious flirt, making it Percy's turn to snicker into his plate of food, getting ketchup smeared all over his chin, which then has Nico collapse into a laughing fit, both at Percy's reaction to getting the vinegar condiment on his chin to Luke's paralyzed form sitting in the chair at the table.

Luke has some sort of conniption trying to catch up to her. "Annabeth, wait!"

Percy chuckles, although a small part of him wishes he could flirt with Nico like that. "Got to give a hand to tanning bed lotion." He takes a bite of his food, then frowning, going back to thinking of flirting openly with Nico. He likes it, he'll be okay with it if his boyfriend, the skinnier and guy good with numbers drove him up a wall, but, apparently, Nico might actually die if Percy speaks a word about them being together. He frowns, prods his fork at a lump of jam leftover on his plate. "Hey, Nico?"

"Yeah?"

"How come you didn't"—he shrugs, trying his best to seem casual—"tell them we're a couple now?"

Nico's eyes widen. "Because we can't tell them? We can't tell anyone?"

Percy stares at him, nonplussed. "Why not? I thought we—Okay, now you got me all confused."

"No, we are. We are." Nico shakes his head and reaches for Percy's hands. Percy gives them to him, reassured—albeit slightly—by this small gesture of affection. "We're doing this. I want this. Just...we can't tell anybody. Not yet, at least." He moves his thumbs in small circles over Percy's skin. "I think it's a good idea to take things slow right now. I mean, what we have here is really good, and maybe part of why it's so good is because it's just ours, y'know?"

Percy nods, understanding, because he's a reasonable boyfriend willing to meet in the middle. "Yeah, okay, we'll keep it to ourselves for a while." They're heading to the elevators when Percy asks, "So, was there anything you wanted to do today?"

Nico thinks about it. "Nothing in particular. Why? Did you want to check out the water park? You do know you can't swim naked in a public pool, right?"

He chuckles, presses the button for their floor once they've caught a lift. "C'mon, Nico, I'm not a total idiot."

"Then explain the incident at Rachel's birthday party."

Percy scoffs. "It's not my fault my suit came off in the water!" He swears they've had this conversation a million times.

Nico just rolls his eyes, his lips pressed together to hide his smile.

"But, uh, I was asking 'cause if you didn't have anything planned, maybe we could stay in our room for a while." He sort of mumbles the words, even though the elevator is empty.

"You wanna watch more TV, don't you?"

The doors open, and they step out into the hallway. "I wanna be able to touch you and kiss you and... do stuff."

"Well, I'm sure this place has a 'no doing stuff in the pool' policy."

"See?" Percy lets him inside first, then follows after him. He latches his mouth to the back of Nico's neck, and Nico lets out a shaky moan. Percy guides him over to the couch and pulls Nico down with him. "Ooh, let's see if there's a game on!" He flips through the channels, keeping one hand on the remote and the other arm linked around Nico's waist.

"You _did_ just want to watch TV," Nico whines. "I feel used." _Well, channel this bitchiness into anger, and find that fucking whip you know is lying in this hotel somewhere and give it a crack or two against Percy's back. YOU know you want to, don't fucking argue with me about this._

"Hey, I can do two things at once." Percy finds Nico's fingers and entwines them with his own while searching for something entertaining to watch.

"You're quite the multi-tasker." Nico scoots down to find a more comfortable position, and Percy moves to accommodate him, letting Nico lay his head on his stomach. Percy's a little embarrassed about the fact that Nico can probably feel him hard against his spine. But Nico hasn't said anything about it, so Percy's just going to pretend he's blissfully unaware.

They spend a good portion of the day curled up together on the couch, watching TV and playing rock-paper-scissors to determine who answers the door for room service or makes a trip to the vending machine—Nico loses almost every time. When night falls, they're still on the couch in front of the television, and Percy's starting to get handsy. He's been thinking about touching Nico all day—it's amazing that Nico hasn't mentioned anything about the erection pressed against his back. Maybe Nico's having the same thoughts too; Percy really hopes so.

It seems like it might just...happen, that they're in a place now where they can touch each other and not feel burdened by anything but lust. A place where it feels right, perfect in its own clumsy, silly way, because Nico's involved, which means it's going to be awkward or messy or loud or even all three. But Percy can be all of those things too and then some. He has his own brand of quirks and eccentricities that fuses perfectly with Nico's. Or at least he thinks so. But he doesn't feel any pressure here. With Nico, he can just...be. And that's going to help a lot when they're exploring each other's bodies.

"Y'know what's weird?" Percy asks. Nico hums inquisitively. "We're doing the same thing here that we do at home, except, y'know, touching."

There's a pause, and Percy recognizes it as the second or two Nico takes to debate whether or not to give a sarcastic reply. He opts for the sincere. "I like it better this way."

Percy smiles despite himself. "Yeah, me too. Why haven't we been doin' this the whole time?"

"Because somebody couldn't just admit he had a crush," Nico says.

"Hey, you could'a said somethin'=g too."

"I didn't say it was you." Percy lets his fingers travel from Nico's hair to the bare skin of his arm. Nico doesn't flinch or pull away, so Percy runs his palm over his denim-clad thigh. He squirms, but Percy isn't sure if it's in a good, yes-more-please way or not.

"Is that—is that okay?"

"Yeah, Perce, of course. You couldn't tell?"

"You're hard to read when I can't see your face."

"Then I guess I'll just have to"—Nico sits up and flips over so he's facing Percy—"fix that, won't I?" His grin is so smug and self-satisfied that Percy can't help but kiss him. Nico definitely doesn't seem to be opposed to this. Percy cups his face in one hand, the other sliding up the curve of his thigh. Nico moans around his lips, then gasps when Percy's hand sneaks into the back pocket of his jeans and squeezes. "Oh God, that's—"

"Good?"

"Really good." Nico tilts his chin so their lips can meet. Percy squeezes his ass again, and Nico nips Percy's bottom lip between his teeth.

"So I can do this?"

"You can do everything," Nico breathes over his mouth. " _I just gave him permission. Holy fuck, I gave Percy permission!"_ The man is exuberant, and so sexually exasperated that his dick engorges while peeking through his pants.

Percy has absolutely no idea how to handle this. Did Nico just give him permission to fuck him? He thinks that might have happened, but there's a deficit of blood flowing to his brain right now, so he has to think about it. That's what Percy needs to be thinking about, not the very real possibility of being inside of him and hearing his own name uttered like a prayer when Nico comes.

A knock at the door makes Nico sit up and swear through his teeth. He doesn't bother to play for it, just crawls off of Percy and grabs the empty room service tray to cover the evidence of arousal. When he swings the door open, he's surprised to see Annabeth and Luke on the other side.

Annabeth gives him a curious look, her gaze raking up from the tray to Nico's face, then back to the tray. "What are you... Why—"

"Oh, we were playing a game," Nico explains. "He was Darth Vader, and I was Captain America." He lifts the tray up a little. "See my shield?"

"I had a cardboard tube I was using as a lightsaber," Percy adds, sitting up. "From the paper towels."

"Where is it?" Luke asks in a way that insinuates he's just playing along.

"I threw it over the balcony when he started cheating," Nico says. "Cheater!" he turns to Percy, sticking his tongue out. Percy wiggles an eyebrow back at him, wanting to use _his_ tongue for something a little more perky and cheerful.

There's a moment of silence before anyone speaks again. "So, uh, we're gonna go see a movie at the theater here," Annabeth says.

"There's a movie theater here?"

"Yeah, it's tucked away surprisingly well," Luke says. "We had to call around to find it."

"Do you guys wanna come or do you have plans?"

Percy tries to give him a look that conveys their 'plans' for the evening, but Nico doesn't even glance over his shoulder. "We're just gonna hang out here for a while," he says. "Maybe find Percy another lightsaber." _He can use his dick! Isn't that just the most perfect thought ever thought of in human history?_

"Alright, well, have fun!" Annabeth says.

Luke chuckles, and, yeah, he definitely knows this is an elaborate ruse to hide a boner. "May the force be with you."

Nico's mouth scrunches up into a sassy scowl when he shuts the door.

"Why'd you have to say I was Darth Vader?" Percy complains as Nico comes over to the couch. "You could'a said I was Batman, and I could use the coasters as those little things he throws at people."

"Batarangs?"

"Yeah, what'd I say?"

Nico gives him a look. "'Little things he throws at people.'"

Percy shrugs. "Close enough." When Nico's closed the distance between them, his hands in Percy's hair, Percy says, "So, when you said I could do anything, did you—did you mean it?"

Nico makes his "you're an idiot" face. "Yeah."

"'Cause...they're gonna be gone for a while, and we got a bed." Percy vaguely gestures in the direction of the bed, just in case Nico forgot what the word means. "We could...do stuff."

Nico lifts his gaze. "So, uh, we should close the curtains?"

Percy chuckles. "No way, I wanna see you."

"Nobody else does!" Nico gets up and rushes to the sliding glass doors. Percy stops him before he can pull the curtains shut.

"Hey, relax, no one can look in at us. See?" They're high up enough that no other nearby buildings have a clear view to the inside of the room. "Just me." He presses his mouth over the back of Nico's neck.

Nico sort of squirms out of the embrace. "Yeah, that's—that's the problem," he murmurs, sitting on the end of the bed.

"You don't wanna...do stuff?"

"No, Perce, I do, but..." He looks away, stares at the handfuls of the comforter he's holding. "I sorta...have a third nipple." He mumbles the last part, hoping that Percy won't catch it, but Percy's pretty attuned to this habit of Nico's.

"A third nipple?" He tries to picture it in his head, but the image doesn't come together. "Does it do anything?"

"Aside from make me incredibly self-conscious? No."

Percy moves over to him so he's standing between Nico's legs. "And you thought, what, I wouldn't wanna be with you anymore?"

"Well"—Nico shrugs half-heartedly—"yeah."

"Nico, that's ridiculous. Why would I—" He stops, shakes his head. "Trust me, that doesn't Nicoge anything." Percy kneels on the bed, his knees on either side of Nico so he can kiss away the apprehension. He plucks open the first button on Nico's shirt and slips his hand inside. Nico's skin is hot beneath his palm, and Nico moans into his mouth in a way that makes Percy a little dizzy. Percy eases down, straddling Nico's lap, and unlatches another button. His palm roams and slides over skin; his fingers find a nipple and pinch the nub. Nico gives a little whimper around Percy's lips, and Percy pushes his hips forward, seeking friction and finding none. He gets another button undone, his hand discovering a new stretch of bare skin when Nico's shirt falls open. Nico doesn't try to hide or cover up, just digs his fingers into Percy's hair and kisses him harder.

Percy thinks he's the hardest he's ever been. His eyes blink open to see that Nico's thighs are parted, and he is _definitely_ into this. Percy's oddly proud of himself and insanely turned on. The heat of Nico's skin under his hands only fuels the fire. His fingers slip under the collar of Nico's shirt, casually pushing at the fabric, and—Jesus—the way Nico falls out of his shirt and rolls his shoulders is doing so many things for Percy. He has to touch the ridges and peaks there, has to run his fingers over the jutting angles of those shoulders. A desert probably has more moisture than his mouth does right now.

Nico looks up at him and says, "Your turn," and it sounds so fucking dirty when the corner of his mouth is tugged into that little smirk and his hands are shoved underneath Percy's t-shirt. His fingers push, drawing the material up, because Percy has forgotten how to do things that aren't gaping awe-struck at Nico. Nico pulls Percy's t-shirt over his head and drops it onto the floor. Percy watches the way Nico's throat moves when he swallows and breathes out, "Oh my God."

"What?"

"This is—this is a thing I can just...do." Nico grins. "I get to take your clothes off! I'm never gonna get over that."

Percy chuckles and starts unbuckling Nico's belt the best he can while he's sitting in his lap. "Yeah, it's pretty incredible, huh?"

"Mind-boggling." Nico watches his belt come free in one pull, and then Percy's kissing him again. Percy spreads a hand over the span of Nico's stomach, feels the rise and fall there before Nico's tugging at the button of Percy's jeans. Nico glances up at him, his eyes seeking reassurance. "I can do this, right?"

Percy smiles and says, "You can do everything."

Nico exhales a shaky sound, gets the button unlatched and draws the zipper down. His hands work into the denim, and Percy feels the edge of Nico's palm brush over his cock. His hips jerk forward as he makes a tragic sound in the back of his throat. Nico pushes the jeans over Percy's hips, licks his lips when Percy's boxers come into view, leaves his mouth half-open and, God, that's distracting. Percy nudges Nico backwards against the mattress so he can fold over him, trying to help Nico with the task of undressing. He doesn't realize this maneuver results in him lying on top of Nico. Nico sucks in a breath through his teeth and rolls his hips against Percy's. Then his hands are everywhere at once: Percy's lower back, his ass, his thighs. Nico eases the jeans down until Percy manages to kick them off.

Percy's brain has stopped processing beyond the realization that he's practically naked on top of Nico, who is also almost naked. This is the most he's ever seen of Nico, and he doesn't know what to do with the fact that he gets to see _more_. Nico's gaze flickers down to where they're pressed together, but Percy's the one who breaks the silence by saying something stupid: "Y—you're hard."

Nico's face heats up. "Yeah, you, uh, you noticed that?"

Percy sort of shrugs. "Kinda hard not to. It's... impressive."

"Thanks, I grew it myself."

Percy laughs; of course their relationship is going to be filled with moments like this: it's Nico. His hips push of their own accord—because how can he _not_ shove into that?—and Percy forces himself to move away so this moment of theirs can last longer. He climbs down the long line of Nico's body and presses kisses over his skin. Nico's voice is all breath, spitting out fragments of words as Percy's tongue laps at the hollow of his throat and his mouth opens around nipples. Nico digs his fingers into Percy's back and shoulders, drags them through his hair. Percy breathes hot over the curve of Nico's stomach and stares at the edge of his jeans. His fingers are already pushing at the denim, unbuttoning and unzipping and tugging. Then Nico's wiggling his hips and kicking his way out of his jeans, and, Jesus Christ, his naked thighs are on either side of Percy's head.

Percy sits up, staring down at Nico's nearly naked body in a really obvious way. He wets his lips, blinks, tries to remember how to breathe. Nico's feet slide on the comforter, his thighs flexing a little. Percy swallows and feels his cock twitch. He notices the rigid line of heat Nico's got concealed in his underwear. God, that's furiously hot. His brain catches on the idea of tugging those briefs down and taking Nico's dick into his mouth, and something in his gut twists and makes his thighs squeeze together.

Nico lifts an eyebrow. "Are you—do you need assistance?"

Percy shakes his head, pushes a hand through his hair. "I'm good. I'm good." He sinks down, holding Nico's thighs in his hands and opens his mouth around the skin there. Nico makes a choked noise, squirms under the touch. Percy grins and sucks kisses into the bare flesh of his thighs, following the tensed line of muscle. His tongue flares out, tastes a mix of skin and sweat, and Nico wraps his fingers in Percy's hair and hooks a leg over his shoulder.

All Percy can think about now is going down on him, and he's fairly sure that Nico would let him do it. But Percy's only ever been on the receiving end of a blowjob. He doesn't want to try something new here and fuck it up royally. At least he knows how to stick his dick into things; he's great at that.

He hooks his fingers in the elastic of Nico's underwear, wraps his hands around his lower back. Percy cups the tight curve of his ass as he shoves his briefs down and over his hips. Nico's gasping, "Oh my God," and soon it's Percy's turn, because Nico's naked and, holy fuck, Percy is completely incapable of handling this. He can't remember being this hopelessly turned on since he was a teenager.

"Well, you're not screaming. I guess that's good." Nico reaches for him, and Percy feels warm hands slide into his boxers and grip his ass. He pushes his hips back into Nico's hands, and Nico's fingertips press and squeeze before shoving the shorts down entirely. Percy kicks them off and tries very hard not to think about the fact that they're both naked. He just kisses him harder and focuses on the way Nico's hands are wrapped around his biceps. Nico tips his head to the side so he can speak. "Are we gonna do this?" he asks, his voice a little shuddery.

"Do you want to?" Percy's still not used to the idea that Nico actually wants him.

Nico's face scrunches up into his "you are the stupidest person in the entire world" expression. "Are you insane? Yes! Yes! God, I want you so much, how can you not see that?" He waves a hand in the direction of his cock.

"I'm tryin' not to look," Percy mumbles.

"Do you want to pretend yours is the only penis in the room?"

"No, I just... Seein' how much you want me is so hot, y'know?" he murmurs at his ear. "But I don't wanna come just from that."

Nico seems worried for some reason. "So should I cover it up?"

Percy chuckles. "No, no, just—just let me..." He stops, crawls off of him and walks over to the nightstand to dig through the drawer. He hears the rustle of sheets as Nico scoots up to the head of the bed.

Percy's rummaging through the nightstand while Nico traces his fingertips over the dimples in Percy's lower back. "Can you believe they didn't want you as Al Pacino's butt double?" Nico says, his fingers pressing into the flesh of Percy's ass.

Percy huffs a laugh and pulls out a set of handcuffs from the drawer. "Whoa, we oughta use these sometime!" He turns a little to show them off to Nico.

Nico gives him flat eyes. "No."

"Ah, you're no fun," Percy grouses, finding the bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

"What? I am so fun! Fun's my middle name!"

"Okay, Mr. Fun, tell me if this tastes like banana to you." Percy tears a condom off of the strip and tosses it over his shoulder at Nico.

Nico frowns at the package in his hands. "No! And, banana? Really? Could they be any lazier with the phallic imagery?"

"Fine, I'll do it." Percy snatches the condom from him and tears the plastic open. Nico watches him with a mix of horror and arousal as he puts the latex in his mouth to sample the flavor. Percy makes a face. "Doesn't taste like banana at all!" he whines.

Nico snorts a laugh and pats his arm. "Sorry, Perce."

He ends up with his legs looped around Percy's hips while Percy teases two slippery fingers at his entrance. Nico makes a cracked little moan around Percy's mouth when his fingers press in and ease him open. That might be one of the hottest sounds Percy's ever heard. He watches the way Nico's face reacts, the way his teeth catch his lower lip when he bites back a moan. Percy pushes in a little deeper; Nico grunts out a breath and presses his heels into Percy's ass. Percy kisses him harder, his hand moving and stroking in a way that has Nico pushing his hips into it, gripping Percy's arms and choking out his name. Percy curls his fingers inside of him, and Nico actually fucking _whimpers_ at that. "Perce—Perce, God, please, please..."

Percy doesn't need much—if any—convincing to put his dick in Nico. It's pretty much all he's been thinking about for the last eight hours. He replaces his fingers with the head of his cock, and the breath catches in Nico's throat as Percy slides in, and, oh God, that's so fucking good it's obscene. It's official: their friendship is ruined. There's no coming back from the way Nico's making those shuddery, whimpering noises around Percy's mouth. He digs his fingers into Percy's hair, his hands tight in stillness.

"You okay?" Percy breathes into the curve of his throat.

"Y—yeah, just—just let me..." Nico shifts underneath him, holds onto Percy's shoulders as he adjusts his hips. "Oh God, okay, that's—" He shuts his eyes and settles against the mattress. "I can see why this is a thing that people do."

"So it's good? I'm not hurtin' you or anything?"

"You start moving, and don't you dare stop," Nico threatens, his voice already wrecked. "Or I'll let my ass muscles rip off your dick by pure force, mother fucker!"

Percy doesn't need much convincing. He sinks deeper, groans a low, punched-out noise when he's buried all the way in, and Nico moans in appreciation, his nails biting into Percy's skin. They find a rhythm that works for them, that drives gutted huffs of breath out of Nico and sends sparks crackling up Percy's spine. Percy's trying not to lose the last few fragments of control he has, because this is the hottest thing he's ever been a part of, and he really wants it to last longer than thirty seconds. But Nico's moaning and gasping around his mouth, clawing at his back, and pushing his hips into Percy's thrusts. Percy's surprised that Nico is so...loud. He can't remember hearing these kind of sounds through the wall of his bedroom; even when they fooled around before, Nico had always been sort of quiet. Not that Percy's complaining, of course; he's proud that he can make Nico cry out shaky bursts of words that he'd probably be embarrassed about if Percy wasn't inside of him.

Percy moves a hand from around Nico's thigh to curl around the jut of his cock, and Nico's a shuddery mess of appreciation and jagged noises. "Perce, God, fuck, fuck, please, I can't—" Nico bends a knee back, hooks his leg over Percy's shoulder to make the jolting pushes of their hips a little deeper. Percy sinks in again, so deep he thinks he might lose his mind, and Nico's gone, choking out words and praises as he comes. He doesn't go still, just keeps pounding his hips to match Percy's thrusts, riding out the aftershocks. Everything about Nico's orgasm knocks out any and all control Percy has left, and—fuck—he breaks apart, his fingers digging in wherever they're gripped. Nico makes a small noise of pain in his throat and slides his legs in the spaces between Percy's own, letting him take whatever he needs as he thrusts weakly through the comedown like he doesn't want to stop.

"Oh my God," Nico sighs out, all shaky and loose. Percy breathes into Nico's hair, and he can feel his pulse tripping beneath his skin. Nico tips his head up, finds Percy's lips and kisses him again, open-mouthed and messy. "That was—that was awesome. You have to try it. I'm serious."

Percy spreads a hand on Nico's stomach, his fingers sliding in the wet lines of his cum. Fuck, that shouldn't turn Percy on so much; it's not like it's _his_ cum. He presses his mouth over Nico's and breathes with him in shivery inhales and exhales. "Yeah, sure," he mumbles, because he's forgotten whatever Nico just said; his brain is occupied with thoughts of swiping his tongue over Nico's stomach and tasting his orgasm.

"Really?" Nico asks around his mouth. "'Cause if you give me a few minutes I can go again."

Maybe Percy should protest that, but damn if he isn't curious. And he feels like they're in a place now where he can try stuff like this with Nico; Nico _did_ just let Percy fuck him. Might as well return the favor. "Okay, yeah, just let me..." He trails off, because he doesn't know how to finish that sentence. Instead he just slides down Nico's body and licks up the sloppy mess on his stomach.

"Oh my _God_ ," Nico groans, pushing himself up on shaky elbows to watch this happen. Percy runs his tongue across the sticky stripes while Nico makes choked noises at the sight. "Oh my God," he says again, because that pretty much covers it.

Percy looks up, licks his lips and tastes him on his tongue. Nico's just staring at him in a weirdly hot mix of disbelief and arousal. Percy thinks "weirdly hot" is a pretty accurate description for Nico in general. He huffs a laugh. "Maybe you got more in common with Silena than you think." Nico mouth-glares at Percy and flicks his forehead. "Ow!"

* * *

It takes them a good thirty minutes to get back to the bed, because Percy gets side-tracked watching something on TV while Nico's rolled up in the sheets, waiting impatiently for him. He figures this is just Percy, but there's a lot of insecurity buried here that Nico's not sure if he wants to unearth just yet. He doesn't think Percy would turn down sex to watch television. Did Percy not enjoy himself? It seemed like he did, but Nico isn't totally sure. He's never done this before, so Percy can't expect him to be great the first time around and—

"It was good, right, Perce?" Nico blurts out, wincing at how destructive it sounds when he says it out loud.

Percy peers over at him from the top of the couch. "Yeah, of course! Why would you think it wasn't?"

"Well, I said I wanted to go again and..." He shrugs, lets the rest of that sentence fall apart.

Percy's brow creases. "W—well, maybe I need a little more time to get ready than you do."

Nico has a feeling that's the first excuse he could come up with. "Hey, y'know, it's okay to be nervous. I was."

"Really?"

There's no way this could possibly be news to Percy. "Uh, yeah? How could you not notice?"

Percy just shrugs.

"Look, I won't lie to you. It's really awesome." Nico can see Percy needs a little more convincing. He looks him in the eyes and says, "It feels like pizza tastes."

Percy thinks about this for the length of one heartbeat and practically leaps over the couch to join Nico on the bed. Nico's laughing because he knew that would work. Then he has a seizing moment of panic, because what if it was only so good for him because it was Percy? He has to make good on that promise. Why does he let himself talk?

Percy kisses him and drags him closer with greedy hands. "So how do you wanna do this?" His fingers trail over Nico's arms, making him shiver involuntarily.

"Okay, well, um, come here." Nico takes Percy's face in his hands and kisses him again, easing back against the bed and bringing Percy down with him. Percy's all muscle against him, half-hard at the prospect of continuing what they started earlier, and Nico feels a little drunk with power that he can do that. He's never going to get used to the knowledge that he plays a part in giving Percy erections.

His fingers snake into Percy's hair while his other hand gropes blindly for the bottle of lube abandoned somewhere on the mattress. Percy stretches over him and hums into his mouth. Nico's fingers have forgotten how to be fingers, fumbling with the plastic lid until it opens for him. He gets a squirt of the slippery liquid in his palm, and, okay, he's just going to go with that. "Alright, I'm gonna... Tell me if you don't like it, okay?" Nico squirms a little, surprised by the sudden greed of his own body at the thought of what's to come. He lets his hand slide down Percy's spine and presses two fingers into him, slow and controlled.

"Oooh," Percy drags out in a groan, his hips pushing back against Nico's hand. He rubs and strokes in small circles that make Percy gather the sheets in his fists and rock his hips into the pressure. "Mm, that's..."

"Good?" Nico supplies hopefully.

"So good," Percy moans, his shoulders quaking when Nico drags his thumb down and spreads his fingers a little. "So good." Nico pushes in a little deeper, and now Percy's making little whimpering noises into the bend of his shoulder, his breath hot on Nico's neck. "Fuck"—he nudges his hips back—"Nico, I want..."

Nico freezes, assuming Percy's had enough. "You want me to stop?"

Percy shakes his head. "No, I want _you_. I wanna feel what it was like for you."

Nico's heart slams manically in his chest. "I can—I can do that?"

"I told you: you can do everything, remember?" Percy crushes his mouth against Nico's, and now Nico can't think about anything but the fact that he gets to roll over and fuck his gorgeous Italian boyfriend.

 _"My God,"_ Nico thinks, _I have a boyfriend."_

Can open, worms everywhere.

His brain is kind of an asshole.

Nico sits up, rearranges them to make this easier, because he doesn't think he's going to last very long if he gets to see the way Percy's face reacts to this, all lip-bitey and brow-creasy. His hands are shaking while he fumbles with the condom. This is ridiculous; Nico's done this before, just in a different hole and with people who aren't Percy. That's basically the same thing, right? He figures the basic principles still apply, there's just an extra dick involved. His mind flutters to Silena, poor, poor Silena and her inability to perform, and his inability to believe he really didn't love her and now he's here months and months later fucking his best friend, fucking his roommate, and fucking his boyfriend into a hotel mattress with their cum surrounding them and the grittiness and greatness surrounding the entire night.

Percy's pulled up to his knees, and Nico holds his hips, presses in and pushes. Percy moans low and gritty in his throat, his fingers curling in the sheets, and, oh my God, fuck yes, this is amazing. Percy fits so perfectly around him, and the noises he's making sound like this is the only thing in the entire world that he wants. "God, Nico, that's—" Nico shoves in again, and Percy gives a shaky exhale. "Right there, God, yes, please."

Nico learns pretty quickly that Percy's actually really loud when he's got someone's dick in his ass. He's fucking deep into him, and Percy is breathing little huffs of want that say he is totally okay with this. He's only getting louder with each thrust. This really isn't helping Nico stay in control; no one's ever touched Percy this way or pulled these beautiful, needy sounds out of him. Out of everyone Percy's dated, it's Nico who turns him into a broken mess of need. Nico's ego is pleased.

Nico hears a distant sound over Percy's howls of encouragement and freezes. It takes about two seconds for Percy to start complaining. "What part of 'don't stop' is confusin' you?"

Nico squeezes his hips, his ears still attuned to the sound that he'd heard earlier. Percy sighs in annoyance and drops his forehead against the pillow. Then Nico hears something else. Something like muffled voices from the room next door. Muffled voices that sound a lot like Luke and Annabeth.

Holy shit.

"Perce! Do you hear that?"

Percy tilts his head to hear better. Nico can make out Annabeth's giggly voice from the other side of the wall: "Luke, stop!"

Percy looks back at Nico the best he can while he's in this position. "Sounds like they're gettin' lucky too," he says around a grin.

"And we can hear them!" Nico's still whispering, because the crux of this is pretty vital. "That means they can hear us too!"

"Oh." Percy's eyes go wide, and his face heats up. " _Oh_." Nico gives him a pointed look. "Well, I can be quiet."

Annabeth makes some sort of moaning sound in the other room.

"Oh, you're gonna!" Nico curves over Percy's back, sliding in deep, and Percy groans through his teeth, but he's still sort of loud, and this is it, this is how Nico's going to die; he's going to be the first documented case of someone actually dying from embarrassment, and Percy will go on living because he shed all sense of shame years ago like a goddamn cocoon. "That's not quiet!" Nico growls at his ear.

"Can I just say this is really hot, you takin' control like this?"

"Really?" Percy pushes back, makes a cracked groan that Nico feels all the way through him. "Percy? Hush or I'll smother you with a pillow."

"Hey, you were loud too!"

Nico feels his face flush. He knew Percy was going to bring that up eventually. "Well, I didn't have to be quiet. Besides, I might last a little longer if you keep it down."

Percy thinks about it. "Okay, well, just—just touch me and I promise I'll be quiet. I can't hold myself up with one hand, y'know?" Nico does as he's asked and wraps his fingers around Percy's dick; Percy moans into the pillow, fisting the sheets in his hands. "So good..." Nico rocks into him, gripping his cock tight, and how are Percy's low, soft moans turning him on more than the loud ones? The only explanation Nico can find is that the universe hates him, but he's not thinking about that very hard, because Percy's underneath him moaning and shoving his hips into Nico's thrusts and, oh fuck, he can't even think anymore. Percy makes a sound that's half grunt and half whimper, his body shuddering and tensing as he comes over Nico's fingers. Nico gasps a strangled little breath, curled tight over him, and just _loses it_ because Percy's gripped around him like a merciless vise. He breathes hot and heavy over the bowed curve of Percy's neck, lets his hips pulse to wring out the aftershocks.

Percy's slumped beneath him, still shivery, his face smashed into the pillow. At least he's quiet now. He hums in appreciation when Nico presses his mouth over the juncture of his shoulder. Percy lets out a long sigh. "So, yeah, that was...really awesome."

"I know!" Nico exclaims a little too loudly.

They lie there for a while, Nico's body slumped against Percy's back, sweaty and damp, as he litters his skin with kisses. Nico closes his eyes and tangles his fingers in Percy's hair. He's forgotten what it's like to have a relationship where the other person isn't eager to leave once the sex is over. Sure, Percy loves the sex, but he seems to like the other parts of their relationship too, the ones where they're not touching each other's genitals or kissing like they don't want to stop.

They can hear faint moaning from the other room, then: "Oh God, Luke..."

Nico makes a face. "So...shower?"

"Yep."

Nico's foot nearly catches in the sheets as he rushes to follow Percy into the shower.

* * *

 ***fans self* Oh. My. God. That was so hot, I'm sorry, that was fucking hot, and I don't know if I'm allowed to say that about my own writing. We can all just wish an experience like that may actually happen but knowing life, it's a dream far gone. Thank you all very much, and I hope once again that this chapter was worth the wait. I haven't really ever done a chapter of just full smut before, so it was an interesting landscape to traverse, and maybe in your reviews, let me know if this is what you want to see more of as I can edit the chapters from here on out to add a little, _or_ a lot of fan service depending. I hope to see you all again, perhaps on Wednesday or Thursday with Chapter #13: Watch Your Tongue, Sir. Please review! I love you all! Have an amazing day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm of Writing**


	13. Chapter 13: Watch Your Tongue, Sir

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #13: Watch Your Tongue, Sir. I am officially on spring break, which makes me super happy! I do have a lot of AP U.S History homework to do, with three stories in progress, and a show starting on the 19th through the 25th to keep me occupied, but no biggie! I plan on having this story finished before June, so keep me stuck to my promise (explode my inbox if you have to, to be honest). I am trying to post three chapters of this story before the 25th, and if I don't do that, again, explode my inbox. Hopefully you all enjoyed last chapter with the great ole smut, because it sure as hell ain't going away. I saw the view count spike, and I'm like, gee, I wonder why lol! Enjoy the chapter, ladies and gentlemen!**

* * *

They end up sleeping past breakfast, which Nico is absolutely going to blame on Percy, because two people were simply not meant to have sex even once—let alone twice—in that ridiculously tiny shower stall. For a resort whose primary clients are couples, this seems like a gaping oversight. _You know you loved it, you kinky son of a bitch, I mean come on, you had Percy IN you for god's sake. How much better could it get?_

Percy chooses this moment to slide his arms around Nico and press his knee into the back of his thigh. Nico makes pained noises into the pillow. "Ow, oh God, Perce..."

Percy's grin is practically audible. "You like that, huh?"

"No! No, I don't like it!" Nico moans. His butt burns, a scalding rip of fire as if a volcano erupted all over and causes so much discomfort. The younger man bites into the pillow, trying to shift away from his boyfriend some, because good god he didn't expect the pain to be _that_ immense.

Percy retracts his knee and arms. "What? Why?"

"My legs and my ass are so sore I feel like they're trying to run away so I can't hurt them anymore!"

Nico rolls over—slowly, agonizingly—to see how Percy's reacting to this. He's got his thinking face on. "My ass feels okay." _Of course it is. Of course it is, you sexy human beast that is my boyfriend._

"Because you didn't have to put your legs over my shoulders so I could fuck you in a shower stall that barely fits one person!"

Percy huffs a laugh; at least someone's finding Nico's misery amusing. "Sorry. But, hey, maybe it wasn't just that. I mean, we had a _lot_ of sex last night." A lot of sex could be considered an understatement, in all honesty. The businessman still has Percy's smell all over his shoulders and down his back, something he genuinely appreciates. To just think that only a week ago, he had been so damn worried about Percy asking him to fast forward having one of his sexual fantasies be granted entry. A match made in heaven. _Amen, Nico Di Angelo. A fucking men!_

They really did. Nico can't remember ever having that much sex in his entire life, let alone one night.

"Maybe your body's just not used to...so much."

Nico's well aware that his sexual history could leave a pamphlet wanting; Percy doesn't have to agree with him. "Percy, please stop talking," he mutters, turning over so he's lying on his stomach. "It's making me sore, probably by accident."

Percy chooses not to do that, because he's Percy and he likes to hear himself talk. He swings his legs off the side of the bed and pads over to the nightstand. "Hey, y'know what'll make you feel better? A massage!" He digs through the drawers. "I think I saw a bottle of massage oil or somethin' Rachel uses in here. Y'know, the stuff when Luke complains about the slumped shoulders! I stole some from her car for... reasons, and I think there may still be some left!"

Nico's not going to lie; in his head, the idea of Percy giving him a massage is ridiculously hot. But in reality, it would probably be very painful and embarrassing for everyone involved. "Do you actually know how to do that?"

"'Course I do," Percy scoffs. "Rachel massages me all the time." _Oh, really? Do you stick your dick in her too?_ Nico shakes his head. That was... weird.

Nico shuts his eyes again, because he feels like his brain is going to explode. "That's like saying you know how to play guitar because you've been to a concert or two."

"A-ha!" Percy finds the bottle of oil in the bottom drawer. "Here we go!" He tugs the comforter away and hops onto the bed, his knees on either side of Nico's hips.

"This seems like a very flimsy excuse to touch my ass."

"You caught me." Percy scoots down a little bit and starts on Nico's thighs; Nico guesses that's so he doesn't think Percy's literally only doing this as a way to touch his ass. Percy's hands are warm and slippery, and even though there's some pain as his fingers move it still feels rather pleasant.

Nico closes his eyes and relaxes. "You must be in a really good mood. You haven't even complained about missing breakfast."

"They got room service. Plus, I've been eatin' for, like, my whole life. I've only been able to touch you like this for two days."

Nico's not going to admit it out loud, but that warms his heart in a weird way. "A little to the left, you giant girl."

Percy laughs under his breath and does as he's told. "Y'know, if I have to touch your butt, I'm gonna want to do more than just massage it."

"Considering that's how I got in this position, can you not?"

Percy chuckles. "I like you in this position."

Nico sighs. "I left myself open for that one." Percy laughs again. "Damn it!"

Percy's on his third slice of pizza when Luke and Annabeth stop by after the massage.

"You ordered a pizza?" Annabeth asks in disbelief. Nico gestures as if to say, "I know!"

"Hey, there's a place right down the street, and it's cheaper than eating here," Percy says with his mouth full. "What've you guys been up to?"

"We walked around the miniature aquarium on the second floor," Luke says. "It was nice. Really nice." The blonde looks like he's drowning in heaven. He's with the girl he loves, examining one of his favorite pastimes, how couldn't it get better? Nico makes sure to ruin it, as he's Nico Di Angelo, and fuck it, that's what Nico Di Angelo does.

Nico quirks an eyebrow. "Now, does that mean all the fish are really small or is that just the size of the aquarium?"

Luke gives him what can only be described as a bitchface.

"They got sharks there?" Percy asks.

"There's a great white shark, which, fun fact, shares a common ancestor with the prehistoric shark _Carcharodon megalodon_ —"

Annabeth makes a snoring sound. Even she, being the great intellectual woman she is, cannot stand her boyfriend's droning.

Luke stuffs his hands in the pockets of his swim trunks. "So, yes, they—they have sharks there."

"Cool!"

"So, did you swim with them, or..." Nico trails off, pointing at their bathing suits and towels and general beach attire, which makes sense, considering this is a resort with about ten different types of pools.

"No," Annabeth chuckles, "we're gonna go to the water park. You guys wanna come?"

Luke lifts up the cooler he's holding. "We've got beer."

Percy turns his head to rejoin the conversation. "Whoa, really?" He looks over at Nico. "Nico, they got beer!" The younger man shoots him a deadpanned look. _No duh, Perce. They just fucking said they have beer. Maybe if you weren't moaning so loud in the shower last night, your ears would still be functional._

"If you could bring your pizza it would be a perfect afternoon," he says dryly. "Percy needs his pizza, guys." Nico explains then to Luke and Annabeth who have their eyebrows raised.

Percy's eyes go ridiculously wide. "I didn't even think of that!"

Nico would really prefer staying in the room today, but he doesn't want to crush Percy's enthusiasm. "Yeah, sure, we'll join you. Might as well experience all the neat crap they've got here."

The buffet area opens up to a small lagoon that has a decent sized water park behind it. Nico barely even noticed this when he was down here yesterday, but to be fair he was preoccupied with the whole 'dating Percy' thing. _It isn't half bad, don't lie._ In the center of the park is the lazy river, which encircles a quartet of water slides. Northeast from there is a beach volleyball court, concession stands, and a picnic area. On the northwest side lies a water-based jungle gym, the cabanas, and a small arcade.

The four of them sit poolside at the lagoon, because there's no crowd there, and that's where the nearest chairs are. The more intimidating water rides are scattered around the perimeter of the park, with one especially tall slide practically bumping up against the brick wall outlining the resort—this one looks like a creepy, dark, alien spaceship; the top of the slide is modeled to look like a space pod, and corkscrew water slide sticks out from the bottom and empties into the pool below. A neon purple light flickers from inside the black pod. It pretty much looks like Satan designed the ride to scare the piss out of every person insane enough to slide down the thing. Nico senses it in his head. " _Don't wanna go on it. Don't wanna go on it, Perce. Please in all things in God's holy name!"_ he silently prays.

And, of course, Percy thinks it looks cool. "Oh man, that thing is awesome!" He turns to Nico. "We gotta go on that!" _FUCK ME!_

"Uh, _no_!"

"Why not?"

"Because I might die!" Nico says, like it's obvious.

Percy just laughs and bites into another slice of pizza. "Oh, c'mon, Nico, don't be scared! It'll be fun!"

"I like being alive, thank you very much, if you haven't noticed," He pops open a beer and steals a slice from Percy. "My general rule of minimal excitement has gotten me this far."

"Please, Nico?" Percy begs, and, Christ, it's hard to deny him anything when he puts on his "lost puppy" face.

"Go by yourself if you wanna go that bad."

Annabeth comes back from the concession stands, licking the powdered sugar from a funnel cake off her fingers. "Are you talking about that alien spaceship thing?"

"Yeah!"

"That looks so cool!" she exclaims, stomping her foot for emphasis. "But Luke is a big baby."

Luke frowns.

Percy's face lights up. "So is Nico!"

"Sittin' right here," Nico says, his eyes narrowed.

"We should go together!" Annabeth shoves a piece of funnel cake in her mouth and sits in the empty lounge chair beside Percy.

"We're gonna!" He gives her a high five. Nico and Luke share a look.

"Just let me finish eating first, 'cause the line is really long," Annabeth says. Percy gestures with his pizza box in agreement.

Luke takes a tiny radio out of Annabeth's bag and switches it on for some ambience. Marky Mark starts rapping about good vibrations, and Annabeth makes a scoffing noise. "Ugh, I hate that song." She changes the station and ends up on something in Spanish.

Luke fiddles with the dial, lands on Blind Melon's "No Rain." He asks, "Any particular reason?"

"Aside from it sucking?" Nico adds.

Her face flushes a little. "It was playing one time when one of my ex-boyfriends and I...y'know."

Nico snorts a laugh. "You did it to Marky Mark?" He might be judging her a little for this. Okay, a lot.

"It's not like I _wanted_ to! It just came on. And the guy had crappy taste in music anyway."

Percy frowns. "Hey, I like that song!"

Annabeth gestures to him as proof. "See?"

Percy frowns harder and takes another bite of pizza. "Well, maybe I don't wanna go on the weird-lookin' spaceship with you anymore."

"No! No! I take it back!"

Percy's bark is worse than his bite though, because as soon as Annabeth's finished with the funnel cake they're rushing off to ride the scary water slide together. Luke lets his gaze linger a bit too long—or maybe not? Annabeth's his girlfriend, after all—before turning to Nico.

"Jealous?" Nico asks, snagging the last slice of pizza. He's pretty sure Percy will have something to say about that when he gets back, but Nico's also pretty sure he can make up for it later by giving Percy an orgasm.

"N—no, I'm not hungry," Luke answers. Nico gives him a look. "Oh— _oh_! Okay, yeah, a little."

"Really?" Nico's a smidge jealous himself of Percy and Annabeth going off together, even if it's just for something silly like riding a water slide. But Annabeth's hot, and Luke is kind of a dork, and Percy's pretty smooth with the ladies, and Nico isn't exactly Fabio. Or a god in any sense, but he digresses. All of this forms a weird, awful brain storm of unpleasant thoughts in which a water slide isn't the only thing Annabeth's riding, and, wow, that was _not_ where Nico wanted that train of thought to go.

"Well, yeah." Luke shrugs. "I mean, he's Percy and I'm...me."

"You ever think that's exactly why Annabeth picked you? I mean, she could've picked Percy, but she didn't."

"Only because I asked her out first," Luke says, suddenly defeated. _And the man you're 'jealous' of is currently fucking the guy you're talking to, but who's paying attention and listening?_

"If she wasn't attracted to you, she wouldn't have said yes to the date, and she wouldn't be your girlfriend." Nico's really hoping all of this applies to Percy as well, that Percy's dating him because he wants to and not because Nico's patheticness has earned him pity.

Luke pushes a hand through his hair. "Thing is, I don't really know how to be with a woman. I was with well... you know who for years, and now I have to start all over. I don't know if I trust myself not to mess this up."

Nico was not ready to have such a heavy conversation today. "Do you love Annabeth?"

"Of course. When I look at her, it's like...everything makes sense, you know? She gives me everything I could ever want just by existing."

Nico thinks that's similar to how he feels about Percy. He smiles and blurts out, "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Luke doesn't seem to catch the hint , but Nico scrambles for more words to cover it up. "So...just trust yourself." Luke frowns, like he expected something more profound. "Look, I'm not—I'm not good with the advice. You come to me if you want a sarcastic comment or if you need math done. Maybe Thalia could make you feel better about this."

Luke makes a face. "I don't think she wants to hear about my sex life."

"Rachel's pretty down to earth about this kind of stuff."

"Well, Rachel's not here."

"So you're stuck with me." Nico smirks and takes a swig of his beer.

Annabeth and Percy come back from the slide about fifteen minutes later. "That was so exhilarating!" Annabeth squeals, hopping into the pool. "You guys have to try it!"

"Oh, no exhilaration for me, thanks," Nico says. "Doctor's orders."

Percy lifts an eyebrow, and the corner of his mouth pulls up. "Really?" Nico feels his insides twist; that's a challenge if he's ever heard one. It might even classify as smoldering.

"Yes, really." He sticks his tongue out, because he's the epitome of maturity.

Nico opts to lounge by the pool while the others swim. There's no way he's taking his shirt off around people who aren't Percy, and he's still sore from last night's, uh, activities—another reason he's not a big fan of things that are exhilarating. He's quite content just watching Percy, admiring the gloss of his hair and the way the water trickles down his body.

Nico eventually moves over to the stairs and sits at the edge of the pool, dipping his feet in the water. Percy swims over to him, a few strands of hair plastered to his face. "Finally decided to join us, huh?"

"Oh, no, I'm just observing."

"What if I grabbed you and pulled you in anyway?"

"I think I'd have to cut off your sex."

Percy's eyes go wide. "Does it grow back? Y'know, like a lizard tail?" Nico huffs a laugh and plants his right foot in the middle of Percy's chest, giving him a gentle shove. Percy wraps his hands around Nico's ankle, and Nico has a moment of panic, thinking Percy might actually pull him into the pool, when Percy says, "What's with your toe?"

"Huh?"

"You're missin' part of it." Percy traces a finger over the uneven ridge of Nico's big toe.

"Oh..." Nico chuckles. "That. Funny story."

"Ooh! Funnier than the one you told me about Luke?"

"Well, it involves my pain, so...maybe?" Percy swims closer. "I was at Luke' parents' house one Thanksgiving, and Thalia's there looking absolutely stunning. I saw her the year before, but back then she was just Luke's weird book nerd friend. However, that night, she decided to put on some makeup, get the dark hair out of her face, and I think I was so glad to be straight in that instance. Now she was like, _whoa_ , y'know? So, I'm in the kitchen trying to put the moves on her, and she gets...nervous, I guess, and ends up dropping a knife and cutting off my toe."

Percy covers his mouth to smother a laugh, but the sound bubbles out anyway. "No way!"

"Not one of my proudest moments."

Percy's still laughing, but he looks so damn good like this that Nico's not going to be too upset about it. "Don't feel too bad. I got one better," Percy says.

"Oh?"

"I went out with a girl who had an artificial leg, and we went up to her dad's cabin one night, and when we were sleepin' in front of the fireplace I sort of...threw her leg onto the fire."

"Oh my God!" It hurts to laugh, but that's not stopping Nico. "That's horrible!"

Percy scowls at him. "Hey, you got your toe cut off 'cause you were tryin' to hit on Thalia!"

"That's not even on the same level! If anything, it's more embarrassing for Thalia than me." Nico pokes at the muscles of Percy's chest with his toe. "How did you not notice this last night?"

"You think I'm gonna pay attention to your feet when I got everything else to look at?"

"You're ridiculous," Nico says with a grin.

Percy's mouth scrunches up in a pout. " _You're_ ridiculous, Mr. I-Don't-Wanna-Swim."

"So go swim with Luke and Annabeth."

Percy looks over his shoulder at them as they playfully splash each other on the other side of the pool. "Yeah, well, they're busy right now."

Nico feels a pang of regret that he can't put his arms around Percy or kiss him unless nobody's watching. He doesn't think about it all the time, just when he thinks about being affectionate or when it seems that Percy wants to. The fear is like a heavy suit of armor that weighs him down, and he doesn't have the strength to lift it. "Maybe we can do something later. Just us."

"Later" certainly isn't three hours later, when they're sitting together, Nico Di Angelo and Percy Jackson cramped into one inner tube down the lazy river. Nico sighs and thumps his head against the inner tube they're sharing. Percy looks over at him, his eyebrows raised. "You wanna make out?"

"What?"

"C'mon, Luke and Annabeth are eating lunch all the way over there." He points off into the distance. "They won't see us."

Nico makes a face. "I'm not kissing you when there's a thin rubber floatation device separating us from a river of pee."

Percy's halfway between amused and nonplussed. "What're you talkin' about?"

"Don't you know everybody pees in public pools?"

He's chuckling like he really hopes Nico is joking. "Aw, c'mon, you're makin' this up!"

"Ask Thalia! She's the one who told me."

"Yeah, well, you know Thalia. She freaks out when you don't use a coaster. She probably saw a kid pee in the pool once and figured everybody does it."

"Why would you be okay submerging your body into even a very small percentage of pee?"

Percy exhales, annoyed. "Why are we even talkin' about this?"

"Because you wanted to make out."

"Oh yeah!" He grins. "So, can we?"

Nico makes a grunt of frustration and smacks his head against the inner tube.

It's dark outside when Luke and Annabeth finally decide to call it a night. Some of the outermost rides have closed hours ago; the only attractions still open to the public at this hour are the hot tubs, the twenty-four hour lagoon, and the lazy river. Nico isn't sure what he did to deserve this; he's still sore, and to top it off he thinks he might have a sunburn. Today has just been fabulous.

"Well, guys, we're gonna go up to our room," Annabeth says, stepping out of the hot tub. "You comin'?"

"Nah, I think we're gonna stay out here for a little bit," Percy tells her. "Soak up some more rays."

This is news to Nico. Why Percy wants to prolong this is anybody's guess.

"There's a few beers left in the cooler," she says, holding it out for him. "You want it?"

"Sure!"

Nico feels like he's in a dimension where time has no meaning. He's seriously contemplating drowning himself.

"See you guys later!" Luke calls to them as he and Annabeth head back into the hotel. Nico motions after them as if to say "take me with you!"

Percy hands Nico the cooler. "Thirsty?"

Nico just gives him a look that could turn milk sour. "Why are we still here?"

"'Cause I wanna do something." he says, and the mischievous curl to his voice implies he already has an idea in mind. _You're screwed, Mister Di Angelo. You're literally fucked._

"We're not making out in pee water."

"No, I got somethin' better. Come on." Percy steps out of the hot tub, and Nico—against his better judgement—follows him. The lights begin to fade the further they venture from the hotel. Percy leads him around the river and to the north wall, where a brick divider outlines the perimeter of the resort. They're almost cloaked in total darkness now, hidden from the wandering eyes of the few swimmers still remaining in the pools at the mouth of the hotel.

Percy climbs over the laughable barricade—a sign, really?—and waits for Nico to do the same. Nico just sort of stands there. "It says 'closed,' Perce."

Percy makes a face like he doesn't understand why Nico would have any reservations about this. "So? What're they gonna do, kick us out?" He shrugs. "Not like we actually paid."

Nico gives it a moment's thought and awkwardly steps over the sign dangling from the railing. He feels a tingle of exhilaration at such a flagrant disregard for rules, a tingle usually reserved for lighting a cigarette in a non-smoking area. Percy practically skips up the first flight of the spiral staircase. "Hey, would you slow down? Some of us are still sore from your little 'no, we can totally have sex in the shower' experiment."

Percy chuckles. "That was fun, wasn't it?" Nico frowns at him. "You want me to carry you?"

Nico has to laugh, because the idea is kind of ridiculous, even though Percy held him up last night during their, uh, shower sessions. "Aw, c'mon, Perce, you don't need to—" Percy moves so his back is pressed against Nico's front. "And you're serious."

"C'mon, climb on."

Nico does the best he can, gets an arm linked around Percy's neck while he carries the cooler in the other. Percy holds him by the underside of his thighs as he starts to climb the next set of stairs. The ground below begins to look further and further away, and Nico tries very hard not to look. "The Jackson Express: a new way to travel."

Percy laughs, and Nico feels the sound rumble through him. Percy's actually pretty strong; he manages to let Nico piggy-back until the fifth and final staircase. "Alright, ride's over." Slowly, he eases down until Nico's standing upright. Nico can't help but look down. He doesn't know how high off the ground they are, but he's certain that the fall would kill him.

They walk up the remaining stairs to reach the top and across the small boardwalk. The gaping mouth of the space pod lies ahead, which will end up sending them through a corkscrew tube of a water slide. But Percy appears to have something else in mind. "Nice view, huh?" he says, leaning on the railing.

Nico moves closer to look at the night sky sprawled out in front of them. The cloak of darkness they're under seems to make the faraway lights twinkle a little brighter. Cars move slowly across distant roads, their headlights tiny points of reference. There's a bright half-moon in the sky, glistening atop the waxy leaves dangling in the trees and the calm surface of the pools below. Despite the rush of water flowing through the tube slide, it's peaceful up here, solitudinous, almost romantic. "Yeah, it's...it's nice," Nico says at last, because words have failed him. _Euphoric and perfect. ALMOST as good as Percy's screams, eh?_

Percy sinks down and sits on the boardwalk, his back leaning against the rails. He stretches his legs out to touch the opposite railing. The edges of the towel draped over his shoulders dangle acLuke his chest. There's still a wet sheen on his body, and Nico has to bite his tongue to stop himself from licking his lips—or Percy. Instead, he sits beside Percy, warm against his arm as they gaze at the tranquil sky. Percy reaches for the cooler and flips the lid up. "Beer?" They each take a can and pop it open. Percy slinks his free arm around Nico's shoulders and says, "Now we get to be alone."

Nico swoons internally.

He doesn't know how long they spend up there together, swapping stories and laughing at each other's embarrassing moments. They've had a pretty good relationship built on that alone, but now Nico gets to touch him, gets to feel the heat of Percy's skin underneath his fingertips. It's a minor privilege, but he cherishes it all the same. Nico appreciates the little things: the way Percy laughs and looks down in chagrin, the way his smile reaches his eyes and makes them crinkle at the edges, the way he sits with his legs spread wide as if inviting Nico to sit in his lap. The press of his mouth always leaves Nico a little weak in the knees; he's glad he's sitting down now. Percy leaves a trail of gentle kisses along the line of Nico's neck before his hand snakes underneath his t-shirt.

"I don't know why you wore this dumb ol' thing," Percy murmurs, pushing Nico's shirt up so he can kiss his chest. "You look great."

Nico's face heats up. "You're the only one who knows about...y'know, the nubbin."

"Is that what you call it?"

"When I want it to sound cute." He gives a hopeful smile that Percy kisses away before dropping his head to open his mouth around a nipple. A shivery gasp chokes its way out of Nico's throat, and he grips a hand in Percy's hair. Percy tugs at the nub with his teeth. "Oh God..." His head tips back, and he lets out a shaky breath when Percy takes another nipple into his mouth. "Perce, you're..."

"Amazing? I know."

Nico thinks about arguing the point, that maybe he was going to say something else, but it doesn't seem worth it when Percy's sucking and nibbling and humming moans around his nipples. Percy grabs Nico's thighs and hauls him into his lap, his erection pressed against Nico's ass. Nico tries not to panic; his legs are sticking through the bars of the guardrail and are currently dangling what seems to be a hundred feet in the air. He makes a choked noise of distress.

Percy looks up at him. "What's wrong?" Nico just keeps staring at the ground below. "Oh, hey, don't worry. Just look at me. I won't let you fall."

Nico slowly draws his legs back from the bars and tucks them underneath himself, his knees on either side of Percy's hips. Percy covers Nico's mouth with his own before snaking a hand down his spine and into his shorts. A surprised moan bubbles out of his throat when Percy teases a finger at his entrance. "Oh God—"

Percy stops. "Is it okay?"

"Yesyesyespleasedon'tstop," Nico babbles out, moving his hips to push Percy's fingers deeper. Percy obliges him, stroking and moving in small circles that make Nico's shoulders quiver and his head tip back. Nico rocks his hips and moves in to kiss him again. Percy brings Nico's face closer with his free hand, pushes in a little harder. Nico yelps around his mouth and fists his hands in Percy's hair. "So good...God, you're so good..."

"Hey, you're not too bad yourself," Percy says, easing his fingers in a little more. He shoves his other hand down the front of Nico's shorts and grabs his cock. Nico makes a whimpering noise and pushes his hips forward. Percy's fist slides and squeezes while his fingers stroke and press. His mouth moves over Nico's, smothering the needy sounds spilling from his lips. Percy grins, teases the head of his cock with his thumb. "I think you're close."

"Yeah, that—that'll happen when you've got your fingers in my ass and your hand around my dick," Nico snaps, his voice shaky. Percy strokes harder, and Nico squeezes his eyes shut, his shoulders quaking. He feels it coming and just lets it happen, lets it all shake out of him and spill over Percy's fingers. While the stars burst behind his eyes, he feels the void from the hand around his cock, and Percy's other hand is still working inside of him. Nico nudges his hips into it while Percy moans at the taste of him.

"God, that was..." Nico breathes out, struggling for the proper word. He settles for "awesome."

Percy smiles at him. "I feel like I can't touch you enough, y'know? The sounds you make, the way you look... Man, it's amazing."

"R—really?" As if he didn't have enough to be self-conscious about.

"Yeah, it's like...a hundred times better than porn." Nico lifts an eyebrow; he thinks Percy may have gone temporarily insane. "'Cause it's real—it's us."

"You're just happy to be getting laid," Nico teases and curls his fingers in Percy's hair.

"There's that too." Percy lifts Nico so he's sitting on the lip of the entrance to the slide. Nico feels the water lapping at his blissfully sore nether regions. For a flicker of a moment, he thinks Percy might be trying to get him off again—or at least wring out the aftershocks of orgasm—but then Percy's smile turns mischievous and— _oh no_.

He couldn't be.

Nico's going to kill Percy if he's—

"Have fun." Percy plants his foot in the middle of Nico's chest and shoves him backwards. Nico yelps as the current carries him into the abyss until there's no floor beneath him. He plummets down the pitch black chute like a meteor and feels his heart in his throat. Then he feels his body slam into the slide as the corkscrew starts. He flails uselessly through the dark coil of the slide, pushed through at a dizzying speed by the rush of water. He tries to keep himself from crashing into the sides, but it's a wasted effort. His sore muscles scream in protest as the twist of the slide and the battering current fling him about like a rag doll.

Nico can see a faint glow of light in the distance. The light grows and grows until he sees a burst of white, and he's falling straight down into the pool below. There's no time to suck in one last gulp of air. He crashes through the surface of the water about as gracefully as he dances. Nico fights to keep his last reserves of oxygen in while he sinks headfirst into the deep. He struggles in the direction of the light, his arms reaching and his legs kicking.

His head breaks the surface, and he breathes in wild gasps for air. The water is still, nothing like the furious, churning waves torrenting through the slide. Nico thinks he might have actually died.

Percy's laughing as he hurries down the remainder of the staircase. "You are the worst!" Nico growls, his arms pushing weakly through the water.

Percy pads over to the ladder leading out of the pool. "Wasn't that fun?"

"Fun?" Nico shakes his head; his water-logged hair tosses fat drops of liquid in every direction. "Oh yeah, I love being tossed around in a dark, colorless void! Sign me up!" He swims over to the ladder and glares up at Percy, who's grinning down at him and blocking out the sky.

"You look like a drowned rat," Percy says with a chuckle.

Nico narrows his eyes before water drips into them. "I hate you."

"You'll get over it." Percy helps him out of the pool, offers him a towel. Nico thinks about pulling him into the water, but knowing his luck Percy would probably enjoy that. Percy's pressed against Nico's back, kissing his neck, as Nico wrings the water out of his t-shirt that suddenly weighs about a thousand pounds. "We get back to the room and you'll forget all about this."

"I'm not going to touch your dick for the next ten years."

Percy's eyes go wide as Nico stomps off in the direction of the hotel. "Hey, you don't mean that, do ya, Nico?" He doesn't answer, still furiously sulking away. Percy hurries after him. "Nico!"

* * *

 **Ah, classic times. I actually want a relationship like that, just for kicks and giggles though falling down a slide doesn't sound like the most fun thing my boyfriend could've done. Anyways, that's the chapter! I hope it was all worth the wait, and I do apologize about how long it took me to get the chapter out, I've been so busy and just cannot wait to get back into relaxation mode, as the end of 3rd and beginning of 4th quarter in school always have us working the most, and being a Junior certainly doesn't help. Eh, I digress. Anyways, thanks for reading! I plan on getting Chapter #14: No One's Secret To Tell. Please review and let me know what you thought! I love you all so much! Have a good day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm of Writing**


	14. Chapter 14: No One's Secret To Tell

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #14: No One's Secret To Tell. And gee, I wonder what this secret is, eh? After a few chapters that have been painstakingly long to comb through for errors (there are more, undoubtedly), and just in general to write, I gave myself a break and settled for a chapter at around 4-5k instead of the 7k-9k chapters you've been graced with. Smut writing is hard, despite the fact I've read a lot of it... straight and gay across the board, hahaha. Anywho, how long can Nico and Percy keep their little game of sex alive and out of the prying ears and eyes of the other four friends that decide to pop up? Who knows? I hope you all enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

It's Monday morning, and Nico's in bed with his legs tangled around Percy's. They've been awake for about thirty minutes just touching and kissing, wringing out every last drop of satisfaction from this trip before they leave. Nico isn't sure he's going to get used to waking up next to Percy, their limbs entangled after having sex. They had sex last night—twice. Even after Percy's little water slide stunt. Nico finds it difficult to stay mad at Percy for too long, especially when he's naked and pressed against Nico in the shower. There's something about the dark haired god's eyes, that inquisitive emerald stare looking just so _fucking_ sweet and pouty that Nico is unable to resist planting his mouth on Percy's and sucking at the nape of his boyfriend's neck, and taking in his cock, and gods, there are so many things out there that Nico would love to if his ass wasn't burning. And, okay, maybe in retrospect Nico found the whole ride a little fun. But he's never going to admit that out loud.

Percy sighs over his mouth. "We should probably get up, huh?"

"There's no point," Nico murmurs. "Luke refuses to check out of a hotel until the actual check-out time. Not a minute too soon."

"Geez, what's he doing in there?" the emerald eyed man frowns, musing over all the things he could think. "I mean, if he's so damn keen on screwing Annabeth just that one extra time..."

"My guess is packing all the hotel soaps," Nico shudders. "And, please god, never mention that to me ever again."

"What?" his boyfriend quips an eyebrow up, almost smirking devilishly.

"Annabeth and... and Luke..." the smaller man almost vomits in his mouth, and not because the idea of straight sex turned him off, but because it is Luke Castellan of all fucking people, and man who is often stranger and more fleeting than Nico is himself, nearly nigh impossible, but it is possible. "Just... Luke..." he shudders once more, and Percy latches on to feel the vibrations, those damn good vibrations underneath his fingertips. _He's such a darling, ain't he Percy? I mean, shit, there isn't anything I'd want to see your mind and body not do to Nico. Except break up with him, please and thank you._

Percy cranes his neck to peer at the clock on the nightstand. "Well, looks like we got about an hour before Luke gets his butt in gear," He gives Nico a flirtatious grin. "Maybe we should find a way to pass the time?"

"Perce, for future reference, never mention Luke's butt when you want to have sex with me." Percy opens his mouth to protest, but Nico overrides that with a glare. "And moreso, nothing dealing with Annabeth and Luke... again. I find you and I fucking hard to believe at times, and lord knows I don't need to think of my other best friends doing acts like we do, possibly even with more lude action..." the word sits on his tongue awkwardly, like a curse when a new sixth grader discovers what the actual terminology in swearing is. _Fuck, shit, bitch, skank, whore, slut, cunt... ooh I like this game!_

"What about yours?"

"Well, mine is probably going to be involved, so, yeah, I guess," Nico makes a face. "Why are we even having this conversation?"

"Beats me." Percy moves to kiss him, smothers Nico's words under his mouth. His wandering hands trail heat over Nico's skin before rolling him onto his back. Percy climbs on top of him, the warm, heavy curve of his body settling over Nico.

"Perce, wait, I don't wanna have to take another shower," Nico says through biting kisses, though his legs end up hitched over Percy's shoulders. "Can we do something that isn't gonna be messy?"

"You read my mind." Percy grins, wraps a hand underneath Nico's thigh and slides it down to the curve of his ass. "I wanna try something."

"In bed?"

Percy narrows his eyes. "No, in the Olympics." Nico scowls, absolutely not in the mood for Percy's sass right now. "'Course I mean in bed."

"This isn't going to involve food or things that aren't body parts, is it?"

"Relax, will ya? You'll love this." Percy thinks about it for a moment, then: "Maybe."

"That's encouraging." Nico can't think of anything Percy might want to try here that isn't way out of his comfort zone.

Percy sits between Nico's legs, hands pushing his knees apart and sliding over skin.

Oh.

...

" _Oh_." Nico's face might be about ten different shades of red right now. "Oh. That's—Are you trying to kill me? Is that what this is?" It's not like Nico hasn't thought about it, but the fantasies in his head and the reality of it actually happening are two totally different things. "Because I don't think I can handle your mouth... there."

"I know I've never done it before, but I know what _not_ to do, y'know?" Percy looks embarrassed, like he's regretting even thinking about it. He rubs the back of his neck and looks away. "But if you don't wanna, that's fine, I—"

"N—no, I do!" Nico blubbers out. "I really do. Oh my God, you have no idea how much I do."

"Great!" Percy grins and tugs Nico's boxers over his hips. "Just—try not to move too much, okay?" _This is not happening, Nico Di Angelo. HOLY fucking shit, holy fucking shit Nico Di Angelo. Percy motherfucking Jackson is sucking you off, the blowjob you've destined and wanted since that night on New Years. Jeez, I hope the noises in your throat don't break the windowpanes and shatter all that glass._

Nico nods, and Percy slides a hand behind Nico's knee, presses his mouth over the inside of his thigh. Nico shivers, squirming under the touch. Percy kisses a line down his thigh, and Nico watches his head sink lower and lower until he's breathing hot at his cock. He squeezes his eyes shut, feels Percy's fingers wrap around the base, and then there's a wet heat enveloping the head of his dick. Nico lets out a shaky moan, curls his fingers in the blankets as his hips twist and jerk, because he _cannot_ stay still for this.

Percy pulls away and raises his head to glare at Nico. "What the hell did I _just_ say?"

"Sorry, Perce," Nico groans out. "I think this is something my body just _does_ when someone's got my dick in their mouth?"

Percy's not buying it. He gives Nico a sassy look and says, "Quit movin' so much, alright?"

"I can't make any promises."

Percy rolls his eyes—actually fucking _rolls his eyes_ —before his head dips down again, and Nico's biting back unattractive whimpering noises. He loops a leg over Percy's shoulder. Percy takes him in a little deeper, his hand squeezing the shaft as his mouth works.

This orgasm might actually kill him. He's not too upset about it though; this isn't a bad way to go, all things considering.

Percy moans around him, all heat and wet suction. Nico fists his hands in Percy's hair when his hips start to thrust up beyond his control. "God, Perce..." Percy snorts out a huff of breath that Nico can just _tell_ is supposed to be an exasperated sigh, like he's not even going to bother reminding Nico not to move again. Percy bobs his head to counter the way Nico's hips are pistoning into his mouth, but Nico can't help it. He's doing all he can to not blow his load in the next ten seconds, and it's the hardest thing he's ever done in his life.

Nico digs his fingers in, gets his hands full of Percy's hair. "Perce, I'm gonna..." He's not embarrassed at all about his lack of stamina here. He needs this right now, and he doesn't care if it's too fast.

Percy sucks hard at the head, swirls his tongue over the tip, and Nico falls apart with a desperate groan. His hands slide through Percy's hair while he tries to get air into his lungs again. He doesn't even remember how to make words anymore.

Percy's licking and smacking his lips when Nico finally meets his eyes. "Oh my God," Nico breathes out, because that's been a pretty apropos description of his sexual encounters with Percy. "That was..." He thinks new words need to be invented to fully describe this relationship.

"Good?" Percy sits up between Nico's legs and fixes him with a hopeful gaze.

"Yeah, yeah. Oh God, yeah."

"Really?" Percy's grinning now, his perfect teeth on display. "'Cause, y'know, that was my first time doin' that..." His fingers trail lazily over the muscle of Nico's inner thigh. He smirks to himself, as he's really lying about this. There's that guy he fucked in the porno, that guy in the shower from all those years ago, his 'original' boyfriend... and that one painstaking reminder that shall sit inside his brain forever. " _Maybe with my luck Nico will never come across the ass, and I won't have to deal with the fact that I lay with men before Nico..._ "

"No, no, it was...it was good," Nico says.

"But, hey, I can get better!" Percy says suddenly, as if he's just realized this himself. "Would you...want me to do that?"

"Do you really need an answer to that question?" The world's stopped spinning now, and the realization that his dick was in another guy's mouth is starting to sink in. This is a whole new level of freaking out that Nico didn't even know existed. He rubs a hand over his face. "You, uh, you want breakfast?" When in doubt, distract Percy with food.

"Yeah, I'm starvin'!" He glances at the clock and frowns. "But I don't think we have time. We still gotta get dressed and pack."

Nico surveys the room; it looks like the contents of their luggage was scattered by a hand grenade. He grabs his boxers off of the bed and steps into them. "I'm sorry, Perce," he says with a sigh. "Would you feel better if I make breakfast when we get home?"

Percy shrugs. "I'm not gonna turn down food."

Nico tries to rein in his panic while he gathers his things. What's the big deal, really? It's not like he's never thought about getting a blowjob from Percy before. Hell, that's pretty tame compared to all the nasty porno fantasies he's got swimming around in his head. But they've always stayed in his head where it's safe to think about them. It doesn't make him gay to fantasize about Percy sucking his dick, but if he lets it happen—encourages it, even...

He hates that his father's indiscretions have internalized inside himself, destroying any chance he may have had at building a real, lasting relationship. Nico's prided himself in being nothing like Hades Di Angelo, nothing like the man who'd wrecked his home and his life. But it seems he's more like dear old dad than he thought.

Like father, like son.

Lost in his thoughts, he flails manically when Percy throws something soft at him. "Sorry, I was aiming for your suitcase."

Nico grabs the t-shirt Percy tossed in his direction, his hands still jittery. Nico's suitcase is nowhere near him. "Call the NBA; I think we found our new star player!"

Percy gives him a look. "Alright, maybe I was just seein' if you were payin' attention. It's not like you to be so...quiet. It's weird. Stop it."

Nico just stares numbly at the shirt in his hands. He knows what Percy looks like on top of him and between his legs now, and he doesn't know how to handle any of this. "It's just—" He wets his mouth, tries again. "It's gonna be really weird doing this at home, y'know? This feels like something you do when you're drunk in a foreign country or Vegas or somewhere you won't bring it home with you." Percy looks torn open, and Nico tries to backpedal over his words. "It works so well here, but I don't know how well it's gonna work when we get home, I mean. But I do want to try it."

Percy still looks wounded, and Nico clenches his hands into fists, because why is he so bad at this? Half of him wonders what all of this will Nicoge about their relationship, but the other half is ecstatic that Percy likes him back—likes him enough to suck his cock, damn it—and that's the half Nico should be paying attention to, because how often does he ever get to have nice things like this?

Nico twists the shirt in his hands. "What we have here is so great, but if it doesn't work I don't know if we can go back to being friends."

"But you said—"

"Oh, what do I know? The rules go out the window when it comes to you."

"What are you sayin' here?"

"I think my original point was just happy surprise that this actually happened, like 'whoa, this is neat,' but then I kept talking and this is exactly why I shouldn't talk. Can you be the designated talker in this relationship?"

Percy's expression softens into a smile. "But I like when you talk, even if I don't know what you're talkin' about."

Nico smiles back, and Percy tosses a pair of rolled-up socks at him.

They get home a little while after noon. Percy throws his bag into his bedroom and rushes into the kitchen. "I don't know 'bout you, but I'm hungry." He swings the fridge door open and peers inside.

"You're always hungry."

"This is who I am, Nico," Percy says, digging through the contents of the fridge for something edible. "And you promised you'd make me breakfast."

"Yeah, I did," Nico concedes, coming over to Percy and placing a hand between his shoulder blades. Percy moves out of the way so Nico can bend down to search for ingredients. "One of these days you should make me breakfast."

Percy likes this idea. "Yeah? You want somethin' fancy or somethin' boring like pancakes?"

"Pancakes aren't boring. And you always burn them anyway. It takes a certain...finesse."

"You sayin' I'm not...finesse-y?" Percy struggles with the word, trying to spin it in his own fanciful little way and Nico chuckles, kissing him on the mouth, taking his lip with him as they retract. His boyfriend's expression is beyond unreadable.

"Not exactly. You're just...better with meat. You have a rougher touch, and, my God, that doesn't sound dirty at all, does it?" Nico sticks his head in the fridge in an effort to cool down. He's unusually horny this morning; maybe this is just how he is when he's dating someone—Nico wouldn't know, it's been a while since his last relationship.

Percy chuckles, reaches down and drags his fingers through Nico's hair. "Maybe just a little."

When Nico stands up, batter mix in hand, Percy's chest is pressed against his back. He shivers when he feels something hard jutting into the base of his spine. "Why, Percy, is that your wallet or are you just happy to see me?"

Percy huffs a laugh and presses his mouth over the back of Nico's neck. "Both. But why don't you start fixin' breakfast? Then you can find out for yourself. I'm starvin'."

Nico chuckles to himself, moves over to the stove. "We worked up quite an appetite last night, huh?" He feels the heat of Percy's form behind him, and he's one erotic thought away from smashing his hand onto the burner. "Perce, would you, uh, see if we have any chocolate chips left over?"

"Sure." Percy lets his hand linger on Nico's waist before he walks back to the fridge.

Nico stares at the pan for a moment until he remembers that he's supposed to be making pancakes, not fantasizing about how Percy fits perfectly inside of him. He gets the ingredients mixed together by the time Percy finds the chocolate chips.

"Here ya go." He tosses Nico the bag, but Nico flails in a failed attempt to catch it and ends up dropping them. "Nice catch." Percy grabs the package and sets it on the countertop. "I should'a remembered that you're a dropper."

"I'm not a dropper!"

"What do you call what you just did?"

"I wasn't ready," Nico says with a frown. "Fuck off!"

Percy settles his hands on Nico's waist while he cooks. He behaves himself, save for a few soft kisses over Nico's neck and the slope of his shoulder. Nico lets him do it because it feels really damn good. But when Percy starts kissing at his throat, Nico has to speak up.

"Perce, not all of us can pull off turtlenecks," he warns, tilting his head away from Percy's mouth.

"Sorry," he says, but he doesn't sound sorry at all. "But I'm not really sorry. You know it."

They're enjoying delicious pancakes on top of the foosball table when Nico's foot begins its ascent up the long line of Percy's leg. Percy's eyes go wide, and he looks down, then looks at Nico. "Are you—?"

"I'm not doing anything," Nico says in his best innocent voice—which, now that he hears it, really needs some work. He trails his toes over Percy's inner thigh, slides his foot between his legs and feels him through his jeans. He's not going to fool himself into thinking he can get the jeans unzipped or unbuttoned with his feet, so he just lingers there, the breadth of his foot gliding against the inside of Percy's thighs.

Percy's voice is shaky with need when he speaks. "Nico, stop. I'm tryin' to eat."

"I thought food and sex were your two favorite things."

"They are, but I'm really confused right now."

Nico's foot brushes over Percy's knee when someone knocks at the door. Neither one of them moves, although Nico's gaze slides from the door to Percy. "You know that'll stop if you get up and open that big square thing with the knob?"

"Yeah, but that means I gotta stop eatin'," Percy says with his mouth full.

"A no-brainer."

Nico sighs and goes to answer the door. Thalia's standing there smiling at him. "I thought I heard you two get back! How was your trip?" _Good fucking God, will you not get to have a moment with your lover? Just one, please? Pretty please? No? Well, fuck you too life!_

"It was...good," Nico says, stumbling around the words. He lets her inside, not wanting to be rude. Percy's hunched over the table, conspicuously shoveling forkfuls of food into his mouth. "Very relaxing."

Percy makes a sound of agreement around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Did you do anything fun? Was the room nice? You didn't go in the pool, did you?"

Nico gives Percy an "I told you so" look. Percy just looks across his legs, moreso across the foosball table, trying not to think about dick. and keeps eating. "We, uh, we—water slides! And—and sharks!" He realizes how that sounds to someone who doesn't speak Nico's unique brand of weird. "Not, like, in the same area."

"Luke told me about the sharks," Thalia says with a chuckle. "He wouldn't stop talking about it." she giggles uncharacteristically, akin to the whole rocker look.

"Oh, and Percy tried to kill me," Nico adds. He's never going to be over that.

"I pushed him down a water slide," Percy clarifies, rolling his eyes at Nico's theatrics.

"And I almost died."

"No, you didn't."

Nico mouth-glares at him.

"You almost died?" Thalia asks, clearly humoring him.

Percy spreads his arms. "Why you gotta take his side?"

"That slide was not meant to be ridden without an inner tube!" Nico asserts. "Remember that scene in _The Empire Strikes Back_ when Luke's fighting Vader and he jumps down that long tunnel? That was me!"

Thalia's distracted by something in the kitchen. "Did you make pancakes?"

"No, the breakfast gods have been very kind to us this season." Nico's in a particularly snarky mood today.

Thalia seems to be immune to his sarcasm by now. She walks over to the mixing bowl. "There's still some batter left over. Could I make some?"

Nico shrugs. "Yeah, go ahead."

Percy makes an exasperated shrugging motion and gives Nico a pointed look. Nico makes a face as if to apologize.

"So, my credit card got stolen while you guys were gone," Thalia says while she works over the stove. "And... Rachel almost broke a guy's back because she was painting a portrait of him and then asked him to put himself in quite the uh... compromised position. He refused, and she went all like batshit crazy and tried forcing him to do this weird foot on head thing and sure enough..." to make emphasis, Thalia positions her hands to resemble a bone breaking. "Snap!"

"Really?" Nico's interested, really at the Rachel thing because maybe the guy is super attractive, but Percy's gesturing wildly, again across his legs, and generally being distracting. "Everything good with the credit card now?"

"But you know what the worst part is? This thief lives my life better than I do!" She thwacks the spatula against the skillet. "I basically learned that I'm in debt and I'm boring! How can _I_ be boring? I'm Thalia Fucking Grace," Percy quirks a smile at the dark haired woman's revelation with her own name, which is pretty awesome. "I cook, I can clean, I can strum a guitar and I can also really fuck a man good if need be!" Gods, the woman deserves a beer.

"You're not in debt; you don't have to pay for anything you didn't buy," Nico reminds her. He grimaces, skipping over the fact Thalia believes she can get any man in bed if she wants. He's already brought to the table that Percy mentioning Luke and Annabeth is inappropriate, this is a _whole_ other level.

"But you think I'm boring?"

Nico should have seen this coming. "N—no! I didn't say that!"

Percy heaves a sigh, glaring at Nico in a way that could bore holes through titanium. Nico flails in a panic and mouths 'I can't,' because he knows Percy wants her out of here so Nico can take care of the, uh, uprising he started in Percy's pants.

Thalia's reciting number three on her list of Reasons Why Thalia is Boring when Percy pushes away from the table. "Ugh, sorry, Thalia, I gotta get a shower," he grumbles, stomping down the hall to the bathroom. "And it is a Monday, too. Y'know, fuck Mondays!"

Nico's not going to be capable of thinking about anything else now that he knows Percy will be naked and drippy in the next room. He squeezes his thighs together and tries his best to boost Thalia's confidence.

He's not so good at the confidence boosting.

When Thalia finishes eating the pancakes, she gets the irrevocable urge to clean up the kitchen, and Nico wonders what he did to deserve this. Percy's naked and wet in the shower right now, and Nico doesn't get to join him and touch his dick. Or have his own dick touched. There's no dick-touching going on, and somehow it's all Thalia's fault.

By the time Thalia leaves, Percy's already toweling off when Nico scrambles in to join him. Nico doesn't even bother trying to hide the way his gaze rakes over Percy's body, because, wow, could that towel be any smaller? Nico's mouth opens in a gasp. Percy's pecs are trailing water in a way that's helplessly distracting. He forces himself to step closer; Percy's his boyfriend now and he's allowed to touch him. "So, uh, where were we?" Nico sputters out.

"Oh, I already took care of it. Sorry."

"No fair!" Nico whines. But now he's thinking about Percy jerking himself off, and the mental image isn't exactly disagreeable.

"Well, maybe if we told everybody we're together they'd leave us alone for a while?" Percy offers in his most 'trying not to be confrontational' voice.

Nico's face goes through a complicated mess of emotions. "Perce...I don't think that's such a good idea right now."

Percy's eyebrows knit together in a way that makes him look like a puppy that's just been kicked. "Why not?"

"I—I want you all to myself for a while. I haven't been with somebody like this in"—Nico stumbles over his words, embarrassed at his lack of experience here—"in a long time. I mean, if we told anybody they'd probably bug us more." Percy gives a small head tilt of agreement. "And Luke and Annabeth just got together. If we said that we're dating too, we might steal their thunder. Annabeth probably wouldn't appreciate that. I mean, the trip was her birthday present from Luke."

Percy nods grudgingly after giving this a moment of contemplation. "Okay, well, whatever you think is best. I trust you."

Nico feels like he's just dodged a huge bullet.

"Remember..." he licks at his lips. "This is no one's secret to tell, not even ours. You know what that means, don't you?"

His boyfriend sighs, running a finger over his forehead. He's wary, but tired and that derails general rational thought. "Yeah, Nico. I understand."

He leaves the bathroom without so as much giving Nico a kiss.

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #14 of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, #14: No One's Secret To Tell. Percy and Nico shall have to readjust to living as a couple back in their regular skin and life where Percy's own interests will stumble and have strife with Nico's. I've taken some liberties by making sure that there's some tension that'll either be evaporated or added onto by the end of the story... we're super close to being finished, just seven chapters left my lovelies. You all are great, y'know? This is third or fourth most viewed story on the site believe it or not, and I'd be compelled / crazy enough to say that my writing isn't even the best I've done (I'd give that to Cardinal Stasis, a Rated T Will x Nico story) in this fandom, but I digress. Anywho, thanks for reading! I hope to see you all soon for Chapter #15: What I Like About You. Please review and let me know what you thought! Have an amazing day! Love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	15. Chapter 15: What I Like About You

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #15: What I Like About You. I apologize for the like three week delay on me getting a chapter out as I was beyond busy with school, finishing my spring break and those assignments, being involved in school plays, and general laziness, but they're my usual excuses for this time period so it isn't as if it is anything new. The chapters are going to be somewhat smaller for awhile until we reach a penultimate, given we're nearing the end in only seven chapters ladies and gents. Nico and Percy's relationship is now back in New York where there is no hotel door to safely hide their sexual relationship from their friends... we shall see what causes their downfall. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Percy, I'm at work," Nico hisses into the phone. "I refuse to use the company line for phone sex."

"Aw, man, c'mon, loosen up a little." Percy chuckles knowingly. "I bet you're a real freak in secret. I just gotta find out what turns your crank."

Nico makes a face. "If you keep making car metaphors, my 'crank' is going to be off limits for a while."

"As long as you can still use mine."

Nico has to struggle not to think about that; there is absolutely no reason for him to have a boner at work. He stirs uncomfortably in his chair, his beltline getting suddenly noticeably tighter and that is enough to start having beads of sweat trickle down his forehead, making the worker feel unsettled business stir within his veins. His penis rubs innocuously against the stitching of his underwear and it is enough to almost make him cum right then and there from stimulation. "I wonder if this counts as sexual harrassment in the workplace." _You wish it did, Nico boy, and maybe you should let that be the case._

"Want me to come over there and smack your ass every now and then? Y'know, for morale...or somethin'?"

"Kinda defeats the purpose of the whole 'secret' thing."

Nico can almost see the way Percy's raking a hand through his hair when he sighs. "Maybe I don't want it to be a secret anymore, Nico—"

"I know, I know. We'll talk about it later, okay? I have to get back to work." There are only so many times they can have this conversation before Percy gets sick of it and makes an executive decision on behalf of his sanity.

"Alright," Percy whines. Then there's a smile in his voice when he says, "See you tonight, stud."

Nico's left staring at the phone in his hand because, seriously, "stud?" He can't ever remember being called that in a non-sarcastic way, like when he calls Percy "genius." Come to think of it, Nico isn't sure if anyone has ever called someone a genius and actually meant it.

When Nico looks up from his desk, he sees Rachel standing there pointing at him and bouncing up and down and generally freaking him the hell out. "Oh my God! You're seeing somebody!"

Nico makes a sound of horror and nearly flails his way out of his chair. "N—no! No! No!" He needs to find better words, but these are the best he can do right now. _Fuck man, do you forget she sometimes just shows up at your work because you invite her from now being along at her house?_ Actually, Nico does this which is super sweet and it is something he _doesn't_ need to do, but he does it anyways and that's problematic. Percy says Nico's heart is too big for his already frail and small body, he needs to sour the mood sometimes. Nico responds to that by _souring_ the mood and refusing to let his boyfriend pet his dick. Pretty much how a few of their nights were ending up, and the worker is very unsure on how this is to be alleviated.

Rachel's grinning so hard it hurts Nico's face just looking at her. "Yes, you are! I heard you on the phone!" She plants her hands on his desk and leans forward. Her hair smells like kiwis. "So who is it? Who's your secret lover?"

"No one!" That's Nico's story and he's sticking to it.

"Oh, come on! You can tell me! I'm, like, the least judgemental person ever."

"There's nothing to tell! I'm not dating anyone." It comes out as an almost-growl.

Rachel steps back, gives him an appraising look. "Huh. You're kinda sexy when you're angry."

This completely derails his train of thought. "Really?"

"Oh yeah, you got kind of a Patrick Swayze thing goin' on there. 'Nobody puts baby in a corner.'"

Nico smirks a little. "Wow, you think so?"

"I would totally make out with you right now if you didn't have a secret lover."

"I do not have a secret lover!"

Rachel claps her hands together and starts pointing again. "See? See? There it is! If I jumped at you right now, would you catch me and hold me up like they did in _Dirty Dancing_?"

"I'd love to, Rachel, but I have the upper body strength of a six-year-old girl." Nico's not proud of that, but he thinks being able to recognize your own faults is a good quality. "You could always ask Percy."

Now he's thinking about Percy's arms holding him, pinning him down and fucking him into the mattress. _Oh, keep that thought there. Right there. It is really fucking good. Like, getting fucked by Percy fucking good._

Today is a very weird day for Nico.

And he loves it!

* * *

"Well, well, well," Nico announces with a smirk as he comes home to Percy, "looks like you got some competition for this stud!"

Percy appears to be on the verge of laughter. "What're you talkin' about?" In actuality, Percy Jackson's mind is going in all sorts of directions. His mind travels back to that one accident on the kitchen table that broke and is replaced by the foosball table, and that is a guy Percy himself does not wish to see anymore because that means troubling times and that isn't good. He blinks, trying to get the look of his face before breaking back into the grin.

Nico swaggers over to where Percy's sitting in the recliner and stands in front of him, blocking the TV. "Rachel thinks I'm kind of sexy when I'm angry." He stuffs his hands in his pockets, looking incredibly self-satisfied. He doesn't get compliments like this very often, so he's going to milk this one for all it's worth.

"Really?"

"Yes, apparently I look a little like Patrick Swayze?"

Percy squints, tilts his head left, then right. "I don't see it."

Nico shoots him a completely authentic scowl. "How about now?"

He stares a little harder. "Nah, still not seein' it." Nico pouts, gives Percy the "you're an idiot" look. Percy chuckles and slides his gaze down Nico's body. "But, hey, she's right: you do look pretty sexy when you're angry."

Nico's honestly baffled—and insanely flattered—by this. "You really think so?" He needs to stop smiling right now.

"Oh yeah!" Percy stands up, slinks over to him. "But when you're dressed like that you've got a hot teacher thing goin' on, y'know?" He shoves his hand down the front of Nico's pants and tugs him forward. "Ooh, Mr. Di Angelo, if I stay after class will you give me some extra credit?"

"Have you been watching porn today?"

Percy ignores him, his hands working on Nico's belt buckle. "You gave me a B on my last exam...but I want the D."

Nico starts laughing and can't stop, even when Percy slings him over his shoulder and carries him into his bedroom. Nico's still laughing when he bounces against the mattress. This whole situation is so ridiculous; he'd really like some substantial proof that he didn't wake up in a porno movie.

Nico's sitting on the edge of the bed with his knees apart; Percy moves into the open space between them, standing over Nico and sliding his hands around his shoulders. "So, Mr. Di Angelo," Percy says, his voice low and breathy as he tugs on Nico's tie, "how about that extra credit?"

"Aren't you a little old to be in high school?"

Percy purses his lips. "I was an early bloomer, okay?"

Nico bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from another laughing fit. "So what can I do for you, Perseus?"

Percy lifts an eyebrow, starts loosening Nico's tie. "I think the question is: what can _I_ do for _you_?" He plucks open the first button on Nico's shirt and sticks his hand in. The heat of Percy's palm runs over his chest and around to his back. "I got an A in Sex Ed; I bet I can teach you a couple things."

"Like what?"

"Like this." Percy presses his mouth over Nico's before Nico turns his head away.

"Perseus Jackson, did you just kiss your teacher?"

His lips pull into a sardonic smile, displaying two rows of perfect teeth. "Yeah, maybe I did. What're you gonna do, spank me?"

"Well, the district was sued last year for unauthorized corporal punishment, so, no, we don't do that anymore."

The smile falls; Percy tries—unsuccessfully—to plaster it back on. "Well, what if I spanked you?"

"I think that falls under a whole different set of laws."

Percy's entire body gets into the sigh. "God, Nico, you are the worst actor!" he shouts, throwing his hands up in frustration.

Nico's still laughing when Percy storms out of the bedroom.

He's still loving his day.

On the other side of the door, Percy looks down at his phone which he pulled out of his pocket. Switching to the call log, he sighs. The name is embedded on the screen in an embezzled green, a fraud green, a sickening green and Percy almost wants to throw the phone off a high story window. He runs a hand through his hair, going out of the door as he can hear Nico undressing in their room.

He's getting ready for bed, Percy knows this, as that is what Nico does after he gets home from work and has 'make me feel better' sex, before slumbering off. Except, the two do not play the beast of two backs. Percy dials the number plastered into the call log, presses his phone against his ear and is out of the door.

"Hey," Percy whispers into the phone as he closes the front door. "I need to see you. It's- it's important..."

* * *

Percy's getting pretty good at acting like he and Nico aren't a couple while they're around the others. Which, now that Percy thinks about it, makes a lot of sense; he's an actor, of course he's good at acting.

That doesn't mean he won't steal a few quick glances at Nico from time to time. Hell, he's checking him out right now while Nico's sitting on the arm of the couch at the Stoll's coffee shop, with Luke serving as a human barrier between them. Years of ogling attractive people has made Percy a master at the whole trying-not-to-look-but-totally-checking-you-out thing—which is great, because Nico is ridiculously handsome in a suit and tie, and how is Percy supposed to _not_ appreciate that?

Rachel's new job as Nico's fill-in secretary seems to be going well. "Everybody was so nice!" Well, to be a fill in, Nico drags Rachel with him to the office and she pens the idea to be a secretary. The crazy auburn haired woman shouts at the ceiling that she could paint pictures of how amazing and sexy everyone looked, but Nico has other reasons stored in the back of his head, that maybe she took one too many plant pipes before 'applying'.

"See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes," Nico boasts, and if Percy didn't know to look for it he would have missed the way Nico's eyes slide all the way down Percy's body before flicking back to Rachel. Then back to Percy, because he's wearing his confused expression that prompts Nico to clarify: "Me."

"Oh no, I didn't tell anybody I knew you," Rachel says.

"Why not?"

"Well, because, y'know...they don't like you."

Nico looks like his entire world-view has just been irrevocably altered. "What?"

She blinks in surprise. "I thought you knew that."

"Nuh-huh." If Nico were a puppy he'd be making high-pitched whining noises right now. "Who doesn't like me?"

"Everyone. Except for, um"—she thinks about it—"no, everyone."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't feel bad! They used to like you a lot, but then you got promoted, and now you're, like, Mr. Boss Man. Boss Man Di Angelo!"

Nico's lower lip is jutting out so far he could probably swallow his own chin. "I can't believe it."

Percy's having trouble with this one too. He's no stranger to disgruntled co-workers, having ruffled a few feathers himself—it's not like he tries to rub people the wrong way, sometimes it just happens. But Nico has always been so likeable, even when he's stumbling over his words and flailing his arms. Sure, he can be awkward sometimes, but who _isn't_ every once in a while? Percy roots his likeability in his good looks, because people are more inclined to like you when you're attractive; he's read a few studies in Nico's non-dirty magazines—yeah, Percy knows things. But Nico cracks jokes to get people to like him, and if it doesn't work, if his co-workers universally hate him...

Rachel nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, yeah, they even do you!"

"They 'do' me?" Nico doesn't seem to think this is an innuendo.

"Y'know, like, 'could that report _be_ any later?'" Rachel does a pretty good Nico impression, if Percy's honest. He lets out a huff of breath that might be interpreted as a laugh, because Nico cuts him a frowny look.

"I don't sound like that."

Luke shakes his head, as if Nico's denial is physically hurting him. "Oh, oh, Nico..."

"Yeah, you do," Percy admits, because, seriously, so much of Nico's personality is tied up in his unusual speech patterns.

Nico looks to be in a state of stubborn disbelief.

Luke takes Nico's doubt and runs with it. "'The hills are alive with the sound _of_ music!'"

"My scone!" Percy figures he gets a free pass at poking fun at Nico, because he gives him sex that—judging by the sounds Nico makes in bed—is really freakin' amazing. " _My_ scone!"

Nico looks impossibly wounded by everyone's impressions of him, but also like he wants to punch Percy in a very tender place. "Okay, I don't sound like that," he insists, getting off of the couch. "That is so _not_ true!" He frowns, tries again. "That is so _not_..." And again. "That is _so_ not—Oh, shut up!" He scowls at Percy before storming out. Nico really has a flair for the dramatic sometimes.

Percy slinks over to Rachel after Nico has fled from the conversation. "Hey, Rachel, you were just jokin' when you said all that stuff about how no one Nico works with likes him, right?"

Rachel gives him a confused look. "What? Oh no, that's totally true," she says, then goes back to sipping her lemonade.

That's just wrong on so many levels it's tragic.

Percy scoots closer. "Well, you gotta tell him you were jokin' or—or somethin'. You got a weird sense of humor; he'll believe you."

"Okay, but only if you tell me who his secret lover is."

"What?"

"I heard him on the phone at work talking to someone, and he sounded really flirty, then he mentioned something about a secret. Do you think he has a girlfriend we don't know about?"

 _Girl_ friend? Percy chuckles dryly. "No way. You know Nico. If he was datin' somebody he'd never stop braggin' about it." Percy has a sinking feeling that Nico's embarrassed to be dating him, and that shouldn't hurt so much, but it does. But why else would Nico keep postponing the announcement? Percy thinks the statute of limitations for stealing Luke and Annabeth's thunder has passed, and his relationship with Nico isn't _that_ new anymore. There really shouldn't be any reason why Nico's still refusing to tell anybody, unless he actually is embarrassed about the whole thing.

Rachel shrugs. "I guess you're right. He probably tells you every time he makes eye contact with a woman."

Percy smiles weakly. Fuck it, he's going to tell her. Percy trusts Rachel with his life, and he knows she'd never let him down. And if she does, he'll just infuse his spirit into her couch or something and haunt the shit out of her in the afterlife. "Racel, what would you do if it was me? If I was Nico's secret girlfriend?"

Rachel snorts a laugh into her drink like that's the funniest thing she's ever heard in her entire life—and maybe all of her past lives too. "Aw, Percy, that's so sweet! It's okay if you don't know; I'll tell him I was joking anyway. I don't like seeing him sad. He's got that heartbroken puppy face going on, y'know?"

How can Rachel not believe him? She thought Nico was gay when she first met him, and she's teased Percy plenty of times about his sexuality; this theory makes way more sense than Nico having some "secret girlfriend."

But Percy's not going to argue the point. He got it off his chest, and that's what counts. So what if she thinks he's kidding? He recalls the cell phone. Percy throws his head back with a groan, eliciting a confused and worried stare from Luke and Rachel alike. Percy blushes, stammering that he needs some air. He swears, runs out of the coffee shop, dialing once more.

 _Fuck. FUCK. Motherfuckingfucker!_

* * *

Nico doesn't seem to be speaking to Percy when Percy gets back to their apartment. For a moment, he worries that Nico somehow knows about his confession to Rachel—which shouldn't even count against him considering Rachel doesn't believe it—but then he realizes that's ridiculous because Nico is not a mind-reader; if he was, they would have started dating months ago.

So Percy decides to use words to get to the heart of Nico's anger with him. "Nico, what's wrong?"

"I think you know." Nico's scowling, sitting in the armchair with his arms folded over his chest like he's never going to be happy again.

"Is this about what Rachel said?"

"No, it's about what _you_ said," Nico growls, then winces like he's said something wrong. There's a frustrated little dent between his eyebrows as he measures each word. "I get that Luke is going to make fun of me because he's Luke, and Rachel works with me now so I guess that's one of her job requirements, but did you really have to join in too?"

Percy suddenly gets it now, and he sort of hates himself for not realizing it sooner. He sits on the edge of the coffee table so he's not towering over Nico. "Aw, I'm sorry. I thought we were just jokin' around."

Nico just makes a grumbling noise in his throat.

Percy reaches for his hands, but Nico refuses to give them over to him, so Percy lets his palms rest on Nico's knees. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinkin'. I just figured you knew I was playin' around, y'know?" Nico's still glaring, although his expression seems to have softened a little. "But, hey, you can make fun of me about stuff too!"

"Like the way half of your wardrobe seems like it's one size too small?"

"Yeah!" Percy grins, not even going to defend himself by saying that's because of his amazing bulging muscles. He'll just let Nico have this one.

"And your freakishly small feet?"

Nico's a little too quick coming up with these. Percy frowns. "Yeah, that too. Though maybe you could try not to joke about that around hot women? I don't want 'em thinkin' my feet aren't the only thing that's small, y'know?"

"Uh, Perce, the only person whose opinion on your dick you should care about is your boyfriend's." He waves his hands. "Oh, look, here he is!"

"Alright, sorry." Percy looks up at Nico and feels himself smile reflexively. "Y'know, the way you stress words when you talk is one of the five thousand things I like about you."

Nico's brow creases, as if he's not sure whether this is another joke on Percy's part. "Five thousand?" Of course he would focus on that. "You have a list?"

"'Course I do!" He absolutely does have a list, tucked in the corners of his mind where he keeps his go-to dirty images for Percy-time.

Nico fails at stifling a laugh. "Oh my God, you're a loser!"

"A loser you're dating."

"So am I the cool one in this relationship, or—"

Percy cuts him off with a kiss. "I think we're about even."

* * *

"You think Annabeth knows about us?" Nico asks, trying to sound casual as he digs through his closet for something to wear to tonight's party with Rachel and his coworkers. Percy's lounging on the bed watching him, and Nico can see him in the full-length mirror making seductive faces and looking like he wants to fuck him. God, Nico's never going to get used to the fact that Percy thinks he looks fuckable.

"What, 'cause of that dream? Last time, she had a dream that she slept with you. Doesn't mean that happened." Percy's eyes pop open. "Did it? You didn't sleep with her, did you?"

"No! Of course not." Nico's offended that Percy would even think that. Not only would he be cheating on Percy—which would make him the stupidest person in the entire world—but he'd also be culpable in Annabeth cheating on Luke. That's, like, double cheating. "She couldn't know, right? I mean, there's no way. She doesn't know. Oh my God, she knows."

"She doesn't know, Nico. Relax." Percy pulls himself up with his abs, leans back on his hands. His hair is mussed in a way that makes Nico want to jump on him. "Us together isn't exactly obvious. I mean, we could make out—with tongue—in front of Annabeth and Thalia and Rachel and they'd just think we're makin' a joke."

"Or a porn." Nico feels a shiver along his spine. Why does _that_ turn him on? "If she knows, she hasn't told anybody—which is good. But there's no way to see if she knows without actually letting her know."

"Nico." Percy's using his stern voice now. Nico has some experience with that tone, but he's usually naked and underneath Percy when he hears it. "Quit worryin' about it, alright? You ought'a worry about walkin' outta here lookin' too good."

Nico turns his head, sort of jerky. "What?"

"C'mon, you leave here lookin' like that, and I'll have to go with you to make sure nobody tries stealin' you away."

He feels his face flush. "You, uh, you think I look good?"

Percy looks Nico up and down as he slides off the bed and moves over to him. "Too good." He grabs Nico's tie and tugs it so their foreheads are pressed together. "Hey, Mr. Boss Man, looks like you're givin' me a raise." He wiggles his eyebrows. "Why don't we sneak off to the copy room and you can show me the WENUS?"

Nico can't help it—he starts laughing. "Perce, why do your fantasies involve breaking laws?"

"'Cause they're fantasies. Use your imagination." Percy's hands pull at Nico's belt, drawing it through the belt loops and tossing it to the floor with a thump. His fingers shove at the edge of his pants. "So, how 'bout I give you a little oral presentation, huh?"

Nico's about to argue that he'll be late for the party until he realizes that he'd be talking himself out of a blowjob. He's not going to waste this wondrous opportunity by being an idiot.

He's about ten minutes late, but it's so worth it. Percy's getting pretty good at this.

* * *

 **TADA! There we are ladies and gentlemen, Chapter #15: What I Like About You, except I have added a new plotline that I think is going to be in here till the end of the story. Who is this elusive person Percy's calling? Is our man cheating? For those who have been reading since the beginning of this story's creation and dawn of time, cast your ballots, because what type of writer do you take me as? Or maybe it is someone different entirely, but only time will tell. I hope it keeps you all on the edge because guaranteed I won't be taking three whole damn weeks to get another chapter out, which I'm really sorry about. I hope to see you all at the end of the week with Chapter #16: Barricade Block. Thank you very much for reading! Please review and let me know what you thought! Love you all! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	16. Chapter 16: Barricade Block

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #16: Barricade Block. SO... last time, there are a few things that have transpired between our characters of New York and those surrounding relationships. Percy has a weird person on his speed dial that he calls for help... but what kind of help do you think he's going for? This chapter and the next are going to be somewhat longer than most as we're getting ready for what is the straw that breaks the camel's back (they got together too easily, if you know what I mean), and because I am Paradigm of Writing, destroying everything is my specialty! Enjoy!**

* * *

The next evening, Nico's sitting on the kitchen counter, and Percy's kissing him, one hand on Nico's hip and the other curled around the back of his head. This is all very surreal. Nico never expected them to get this far; it's exciting and trepidatious all at once, because he worries that he's one wrong move away from being dumped. _Hey, cheer up kid, you won't be dumped over something that easy. Now... we could try for something worse if you wish, but... oh..._

"What do you want for dinner?" Percy asks. His mouth suckles the spot right below Nico's ear that makes his leg jerk a little.

"Italian sausage." _Wow, good one Nico Di Angelo. How long did it take for you to think of that one, huh?_

Percy makes a face like he's trying not to laugh at that. Nico gets his hands full of Percy's shirt and tugs him closer. "Careful. I'm not wearin' underwear."

"I know," Nico says, his grin broadening.

His hands attempt to slide into the back pockets of Percy's jeans, but Percy grabs Nico's hands away and laces their fingers together. "Hey, not so fast. It takes me a little longer than you to get recharged." Nico thinks about making a joke here, but Percy's teeth tug at his earlobe in a way that shorts his brain a little. "So how 'bout we have dinner first, then we can get back to bed?"

Nico smiles. "Sometimes I feel like I come second in this relationship."

Percy gives him a suggestive grin, lifts an eyebrow. "No, you usually _come_ first."

"Not your best joke," Nico says around a laugh. They share the laugh together, and Percy latches onto something that causes Nico's mind to flood with thoughts of bright, glistening suns and supernovas, and he feels close to losing his mind; a boiling hot plinth pan of water stirring within, waiting to erupt. His mind blanks until his boyfriend brings him back to Earth.

"When you look this good you don't have to be funny."

Nico pulls away when Percy moves in to kiss him. He frowns and furrows his brow so hard he can feel the murderous dent between his eyebrows. "Or smart, apparently."

Something tragic flickers over Percy's face before he replaces it with a weak chuckle. "I didn't mean you don't look good. You're hot! Like, uh..." He pauses, going contemplative for a moment before he speaks again. "You ever meet somebody and you think they just look sorta average, but then the more you get to know 'em, suddenly they just become, like, super hot? And then you can't believe you ever thought they were average-lookin' before?"

"Percy, it amazes me how you can elevate and demean in the same sentence. That's a gift, really."

"Thanks!"

Nico can't stay mad at him too long. It's his one fatal weakness. He tugs Percy back to his mouth, and they're kissing again until Nico hears distant shouting. Percy turns his head in the direction of the sound.

"You hear that too?" Nico asks. "Good, I thought I was going crazy."

"Sorta sounds like Luke."

"Isn't he over there with Annabeth?"

"And Thalia," Nico reminds him. "Maybe they were playing _Pictionary_ and things got a little heated."

Percy snorts a laugh and goes back to kissing him.

Then they hear Luke's voice at the door: "Nico! Percy! Get out here!"

"God, what does he want at"—Nico looks over at the clock on the microwave—"eight forty at night?" He slides off of the counter, making absolutely sure he's properly buttoned and zipped before answering the door. "Can I help you?"

Luke is bouncing up and down. "I'm having a baby!" he shouts around a gasp. "I'm having a baby!" He pulls Nico into a tight hug, still on cloud nine, because Nico doesn't think he and Luke have a 'hug each other randomly' type of relationship. "I- the doctor just paged me! She's in- she went into labor and she's at the hospital, and I said I'd be on my way to the hospital and Annabeth's getting dressed and—"

Nico frees himself from the hug; he's still sort of hard, and Luke absolutely does not need to know that. "Okay, Luke, breathe. You're not actually _having_ the baby."

"Congratulations, man!" Percy's got his head in the fridge while he digs around for something to eat. "Who's baby is this again?"

Luke scowls, but Nico holds up a hand. "It was his ex, Perce. The lesbian."

"Percy, c'mon! Let's go!" Luke calls, voice rising up to about half a whine.

"Relax, I just need a snack." Percy meets Nico at the door with half a sandwich in hand.

"Annabeth! Hurry up!"

Nico groans internally. This is going to be loads of fun. They just got interrupted.

Motherfucker.

* * *

"I still can't believe one of us has a baby," Percy says in childlike wonder as they stumble back to their apartment in the wee hours of the morning. They're in that odd cusp of dawn where it's not light out yet but it's too early to technically be nighttime. Nico's starting to see dreamy little flickers in the periphery of his vision. A lack of sleep does weird things to his brain.

Nico lets himself and Percy inside and staggers in the direction of the nearest thing that promises comfort; he finds one of the recliners and sinks into the leather, letting out a relaxed moan.

Percy's pout is practically audible when he says, "I want a baby."

Nico scrubs a hand over his face. "It's late, Perce. You're delirious. Go get some sleep."

"No, I mean it." Percy flops into the seat beside Nico. "I mean, not right now or anything, but in the future, yeah, I wanna have kids."

"Don't let Thalia hear you say that. Or maybe you should, and you could have beautiful babies together." Nico doesn't know what he's saying anymore. He needs to stop speaking words before he ends up literally talking himself out of this relationship.

"Well, I'm not ready now. I just meant, like, maybe five or ten years from now." Percy looks over at him. "What about you? You ever think about it?"

Nico wets his lips, laughs weakly. "I can barely take care of myself. Why would I want the responsibility of a tiny human who depends on me for its survival?"

Percy seems oddly hurt when he stands up and stretches after a moment. "You, uh, you comin' to bed?"

"Your room or mine?"

"Mine's closer," Percy points out.

"Yours it is." Nico gets to his feet, and Percy leads him to the bedroom, pressing gentle kisses over the curve of his neck. Nico's trying to quell his internal horror over Percy's sudden parental urges, which, okay, really shouldn't automatically trigger a panic response. It's not like Percy said he wanted kids with _Nico_ , just that he, at some unknown point in the future, wants children. Big deal; a good percentage of the planet has that same desire.

And it's not like Nico isn't totally convinced that Percy's going to drop him like a hot potato any day now. Their relationship has transcended Percy's usual two-week maximum. No, Nico doesn't think Percy has some sort of strict rule about that, but he's observed the pattern. Percy's never been able to maintain a long-term relationship—whether that's because he's incapable of it or just doesn't care to is a different topic entirely. But Nico knows how it goes. So Percy's plans for the future really shouldn't bother him—it's not like Nico's going to be a part of them.

That shouldn't make his throat close up like someone's reached into his chest and squeezed his heart.

"Hey, y'know, I was gonna make us somethin' nice for dinner tonight," Percy says as they're getting into bed half-naked. "Would you mind if I made you breakfast instead?"

"I'd like that," Nico mumbles, cuddling into the space around Percy's body. His eyes shut of their own volition. "You're a great boyfriend."

"I'm the best one you've ever had," Percy teases. Nico can feel the warmth of Percy's hand in his hair, and he wants to stay awake to savor it, but he's fading fast, falling into the dark abyss of dreamless sleep. "Right? Nico?"

He's out like a light before he can answer.

Percy looks over after a moment, waiting for the breathing to slow on his left side, the lack of noise indicates Nico has slumbered off to the world of unicorns and ice cream cones, and possibly Percy Jackson's dick. He blushes at the thought, and then lets his own mind betray him.

He knows it is wrong, even though he really isn't _doing_ anything with _him._

The dark haired man slides out of bed about twenty minutes later, throwing on a shirt and a pair of jeans. He reaches for his phone on the side of the dresser, dialing once again the main number at the top of the list.

"Hey," he says when the other guy on the line picks up. "Do you got a minute? I need something... a favor..." Percy whispers, and then he's gone.

* * *

Nico wakes up in Percy's bed with Percy's arms wrapped around him. He's still not used to the give of this mattress, the way his body practically sinks into it. Oh, the things this bed has witnessed—and partaken in; he's become intimately acquainted with the headboard since he started dating Percy.

Percy tugs him closer until Nico's back is pressed against his chest. He breathes hot over his neck, his nose buried in Nico's hair.

"Hey, Perce?"

"Yeah?"

"Just out of curiousity, what else is on that list of yours? You know, the five thousand things you like about me."

Percy chuckles at his ear. "Well, a lot of 'em are the noises you make when we're havin' sex."

"Why wouldn't they be?" Nico says dryly, but deep down inside he's a little flattered.

"The way you look during sex, the way you touch me, that thing you do with your tongue—"

"Perce, let's just stick to the ones that don't involve sex," Nico suggests. "Otherwise we'll be here all day."

"Okay, well, uh..." Nico smiles to himself, amused that Percy has to think about it. "Your sense of humor, the way you stress words when you talk, oh, and the way you get all"—Percy searches for the word—"flaily when you're excited about something. Y'know... like Chandler! From that TV show we like to watch... umm... Friends!"

Nico turns his head to look at him. "Really? You like that? No one else in the show does. God, that's-"

"Yeah! Oh, and you've got such a big—"

"Perce." Nico thinks he made himself pretty clear about the sex- related bullet points.

"I was gonna say heart!" Percy protests. "But, hey, you've seen you." Nico grins, and Percy trails his fingers along the length of Nico's arm. "You let me borrow money all the time, even though you probably figure anything else you give me you aren't gettin' back. But you still do it anyway, 'cause you care. You got me the foosball table for my birthday, you helped me out when my dad came to visit, you forgave Luke for kissing you by accident that one day in Central Park, you offered Rachel that job when she needed money from those failed art expos..." Percy sighs out in wonder. "You're like... a great giver!" _And receiver, right Mr. Jackson?_

"A great giver: the little-known sequel to _The Great Gatsby_." Percy huffs a laugh over the back of Nico's neck. "So, uh, so what else do you like about me?"

"The way your hair looks in the morning when you wake up. Oh, and the way you watch me take my clothes off."

"Because it reminds you of the way you look when you unwrap a candy bar?"

Percy's mouth stills on Nico's shoulder. "Y'know, I like your sense of humor, but it wouldn't kill you to be serious every once in a while."

"Sorry, Perce. Can we go back to stroking my ego?"

Percy grins and snakes a hand down Nico's body, reaching between his legs. "I'd rather stroke somethin' else, if you know what I mean."

There's a faint knocking sound on the front door before Nico can enjoy the heat of Percy's hand around his dick. Nico groans in frustration. Then he hears Annabeth's distant voice: "You guys! Are you in there?"

Nico digs through the tangle of blankets and pulls out a pair of pajama bottoms. He grabs a shirt off of the floor and pulls the clothes on, grumbling the whole way as he rushes out of the bedroom.

"We could just pretend we're not home," Percy says, grabbing Nico by the shoulders, but he shoulders him off and reaches for his robe from the hook on the bedroom door.

Once they're both decent, Nico unlocks the front door and swings it open. Annabeth's standing there poised to knock again. "Why was your door locked?"

It takes Nico about one second to concoct a plausible lie. "Oh, Percy watched _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ last night and got scared."

"The meat is people!" Percy wails.

Annabeth gives him a look. "If a guy with a chainsaw wants to kill you, I really don't think a locked door is going to stop him!"

"That's what I said!" Nico shrugs animatedly, gestures to Percy.

Percy frowns at him. "What'd'ya need, Annabeth?"

She laughs nervously, tucks a chunk of hair behind her ear. "Well, see, Thalia's at work, Rachel's busy, and with Luke away on that dig...thing, I just...I dunno, I feel kinda lonely?"

Nico stares at her for a few seconds. "You woke me up for that?"

Percy sort of pushes past Nico to move closer to Annabeth. "How lonely?"

Annabeth thwacks his chest. "Percy!" Her expression Nicoges when she looks at Nico. "Isn't that Percy's shirt?"

Nico stares down at his chest, sees that he's wearing Percy's oversized Rangers jersey. In his haste, he'd grabbed the first shirt off of the floor, not paying attention as to whether or not it was actually his own. There's a fifty-fifty chance that the pants he's wearing are Percy's too, and he's beyond the point of questioning why that turns him on.

Nico has no idea how to answer that, so instead he says, "Why don't you come in?"

Percy glares at him after Annabeth passes through the doorway. These random visitations are really putting a damper on their sex life.

"Well, I'm—I'm honored that you came to us after exhausting every other possibility," Nico says to her. "Really warms the heart."

Annabeth puts her hands on her hips. "Look, it's only because you two are practically joined at the hip. It's almost impossible to get you guys alone, y'know? I don't wanna be the third wheel."

Nico's heart does a panicked flail in his chest. Percy saunters over to her. "If you wanted to get me alone, Annabeth, you just needed to ask."

Nico sort of smacks Percy's arm. "Down, Perce." This earns another glare. In his head, the mind is whirring at a thousand miles a minute. _Ooh, Percy is playing the field once again my friend and you're just going to sit there and take it from him while he does it? Tsk, tsk, tsk Nico Di Angelo. You got to claim what is rightfully yours! Like, how about you clamp down on his neck with a bite to leave one of those hickie mark things and prove once and for all you are dominant over the man who is yours! Come on! It'll be fun! Why- why aren't you doing it?_

"So, did you guys wanna do anything?" Annabeth immediately looks at Percy and stabs her finger at him. "And don't make that dirty!"

"I'd love to, Annabeth, but I gotta work today," Nico says. "So it looks like it's just gonna be you and Percy."

Percy wiggles his eyebrows at her. Fucking hell the man made it dirty.

Annabeth looks surprisingly happy about this. "That's great! I won't feel like I'm breaking you guys up or anything."

Nico feels another jolt of panic. He glances over at Percy, who gives him a hopeful smile. "Well, okay then! Have fun, you two." Nico scurries into his room to get ready for work. Annabeth knows. Annabeth totally knows. How does she know? He's been so careful keeping his relationship with Percy a secret. Maybe the whole "wearing Percy's shirt" thing tipped her off—that was pretty incriminating.

Percy and Annabeth are arguing over what movie to see when Nico leaves for work. He takes Percy aside for a moment while Annabeth scans the paper for a more agreeable film. "So, uh, movies, huh?" Nico starts.

"Yeah, is that...are you okay with this? Me goin' out with Annabeth?"

"Of course, of course. I just..." Nico pauses, trying to think of how to word this request. He decides not to mince words: "Don't tell her, okay? And don't fuck her either."

Percy doesn't even need to take a moment to wonder what Nico means by this point. "Why not? It sounds like she already knows," his mind skips over the last part of the sentence until it registers in Percy's brain, his face going cross. "Hey! I would _never_ do that to you!"

"Maybe, but maybe not, y'know? We could be totally wrong. So, just don't say anything about it, okay?" Nico puts on his best sweetest-boyfriend-in-the-world face; it seems to work, because some of Percy's ire fades away.

"What if she asks?"

"Lie?" Nico cranks the smile up to eleven. Percy's still a little perturbed; the charm must be wearing off. He's officially used his get-out-of-jail-free card for this argument. "Look, I've been thinking about it, and this"—he gestures between them with a hand—"this is good, right?" Percy nods. "Well, maybe the reason is because we have to hide it. Think about it: if we can't be all over each other in front of everybody else, all that pent-up passion comes out..." He jerks a thumb in the direction of the bedroom, then points it at the foosball table and the couch.

Percy looks as though he's giving this a lot of thought. "So the reason the sex is so great... is 'cause we haven't told anybody?"

"That's my theory." Nico shrugs. "I mean, if we can kiss and touch each other whenever we want, by the time we get here"—he makes a falling-apart motion with his hands.

Percy seems to be following him, but he doesn't look totally happy about it. "Okay, I won't say anything yet."

Nico pats him on the back. "Thanks, Perce. You two have fun!"

* * *

"This is...different," Annabeth muses over her industrial-sized bucket of popcorn as they're waiting for the movie to start. After much bickering over which movie to see—Percy wanted _Die Hard with a Vengeance_ , Annabeth preferred _Tommy Boy_ —they end up settling on an animated musical about penguins, because it looks sort of cute, and why the hell not? He's not out with Nico; he can pick something Nico would absolutely judge him for watching.

Percy's already a third of the way through his popcorn, and the previews haven't even started. "Good different?"

"Yeah! I mean, Luke usually wants to watch boring historical movies or foreign films, y'know? Just, _boring._ I mean, I like all that stuff, clearly given my nature, but I need to have fun once in awhile. It's like watching _The English Patient._ You just want to shout out at the screen that the guy should just die already!"

"And Nico..." Percy shrugs. "Yeah." The movie's been out for a while, which means they pretty much have free reign over the theater. They can talk if they want to, or make jokes about the movie if it sucks. Percy's got his feet propped up on top of the empty seat in front of him. "You think Luke would be cool with this?"

"What, the movie?"

"No, us seein' it. Together."

Annabeth scoffs, takes a sip of her Coke. "This isn't a date, Percy. We're just a couple of friends seeing a movie together. People who aren't dating do that all the time, like you and Nico."

Percy thinks that was some sort of conversational lure, a way for Annabeth to get the truth out of him without seeming like she suspects anything. If she knows about them, she's probably waiting for Percy to correct her. But Nico told him not to say anything, so Percy says, "Yeah, but this feels different. Luke is all the way in China doin' some... bone thing." He shudders at the complacent thought.

"Thank you for making that so much dirtier than it needed to be." Percy smiles despite himself. "But you and Luke are friends. I'm sure he'll understand. Although..." Annabeth pauses for a moment. "If you had a girlfriend, he might be less paranoid about the whole thing."

"What?" Percy asks through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Think about it: he goes out of town, you and I start hanging out." She shrugs. "I don't see it that way, but I'm not the one who married a lesbian." Annabeth pauses, hoping to rephrase what she said, but nothing could come to mind that'd fix anything.

Percy wonders about that. Would Luke really suspect him of trying to move in on Annabeth? "He trusts us, though."

"It's always the people you trust," Annabeth says. "You know that, Perce. It's a fact of life."

Percy just shoves another handful of popcorn into his mouth, because the previews have started.

And, because his phone vibrates and he knows _exactly_ who's calling, but it takes all of his will to not reach down and answer, especially in the movie.

* * *

The movie is kind of silly and stupid, but Percy doesn't care.

When it's over, they wander out and head back home. Annabeth's still carrying her bucket of popcorn, determined to finish it. "Annabeth, can I ask you somethin'?" Percy asks after a moment.

"Sure."

"I'm not asking to be gross or anything, but... is the sex good? With you and Luke, I mean."

"Percy!" Annabeth would absolutely smack him if she didn't need both hands to hold the popcorn.

"I don't need details! I'm just wondering if you guys still have passion left when you can kiss and stuff in front of us."

Annabeth thinks about it. She looks as if she might want to ask him a question of her own but decides against it. "Well, I think there is some excitement to keeping it all pent-up until you can just go crazy on each other, y'know?"

Percy nods; he definitely does.

"But... I dunno, it's nice just holding hands or kissing when we're at the coffee shop or at home. And that can be sexy too, like a preview of what might happen later, if he's lucky."

Percy wishes he had experience with this. Of course, he's been with plenty of women that way, but everything's different with Nico.

"Why do you ask? Do you have a secret flame?" she teases.

"Me?" He chuckles. "C'mon, if I was seein' somebody, why would I keep it a secret? I'd want everybody to know." Technically, he's not lying.

Annabeth doesn't argue with him.

* * *

Percy's in bed with Nico, his legs hooked over Nico's shoulders as their hips move together in a slow grind. Percy has needed this all day; Nico slept in this morning, so their usual routine of lazy morning sex went out the window. So he's basically been waiting for Nico to come home so they can enjoy partnered sexual activities—because it's not like he's going to jerk off and waste what promises to be an amazing orgasm when done right. And 'right' is just like this, with Nico rolling his hips against Percy's. Nico hasn't gotten to the removing-of-clothes part of sex yet—he barely had time to remove his blazer before Percy hauled him into his bedroom. The friction is so good, like pieces of coal grinding together to ignite a sparking flame. The tension in Nico's pants builds, builds, and builds, and he has no idea about the fact Percy is riddled with guilt as they begin to fuck.

He has no reason to suspect. Nico leans back while Percy sits up to unbutton his own shirt, the former absorbing the entire beauty that is his boyfriend, Percy Motherfucking Jackson, and he's beyond happy, he's cherished and collected himself one fine tax.

"Please," Percy begs, his hands clawing at Nico's belt, trying to unlatch it. "Nico, I've been waitin' all day."

"Oh-ho, don't I know it!" Nico shoves his hips forward, bites his lower lip when the friction ripples through him. His hand clenches around Percy's knee.

Percy groans at the drag of nails over his skin, grinds his ass into Nico's dick, because this is just _unfair_. Nico knows exactly what Percy wants, but he's chosen to be frustratingly obtuse for reasons Percy's still not clear on. Or maybe he's just teasing him solely to be an asshole, and Nico smirks down at him and, oh yes, he is absolutely doing this on purpose.

Percy growls in his throat, grabs Nico's tie to pull his face down to his own. "Nico, either you put your dick inside of me right now or I'll find somebody else who will."

Nico's lips quirk into a half-smile, and that's when a knock on the front door makes them both freeze. Nico sits up, his eyes wide, and glances back in the direction of the door, then looks at Percy. "Okay, now that is eerie."

"Percy? You in there?" Luke's voice calls from the other side of the door.

Nico sighs like he's the one being extraordinarily inconvenienced here, and, no, he does not get to do that. Percy detangles his limbs from Nico's body and swings his legs over the side of the bed.

"You might wanna put some pants on first, big guy."

Percy just scowls at him while he retrieves his sweatpants from the floor. "They do this 'cause they think we got nothing else goin' on, you know that, right?" He pulls the pants on like they've offended him somehow. "I swear, I am _this_ close to tellin' everybody about us just so we can get some damn privacy!"

Nico tugs at the waist of his pants, pulling the material away from his still-hard cock. "I love the little fantasy world you live in, Perce. You really think they wouldn't make some sort of game out of interrupting us?" He scoffs. "My God, they could make money off us!"

Percy grumbles under his breath as he stomps to the front door. Luke stands on the other side with an uncalled-for amount of attitude. "Y'ever think maybe, since the door's locked, that we're"—Percy shrugs animatedly—"not home?" He hears Nico huff laughter behind him.

"Well, you _are_ home, so... no," Luke answers. "What's this I hear about you and Annabeth going out?"

Percy's entire body gets into his sigh, and he lets Luke inside. There's no way he's getting out of this conversation. "Dude, that was, like, a week ago."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't here, so I thought it might be worth discussing," Luke says in a way that's almost too casual. "So, uh, did you two have fun?"

Percy rolls his eyes. "Look, Luke, it wasn't anything! We just went to the movies 'cause Annabeth was bored and didn't have anybody else to do stuff with." He realizes how bad the last half of that sentence sounds, but he's just going to go with it. "Y'know, she was worried about it too. We both wondered if you'd be okay with it, but we thought it shouldn't matter 'cause it's not like it was a date!"

Luke rubs the back of his neck, looking chagrined. "I know, I know, and it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does," he whines. "It's just because I wasn't here, y'know? If I'd been here, I probably would've paid for the popcorn." He forces out a laugh.

Percy doesn't know what to say. To Luke, someone with a truckload of issues with infidelity, this whole situation probably looks like a betrayal, something done behind his back. And the paranoid, insecure part of Luke's brain is definitely considering that Annabeth's in on it too, that it's not just Percy trying to to steal her away. Percy just shrugs lamely. "I'm sorry, man. We just didn't think it'd be that big of a deal."

Luke seems to be thinking this over.

Percy decides to fill the silence with more words. "Look, I'm not interested in Annabeth, but even if I was, I wouldn't do that to you. Y'know, I had my chance. I could'a asked her out plenty of times if I wanted to. But she's goin' out with you now, so that ship has sailed. I'm not the kind of guy who'd steal a girl from his friend, alright? I can get my own women."

Nico exhales a puff of breath in a way that Percy knows is absolutely a laugh.

Luke nods, a look of relief on his face. "I know, you're right. I'm sorry." He smiles and holds his arms open for a hug. Percy takes him up on that, keeping his body a safe distance away, because he's still hard, and Luke would definitely question that. When they break apart, Luke asks, "So how come you don't?"

"Don't what?" Percy's lost track of this conversation already.

"Get your own women. I haven't heard you brag about a date or a lucky night in"—he thinks it over—"a couple months."

Now it's Percy's turn to fidget awkwardly. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Nico shaking his head. "Oh, well, I dunno, I'm sorta takin' a break from the whole 'datin' a bunch of different women' thing. I wanna be a lone wolf for a while, y'know?" Percy sort of laughs at that, because, no, Luke _doesn't_ know. Luke needs to be in a relationship like he needs air to breathe.

Nico chimes in with, "Yes, Percy's decided to broaden his horizons," and he's got that smug smile on his face that Percy really wants to kiss away.

Luke gives Percy a look of amusement. "Well, when you decide to rejoin the dating world, let me know. I can give you a few tips." Apparently Luke thinks he's a dating guru because he's with Annabeth—which wouldn't have been possible in the first place without Nico's help.

"On what, waiting forever to make your move? Being too scared to tell somebody how you feel?" He chuckles. Luke just frowns at him. "Please, I got that down." He pats Luke's shoulder, guides him to the door since he doesn't seem to be taking the intiative to leave on his own. "Why don't you go and try to make things up to Annabeth?"

Luke looks impossibly confused. "I apologized..."

"Trust me, she's still mad, alright? And it wouldn't hurt her to hear you apologize again."

When Luke finally leaves, Percy shuts the door, switches the lock on, and Nico's grinning at him in a way that makes his heart flutter in his chest. "What?"

Nico laughs, glances away for a half-second, stuffs his hands into his pockets. "Oh, nothing, just being amused by you...and your words." Percy folds a hand around Nico's arm, pulling him closer with gentle strength. "'I'm not the kind of guy who'd steal a girl from his friend,'" Nico says, imitating Percy with love as he lays his palms over Percy's chest. "Right, you'd rather steal the friend away from the girl."

Percy's lips curl into a smile. "I've been breakin' all the rules when it comes to you."

"Speaking of 'come'..." Nico lets a hand drift to where Percy aches for him.

Percy fists his hands in Nico's shirt, feeling the heat of arousal spread through his body. "Please," he begs in a whisper. "Just fuck me really quick, then I promise I'll do anything you want."

Nico lifts an eyebrow. "Can I request an extended session with lots of mouth-related foreplay?"

"Get me off first," he breathes out, and they find their way back into Percy's bedroom where Nico gives him what he wants, makes him come so hard it physically hurts.

Later that evening, Percy does the same for Nico.

* * *

 **And there we are ladies and gents! That was Chapter #16: Barricade Block of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, where the name of the game is being cockblocked. God, I can only imagine how annoying it must be for people to actually have that happen... like kids who walk in on their parents having sex and you either go one route or another, and neither is quite fun to traverse, if you know what I mean. But... yep, there's some drama escalating between everyone in the group isn't there? So, who do you really think Percy is calling if it pains him to do so and yet _not_ do so at the same time? And if you can recall from long, _long_ ago when Nico and Percy weren't together and there was the broken table, what guy do you think Percy had sex with, because that person has yet to disclosed, if ever... so... any thoughts? Thanks for reading! I hope to post the next chapter on Tuesday, Chapter #17: Mortification Done Right, which will be the longest chapter in the story by far, so I hope it excites you! I love you all so much! Have a great day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm of Writing**


	17. Chapter 17: Mortification Done Right

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #17: Mortification Done Right. Ooh boy... don't I have quite the doozy for you. This chapter will be the longest of the entire story as everything up until this point has culminated to this... a monstrous chapter that I hope breaches 10k, and perhaps to reach 11k or higher and be the longest thing I have ever written. We get to find out some answers to questions and secrets posed long ago, and more... we get to meet a few people along the way that I think you'll be in for a big surprise. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Thanks for dinner," Percy says as Nico's unlocking the door to their apartment. "I wish you would'a let me at least pay for half though."

Nico gets the door open. "Don't worry about it, Perce. My treat." Percy makes a sound that Nico interprets as a sigh, because when Nico turns to look at him he's got this pulled-in, confused expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

Percy isn't sure how to say this without sounding impossibly ridiculous. "Nothing, it's just...you're always treatin' me, y'know?" _And you shouldn't be mad about that, Perce. What you should have noticed is that your phone rang almost twenty times during dinner and you know exactly who was calling. Aren't you going to say something to him eventually, dude?_

"I can stop," Nico says slowly, like he's not sure why Percy would ever want that to happen. "But that would mean I'd have to learn how to cook. Would you be okay with eating my mistakes?" Nico makes a face. "I could have phrased that so much better."

Percy shakes his head. "I like going out with you, Nico. I just wish we could go out together as equals, y'know what I mean?"

Nico's making his confused face again. "No, I don't. What're you talkin' about?"

Percy wrings his hands, leans against the kitchen counter. "Well, you know I don't exactly make as much money as you do. You're always taking me out to all these nice places, and the best I can do is take-out or a couple pizzas or somethin'." He risks a glance at Nico; Nico doesn't appear to be judging him. "I dunno, it just makes me feel bad, like maybe someday you're gonna get sick of always being the one with money." _You really need to phrase your sentiments better, Percy. Ooh, maybe if you fuck him it'll let all the bad tensions ooze out into something beautiful! I like that idea! Let's do it. Wait... why aren't you fucking? Normally this works! Dammit!_

"N—no, of course not. I didn't even think about that." Nico looks surprised; he probably wasn't expecting this conversation out of Percy again. They've already discussed this to some degree last week when Thalia proposed a celebratory dinner after her promotion for some law firm, when in actuality it was for one of her best friends; Percy feels weird bringing the topic up again. "Usually I'm the one feeling all the inadequacy in my relationships." Nico lets out a humorless chuckle. Percy tries to smile, but it falls flat. Nico moves closer to him and takes Percy's hands in his own. "But, no, Perce, I don't feel that way at all about you. I like your date nights. They're fun and relaxing 'cause we don't have to dress up or pretend to be a certain way, y'know? You don't have to put on pants, I can wear pajamas, and we can have sex right there on the couch if we want." _Aw yeah baby, I knew you'd mention the sex._

Percy smirks knowingly; they've done that a couple of times. "Yeah, I know, I just wanna do somethin' nice for you every now and then."

"You got me the chairs for my birthday," Nico reminds him. "That was pretty nice."

"Yeah, but that was before... _us_." He wishes he knew how to explain this better, because Nico's not just paying for dinner when they go out—he's been lending Percy money since he moved in with Nico, and Percy worries that Nico resents him for it.

Nico gives that a moment of thought. "Well, hey, maybe you don't have to do anything special for me. I like taking you out to fancy restaurants because you love food and I can't cook. And I like your dates because I like spending time with you and talking about stupid crap 'til two in the morning." His smile is genuine, reaching his eyes. Nico kisses him in a slow press of mouth, and Percy can't help but kiss him back. "So don't worry about it, okay?"

Percy nods because Nico's managed to assuage his worries a bit, but he still can't shake the sense of an imbalance between them. Nico seems to be in good spirits tonight though, so he's not going to press the issue.

The phone vibrates in his pocket again, but luckily Nico has his back turned to the kitchen as he's peering into the refrigerator for a bottle of water. Percy stands still as if he's hiding an erection, which is plausible as he is Percy Jackson, but all the emerald eyed wonder is worrying about is whether or not _he_ will show up, tired of all the missed calls and missed get togethers.

He reminds himself constantly.

Percy Jackson is no whore.

He isn't cheating.

The man tries telling himself that at night while he gazes at the star stenciled ceilings with Nico draped across his chest, both naked, covered in sweat and semen, and it does a little to quell the pain.

Only a little.

" _Just a little_." Percy reminds himself.

* * *

A week later, Percy practically tackles Nico when he comes home from work. Nico stumbles back and lets out a yell before Percy locks him in his arms. "I got a surprise for you," Percy says, grinning.

Nico's heart is still pounding a mile a minute. "That wasn't it?"

Percy chuckles. "No, I'm taking you out tonight!" Nico blinks in disbelief. "Like, on a real date!" He squeezes Nico's arms to emphasize the point; Percy's enthusiasm is near infectious, Nico finds.

"Really?"

Percy's expression turns worryingly frightened. "Oh, wait, you didn't have plans tonight, did you?"

"Well, I was hoping to eat dinner and maybe have sex with my boyfriend, but, y'know, I'm flexible."

"Yeah, you are," Percy says, his laugh smothered around Nico's mouth.

Nico groans in realization. "Not what I meant, Perce."

He's getting dressed a couple of hours later, frowning at his reflection in the bedroom mirror. Percy's frowning at him too—a total confidence boost. "No, dude, c'mon, lose the shirt."

"Buy me a drink first," Nico jokes. "Seriously, how fancy is this place?"

"Reservation fancy." Percy grins.

Nico opens his mouth to make another joke before realizing it's probably not a good idea to tease Percy about money, especially after he's told Nico how he feels inferior due to his lackluster bank account. He has this knee-jerk reflex to poke fun at Percy is going to be harder than he imagined; ninety percent of Nico's personality is composed of dumb jokes. "So, the shirt goes," he says instead, digging through his closet for something less casual. "Why aren't you dressed yet?"

"'Cause it takes me, like, two minutes to get dressed," Percy says with a shrug, sitting up in the bed. Nico stares into the mirror and admires Percy's body. Percy notices him staring; that's probably because Nico's been holding the same shirt in his hands for the past ten seconds. He's not exactly subtle. "My eyes are up here, Nico."

Nico shoves his arms into the shirt sleeves in a panic. He really shouldn't be embarrassed about ogling his own boyfriend, but Nico's brain has decided he's not allowed to feel anything but shame about it.

Dinner is—for lack of a better word—weird. The restaurant is outrageously extravagant, and their booth is tucked away in a dimly-lit corner. He can barely even pronounce half the items on the menu. It's a romantic setting, but Nico's too preoccupied with wondering if people are staring at them. He calms down halfway through the meal when the effects of the wine start to sink in.

"You okay?" Percy asks. "You haven't been talkin' as much as you usually do."

"I'm fine, it's just... This place is really fancy."

"I thought you liked fancy." Nico makes a face at that. "You know what I mean." _Oh. Your dick with a side of collard greens and mash potatoes._

He shrugs. "It's different."

"But different can be good sometimes," Percy says. "Like when Annabeth and I went to the movies. Or when we baby-sat that woman's dog who we lost in Central Park."

Nico winces at the memory. Not only did they manage to lose track of a dog in the largest park in the country, but the whole incident seemed to breathe new life into Percy's desire for something to own of his own. That meant kids, that meant spelling out having women in their lives to fill that need, and that mean being something Nico Di Angelo is one hundred fucking percent not. A father. Nico is in no way ready for that conversation again.

"The resort was different too."

Nico smiles. "Yeah, it was. I wonder if Luke and Annabeth had as good a time as we did."

"No way," Percy says around a laugh. "Unless they were _really_ quiet."

Nico alternates between sipping the wine and gulping down water; he doesn't want to get drunk, just buzzed enough to do something ridiculously kinky with Percy when they get home tonight.

Percy orders dessert when the meal is finished, because he's Percy, and when it arrives he gazes at it like it's a long-lost lover. Nico knows that look; he's been on the receiving end of that look many times. Percy sections off a piece of the cannoli, shoves it into his mouth. "Oh God," he moans.

Nico knows that sound too. "Good?"

Percy nods his head, still enraptured in delicious bliss. "You have to try it." Nico watches him scoop a piece onto the spoon and ease it in Nico's direction.

Nico stares at the spoon, then at Percy. "What are you doing?"

"Go on, eat it."

"Is this some kind of trick?" If there's one thing Nico knows about Percy, it's that Percy doesn't share food. But he's become rather lackadaisical with his possessiveness lately, going so far as to share with Nico as if sharing is a totally normal thing for him. Nico's still going to be cautiously optimistic about this.

Percy frowns at his skepticism. "Nico, c'mon." He nudges the spoon closer to Nico's mouth. "Open up."

Nico sighs. "Fine, but I'm not—" Percy chooses this moment to shove his mouth full of chewy, creamy goodness. "Oh, God, that's good," Nico moans. Maybe his eyes feel a little moist, and maybe he whimpers a bit. Maybe. "It's so good I'm crying."

"What'd I tell ya?"

Nico savors the wondrous sweetness on his taste buds as an idea forms in his brain. The wine has loosened him up enough to grab his own spoon and break off a piece of delicious pastry, holding it up for Percy. He can't help but smile a little, because Percy has the most awed expression right now, like the two things he likes most in the entire world have fused into one.

Percy wraps his mouth around the spoon. That's when Nico hears a voice that makes him want to tear off his own skin and fly into the sun: "Oh. My. God."

Nope.

Nope.

This is not happening. Nico refuses to believe the world could possibly be _this_ cruel to him.

Silena leaps up from her table on the other side of the room and clops toward them on impossibly high heels. Nico wants to simply drop into a hole and die. Silena Beauregard, and he knows her all too well. His ex-girlfriend, she broke up with him out of the shame she couldn't quite get him all the way to home plate, when Nico knew the full reason quite well. His ex is dressed in this suave violet dress that clings to her body and shows off her nice curves. But, of all the fucking nights? Really? _Well, isn't she a mood killer._ "Well, isn't this a precious moment? Percy and Nico sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S—"

"We were not kissing!" Nico hisses around the word like it's poison on his tongue. "I was just feeding him dessert, and, oh my God, why does that make it sound _worse_?"

"I was just about to leave when I saw you two tucked away in your little romantic corner!" She grins at Nico. "Were you playing a little game of hide the cannoli?"

Nico grimaces. "Well, we were hoping to..."

Percy's trying very hard not to laugh at that, because he's glaring murderously at Silena. Nico wants to slide underneath the table and curl into the fetal position until she goes away.

"I hope I'm not _interrupting_ anything," she says around a knowing smile.

"Just our date," Percy says with a dry look in Silena's direction, and holy shit, Nico is actually going to shrivel up and die of embarrassment here. _Smooth Percy Jackson, mentioning that it is a date. Do you want Nico to poke holes in your tires and have them slashed everywhere you go? Or for him to lock his dick away from you till the end of time when you're nothing more than a man with lifeless dreams?_

Silena laughs; Nico feels his insides shriek. "Oh, Percy, always the kidder." She invites herself into their booth. Nico ends up sandwiched between her and Percy, who's glaring at their dessert like he blames it for all of this.

"I, uh, I wasn't kidding," Percy says forcefully, slinging his arm around Nico's shoulders and pulling him in close. "We're together. Like, _together_ together." The first person to know about their relationship, and it's fucking _Silena_. Nico hates his life, he really does.

Silena's mouth forms an "O" of surprise. "Oh. My. God! How long have you two been _together_ together?" Silena steals a bite of the cannoli; Percy gets the most horrified and angry expression on his face that Nico's ever seen.

"About two months," Nico answers like he's under duress.

"Oh. My. God."

"Okay, you're gonna have to stop that."

Silena honks a laugh and slaps his shoulder. Nico winces and longs for the sweet release of death. "Oh, c'mon, Nico, lighten up! You two make a cute couple. But not as cute as us—Silena and Nico!" She nudges Nico in the ribs. "Have you gone on a double date with any of your friends yet?"

Nico grimaces. "Not exactly."

Silena gasps.

"They sorta don't know," Percy explains.

"How do they not know?"

"Because we haven't told them?" Nico offers with a shrug.

"So, Silena," Percy interrupts, glaring at her, "what're you doin' here?"

"Well, I had a date tonight, but apparently he was too nervous to show his face," Silena explains.

"Nervous, yeah. That's the word I'd use," Percy quips. Nico hides a smile; his sarcasm must be rubdi Angelo off on Percy. He pours himself another glass of wine.

"Oooh, Chardonnay," Silena marvels. "What's the occasion?"

"I wanted to do somethin' nice for Nico," Percy says sadly, and Nico has a feeling that Percy's going to beat himself up about this for the rest of the evening.

"Awww, Nico, isn't that sweet?" Silena grins. "You better keep an eye on your boyfriend or I'll snatch him right up!" She laughs, swats Nico again.

"Please don't"—Nico forces up a smile—"do any of that." He tries to make a gesture in reference to the hitting, but ends up gesturing to _her_.

Silena stays for dinner, prolonging this hostage situation (because it is _so_ not a date anymore) for another hour. At least they got their money's worth for the wine, emptying the bottle throughout Silena's mangled attempts at conversation—Nico's adamant that a conversation involves more than one person speaking.

They might actually be here _forever_.

Percy excuses himself from the table, and Nico scrunches his face up at him as he leaves, because they're supposed to suffer through this together, damn it. Silena cackles, still picking at her plate of tiramisu. "Relax, Nico, he'll be back," she says, misinterpreting the reason for his bleak expression. She leans in, lowers her voice, which puts her decibel range on par with an angry lawnmower. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Oh God." Nico slumps further in his seat.

"You know the Mattress King?"

Nico raises an eyebrow. "The one on Bleeker?"

Another laugh. "No, silly, the _actual_ Mattress King. Like, the guy who used to own the Burger King down the corner from your apartment building and then had an allergic reaction to grease? So... he started that mattress firm thingie..."

"Oh, of course." He rolls his eyes.

"Well, he's the shmuck who stood me up tonight, and I wanna get back at him, and you're gonna help me!" She gets a little too excited and slaps Nico's shoulder again. He doesn't bother reminding her about his "no touching" policy.

"I am?" This is the actual worst. "No! No, I'm not!"

Silena sits back, smug. "Well, okay, but if you don't, a little birdie might tell your friends about Nicocy."

Nico gives her a blank look. "What?"

"Nico, Percy: I just put your names together. It's your couple name."

Nico panics, flailing so hard he nearly slides underneath the table. "When did you become evil?"

Silena gapes at him wordlessly—at least for a moment. "Nico Di Angelo, why don't you want your friends to know how happy you are?"

"I—I do, but I want me and Percy to be the ones to tell them. Not"—there's no tactful way to say this, so it just spills out of his mouth—"you."

"Well, if you do me a teensy-weensy little favor, I'll keep my mouth shut."

So now he's being blackmailed into helping Silena. This is just wonderful. "What's the favor?"

Silena looks over her shoulder to make sure that Percy's still in the bathroom. Nico really wishes he was in there right now, just to be away from her. He would actually prefer to be violently ill than to have this evening continue. "I want you to go with me this weekend to the Mattress King on Bleeker. There's gonna be a big sale, and he's gonna be there. I want him to see me with you and really appreciate what he's missing."

Nico is floored. He's not sure if he should cry or throw up. He'll probably do both later tonight when all of this sinks in.

"So, what'd'ya say?" Silena pats his arm. "Are you game, Nicocy?"

Nico winces at the name. They are officially a unit to her. This is ridiculous and terrifying and probably inhumane. Oh God, what if the others start calling them that too? Rachel's off-handed comment about lobsters has her and Thalia referring to Luke and Annabeth as "The Lobsters." What if they find out about Percy and Nico and start calling them "Nicocy?"

Nico is absolutely not going to let that happen. "Y—yeah, yeah, I'll—I'll do it."

She grins. "I knew I could count on my Di Angelo-a-ling!" She stands up, kisses his cheek, and slings her purse strap over her shoulder. "See ya Saturday!" Nico wipes her lipstick from his face as she clops away and exits the room.

He has no idea how he's going to break this to Percy. He doesn't think Percy would get jealous—because, seriously, it's Silena—just really, really mad. Every conversation they have about telling the others never really ends; it's just postponed until the next trigger that sets off Percy's unreasonable need to have their coupling acknowledged.

Maybe, Nico thinks, he doesn't have to tell him. It's not like they're joined at the hip; Nico can make up some bullshit story as to his whereabouts. If he brings home a meatball sub Percy won't even think twice about it.

"Is she gone?" Percy asks when he comes back to the table.

Nico's startle reflex is working way too well tonight. "Y—yeah, she left a minute ago."

"She _left_? She stuck us with the check?"

Nico thumps his head back against the headrest. "Damn it! I knew something was up!"

Percy groans, collapses into his seat. He sits there frowning for a moment before reaching acLuke the table and grabdi Angelo the plate of tiramisu. "Might as well," he says around a bite with a shrug. "If I'm payin'."

* * *

When they get home, Percy's trailing silent anger in his wake as he shuffles into the shower and slams the door. Nico decides not to push, figures Percy's just frustrated that Silena ruined what was supposed to be a romantic evening. He's furious about that himself.

He's angrier that he let himself be browbeaten into playing along in her silly games. He shouldn't be this easily manipulated. He shouldn't be so afraid of telling the others. Why is he so afraid? He can never put it into words when he and Percy argue about it, but just the thought of coming out makes his throat close up and his heart stop.

Nico's kicked back in the recliner watching TV when Percy steps out of the bathroom in his robe, trailing steam now along with the silent anger that had followed him in. Nico wants to say something to alleviate his sour mood, but he doesn't know what words will help. He watches Percy shut the bedroom door behind him.

Nico starts to panic the longer he sits there, because he knows he's keeping a pretty big secret from Percy, and if Percy finds out why he's going to be pissed. This is the part of the relationship where mistakes are critical. It's inevitable that Nico's going to fuck things up, so now, more than ever, he needs something to soften the blow of those mistakes, something that might make Percy think twice about unceremoniously dumping him.

He switches off the television and inches Percy's bedroom door open. "Hey, Perce."

Percy looks up from making the bed, gives him a weak half-smile. "Hey, Nico."

Nico figures that his presence isn't totally unwanted. He closes the distance between them and wraps his arms around Percy's waist, planting a kiss to the back of his neck. "I really appreciate what you did tonight."

Percy lets out a humorless laugh. "What, takin' you on the worst date of your life?"

"It wasn't the worst," Nico says, because, really, it definitely wasn't. He remembers where he was going with this. "But, no, I meant I appreciate that you took me to dinner. You didn't have to do that. And it was great, save for the parts with Silena. But that's not your fault. You couldn't have known..."

Percy sighs and breaks out of the embrace. He sits on the edge of the bed, looking up at Nico with the most forlorn expression on his face. "I know, but...I just wanted to do somethin' nice for you."

Nico steps closer so he's standing in the space between Percy's legs. "Perce...you did." He takes Percy's hands in his own.

"No, I didn't! 'Cause then Silena showed up and ruined everything, and you ended up payin' her check! I didn't want you to have to pay for anything tonight."

Nico curls a hand around the back of Percy's neck, his fingers sliding through his hair. "I'm sorry, Perce. But this isn't a one-time thing. If it matters that much, you could try again sometime, maybe get Rangers tickets."

"With my luck you'll end up in the emergency room like Luke did."

Nico chuckles at the memory. "You gotta admit, that was funny."

There's a hint of amusement at the corner of Percy's lips. "But I wanna take you out and have it be perfect, y'know?"

"That night on top of the water slide was pretty great," Nico reminds him. "Until you pushed me." He smiles, because he's not even mad about it anymore.

Percy grins, and Nico has to lean in and kiss him when he looks this good. Percy gets his hands full of Nico's shirt and tugs him closer. Nico straddles his lap, his knees on either side of Percy's hips, and grabs a handful of his hair. His other hand slides into the robe, pushing the material off of Percy's shoulders. Percy hums a moan around the kiss.

Nico's fingers catch at the knot in the robe. His hands and thighs start shaking from the adrenaline. He wets his lips and finds that his throat is impossibly dry. "Okay, look, Perce, I've—I've never done this before, so I'm probably gonna screw it up and just be awful, but you can't expect me to be great at something I've never tried so just—"

"Nico."

He almost forgot to breathe for a second there. "Yeah?"

"Relax," Percy says, chuckling. "I don't even know what it is yet. But now you got me curious. Why don't you just show me instead?"

"Right, right, okay. I can—I can do that." Nico takes a deep breath, steels himself, and nudges Percy backwards against the mattress. Nico sort of falls on top of him trying to kiss him again. Why is this so awkward? He's never been this hopelessly clumsy with Percy before. Sure, he's a little—okay, a lot—panicky about putting a dick in his mouth, but he's had sex with Percy before. Giving him a blowjob shouldn't even be a thing.

Nico gets the robe untied and watches the way Percy's body curls out of it. It still hasn't sunk in yet that this perfect body is his to touch and admire; he doubts he'll ever get used to that privilege. Percy gazes up at him with half-lidded eyes, moans when Nico's head dips down to kiss his chest. Nico opens his mouth around a nipple, teeth gently pinching the nub. Percy sighs in praise and wraps his hands in Nico's hair. Nico kisses a line down his body, spending a little more time on the spots where Percy responds more vocally.

Percy hooks his legs around Nico's shoulders, bringing him closer. Nico has no idea how to do this beyond the obvious. But Percy manages to do pretty well, so maybe it won't be as hard as he thinks. Nico wraps a hand around the base of Percy's cock, engulfs the head in his mouth and earns himself a shaky inhale. Percy's fingers are gripped tight in the blankets underneath him, his hips impossibly still. Nico pushes his luck, takes him in a little deeper. Percy's swearing through his teeth, and Nico can tell he's struggling not to thrust up into his mouth. Nico does something with his tongue that makes Percy actually whimper and reach out to grab his hair.

Percy seems to like that, so Nico does it again, swirling his tongue over the length of Percy's dick. He's rewarded with the strangled little breaths Percy makes, and, Christ, that's unspeakably hot. He sucks at the tip, and that gets Percy's hips moving and pushing into his throat. Nico's instinct is to back away, but he notices that he doesn't actually _need_ to. He's got the entire length of Percy's cock in his mouth and he doesn't feel like gagging.

There's a joke in here somewhere, but Nico's too focused on Percy's soft little moans and whimpers to find it.

"Fuck, fuck, keep going, please," Percy begs him, fingers tightening in Nico's hair. Nico obliges, his mouth working at the hilt in a way that pulls a shuddery groan from Percy's throat. Nico hums a moan around him, and Percy shoves his hips up, trying to force himself impossibly deeper. Nico's shaky with adrenaline and terror-fueled excitement; his fingers tremble where he's got them pressed into the shifting muscle of Percy's thighs. Percy tugs at his hair, sometimes hard enough to hurt, but Nico just digs his fingers in and Percy eases his grip.

Nico's been focusing on the head of Percy's cock for a while, so he swallows him again and sucks at the hilt. That breaks Percy apart, and he's coming hard before he can choke out a warning. Nico pulls away as if he's been bitten, the wet stripes tickling the back of his throat. He coughs, swallows, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Percy's breathing soft praises and pushing a hand through his hair. "Sorry," he sighs out. "I couldn't—You were—So good..." Nico presses his mouth over the inside of Percy's quivering thighs, hopes to make the post-orgasm lassitude more enjoyable. Percy sighs contentedly and drops his head back down onto the bed. "How did you..."

"I don't know!"

"I thought you said you never did that before."

Nico watches the quickened rise and fall of Percy's chest as he breathes. "I haven't!"

"Somebody's lyin'." Percy feathers his fingers through Nico's hair.

Nico scrunches his mouth up into a frown and continues kissing lines over Percy's inner thighs; he hopes he looks menacing, although he's not sure how one looks menacing while doing something like this. He'll find a way.

"Who was it?" Percy asks after a moment of silence spent enjoying Nico's mouth on his skin.

"Who was who?"

"The guy you, y'know, practiced on." He gestures vaguely to his dick, in case Nico doesn't know what kind of practice he's referring to. Then his eyes go wide in realization. "Was it Luke?"

"No!" Nico sits up in a huff, his hands braced on Percy's knees as he glares down at him. "Is it really that hard to believe I've never done that before? Maybe I lost my gag reflex but gained an extra nipple."

Percy appears to be thinking about that. "Nah, I still think you had to have some practice."

"Maybe you're just really bad at it! You ever think of that?"

The amount of offense on Percy's face is laughable. "No way! It's sex! I can't be bad at sex!"

Nico straightens his spine a little, more confident now that he's found a weakness in Percy's sexual prowess. "Seems like you are, Perce. I hate to break it to you, but I think I've found your Achilles' heel." He smirks, reconsidering. "Actually, no, I _enjoy_ breaking it to you: I'm better than you at something in bed!" Nico feels no shame in gloating over this. He'd do a victory dance if he didn't think he'd fall onto the floor; he's sort of precariously balanced on the edge of the mattress.

Percy frowns, his cheeks newly reddening. "Well, I'll just have to get better so you can't say that anymore."

Nico leans over him and presses his mouth to Percy's. "Can I volunteer to be your test subject?"

"As long as you're not smug about it."

"But my smugness is my best feature," Nico protests with a pout.

"Nah, that's definitely your ass." Percy's hands skim down the curve of Nico's back to squeeze his ass for emphasis. Nico jolts his hips into the touch. "So, since I need the practice, can I start payin' you back for stuff with blowjobs?"

"I like this idea, but blowjobs don't pay the bills."

"They do for hookers."

Nico kisses him again, feels the warm slide of Percy's hands over his spine. "Hell of a time for a career change, Perce."

Percy nips at Nico's mouth and wraps his hands around his shoulders. "Alright, Mr. Funny Man, you want me to suck your dick or not?"

It sounds so fucking dirty and full of promise when Percy says it like that, his eyes half-lidded and the corner of his mouth pulled into a smirk. Nico shifts his hips over Percy's. "Well, if you're doing it to pay me back, and each blowjob is worth, say, fifty bucks, you're gonna be sucking my dick for...about three hundred years."

Percy sits up, bringing Nico with him, and playfully shoves his back against the mattress. His hands are planted on either side of Nico's head. Nico can't help but hook his legs around Percy's hips. "Maybe by then I'll be better than you."

"Only one way to find out," Nico says as he pulls Percy down to his mouth.

* * *

Saturday morning finds Nico bent over the foosball table after breakfast with Percy working into him from behind. Nico will never admit out loud how much he enjoys this, save for his vocal moans and encouragements. But considering how Percy grips his hips and shoves in harder, Nico assumes he gets the message loud and clear.

Nico squirms, pushes back as Percy thrusts in, and he bites back a moan that would have made Percy way too pleased with himself. The next one, however, sends them both crumbling into dust, because Percy's fucking into him at the most perfect angle, and Nico's strangled moans always push Percy over the edge.

Nico works his hips through the aftershocks, and Percy's fingers dig in, his body too wrecked by his orgasm to handle anything more. Percy groans, hot and heavy, over the back of Nico's neck, his hips pulsing weakly. "Fuck," he breathes out, and Nico can feel the tickle of his hair against his neck when Percy's head tips forward in fatigue. "That was...that was amazing."

"We should make that a thing," Nico says, still catching his breath. He pushes himself up with shaky arms. "Pre-audition sex. Y'know, for good luck."

Percy straightens up and holds him to his chest. "Yeah, we should." His mouth moves over the back of Nico's neck, kissing him in greedy pushes.

"But if you suddenly have auditions every day, I'm gonna be a little suspicious," Nico warns as he tugs his pajamas over his hips.

Percy's smile is practically audible. "Aw, c'mon, Nico; you know you got a soft spot for the Percy Love."

"And you find it every time." Nico turns in Percy's arms to get his fists full of his robe and kiss his big, dumb grin. He'll never be immune to the way Percy's face looks when he's smug.

"Sometimes on the first try!" Percy says proudly around the kiss. He nudges Nico backwards so he's pressed against the foosball table.

"Well, it's hard to miss." Nico slides his hands into Percy's robe and lets them roam over his bare skin. He links them together at the small of Percy's back just above his ass. "Especially when you're, uh, as"—he searches for a different word, doesn't find one that isn't silly—"endowed as you are..."

Percy huffs a laugh into Nico's hair. "You're not so hot at the dirty talk, are you?"

"I'm not that great at talking in general."

"Nothin' a little practice won't fix." Percy puts his hands on either side of the table, boxing Nico in close. "You can start by tellin' me how much you love it when we have sex."

"Wh—wh—no!" Nico has a strong feeling that Percy gets a near-sexual thrill out of embarrassing him.

"Aw, why not?"

"Be—because!" That's the best answer Nico can come up with when his face is the same color as a tomato.

"I'm your boyfriend. You can tell me."

Nico looks away and squirms a little. He's still absurdly uncomfortable with the fact that he has a _boyfriend_ now. "Perce..."

"Alright, fine. I'll go first." Percy gets his hands underneath the waistband of Nico's pajama pants and wraps his hands around his ass. Nico's entire body stiffens like he's bracing for a crash. "I love havin' sex with you 'cause every time is like your first time. You get all squirmy when I kiss you all over." He squeezes, and Nico actually whimpers and tries to wriggle away, making Percy chuckle. "Yeah, like that! And you make those soft little noises in your throat that drive me crazy." Nico's face is probably an awesome shade of red right now—maybe there's some purple in there too. "Oh, and the way you drag your hands down my back when you come. And"—he grins, and Nico fights the urge to kiss it away—"you get really loud sometimes. It's great! It's like livin' in a porno, 'cept, y'know, it's you."

Nico isn't sure if that's a backhanded insult or not. He's still pretty turned on by all of this. He squeezes his thighs together, tries to cross his legs to hide his arousal.

Percy smiles and gives his ass another squeeze. "Now you try."

"Can we take a break?" Nico asks, shifting his legs again.

Percy laughs. "C'mon, Nico, it's not hard."

Nico glares at him. "Really not the best choice of words there, Perce."

Percy lifts an eyebrow and lets his gaze drift down to the growing focus of Nico's chagrin. "Oh, sorry. Want me to take care of that?"

Nico's about to die of boner-induced humilation when a kind, benevolent god blesses him with a knock at their door. He sighs in relief and feels his body actually relax. "I'll get it."

Percy pouts, makes himself decent by pulling his robe tighter around him and tying the sash.

Nico has absolutely forgotten what today is, because when he opens the door he expects to see Annabeth or Thalia asking to borrow some sugar or something. He's not expecting to see Silena, the bane of his existence—dolled up in an outfit that even David Bowie would deem too extravagant—smiling gleefully at him.

All traces of arousal flee from his body. He sort of shrieks at the sight of her. "Oh God, what are you doing here?" Nico takes back all that "kind, benevolent god" talk; clearly he pissed someone off in a past life—or maybe in this one.

"Did I interrupt again?" she asks around a knowing laugh.

Percy does not look pleased to see her—or hear her. "Silena! What a surprise!"

Silena lets herself in and pokes Nico's chest with a finger. "Did you forget to tell Percy about our little date today?"

"Date?"

"Date?" Percy's glaring now, alternating between Nico and Silena as if he's not sure who to blame for this catastrophe.

"Oh. Oh no." Nico really wishes he was dead right now.

"You got somethin' you wanna tell me, Nico?" Percy's using his authoritative voice; it's strange hearing it outside of the bedroom. Frightening, actually.

Nico twists the hem of his t-shirt in his hands and glances around the room. A distraction would be wonderful right now. So he waits a little while, fumbling over words and trying to fill time until maybe a rowdy tenant pulls the fire alarm.

But a distraction isn't in the cards for him. "Just a moment," Nico tells Silena before dragging Percy into the nearest bedroom and shutting the door.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Percy demands before Nico can even get a word out.

"Okay, look, I know I made a huge mistake here, but when we were at dinner Silena basically blackmailed me into going on a fake date with her to make some guy jealous."

It takes a lot to make Percy look at you like you're the stupidest person alive, but Nico's managed to accomplish it. "She blackmailed you? How?"

He squirms at the question, because it sounds really ridiculous when he hears it from someone else. "She said she'd tell everybody about us," he mumbles, feeling the impending argument about to crash down on them.

Percy flaps his arms. "So? Let her!"

"Do you really want them finding out from _Silena_?" Nico hisses. "For God's sake, she already calls us 'Nicocy!'" He grabs the lapels of Percy's robe and tugs him closer. "We are a _unit_ to her, like we were fused together in some horrible nuclear accident!"

"So I'll just go over there right now and tell 'em!" Percy moves to exit the bedroom, but Nico summons near-Herculean strength and holds him at bay.

"No! No! Perce, please, just—just—you don't even have to deal with her, alright? I'll go on the stupid fake date, and that'll be the end of it." Percy blinks, and his expression softens just a bit. "If we're gonna tell them, it should be because we're happy about it, not because we're trying to beat somebody else to the punch."

Percy still has that dissatisfied look on his face, but he doesn't seem as furious as he was earlier. "Man, two minutes ago I was in a great mood."

"So was I. I'm sorry, Perce. I promise I'll make it up to you." Nico lays his hands over Percy's chest. He drops his voice to a murmur, even though they're safely tucked away in the bedroom. "Maybe I'll try something new tonight."

Percy lifts his eyebrows, his lips curled into a wide grin. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

* * *

Percy wishes he knew more words to describe how upset he is with Nico right now, because "angry" just isn't cutting it. He's furious that Nico lied to him, but he's also really, really hurt that Nico's apparently so embarrassed to be dating him that he'd rather go on a date with Silena to keep people from finding out.

Okay, so maybe it's not a real date. It's not like Percy's jealous, because, hello, it's _Silena_ ; Nico has a list of physical injuries he'd rather sustain than spend an extended period of time with her. But the whole façade hurts, and Percy can't help but feel that Nico would have kept it a secret forever had Silena not shown up when she did.

Percy comes home from his audition later that afternoon to find Nico milling about the kitchen. Nico's changed into loose, comfortable clothes, and his hair is wet and pushed back; this makes it really difficult for Percy to think about things that aren't shoving him against the wall and fucking him open.

"Hey, Perce!" Nico greets him with a smile. "How was the audition?"

"Fine," Percy answers, and he hates that he's instantly suspicious over Nico's concern. He doesn't know how to form his frustration into words, so he just walks by in an attempt to lock himself away in his bedroom.

"That bad, huh?" Nico grabs Percy's hand and pulls him nearer, thwarting his escape. "Well, I got a surprise for you in the fridge." Percy can't resist the temptation. He peers inside and sees a meatball sub sitting on the top shelf inside the refrigerator. It's still warm. He reaches for it, but Nico snatches his hand away. "But I've got another surprise I want to give you first," Nico says in his seductive voice, his arms sliding around Percy's waist. There's a pink tint underneath his cheeks when he says, "In the bedroom."

Percy wets his lips, feels a smile tugging there. "Are you tryin' to talk dirty?"

"A little. Is it working for you?"

Their little discussion about this morning can wait until Nico's thoroughly embarrassed himself. "Yeah," Percy purrs, letting Nico guide him into the nearest bedroom. "What're you gonna do to me?"

"Lots of stuff."

"Like what?" It's hard for Percy not to chuckle when just skirting around the concept is making Nico a little nervous and shaky.

Nico sort of shoves him backwards against the bed and straddles him. "Like this." He clasps his hands in Percy's and folds to kiss him. There's an aggressive edge to it, and Percy wants more kisses like this, wants Nico to take control more often. He likes the way Nico's mouth tightens and his hips push down. It's a refreshing Nicoge from their usual dynamic. And, okay, maybe there's a quiet part of Percy that really likes being dominated. That would explain so much about why his favorite sex position with Nico involves being bent over and fucked into the mattress.

Percy swallows a moan, his legs spread open for Nico's shifting hips. The friction from their clothes is maddening, and Percy wishes his hands were free so he could shove his jeans down a bit. He bites his lower lip, whimpering as Nico presses kisses over his neck and the line of his jaw. Percy kicks his shoes onto the floor, even manages to pull his socks off with his toes while Nico sighs hot and wet into the hollow of Percy's throat. He digs his fingers into Percy's jeans, hastily unbuttoning and unzipping before Percy wiggles his hips enough for Nico to just tug and strip him half-naked.

Percy reaches down to pull his shirt over his head, but Nico's already on his knees at the foot of the bed, his mouth open around the bare skin of Percy's inner thigh. His tongue draws slick lines over the hard muscle there, and Percy groans low in his throat, his head thumping back against the mattress. His hands curl into Nico's hair before sliding down his back. Nico nips at his thighs, and Percy can feel the heat of his breath perilously close to his cock, hard and wanting. He wraps a hand around himself and starts to tug before Nico takes notice.

"Could you be more impatient?" Nico complains, pulling Percy's hand away. "I was getting to that!"

"Could you be any slower?" Percy shoots back.

Nico's eyebrows form an angry slant. "Do you want this to happen or not?"

Percy decides it would be wise to shut up. He snakes his hands into Nico's hair and lets him control the pace. Nico hooks an arm around Percy's thigh and brings himself closer, his spine bowing as he opens his mouth around Percy's dick. Percy exhales a shaky breath once Nico's engulfed him. In these rare moments when Nico's sucking him slow and steady, Percy forces himself quiet so he can hear the soft little sounds Nico makes as his mouth works on him. When Nico moans around his cock, Percy feels it ripple through him like a hum in his blood.

He's not as stupid as Nico thinks he is. Nico only does this when he knows he's fucked up big-time, and it really ought to bother Percy more than it does. Percy's more than happy to make Nico orgasm this way, but Nico sees it as some sort of punishment, a penance to be paid for whatever mistake he thinks Percy won't forgive otherwise.

Percy can't see for certain, but it feels like Nico is moving. He risks lifting his head up to watch and sees Nico's lower half squirming and shifting. Nico's head tips to meet his eyes, letting Percy's cock slip free from his mouth. "God, Perce, I have to..." He licks his lips in a way that should absolutely be illegal before rising to his feet and crawling over Percy to reach the cubby hole behind the bed.

Percy's got a face full of Nico's stomach, but he's not complaining about it. He pushes Nico's t-shirt up so he can kiss the skin over his ribs. Nico's legs slide in the sheets. Percy rests his head on the mattress to watch Nico. His own erection aches with unsatisfied need. "You're, uh, you're not gonna leave me hangin', right?"

"Oh, no," Nico says around a knowing laugh. "Trust me, you're gonna"—Percy hears the snap of plastic before Nico's stroking and squeezing his dick with a slippery hand—"you're gonna love this." He's pushing his sweatpants over his hips before Percy takes over, because he's great at getting people naked, and he wants whatever Nico's offering here. Nico opens his thighs around Percy's hips, gazes down at him with a lilt of a smirk on his lips. Percy watches in wordless awe as Nico holds his cock in place and sinks down, taking him inside. Nico's free hand curls on top of Percy's stomach, his head tipped back with lips uncoupled until Percy's buried to the hilt inside of him.

"Oh, fuck," Percy sighs out, because this is the hottest thing he's ever seen. His hands dig into the sheets beneath him as he stares up at Nico in reverence, his breath coming in quick drags. Nico shifts slightly to find a better position, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands wrapped around the thick muscle of Percy's thighs. Percy fights the urge to fuck up into him with reckless abandon, because it's all too much for both of them, and Nico's got his lower lip trapped between his teeth, and his thighs are quaking when he rises up before sinking back down.

Percy lets his hands spread open over Nico's lower back, his fingers pressing into his spine when Nico rocks against him. Nico makes a heavenly sound of want each time they slot together, his hands curled into fists on top of Percy's stomach. Percy watches every movement, tries to memorize the way Nico's brow creases when he grinds against him, the way his teeth bite and pull at his lip. Nico pushes his hips back, his spine shuddering, and Percy feels it too, a low burn of lust. He drags his hands down Nico's ass, digs his fingers into his thighs as Nico breathes compliments against the air. Nico reaches blindly and catches Percy's fingers in his own, his body trembling with the force of what's to come. Percy gazes up at him; Nico's eyes are a stormy blue as he moves faster, driven by need. He clasps their hands together, and then they're both gasping at the rock and shift of his hips.

"Perce, Perce, Perce, oh God," Nico hisses through his teeth, using Percy's strength to push harder. Percy wants so badly to touch him when he's like this, to feel the way Nico's spine curves and his muscles flex when he's riding him. Nico grinds down and howls a moan that pushes Percy over the edge; it's hot and sharp and blinding white, and Percy thrusts his way through it, because he's coming inside of Nico and he doesn't even know how to handle that. Nico feels it too and cries out, uncontrolled, his orgasm a fierce grip of heat that's almost too much to take. His hips thrash and twist through the comedown, and Percy mirrors his movements without meaning to, his body craving the aftershocks that reverberate throughout him.

"Jesus," Percy breathes out when he remembers how to form words. "Nico, that was..." He shakes his head, shoves a hand through his hair as his chest heaves. "You're amazing."

There's a small twitch at the corner of his mouth. "I appreciate the flattery, Perce, but it won't make me ready for round two any quicker." Nico's knees slide in the sheets when he folds at the waist to kiss Percy. Percy doesn't bother correcting him about the flattery thing, because Nico's just implied that they'll get to do this _again_.

They take a quick break so Percy can enjoy the meatball sub in the fridge. Percy uses this lull in their lovemaking to get some answers out of Nico. "So how come you didn't tell me about this thing with Silena?"

Nico's whole face winces. He rubs his arm, looks away. "Because I knew what you'd say," he mumbles, his voice raw in a moment of honesty.

"You think I'd be jealous?" Nico shakes his head, and Percy understands. "We're gonna have to tell them eventually."

"I know, I know, I just don't think it should be now." Nico wrings his hands. "Thalia just lost her job, and you know how she feels about being single. It would be cruel to wave our relationship in her face, y'know, like, 'look how happy we are!'"

Percy hates how much sense that makes, because it's so goddamn convenient. Nico always seems to have some new excuse to delay this whole thing. Percy wishes that he didn't care so much about being open and honest with the others, but it's so hard not to when they're at Central Perk and Nico says something particularly witty that makes Percy want to reach over and kiss him. Or when they're lounging at Thalia's apartment during one of their group movie nights, and Luke and Annabeth are cuddled close together on the couch. Or when he has to lie about wanting to be single for a while so nobody tries to set him up with some girl who's "just perfect" for him.

Percy doesn't think it's so unreasonable to want his friends to know about his relationship. Why can't he and Nico enjoy what everyone else gets to have?

"Yeah, you're right," Percy concedes after a moment of contemplation. "I guess we can wait a while."

Nico nods in agreement. "There's kind of another reason," he says in a low voice, toying with the hem of his shirt. "Well, two other reasons."

Percy waits for him to elaborate and, when he doesn't, says, "You can tell me, Nico."

Nico breathes out a sigh that sounds like whatever he's going to say next hurts to admit. "You've never had a relationship that's lasted longer than a Mento," he starts, trying humor. "So I just...figured it would run its course." He shrugs. "I don't want to tell them, get dumped, and then have everyone look at me knowing I was just some flavor of the week for you, y'know?"

It actually fucking _hurts_ that Nico could ever think that about him, but Percy kind of gets it, because he hasn't exactly been the poster child for long-term relationships.

Percy moves over to him so he can wrap an arm around Nico's shoulders and pull him to his chest. He holds him there for a while before taking Nico's face in his hands so he can look at him. "Do I really make you feel like that?"

"No, it's just..." Nico takes a moment to collect his thoughts. "I've watched you date girl after girl, never really sticking around for too long, so I guess I just assumed that you _couldn't_."

Percy can't exactly fault him for that. "I didn't think I could either," he jokes. "But when I date other people...I don't know them the way I know you. So I spend a couple weeks gettin' to know 'em and seein' if I like them or not. Sometimes they dump me, sometimes I dump them. But with you...I already know so much about you, so us datin' just adds another level to what we already have."

Nico stares at him for a second, then he nods. "And the other reason," he continues, his gaze flickering away for a moment, "is...well, what we have together is so good, and I just...I think if we're out in the open and talking about it that'll...stop happening."

Percy goes quiet and shakes his head before moving closer and pressing his mouth over Nico's. Nico reaches up and grabs onto Percy's robe. "I'm really glad you're talkin' to me about this," Percy says. Nico gives him a shy smile. "Y'know, I've been worryin' about stuff too."

"Like what? Whether or not Bubbles the chimp was traveling with Michael Jackson against his will? Or that universal health care really isn't all that universal?"

Percy's expression falls into something vulnerable and open. "Well, like that," he grates out in a way that tells Nico that was the wrong thing to say. Percy sits in the open seat beside him, his body facing Nico. "Your sense of humor is one of my favorite things about you, but..." He pauses, watches Nico stare at him with wide, expectant eyes. Percy pushes a hand through his hair and starts over; he might as well just blurt this out before he talks himself out of it. "I feel like eventually you're gonna dump me because I'm not as smart as you."

Nico gapes at him, and there's a sadness to it, like Percy's words have wounded him.

"I mean, sure, the sex is great and I might be nice to look at, but...you're gonna get bored with that sometime."

"No! No, I'm not!" Nico insists, shaking his head. He looks at Percy's face and decides to elaborate. "Look, if I was just in this because you're absurdly attractive...we wouldn't be where we are right now." He reaches for Percy's hands, and Percy lets him take them. "I know I make jokes, and I'm sorry. I'll try to stop."

"I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if you weren't so"—there's no polite way to word this, so he just says it—"picky about who you date. I mean, you've broken up with girls for all sorts of reasons..." He trails off, because just talking about this is twisting him up in knots.

Nico shakes his head again, squeezes Percy's hands. "Perce, there is nothing about you that I would Nicoge, okay?" Percy wants to argue with that, maybe mention something about how he eats his weight in food every day or that he pronounces it "supposably," but Nico's looking at him with the most sincere, honest expression he's ever seen. Maybe Nico's just crazy enough to like Percy just the way he is.

Percy stands up and hauls him close, fingers dragging through his hair as his mouth works over Nico's. Nico snakes his hands into Percy's robe. "I'm sorry about all of this," he says softly. "But on the bright side, the whole fake date thing worked, and Silena will be too busy dating the Mattress King to bother means"—Nico's lips curl into a grin—"we can finish what we started earlier." His cheeks are pinked with chagrin; Percy's never going to get over how Nico looks when he's trying to be seductive. "What'dya say?"

Percy definitely doesn't say no.

* * *

Nico is by himself the next morning, ass hurting like one rich motherfucker when a knock comes from the door. He's sitting on the couch in front of the TV, legs tucked underneath him, looking at a magazine detailing a few movies that have come out over the weekend. The knock comes again, this time much louder and far more obnoxiously. He snaps his head up, eyes a deranged silver.

"Who is it?" he asks cautiously.

He hopes, oh God he hopes it isn't Silena for another game of torture. That'll twist Percy into a million pieces and he'd like to have a boyfriend when all the mess is said and done with, but once again, Nico Di Angelo isn't one hundred percent sold on what'll ever actually, truthfully anger his boyfriend. Speaking of the greatest thing to ever walk the Earth, Nico wakes up to Percy jumping up and down on his bed, announcing he has the largest photo shoot for a new men's collection of suits and jackets and that he has to curtail out of the apartment at like the near crack of dawn.

Nico just wants to crawl back to sleep, to think and wish that his boyfriend's hands were latched onto his dick and tugging ever so slightly. He has to be Percy-less for almost thirteen whole hours, as his boyfriend left at around six and won't be home till almost seven, maybe eight. He misses having Percy's strong, strapping arms stroke him and hold him tight while they watch horror movies like Blair Witch and It and other cult classics that cause Nico to screech and duck under the covers.

The knocking rouses up again, and this time Nico closes his magazine, standing at the door. He knows it isn't one the five friends as they'd barge in no matter what. Percy likes to sneak up and scare Nico half to death, so it isn't him either. He's confused. Who else could be at the door, especially around noon?

He inches towards it, almost scared for the life of him that it is Silena with her dark wave of midnight hair and a violet dress and that she wants to get back together or that she's exposed the couple. Nico lets out a huff. "Just a moment." he says.

Someone on the other side of the door muffles something that he is unable to hear, and that piques Nico's curiosity. The voice does not sound feminine at all, but a little bit coarser, a tad bit rougher, and a lot harsher. Nico frowns and wrenches the door open.

What he does not expect is someone that isn't Silena, it isn't Luke, Annabeth, Thalia, or Rachel, it isn't Percy, hell it even isn't Rachel's ex psychiatrist. What _is_ standing in front of he and Percy's apartment door is a man, maybe younger than Nico with striking electric blonde hair and ferociously stunning diamond eyes. He takes a step back and his voice comes out a whole lot harsher than he means it to.

"Who the fuck are you?" Nico retorts. _Way to stick it to 'em!_

"I could ask you the same question, asshole," the blonde retorts and it is painstakingly obvious both men here are at odds. "Is Percy here?"

"He's out right now," the actual owner of the apartment frowns. "Is there something he can help you with?"

"I'm Jason," the man responds. "Jason Grace. You are?"

"Nico Di Angelo..." Nico warily looks at the man with a curious gaze. Jason is dressed in a tight, _tight_ ass dress shirt that he can practically see the man's muscles making rigid lines and marks as he moves, almost tightening Nico's own crotch. He wonders how well and physically sculpted the guy's dick is too, but only a peek. "I live here. My name is on the lease for this apartment room."

"I got told that this was the address," Jason blinks, looking confused, and then he notices the foosball table. "Oh, so that's what he replaced the table with! Man, that's wicked! A foosball table instead of the one we broke?"

"We?" Nico frowns. Did he hear this... _Jason_ , right? He begins to shut the door on the man. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps this is the wrong room, go check somewhere else, as Percy isn't here and-"

Jason shoves an arm through, stopping the door from completely shutting him out, and all of a sudden he's in Nico and Percy's apartment. "Yep! That's where it used to be. The same table Percy Jackson fucked me on and then broke. Man, he said his roommate Nico would be pissed!"

Everything inside Nico Di Angelo's brain comes to a screeching halt right then and there and before he knows it, he's picked Jason by the cuff of his dress shirt, gets a gorgeous scent of the man's cologne, and slams him into a wall. The blonde is caught off guard, a plea of surprise catching in his throat while Nico glares at him, hands burning practically crescents into the other guy's shoulders.

"I'm sorry... I think I heard you wrong? What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"That- that was the same spot Percy fucked me on." Jason gulps.

Nico scowls. "I'm sorry to break it to you Mr. Jason Fucking Grace but the same Percy Jackson you're talking about is _my_ boyfriend and he'd never cheat on me."

"No... that was it," Jason looks blankly at it. "He complained to me the entire time about you didn't seem to care for him and then he promptly screwed me raw right over there. There's so much about Percy you don't know then, man. He's fucked so many dudes over the years, in this same exact apartment... and I believe he's been screwing and messing around with one constantly since about two months ago... last he told me," Nico goes numb, unable to process emotion of any kind. Jason looks down with a scowl. "Do- do you mind letting go of me? I don't want to have to file a harassment or assault charge for what you just did."

The dark haired man drops the blonde softly on his feet, muttering an apology. Jason straightens his hair and collar, briskly striding out of the door. Nico follows after him for good measure. "I don't ever want to see your ass here again! I catch you coming around here fucking around with _my_ man, I will personally castrate you myself!"

Nico slams the door, and it isn't even ten seconds later that he's slumped against the door, staring at the foosball.

Within the next thirty seconds he's curled in over himself.

Bawling his poor eyes out.

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #17: Mortification Done Right! I don't have all that much to say this time around except, Ya'll probably didn't expect that, huh? I will say though, that in my original working of this story that there wasn't any middleman between Percy and Nico, that Percy hadn't messed around beforehand or perhaps during the relationship but then it struck me that there isn't enough drama in a piece that mostly has been completely happy and sex filled since the resort... so I added this little plot line and I hope it has captivated you all. Thanks so much for reading! Please review and let me know what you thought, especially for this 11.6K chapter I wrote, because holy fuck it is the longest thing I have ever written and I am beyond happy. I hope to post Chapter #18 either on Thursday, or on Saturday, but I want your opinions, so let me know, as I will be posting soon, Chapter #18: Love is the Safe Word. Thanks so much for being so amazing. I love you all! Have a great day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm of Writing**


	18. Chapter 18: Love is the Safe Word

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #18: Love is the Safe Word. Once again, it has been another one of my infamous two week hiatuses because I can never get enough of those, y'know? I am definitely planning on having this story end up before the month of May is over, and hell probably a lot earlier than that if I get my shit together. Things will be kinda dicey as I have had to rewrite my endings a little bit with that Jason reveal from last chapter, but nonetheless I hope you're ready, which I figure many of you are. Sorry once again for the wait, and then that notification of change turning into Nicoge is also bothering me, so I shall be combing through the chapters even far more carefully than usual afterwards. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Did that make you feel any better?" Nico wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he crawls up Percy's body, falling into the space beside him on the bed. A thought sits in the back of his head from earlier, far earlier, though he does not really put it into perspective as all that matters is making the greatest guy on the planet feeling like he's a million bucks. Which, partly, Percy Jackson is.

Percy smiles and slides an arm around Nico's shoulders. "Yeah! You're great at cheerin' me up." He kisses him, soft and appreciative, tastes himself on Nico's tongue. The lingering taste of whitewashed cherry soda and a sizzling, yet dull slime of saliva wisps between them, curling Percy's nose up somewhat, but he's sharing a kiss with the greatest guy he knows, so it is totally worth it. _Isn't this just like old times, Perce?_

Nico's wearing a look of offense. "I put your dick in my mouth and it's just 'great?' You gotta start grading on a curve, man." He laughs happily with it, clapping his hands together, and for a split second something else flashes across it, something beyond brief and he's blessing all the heavens that Percy hadn't noticed the immediate change in feeling. Someone's words linger in the back of his head, but can't recall them for the life of him. Nico hates being stumped. Downright loathes it. More than he loathes people leaving toothpaste caps on the counter, which is saying something, as that is his worst pet peeve. Of course, it also ends up being something Percy Motherfucking Jackson does on a regular basis.

"Or I could start usin' better words."

"That too." Nico cuddles into the curve of Percy's body while Percy breathes in the scent of his hair. It's during quiet, intimate moments like this when he can feel the calm flare of breath against his neck or the rise and fall of Nico's back underneath his hands that Percy wants to tell Nico that he loves him. But he knows that would send Nico running far, far away from him and any semblance of commitment. Percy feels like Nico deserves to hear the words, but he's going to wait a while before letting them drop. Nico hums into the nape of Percy's neck, consonants fluttering out like butterflies in the wind, and he can almost see them. Their porcelain white wings flap and try to get them somewhere, though it isn't looking they're working much. Something causes Nico to freeze, looking at Percy's jaw. It's like his jawline recognized someone else, but he's unable to pinpoint who exactly he's thinking of. It is a blur, and so he bites his tongue and doesn't respond in jest to Percy's statement.

And, okay, maybe he's a little terrified that Nico won't say it back.

Maybe.

After a tranquil lull of no sounds but their quiet breaths and the shift of limbs over bedsheets, Percy risks the question that's been running through his mind all day: "Do you think I'm a bad actor?" Whoa. What was _that_ for?

Nico loops his arm around Percy's waist. "Of course not, Perce. You just haven't had your big break yet."

"I felt like I have—a bunch'a times."

"Y'know, a lot of famous actors started out in crappy movies or plays, but they got lucky and had somebody with connections in the audience. Maybe the right person just hasn't seen you yet. I mean... think about it Perce! How many photo shoots have you gotten simply for walking in? All the photographer had to was have you pose and that smile and hot body did it well enough... like ten times what they were all expecting!"

Percy presses his nose into Nico's hair. "Thanks, Nico, but...I was kinda wonderin' what _you_ think." His heart flutters somewhat with the mention that Nico thinks of his body as a 'hot bod' It's got him giggling like he's three again.

"I think you're amazing," Nico says, tilting his head to press his mouth over Percy's. "You do the best you can with what you're given. Even Harrison Ford couldn't save some of the crap you've been in. I can't wait 'til you get a part that makes everybody stand up and take notice."

Percy really wants to tell him now, wants to breathe the words into him and let them fill his lungs. But instead he just grins and covers Nico's mouth with his own.

It's an oxygen he cannot get enough of, which sounds partially freaky in his mind.

Percy notes how his phone never goes off anymore.

He likes it, perhaps a little bit too much.

* * *

Nico practically leaps out of his chair when Percy comes home from the audition. "So? How'd it go?" he asks, peering over the top of the recliner.

Percy gives a dismissive hand wave and ruffles Nico's hair as he comes closer. "We can talk about me later. How was your day?" Nico lifts a suspicious eyebrow when Percy smiles and works his fingers through his hair. "Did'ja do anything cool with numbers?"

There's only one logical explanation for this: "You didn't get the part?"

"Well, maybe. I got a callback for Thursday."

"Hey, that's great!" Nico rises up on his knees so he can reach out and kiss him. Percy's mouth remains rather unresponsive; even his hands have stilled. Nico pulls back, studies his face. "Isn't it?"

Percy's gaze darts from side to side. "Yeah, but..."

"But?" It's not usually this difficult to get Percy to say things.

He lets his hands rest on Nico's shoulders. There's a nice, warm heat to his touch, despite the nervous way he's curling his fingers in the collar of Nico's shirt. "Well, the part's mine if I want it—"

"Oh my God!" Nico can't believe he's fallen for Percy's act-like-you-didn't-get-the-part-when-you-really-d id trick.

"But I gotta be willing to sleep with the casting lady." The hammer stroke falls quite hard and it causes Nico to stumble back.

Words catch in his throat like a pipe that's about to burst, but it's unable to. The pipe is rusty and you can certainly catch a case of the scabies and other recursive diseases. Nico watches Percy breathe in, he watches him breathe out. He can understand exactly what is going on, and that's when he thinks of Percy acting like a puppet. He's hanging limply over a wire, wrists jointed with ripe crimson ruby red paint and Nico's mouth goes dry. There's a laxness on the strings holding him, and Percy is pulled back taut as he sees the effect of what his boyfriend just told him. "Oh my God." It rolls out in pieces, and Nico has no idea what to make of this. He feels a curl of nausea at the mere idea of Percy in bed with someone who isn't him. He wets his lips, blinks way more times than is necessary. "So—so what're you gonna do?"

Percy looks at him with a distressing mix of hurt and confusion. "Of course I'm not gonna do it." The strings snap and Percy's puppet has now fallen to the floor, Nico's eyes wide as saucers. Something snaps, something breaks, and Percy's mind entertains multiple tangents. He wishes to eat the sawed off part of a shotgun, just a little to understand what it feels like to get close to death, but not actually die... and Nico is sitting here thinking that his own boyfriend hasn't decided on an answer?

"Wh—what? Why not?"

His brow creases impossibly further, one hand gently curling around the back of Nico's neck. "'Cause I've never slept with someone for a part before," he says like he's measuring his words with extra care. "It just seems... wrong. _Even_ if the business sometimes works like that." _Ah, quite the blessing and the curse._

"Is she attractive?" Nico doesn't know why he's still talking. Apparently his brain has decided it wants him to be miserable forever.

"She's not you."

Nico makes a face. "God, don't do that. You sound like somebody in my mom's books."

Percy frowns for a moment, then: "The guy on the cover with his nipples showin'?"

"Hey, this is a serious conversation. Don't distract me by talking about your nipples." Percy grins with pride, and Nico wraps his fingers around Percy's arm, trying so damned hard not to look like he's been punched in the stomach by this entire discussion. "But, hey, y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal," he says with a casual shrug. "I mean, the way that I see it is, you get a great job, and you get to have sex. Throw in a tree and a fat guy, and you've got Christmas." He forces up a half-smile that hurts in so many fragile places.

Percy closes his eyes, as if Nico's false bravado physically pains him. "So what? We have sex all the time."

"Variety is the spice of life, or so they say." He smiles again, feels his weakened edges start to crack. Nico takes Percy's free hand in his own. "Hey, Perce, c'mon, at least think about it. This could be your big break!"

Percy shakes his head. "I don't want it that way. Not if I have to cheat on you."

Nico scoffs a laugh that sounds sort of hysterical. "Don't miss out on this just because of me. If you really want the part, you should go for it. This is me giving you permission." He swallows thickly, tries not to imagine Percy touching and kissing her the way he does with Nico. He knows it wouldn't mean anything, but it _could_ , and that's what scares him. Percy might like having sex with her instead of with Nico; he might like _her_ more than he likes Nico altogether. And Nico's hopelessly stupid enough to let it happen, to encourage it even.

"I don't want your permission!" Percy says in a way that sounds raw and exposed. "I'm not gonna cheat on somebody I love just for a job."

Nico's throat goes tight, all air gone.

Love.

Percy _loves_ him.

There's a horrible, tumbling sort of panic inside his gut. Nico is not equipped to handle this kind of emotional turmoil. Sweet tapdancing Christ, what the fuck is he supposed to do with this?

He scrambles backwards out of the chair, as if actually putting physical distance between himself and the confession. Percy's watching him with wide eyes. "What? What'd I say?"

"You—you love me," Nico sputters out in disbelief. Percy just nods like he has no idea why this particular tidbit of information might be distressing.

"Yeah?"

"That's the first time you've ever said that to me!" Nico sort of yells. This cannot be happening. This is Percy, for Christ's sake. Percy falls in love with sandwiches and really good pizza. Percy doesn't fall in love with _people_. Except he totally does, because he's willing to give up a role on like _ER or_ something and the gravity isn't enough to bring the smaller, dark haired man down to Earth, just to stay faithful to Nico.

Percy's got a worried look on his face now, as if he's absorbed some of Nico's panic. "It is?"

Oh God, how long has Percy been in love with him? Nico's having enough trouble wrapping his head around this as it is; he really doesn't need the possibility of Percy sitting on these feelings for more than ten seconds. "I think I'd remember!" Nico freezes mid-flail. "Wait, wait, wait, you mean, like, friend love, right? You're not actually _in love_ with me!" He stares at Percy, waiting for some sort of response. His mouth drops open when Percy doesn't answer. "Are you?"

Percy stares at the floor, rubs the back of his neck in a way that makes him look almost childlike. "W—well, yeah... I am," he mumbles. Nico feels a little light-headed and collapses into the recliner. He scrubs a hand through his hair as Percy kneels at his feet. "Hey, Nico, just forget it, okay? I shouldn't have—"

"No, we're not forgetting anything! There is no forgetting! That ship has sailed!" Nico seems unable to control the volume of his voice. At least his flailing limbs are staying within the constraints of the armchair. "Love is our safe word!" he screams. All of a sudden, Nico thinks of that puppet again, and the puppet is dancing along to an invisible beat, music no one can hear but that wooden little boy who resembles Pinocchio and half Percy, and it is the weirdest thing he has ever thought of in his life.

"Please tell me I didn't just screw this up," Percy begs, his voice slightly shaky. "You know I don't really know how to do this..." He meets Nico's eyes for a moment before looking down. "I thought I did, but... it's different with you."

Nico sighs and straightens up, reaching his arms out for Percy. "Perce, c'mere." Percy moves into Nico's lap, and Nico tilts his head up to kiss him. "No, you didn't ruin anything, okay? This is—this is good." He needs to say it out loud and hear it in his own ears. This is what he wants: for Percy to love him; it shouldn't be so scary. It's about time some of his ridiculous attachment was reciprocated. "Believe it or not, I'm happy."

"You got a weird way of showin' it."

Nico shrugs in agreement. "There's a fair amount of 'stunned' in there too. And possibly 'shocked.' Even though I think they mean the same thing. But there's a lot of 'happy' too. You know what would make me really happy?"

Percy grins. "Ooh."

"Well, that too," Nico admits around a chuckle. "But I want _you_ to be happy. If you really want this job, then go ahead and take it. I won't be mad or hold it against you."

Percy leans closer and kisses his forehead. "It wouldn't mean anything if I didn't earn it 'cause of my talent."

"You could, it'd just be talent in a different area of expertise." It still hurts to joke about, but Nico does his best to hide that. He wants Percy to succeed, even if it means he has to suffer a little himself.

"I'm not cheatin' on you, Nico, and that's the end of it."

Nico's certainly not going to argue with that.

* * *

Thursday rolls around, and Nico's at Thalia's with the rest of the gang when Percy rushes in. "Guess what? I got the part!"

"That's great!" Nico feels a reflexive, sinking feeling in his gut, even though Percy's assured him time and time again that he's not going to cheat. But he can't help but worry that Percy might have bent the rules a little to secure himself a good job.

"And I didn't have to sleep with the casting director!" Percy moves closer, sits on the top of the couch so he can see them all seated at the kitchen table.

"You were that good?" Rachel asks around a gasp. The auburn haired girl is sitting at the table with her feet up on it, a lollipop placed between her teeth. Percy is almost wanting to see what flavor. Thalia notices the painter's feet and pushes them off, sneering slightly. Her gaze reads like this, _How dare you dirty them up. What do you think this is? Some sort of charity home, stupid?_

He glances off for a moment. "Well, I dunno about that."

Nico swallows. "So what'd you do?"

"I just told her I didn't wanna get the part that way."

"Good for you," Luke says.

"But wait, wait, wait! Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part!" As Percy speaks, he moves to stand behind Nico. The heat of his body is like a tangible thing Nico can just _feel_.

"So you slept with her?" Nico hears himself say.

"No, man, I just told her I'm gay!" Percy claps his hands on Nico's shoulders, making him jump a little.

Luke lifts an eyebrow. "And she believed you?" Mr. Skeptic.

"'Cause I'm _that_ good of an actor." Percy looks down at Nico and gives him a little grin. Nico panics internally. There's no way anyone can interpret that as anything but questionable.

But no one seems to notice. Annabeth stares at him in awe. "That actually worked?"

"Yep!" Percy says proudly. "You're lookin' at Dr. Matthew Rundell, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!"

"I think what's more surprising is that Percy's playing a neurosurgeon," Nico quips. Percy squeezes Nico's shoulders in a subtle movement that makes Nico's nerves tingle.

"I think it's a three-way tie," Thalia says, and Percy chuckles—Nico just _knows_ it's because she said "three-way." "I mean, really. _Percy_ , refusing to sleep with a woman for a job?"

"Hey, I got my integrity," Percy says, giving Nico's shoulders one last subtle squeeze before patting him on the back and cLukeing the floor. "Nico, we still on for tonight?"

Nico has no idea what the hell Percy's talking about, but he nods and says, "Yeah!" anyway, because there's a chance he might have just forgotten or zoned out when Percy made plans.

Percy practically struts out the door, and when he's gone Rachel asks Nico, "Ooh, where're you guys going?"

"Beats me!" he says around a laugh, standing up to go after Percy. "Let me ask him."

Nico catches Percy on his way into his bedroom. "Did you make plans without consulting me again?"

Percy opens his mouth to argue against that, but instead he says, "Yeah," with a goofy grin. "I'm sorry, I just figured since I got the part I ought'a take you out tonight."

Nico can't help but smile as he links his arms around Percy's waist. "Really? Wouldn't it make more sense if _I_ took _you_ out?"

"Well, maybe, but I'm gonna be makin' money now, so why not?" He shrugs, smirks a little. "Why can't you just be appreciative?"

Nico snorts a laugh and presses a kiss to Percy's mouth, his hands twisting in his shirt to pull him closer. "I am, Perce. In fact"—his fingers push at the edges of Percy's jeans—"why don't you let me show you just _how_ appreciative I am?"

After all, love was their safe word.

* * *

 **I understand that this chapter was kinda short, but there needed to be some good vibes thrown around in there. I think I'm gonna play on the puppet idea once or twice whenever I really want to make it mean something, like conflicting thoughts. BECAUSE, if you've noticed, Percy and Nico's inner crazy gay thoughts and stuff is slowly starting to dwindle and that is an on purpose reason. Now, I have given this story a time skip as Nico clearly is not remembering Jason's encounter very well, and it'll come up for something far more serious later down the line. Thank you so much for reading! I plan on updating this with Chapter #19: The Truth Hurts. Even though the chapter title sounds sinister, what do you guys expect the ending of this story to be, with only four chapters left as it is? Our warping tale is coming to an end ladies and gents! Thanks again for reading! Please review and let me know what you thought! Hope to see you all soon! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	19. Chapter 19: The Truth Hurts

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #19: The Truth Hurts. Last chapter, we got to see a jumbled mess that is Nico and Percy trying to recover and make it together over something... and then I dropped the bombshell that Nico has yet to ask Percy about him 'cheating', and I saw that a few of you got quite disgruntled with me on that fact, but as I have to respond to it, I make sure I cover all my entrances and exits, and don't worry... it'll be addressed! I promise! I haven't had a romantic plotline as straightforward as this in quite some time, so it's making sure I do enough to allow it to be different from everything that is cookie cutter out there, but I digress. Also very happy to say that this my second most viewed story on my profile, as we breached 10.8k views last night, and I have to say holy fucking shit thank you so much for that! I'm flabbergasted and blown away that this many people have even glanced at this story, whether it be chapter one or further than that... it is a true blessing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Thalia and Annabeth are both at work today, so Nico's decided to make the most of it. _I mean, what else are you going to do, Nico Di Angelo? Let him fuck you when they're there?_ As Percy is fucking him and they're both swearing, Nico remembers about the cheating blonde son of a bitch, Jason Grace or something other, and he's trying to tell Percy about it. It's kind of hard to do though as Percy is hitting his prostate pretty fucking well and he's seeing stars and supernovas and a glimpse of God's gracious heaven where his words come out as a jumbled mess. It'll be reserved for a better time.

Nico's actually spent a long time over the past few days thinking about Percy and this scandalous blonde, which once again the smaller man recognizes is wrong for him to think about as _he_ found Jason hot and sexy and beautiful and all of these indescribable words. Percy wouldn't do that to him, Percy Jackson is gentle and likes food more than sex, although he likes sex with Nico Di Angelo more than food which causes a creeping blush to sprout itself onto Nico's face. For the second time in a week, during heavy and intimate intercourse with Percy, he's forgetting about Jason, because he knows, he _knows_ skin deep that it is all before him, it has to be... it has to be.

He's spent a good portion of the day having sex with Percy on top of every horizontal surface in the apartment. Now they've moved on to the vertical surfaces, and Nico's shoved up against the front door, moaning his way through the rough pushes of Percy's hips. Percy breathes hot over the back of his neck, his hands like iron fetters around Nico's hips as he works in and out. Nico is so grateful that the girls aren't home right now, because he doesn't have to bite down on his moans and praises. He can be as loud as he wants, which is pretty liberating when Percy's driving into him in a way that turns all his thoughts to glue. Liberation feels so good, and now he realizes why Annabeth and Luke all those months and days and sunsets ago were moaning together so loudly and lustfully, they weren't afraid to be scandalous in front of others.

Shame creeps up onto Nico's face as he realizes he's the total opposite, and sometimes he feels like he'll take a cheating partner over a revealed secret.

Nico's fingers slide down the door, slickened with sweat, and he pushes back at the same time that Percy shoves in. Nico groans out loud, reflexively, like the sound was literally punched out of him. Percy huffs a laugh, and Nico can just tell that he's smirking at that, so he shoves his hips back again and makes Percy choke out something that sounds like a whimper. God, these noises make him so flustered. Nico's hard again, and it is kind of painful, having his penis crunch against the door while they both work like an accordion, replacing that sound with moans and cries that cause birds to fly from their pedestals.

Percy digs his fingers in, his mouth making helpless little noises as he slams in harder and faster and deeper. Nico gasps for air, his hips moving of their own accord to complement Percy's thrusts, and then he's howling a desperate, broken cry when his orgasm hits. His body seizes, shakes, his hands curling into fists because it's _so good_. He might actually say that out loud, his voice wrecked and shaky. Nico feels the rivets of shock spiral through his synapses, waking up old, decrepit zombies that startle him into an enlightenment like no other, where he's crying out a shaky _I love you_ , as Percy kisses his back.

Percy grabs Nico's hips and shoves him against the door, then he's coming hard inside of him and swearing low in his throat, breathing soft compliments over his back and into his hair. The emerald eyed wonder feels his seed leave him and fill up his boyfriend, and it is a beautiful sight to partake, which causes Percy to see all sorts of things in his slotted vision of neon hues and amber dyes. Nico slumps, impossibly spent. The door is cold against his face, and Percy's panting praises at his ear with his body curved over Nico's. "Whoa," Percy sighs out after a minute. "That was good, Nico. Too good." His breathing is hot and fiery and consuming and delicate and powerful over Nico's ears, and it makes Nico almost want to try round six, if that is even possible for his broken and quivering body at this point.

However, the pain is nothing he cannot handle, as he isn't in pain, but he's frozen in time and never wanting to leave. He hopes Annabeth and Thalia never decide to come home from work. " _Who needs apartments, am I right?_ " Nico laughs to himself, riding the last few waves of both he and Percy's orgasm.

"Yeah, that was—that was intense." Nico straightens his spine, eases his pants up and over his hips. "Maybe the most amazing thing ever."

Percy's in the middle of buttoning his jeans. "How come we've never done that before?"

"Do you really want them to hear us?" Nico asks, jerking a thumb in the direction of the girls' apartment. " _They_ don't want to hear us."

"You don't know that. We'd wanna hear them having sex. Maybe they wanna hear us." Percy makes a face, but it isn't anything mean, but rather seductive and fucking hell Nico has just put his pants back on and the beltline is hardening ever so noticeably. He needs to think of something to quell the tent in his pants. _Anything. Hmm... Rachel's breasts! Luke's dick!_

Luke's dick does the trick.

Nothing against his friend, of course.

"Pretty sure my involvement would put the brakes on that," Nico says. Percy frowns, pins Nico against the door again, although this time they're face to face. "I- I mean..."

Percy silences him with a kiss, a kiss that is messy and sloppy but it is so fucking good, awakening a drive deep down that Nico is moving mountains and powering cities. Percy's lips are hot on Nico's shoulder blade, and he leaves a mark, red and punctured and it feels amazing. "How many times do I have to tell you you're hot before you believe me?" Percy sort of growls the words over Nico's mouth. "You think I'd spend the whole day havin' sex with just anyone?"

"You've bragged to me about doing exactly that!"

"Hey, you're not the only person on earth who's hot." Percy kisses him, hard and rough, sucking on his lower lip before catching it between his teeth. Nico's fingers grab handfuls of Percy's shirt, and he's about to say something when the door buzzer goes off, and, Jesus, that's loud as hell when he's right next to it.

They exchange confused glances, because who even uses that thing anymore? But Percy's the first one to reach over and answer it. "Hello?"

A sultry female voice says, "It's Gaea."

Nico feels his heart in his throat but tries not to look too panicky. He gives Percy a questioning look. Percy says, "The _woman..._ "

About two days ago, Percy runs home after a photo shoot with this woman damn near chasing him down, some older woman at least in her mid fifties who finds him to be the fucking hottest thing out there since the dawn of time, where the sun does not compare, and she wants him to have sex with her. Apparently the deal with this is that she can either blackball him in the world of acting and singing and looking good, or she'll catapult him to starstruck fame. Percy's in a dilemma, Nico is hiding on the other side of a bedroom door, Percy panics and says he'll think about it, Nico is almost crying, and Gaea is smirking like she's won a million bucks.

 _Well, she does get to fuck the hottest guy who has ever walked the planet._

" _Not the time..._ " Nico grumbles to himself.

Nico, in real time, takes that as permission to panic, considering this woman believes Percy is actually the fucking son of God or something and has done some freaky things over the past few days, like sending him a letter with her own eyelashes included in it. Or her nudes, which leaves Percy wanting to watch horror movies all day as at the very least the gore in Nightmare on Elm Street is far more tasteful then... then whatever he had looked at in the photos. Nico is mortified, but Percy's career is important, it is important to both of them.

She says, "Oh, never mind. It's open," and Nico's scrambling with the buttons of his shirt while Percy's on a frantic search for some sort of weapon in the kitchen. If Nico's going to die, he's not going to die in a state of undress.

A knock on the door makes them both freeze. Percy has a brief moment of existential panic before he opens the door. Nico is absolutely not prepared to see that Percy's stalker is actually really hot. Apparently, neither is Percy.

Percy's mouth drops open. "Gaea..."

"Oh, Percy!" She lets herself in, places her hands over his chest. Nico feels a piercing pain in his chest as his self-esteem withers. Gaea is exactly like the nude photos shown, except perhaps even more hideous up close. She has oily, slick black hair that is so thick it almost belongs on a greaser, pulled back skin tighter than a fucking leather couch, and messily done makeup... too much blush on the right cheek, lipstick added so sloppily a rat without opposable thumbs could have done better. "It's so wonderful to finally meet you."

Percy chuckles nervously. "Well, have I got news for you..."

Gaea looks past him and notices Nico standing there. "And you are...?"

It takes Nico the length of one heartbeat to analyze his options here. They've been dating for about four months and they still haven't told the others yet, so Nico's on thin ice right now. Confessing the truth here would make Percy feel good and might discourage this woman from pursuing him romantically.

 _You're not the only person on earth who's hot._

How well Nico knows.

"I—I'm his boyfriend," Nico blurts out, tugging Percy closer. "We're together..."

Percy's smile is completely authentic as he links an arm around Nico's waist. "Yeah, I'm as gay as the day is long." It doesn't sound like a lie, but Percy's already claimed to be gay to get the doctor role as it is; maybe the claim is just second nature to him now. "We were actually havin' sex before you buzzed in." Nico pokes an angry finger into his side, because _too much information_.

"Oh." Gaea looks devastated, like a child who's just been told Santa isn't real. It's depressing to watch, even though she's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. "But—but I saw you kiss that one actress in the photo shoot and..."

"Well, that was before I met Nico," Percy hauls him closer, and Nico gives her a smile and an acknowledging-the-crowd wave like he's just been introduced on the greatest fucking talk show ever. "I'm sorry, Gaea. I just don't think it's gonna work between us, you being... y'know, a woman." _And that she's more hideous than Ursula, or looks like your granddad's dentures all dried up..._ Percy ignores his inner thoughts which are being perhaps too mean at this point.

"Not even a lunch date? Just between friends?"

Percy scoffs. "I am not interested in women at all. I don't even have any friends who are women! My head's just filled with thoughts about guys and penises and... man stuff."

Nico has never tried harder in his life not to laugh. He's good. Maybe a little bit too good.

"Is this true?"

"Oh yeah," Nico says, nodding and smiling. "In fact, his head isn't the only thing that's filled with penises. Er, penii. Singular. One. Mine." He thinks for a moment, then blurts out: "We have sex!"

"We could show you if you want," Percy offers. Nico nods some more for effect.

Gaea shakes her head, grimacing a little. "N—no thanks." She forces up a smile and backs out of the doorway. "I guess it wasn't meant to be, Percy. It was nice to finally meet you."

Gaea's in the stairwell when Percy sticks his head out the door and calls, "Hey, do you want your eyelashes back?"

Nico thinks it's okay to start laughing now, so he does. God, it hurts to laugh, but he can't stop. Percy shuts the door and sidles up next to him, smothering the laughter with his mouth. "That was amazing," he says around the kiss, his hands tugging Nico's shirt from his pants. "You actually told her!"

Nico's grinning ridiculously wide, their mouths meeting over and over between sentences. "Don't give me all the credit. You were very convincing."

"Hey, you helped a lot," Percy moves forward, easing Nico backwards until his ass bumps against the kitchen counter. "I'm not that great an actor."

Nico can't stop smiling, even as Percy gets him turned around and bent over. "I guess it really helps that you've gotten a lot more penis-oriented since we started dating." Percy grinds against him, and, oh fuck, Nico can feel the swell of his dick over his ass. He wants it so badly, but Percy's been fucking him all day, and Nico's kind of looking for a change of pace. "Hey, Perce, why don't you give yourself a break and let me take over for a while?"

Percy stares at him in what Nico can only describe as aroused awe. "You're like some kind of sex genius!" His eyes widen further. "The door or the table?"

"Why not both? We've got all day." Nico's salacious grin fades when he says, "Wait, if she thought you were well... y'know, famous and all, how'd she find this apartment?"

* * *

Nico's at work when he gets a call from Percy. "You comin' home tonight?" Percy asks.

"No, I was planning on robbing a bank and starting a new life in the countryside as an outlaw."

Percy chuckles. "C'mon, be serious. Are you workin' late?"

"Well, that depends," Nico says, twirling the phone cord around his finger. "Are you gonna work _me_ hard or—" He pauses. "Oh, you said working _late_..."

"Look, I got somethin' really special planned for you when you get home tonight, and it would really mean a lot to me if you were there," Percy says in a low voice, like he's embarrassed to admit it. If Percy's embarrassed about it, it's probably something sappy and romantic—just the way Nico (secretly) likes it.

"I'll try to be home for you, Perce. Thanks."

Nico ends up staying at the office a few hours later than he'd planned, and he feels like shit for making promises he ends up breaking. He'd called Percy when he knew he'd be a little late, but Percy's apparently planned something for them that Nico's inexplicably ruined by spending too much time at work. He's dreading the look on Percy's face when he opens the door to their apartment, but instead he's greeted with a giant television screen that's replaced their old one. Percy's lounging in one of the recliners with an open box of pizza in his lap.

"Did I shrink or did the TV get bigger?"

Percy springs up from his seat and meets Nico in the foyer. "No, I got us a new one! Since I'm makin' money now, I figured I could, y'know, do somethin' nice for you." His voice goes low at the end, cracks off in chagrin.

Nico's going to need to learn how to cope with coming home to extravagant surprises. He blinks in stunned silence for a moment before snapping back to his senses. "God, Perce, you're amazing, you know that?"

Percy gives him an "aw, shucks" smile, rubs the back of his neck. "Oh, and I got you somethin' else too!" He grabs an envelope off of the kitchen counter.

"What's this?" Nico takes it from him, finds a thick wad of money inside.

"Eight hundred and twelve bucks," Percy announces proudly.

Nico's gaze flicks from the money to Percy, then back to the money. "Is this for the sex we had this morning? Because even I don't think I was that good."

Percy laughs. "No, man, it's payin' you back for all the head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count," He steals a quick kiss while Nico's lips are parted in awe. "I love you."

 _He's said it again! Holy fuck man! He said it again and I don't know what to do and holy fuck Nico he loves you!_ Though Nico di Angelo is not in grade school, he definitely has his heart warm and flutter at the words. It fills him up with a kind of familiarity he appreciates more than homemade chocolate chip cookies, which are fucking _amazing_. Every time Percy says that, Nico feels his heart swell in a weird way, like he might actually _like_ hearing it. Like he might feel the same way about Percy. That's usually enough to startle him out of the dreamy daze those three words put him in. "You did all this for me?"

"Of course! I thought I'd go the extra mile tonight since it's my turn to take you out," Percy says. "But we're, y'know, stayin' here."

Nico thinks his heart may have actually melted into a gooey puddle on the floor. God, he's a fucking sap.

After a quick shower, he joins Percy in front of the television for a relaxing evening with delicious pizza and beer. Nico's amazed that he has a boyfriend who's so wonderfully low-maintenance, that Percy's idea of a date is what they usually end up doing every night. But while the presents and unexpected gifts are certainly very thoughtful, Nico can't help but feel an imbalance between them. He'd have to buy a truckload of pizzas or sub sandwiches to equal the cost of the new TV. Hell, he still hasn't paid Percy back for the chairs, unless Percy's counting sexual favors as payment. Okay, maybe the money Percy paid him means they're square for the recliners, but then Percy had to buy the TV and throw them out of whack again.

And it's not like he can actually say any of this without sounding ungrateful.

"You okay?" Percy asks after a while of disconcerting silence from Nico. "You're awful quiet tonight."

Nico wonders if speaking candidly will be in his best interest. Things seemed to go well the last time they had a serious discussion about their emotions, but he really, really doesn't want to hurt Percy's feelings. "Perce, would you be too upset if we toned down the gift-giving a bit?"

Percy looks over at him, thoughtfulness in his eyes. "How come?"

"It just..." There's no way to say this that isn't pathetic, so Nico just comes out and says, "It makes me feel bad, okay? Because on top of giving me you, you're giving me all this great stuff, and it's just so much more than I deserve."

To Nico's surprise, Percy laughs. "Are you kidding? You ever think maybe you got it backwards?"

Nico shakes his head, chuckling to himself. "Why don't we just chalk it up to an impasse and call it even?"

"So, what, no more presents?"

"Nothing I can't realistically pay you back for," Nico explains.

Percy thinks that over for a minute. Then, in apropos of nothing, he grins. "Then let me give you one more thing, okay? Close your eyes."

Nico sighs, but does as he's asked. "Percy..."

"You don't even know what it is yet!" Percy argues back, and he sounds like he's in another room now.

Nico rolls his eyes—an impressive feat, considering they're tightly shut—but doesn't raise complaint. He hears footsteps, then feels a warm, heavy weight in his lap. "Can I open my eyes now?"

There's a hot press of mouth over Nico's lips, and he reaches out blindly to tangle his fingers in Percy's shirt. Nico ends up with a handful of chest hair instead.

His eyes pop open, and, holy fucking Christ, Percy's sitting naked in his lap. "Whoa, hey, what, uh, what happened to your pants?"

There are so many ways for Percy to answer that question, but he goes with: "Do you find my lack of pants disturbing, Mr. di Angelo?"

Nico makes a graceless snort of a laugh. "Are you giving me a lap-dance? Is that what this is?"

"Well, sorta," Percy says, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "You're gonna have to lose the clothes though." He reaches down, peels Nico's sweatpants down past his hips so he can smooth his fingers into the flap of his boxers. "Or maybe I can just..." Percy brings Nico's cock out of the opening of his shorts, and Nico just stays frozen, watching in awe, because this is the hottest thing he's ever seen. He feels like he rates every one of their sexual experiences that way, but it's not hyperbole—somehow Percy outdoes himself every time.

Percy squeezes his fist around the base of Nico's cock while he tears the packet of lube open with his teeth. His other hand works to slick him up, and then Percy's crawling closer and sinking down, taking Nico's rigid line of heat inside with an appreciative groan. Nico's forgotten how to make words anymore, so he just scoots down to let Percy roll his hips harder and take him in deeper. Percy grips his fingers into the leather armrests, bites his lower lip while he grinds down in Nico's lap, wanton and needy.

Nico wraps his hands around Percy's ass, feels the flex and shift of the muscles there as he moves. Percy drops his head against Nico's forehead and kisses him, hungry and slow. "Do you like this?" Percy asks in a murmur around his mouth.

"Of course," Nico breathes out. "It's always good with you." He's not going to tell him the truth, that he fucking loves this, because he wants Percy to work for it a little. Percy starts to say something, but it's subsumed in a gasp as Nico brings a hand to the jut of Percy's dick and rubs his thumb down the length of it. Then Percy's got his hand wrapped in Nico's hair and around his shoulders, his hips pushing into Nico's fist and riding his cock.

Percy's moaning in between kisses, his hands fisting in Nico's t-shirt as they move together. Nico tips his head forward, opens his mouth around a nipple and sucks at it while his fingers work over Percy's dick. Percy makes a cracked noise in his throat, breathes out Nico's name like he's drunk on it. That's when Nico starts moving his hips and shoving up into him, and Percy's moans get louder, and Nico can feel the heat on his skin as he gets closer.

"Perce, I'm gonna come," he warns in a ghost of a whisper over Percy's mouth. His free hand slides across Percy's back to feel the taut skin drawn over his spine, the other hand still squeezing and stroking his cock. "Oh... fuck, man... fucking fuck..."

"Good," Percy sighs, choking out a whimper as Nico moves again. The jutting peaks of his back shift and roll as his shoulders quiver. "Fill me up."

Percy works his hips against the hilt of Nico's dick before rising up a little and dropping down in a plunge, and that's all either of them need to fall over the edge together, with Nico pouring hot inside of him and Percy spilling over Nico's fingers, tight and wrecked around his cock. Nico drags a hand down Percy's back, chanting soft praises over and over into the hot skin of Percy's chest as his orgasm's stripped from his bones. "God, Perce, fuck, that was..." he breathes out, his hands shaking a little. Percy's thighs are quivering, his breath hot in Nico's hair.

"Somethin' you could pay me back for?" Percy teases.

Nico grins impossibly wide. "All night, if you think you can handle it."

* * *

 ***wipes up nosebleed* Oh, hey... um, sorry for that. Excuse me, but god I love writing these scenes which sounds completely whorish but whatever. That was Chapter #19: The Truth Hurts. So, this proposes the question, what truth exactly was revealed and why is it hurting, and more specifically, who exactly is being hurt? Another question to pose is, as I have specifically mentioned that the whole Jason thing will be brought up, with only three chapters left, how do you see that conversation being brought up? I have a few ideas passing around in my head that I need to settle down on (as the Jason subplot originally wasn't in my first draft, then I added it as it would spice things up... clearly it has), but it'd be cool to see which of you properly align with my ideas. Thank you so much for reading! I plan on having this story finished by the 14th at the earliest, and no later than like the 20th of this month so I can move on to some other projects. Thank you all so much for reading! Please review, I'd love to hear your predictions and thoughts on my questions posed as they very well could influence some stuff later on... with not that much to go. I hope to see you all again as I am planning on posting Chapter #20: Denial Is A River on Friday, after a stressful day of AP exams... *sigh* Anyways, thanks so much for reading! I love you all! Bye! Have a great day!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	20. Chapter 20: Denial Is A River

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #20: Denial Is A River. Last time was really moreso a smut filled chapter for the dropping bomb that is this chapter and the two subsequent ones after as you're all going to be fully aware of something in particular coming up. I also have a huge announcement that I cannot wait to share, but that'll be for the end of the chapter so you'll just have to wait and read through it to find it (or skip to the bottom, read it, and then read the chapter... whatever you prefer). All I can tell you is that it'll be exciting and perhaps fill you all with joy... I dunno. Anyways, this time we have the storm followed by some calmness and then the rest of the storm as there are only TWO, I repeat, TWO chapters left after this one, and Nico Di Angelo's guidebook of love for dummies like him is coming to an end. Enjoy!**

* * *

Percy comes up with a brilliant idea while he's in the shower, and he gets halfway to the front door before realizing that Thalia probably wouldn't appreciate him bursting in half-naked and drippy. _But Nico will, eh boy? How about you drop the towel and do a little dance? I sure know my mind would like to see your ass and your dick._ He towels off in the bathroom and throws on a t-shirt and jeans to make the trip across the hall. Thalia's digging through the fridge when Percy comes in.

"Thal, you seen Nico?"

"No, why?" She's about to pour out the contents of a jar of olives, but Percy rushes over and stops her.

"Whoa, whoa, lemme see these. You never want to throw away perfectly good olives. What are you? Crazy?" He takes the jar, sniffs it, plucks out an olive and pops it into his mouth. Doesn't taste too bad. "I think they're still good."

"Well, go ahead and eat 'em. In fact, you can help me while I'm cooking." She turns her attention back to the stovetop to stir something.

"Sure, what'd'ya need?"

An hour later, Percy's kneeling down to put a pumpkin pie into the oven when Nico walks in. "Hey, Thal, is Percy around?"

"Yeah, he's right"—Percy shoves the pie into the oven and shoots up, hip-checking the oven door closed—"here." Thalia's wincing like she's just been stabbed—or, rather, like the pumpkin pie Percy just put into the oven has been destroyed.

Percy rushes over to him before Nico can properly assess the mildly incriminating situation. "Hey, Nico, just the guy I wanted to see!" He looks over his shoulder at Thalia. "Can I take a break?"

"Go ahead, but you're on yam duty when you get back."

He brings Nico inside their apartment for a moment, and there isn't enough money in the world to get Percy to stop smiling. Nico's watching his face with curious concern before Percy gives in and kisses him, his mouth open over Nico's. Nico hums a contented sound, and his fingers end up underneath Percy's t-shirt. Percy wants to haul him closer and make it all shake out of him, but he needs to focus here, so he takes a step back. Nico's staring at him, open-mouthed and dismayed by the abrupt end to the kiss.

"You're not doin' anything tomorrow, are you?" Percy asks.

"Aside from my traditional holiday dinner of tomato soup, grilled cheese, and Funyuns? No."

"Great!" Percy nearly punches the air with his fist. "How would you like to come with me and have Thanksgiving with my family?"

Nico's blinking way too much. "What?"

"Well, you were gonna be alone last year 'til everybody's plans got ruined, and this year since Thalia is baking that entire feast for her office, and Luke are spendin' it with their parents, Annabeth's spendin' it with hers, Rachel's gonna be with her grandma..." Percy shrugs and spreads his hands as if to say "why not?"

Nico stares at him for a couple of silent, terrifying seconds. "That's...wow, okay..." He shoves a hand through his hair, shifts his weight to his other leg. "This is—this is big."

"What? No, it's not! It's nothin'! What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you stay here alone?" Percy watches Nico's face go through some sort of complicated wince at that. "Unless you _wanna_ stay here?"

Nico gives a non-commital shrug. "I dunno, it's kinda...big. Meeting your family, I mean."

"You already met my parents," Percy reminds him. "And they liked you! Everybody else will too." Nico appears to be unmoved by this appeal to his emotions. Percy takes Nico's hands in his own. "Hey, look, I know you don't have the best memories about this holiday, but they don't have to be all bad! You're with me now!" It's impossible for Percy to _not_ grin like an idiot when he says that; even Nico manages a little twitch of a smile at the corner of his mouth. "C'mon, I don't want you sittin' here all by yourself tomorrow. And I'm not letting you go with Thalia because her friends are like ten times weirder than us, and we're pretty weird. How would you feel if it was me?"

Nico does that tongue thing inside of his mouth that makes Percy want to cover it with his own. "Okay, okay, we'll—I'll go with you." He smiles, all shyness and wonder and joy, and Percy can't help but kiss him this time.

* * *

Nico's flitting about the apartment the next morning while Percy's in the shower. At some point tonight, there's a good chance Percy's going to tell his parents that he's dating Nico. So, yeah, that's a thing that's happening. Over Thanksgiving dinner. Not at all reminiscent of the huge announcement on Thanksgiving that destroyed his childhood. Nope. Not similar to that at all.

Except it totally is.

Would Percy's parents even be okay with this? Not one person is going to object to the whole gay thing, or even argue that Percy could do better (because he absolutely could)? Sure, Percy knows his family and how they might react to this sort of news, but odds are that he never discussed something like this with them before. Why would he? Before Nico came along Percy had a better Nicoce of discovering extraterrestrial life than falling in love with another guy.

There's no way Nico can back out of this now, because he's an idiot and didn't secure a good alibi. And there's a possibility Percy might cry if Nico says he's not going. So... definitely going.

Nico takes a moment to think about that.

He is so screwed.

* * *

The ride to Percy's parents' house is woefully short. Nico tries to psyche himself up, but that only seems to freak him out more, because he can't stop thinking about how admitting to this makes it _real_ and fragile and breakable.

"So, Perce, uh," Nico starts as they're walking up the driveway, "your parents, do they—do they know?"

"No, actually, I was hopin' we could tell them tonight." Percy's smiling all optimistic like he has no idea of all the ways this could go wrong.

Nico slows his pace. "You, uh, you think that's a good idea?" he says in his best non-confrontational voice.

"Why not? I mean, we've been goin' out for, what, nine months? That's like a whole baby!"

"Are you sure they'll be okay with it?"

Percy shrugs. "Yeah, probably."

Nico freezes mid-step. " _Probably_? You're gonna do this on a 'probably?' Are you crazy?"

Percy turns around to face him, moves closer. "No, I just—" He shrugs again. "I feel like they'll be cool about it."

"But you're not sure?"

"Sometimes it's different when it's family."

Nico knows how true that is. He swallows hard as Percy starts walking again. They're at the porch now. Percy's knocking on the door. "Maybe we should think about—"

Sally Jackson swings the door open and pulls Percy into a hug. Her dark brown hair is curly and sits at her shoulders, zany and downright ethereal in the halcyon porch lights. "There you are! Come in, come in!" She looks at Nico as he passes by. "Nico, good to see you again!" She sounds surprised to see him. Percy definitely didn't mention this to them beforehand. This is bad. This is very, very bad. Why must Percy be so spontaneous? "Percy talks about you all the time," she says.

Percy sighs. "Ma..."

"He—he does?"

"Oh, of course! You two must be very close."

Nico wonders if she knows or if she's just really oblivious. With Percy's family, it's anybody's guess.

After a minute or two, Nico manages to pull Percy away from the delicious food while the table's being set. He gets him into the hallway, his hands full of Percy's shirt. Percy grins. "Ooh, Nico."

Nico realizes how this looks and lets his hands fall away. "N—no, no, I just wanted to talk for a bit." Percy's smile goes flat. "We're, uh, we're not telling them now, are we?"

"Why not?"

"It's just...if you tell them all at once over dinner, it sorta makes it bigger than it really is, y'know? I mean, we're just dating right now; we're not announcing an engagement or anything. And if somebody has mixed feelings about it, they could start a whole thing, and just—"

Nico takes a moment to breathe. "I think it would be better to tell them separately, over the phone like it's something casual, y'know?"

Percy's expression slowly shifts into something akin to irritation. "So, you don't wanna tell them tonight, huh?"

"Maybe we could tell them together the next time we see them?" Nico pushes up a hopeful smile. "Your birthday's comin' up in about month or two! We could do it then!"

Percy huffs out an angry breath, tightens his jaw. "How come just ten seconds ago it was 'you should tell them separately over the phone,' and now it's 'let's tell them together next time we see them?'"

Nico swallows and takes a step back. "I'm just giving you options—"

"You really expect me to give you the benefit of the doubt here?"

Nico stares at him in stunned silence. He's about to say something when Mr. Jackson finds them in the hallway and calls out, "What're you kids doin' in here? Food's ready!"

Percy doesn't even look back as he heads into the kitchen.

Nico feels a churning worry in his gut.

* * *

Neither of them seem to be speaking to each other, choosing to sulk in silence on the ride home. Percy can't understand why Nico's so emotionally fucking _stupid_ about this whole thing. It's not like Percy wanted to tell the entire world about them—just his family, people he trusts will be welcoming and warm to their potential son-in-law. And, okay, maybe he could let Nico know this in advance, but it's been nine goddamn months, and they haven't even told their friends yet. At what point is Nico going to be comfortable enough with the idea of them to broach the topic?

Percy's going to go with _never_ , because Nico can't seem to get over his neurotic, emotionally-stunted bullshit to ever let this go any further than some sort of dirty secret he's ashamed of.

The air around them has that thick, uncomfortable tension again when they get back to the apartment. Nico doesn't slam the door behind him when he steps inside, just shuts it quietly, as if the sound alone might trigger an argument. Percy can hear the soft, frustrated huff of Nico's breath in the soundless space between them.

Nico speaks first: "Perce, I'm sorry." It sounds destructive against the silence, because Nico's been apologizing for what seems like forever, but it never _does_ anything.

"Yeah, I know you are."

Nico breathes out, steps closer to him. "Do you—do you need me to...make it better?" He gets his hands around Percy's waist before Percy's pushing him away.

"Nico, no, you don't get to do that! You can't just get me into bed and think that's gonna fix this, okay?" He hates that he's given Nico the impression that kind of negotiation works on him, that he never showed resistance to this tactic before.

Nico shrinks beneath his fury. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I—"

"Do you realize we've been keepin' this secret for nine monhs?"

"I know, and I'm sorry—"

"You're always sorry! But you never do anything about it! You just keep comin' up with reasons why we can't tell anybody. Now, look, I think I've been way more than fair in compromisin' with you on this, but now it's your turn. Do you have any idea how much it hurts that you wouldn't let me tell _my own family_ that we're together?"

"You know why?" Nico blurts out, "Because the last time I was involved in a big announcement over Thanksgiving dinner, my parents got divorced!"

Percy rolls his eyes. "Nico, that was—" He stops, drags a hand through his hair, because he doesn't want to go down that road here.

"I can't be part of something like that again! I don't want our relationship to be something that drives a wedge between you and your family."

"It wouldn't happen like that," Percy promises. "But, no, you gotta make me keep your stupid secret!" Nico opens his mouth to speak, but Percy interjects, "Yeah, it's _your_ stupid secret, 'cause I don't feel ashamed about it!"

Nico sighs, suddenly weary; Percy's tired too, tired of having this same argument over and over with no resolution, just postponement. "Tell me what you want, Perce."

"I don't want you to be ashamed of us."

"I'm not—"

"Then why have you kept tellin' me 'no, not yet, Percy,' and 'just give it a little more time' for almost a year?"

"You know about my father. You know how much I don't want to be like him," Nico says, sounding pitiful.

"Well, maybe you should."

"What?"

"At least he had the courage to be true to himself! You can't even tell our best friends that we're together!"

"It's not just that," Nico says, grasping for the proper explanation. "If they know we're going out, it's like we're going out with all of them! And then there's expectations: marriage, kids, the whole package. And if things don't work out, what if we can't go back to being friends? We could end up never speaking to each other again. And because it's like going out with all of them, we could lose our other friends too!"

Percy squeezes his eyes shut in frustration. As smart as Nico is, he doesn't seem to understand that everything comes with risk; sometimes happiness doesn't come with a safety net. Nico views the world through a lens of black and white, where everything falls into one category or the other with no in-between. There are no compromises, no exceptions. His relationship with his father has poisoned him; everything he sees, thinks, and believes is polluted by his own self-loathing and internal homophobia. "Nico, if you wanna be with me you're just gonna have to get over that."

"Why can't we just...be like this, the way we've been?"

"Because that's not enough for me," Percy says plainly. "Not when I feel the way I do about you. I don't wanna be treated like some whore you're embarrassed about. I'm worth more than that."

Nico moves closer, places his hands over Percy's chest. "Perce, of course you are. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. If it will help, I'll—we'll tell them tomorrow."

Percy actually pulls away from his touch like it's a hot iron against his skin. "Oh no, I'm not fallin' for that one! You're stalling, Nico. It's always somethin' with you. The first time I wanted to tell, you said we should keep it to ourselves 'cause it was new. Then the next time your excuse was that Luke and Annabeth just got together and you didn't want us to 'steal their thunder.' Then it was 'cause of the baby. Then it was 'cause Thalia lost her job at that restaurant. Then it was 'cause of my step-brother and his girlfriend's wedding. Every single time, you find some new excuse to delay it."

Nico actually squirms and looks away, because he knows Percy's right.

"Maybe you're not delayin' it this time, but, y'know what? I can't trust you to be honest with me. And if I can't trust the—" Percy stops himself, scrubs a hand over his face, because he's not going to say _that_ here, not when it's used as ammunition against Nico.

They stand there in a silence that seems to fill the room and weigh them down. Percy doesn't like where this is going. He feels like he's strapped to a train headed for disaster. And there's no way to stop it. Nico seems hell bent on keeping his goddamn secret, even to the detriment of his own happiness. "I wanna feel like I'm important to you, Nico. When you keep insistin' we don't tell anyone, you make me feel like I don't matter, like I'm worthless."

Nico blinks, his eyes wide in horror. "I—I make you feel...?" His brow creases and makes that little dent of worry between his eyebrows more pronounced. "Perce, I never meant to make you feel like that."

"How else am I supposed to feel when you're too ashamed and embarrassed to tell our best friends that we're dating? I'm not askin' you to tell the world—just four people we trust with our lives. If you can't give me that after all this time, how am I supposed to trust you?"

Nico's eyes tighten, but he doesn't say anything.

"Either we tell them, or I'm gone," Percy says at last. "I'm not gonna stay with you if you don't respect me."

"Of course I respect you, but—"

"No buts! God, this isn't rocket science, Nico! Aren't you gettin' tired of hidin' this? How are we supposed to have a real relationship if you can't even tell our best friends about it?"

Nico doesn't say anything, just wears his "guilty" face that Percy knows so well. Then it finally hits him, a slow dread dawning, and a whole lot of things make sense at once.

"You don't...you're never gonna make this anything more than it is, are you?" Percy croaks out. "You were just fuckin' around with me, figurin' I'd get bored, move on and date some girl. That's why you got so scared when I said I loved you."

Nico's expression ripples with lament, like the words have cut through him. "Perce, that's not—that's not what this is—"

"Really? Because it doesn't make sense any other way! Why else would you wanna keep this whole thing a secret? Just 'cause you're embarrassed? You'd think after nine months you'd get over that!" Nico opens his mouth like he wants to say something but stops. Percy keeps going. "But no, here I am lyin' for you every time somebody asks why I'm still single or tries to set me up with some girl, and you're pretty much just usin' me!" Percy feels an icy finger prickle at his spine that actually makes him stiffen up. "Is that why you asked me to stop buyin' you stuff? 'Cause you felt guilty that you're just screwin' around with me?"

Nico physically recoils from the words like he's just been slapped. "No! That's not me! I don't 'just screw around,' okay? I'm not you!"

Percy feels the stab of Nico's words in his side like a dagger, and he actually has to take a moment to gather his thoughts.

"Y'know, I've gone through this whole relationship worrying that I'm one wrong move away from being dumped," Nico continues, "because your track record with women leaves a lot to be desired!"

"Well, you know what? That's bullshit, Nico, because if you thought I wasn't serious about us, tellin' my parents that we're dating should'a been a huge red flag."

Nico looks away, guilty of some unspoken offense.

"Did you really think I was so stupid I'd never figure it out?" Percy asks. "That you're just stringin' me along?"

"Percy, no, I'm not—I swear it's not like that, okay? You have to believe me!"

"Yeah, well, I believed you for nine months and here we are." It shouldn't hurt so much, because Percy saw it coming almost from the moment they stepped into the apartment tonight. But it does hurt. It hurts so much.

Nico's got a horrible, lost expression on his face, and Percy almost feels bad that he put it there. No one's face should be able to do that. "No, no, Percy, please, don't—don't do this." He grabs Percy's hands in his own, staring at him with intense fervor. "I'm so sorry for being an idiot and making you think I don't love you, because that is so not how I feel about you, okay? I love you. I always have, and I always will—"

Percy's heart breaks anew in his chest, because this is the first time Nico's ever said that to him, and he can't even let himself believe it; Nico's history of manipulation and lies casts a shadow on every word out of his mouth. Percy just shakes his head and tears his hands out of Nico's grasp. "It doesn't make sense for you to love me. I've always known that..." he says, his words a broken mirror of the ones Nico had once spoken to him. He treads numbly across the floor to his bedroom.

Nico locks his jaw. He looks up at the ceiling. This _is_ going to be hell on Earth. "Jason." he says, the name sliding off of his tongue like bitter poison. The blonde motherfucker's face sits in Nico's vision, an image that paralyzes him and never lets go.

Percy freezes, hands barely glancing the doorway, one foot inside. "What?" the emerald-eyed man asks, turning. His face is a mask of fear, a mask that Nico can read straight like a fucking book, a book he wishes is some other fucking language so he doesn't have to fucking connect the dots.

"Jason." the other man repeats.

"Where did you-"

"How long?" Nico's question isn't truly a question. It's much more like a demand, a demand that is sharp and bitter and cloying and downright depressing, but he doesn't fucking care, because if Percy is super fucking pissed, then he's got the right to act like this entitled child and he'll sure as shit do it.

"How long what?"

That causes the scrawnier man to turn his outstretched palms into fists. "Don't lie to me. How long were you cheating on me? How long were you cheating on me with that royal, gorgeous motherfucking blonde ass Jason Grace?" Nico storms right up to Percy, hands on either side of his boyfriend, trapping him in. If Percy wasn't so scared shitless from this outburst, he'd be pretty turned on by Nico's sudden burst of anger.

"I- cheating on you?"

"He showed up about a month ago," Nico snaps, leaning back a little from Percy, disgust lacing his features. "He said he was looking for you, to get another parlay fuck in before he left somewhere. Jason left and I sat against the wall, _sobbing_. I decided to forgive you in the back of my mind, but now that you're pissed, I might as well bring it up!"

Percy pushes Nico off of him, the latter falling into the couch, and the former paces back to the foosball table that used to be _the table,_ the same table he fucked Jason on all those months ago before he and Nico started dating. It takes all of Percy's will to not storm out and kick the crap out of the blonde motherfucker. "I didn't cheat... Nico."

"He fucking looks into the middle of the room and points at the foosball table, saying that's where you and he _fucked!_ That's why the table was broken, you had _fucked_ him on it while you were _fucking_ me as your _fucking_ boyfriend!"

The emerald eyed man turns on his heel, eyes ablaze and on fire, which causes Nico to swallow an ounce of fear from within. "Do you ever listen Nico? Are you not able to put two and two together? I didn't cheat on you!"

"Excuse me?" Nico's face is one of an unreadable rage. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"

" _Did_ you hear what you just said? Cause, I don't think you did." Percy crosses his arms over his chest.

"What?" Nico snaps.

"Jason and I fucked, _yes_ , I fucked someone almost a year ago, when I was still struggling with my sexuality. You weren't my first guy, Nico! I'm sorry, there had been many before hand when I was a teenager and young adult," Percy's gaze is the most serious Nico has ever seen it. " _But_ , had you listened to Jason and not jumped to conclusions, we fucked and broke the table that is where the foosball table is. _Before_ you and I got together."

"Well how do I know you haven't-"

"Because have you smelled the musk of another man on me whenever I've been around you? Have I acted weird or left at random times or have been up calling some random ass guy? I am upset at you for not telling my parents we're a couple and you think I'm cheating?"

"I- I... I..." Nico looks down at his feet. This isn't going according to plan. He hasn't factored this into the differential equation and it is breaking him.

Percy shakes his head, and he's done with this. He's done with all of this. "Fuck this..." he mutters, heading back to his door.

"Where- where are you going?" Nico croaks out, almost like a whining little goose. He hiccups. "We haven't finished talking about-"

"You've said all I needed to hear," Percy turns to look at his boyfriend, and there is the unmistakable glow of tears radiating inside the taller man's eyes, and one streaks down his face, a crystalline slide of sobbing and desperate emotions. "My own fucking boyfriend thinks I'd fucking cheat on him. I've never cheated on you, and I hadn't cheated on any of my previous relationships with anyone I had ever had before. I don't need this, coming from you, Nico Di Angelo," he hesitates at the door, swallows his fear, wipes his eyes, and then exhales. "I'll be outta here by the end of the day tomorrow."

"W—wait, you're moving out?" Nico asks, agony etched on his face.

"Why should I stick around if you don't respect me? I don't need that shit from you."

He shuts the door with a near-silent click before he can catch any glimpse of Nico's devastated expression. He can see it well enough in his mind's eye anyway.

* * *

 **There we are ladies and gentlemen! Chapter #20: Denial Is A River, of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. It looks like heartbreak as hit the Nile, with our two leading men and their relationship, but I felt like I haven't had enough drama in this piece, so I hope it is ample enough! :D Yeah... Percy is upset about Nico not wanting to tell anyone about their relationship, Nico thinks Percy has been cheating when he hasn't... and now it has culminated to this. This was my original plan all along, but I wanted to throw the red herring in there of a relationship with Jason to see who would take the bait at this being the deal breaker, but in technicality, the not being able to face the music on Nico's part is the true straw that broke the camel's back.**

 **However, the positives! My announcement! Sometime this summer, though I really haven't worked out too many details (it'll probably be in July knowing my horrendous schedule and how I plan), I am going to begin writing and posting a new Rated M Nico x Percy fanfiction called Beautiful Bizarre, and it is going to quite the romance/drama, focusing on some major issues I have seen in the day-to-day world and it all started as an acting project I am a part of for finals, where I have to play a cocaine/heroin drug addict... so this idea sprouted in my head. It shall feature an ensemble cast of Nico, Percy, Piper, Leo, Bianca, Silena, Octavian, and Chris. I am _super_ excited to try and evolve on my romance craft a little bit and do something a little unconventional. Of course, there'll also be smut as it is my work for crying out loud, but you get the gist.**

 **Thank you so much for getting this far if you've read the update, as I see there is some weird site glitch still existing from like nine days ago on alert updates and stuff. I hope to see you all on Sunday, when I post Chapter #21: Getting Him Back. Please review and let me know what you thought, and if you're excited for Beautiful Bizarre, cause I know I am. Once again, thanks for sticking till the end, and you all are the best readers ever. I love you all! Have an amazing day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	21. Chapter 21: Getting Him Back

**Hey everyone, Paradigm of Writing here with a brand new chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Romance, Chapter #21: Getting Him Back. It shouldn't take a sleuth to know exactly whom we're talking about but then it also matters of whom we're talking about if Nico's plan at getting Percy will work. Something is going to come into the light which shall change the entire dynamic of the situation for _Nico,_ and Nico only, though I am pretty sure a whole lot of you know exactly what I'm talking about. And damn, I have to say that I watched the favorites and followers of this story spike up and is beating my normally most followed and favored story by a landslide, we're so close to fifty on both stats and that's quite ridiculous. This has also given me a lot of personal favorites and followers with just one story alone which is damn amazing, so thank you! I will be generally compliant and say sorry about the wait, because holy hell the end of my junior year is here and in two days I'm officially a senior battling Florida summer heat and AP Literature novels and just... good god, I'm no longer some pathetic thirteen year-old writing horribly plot hole storylines with literally no continuity. Anyways, with that tangent, enjoy Chapter #21: Getting Him Back! **

* * *

Percy kept his word; he's gone when Nico comes home from work the next day. Nico feels dread sink in his chest at the sight of the half-empty apartment. Perhaps this is also because he's missing the feeling of someone's dick in him, but he is not about to call up that slimy Jason weasel for a quick pity fuck. He's pitiful, but not petty, and perhaps... Percy Jackson is with that fucking blonde insolent Jason Grace for all Nico knows. Good riddance, he supposes. He reminds himself that Percy can be very dramatic, and this is probably just another one of those times. Odds are that Percy's hiding over at Luke's place, waiting for Nico to call all desperate, but Nico's not going to play into that. So he doesn't panic too much at first. It's actually sort of nice having the apartment to himself after so long.

He's panicking a little by the first week of December when Percy hasn't called or even dropped by Thalia and Annabeth's. Yeah, maybe Percy's angry at him, but Nico didn't expect him to shut everyone else out too. He doesn't know if the girls have seen Percy at the Stoll's Coffee Shop, and it's not like he's going to ask, because that would actually require him to explain why Percy hasn't been around, and that's a can of worms Nico's not ready to open yet.

It's things like this, he thinks, that made Percy leave.

But Nico knows that Percy's too much of an extrovert to survive very long without social contact. He's bound to show up eventually, even if he just acts like Nico's dead to him.

Nico starts smoking again by the second week of December, which spurs the others' concern about what happened with Percy. He fumbles with an answer, gives some half-assed excuse about having a fight and Percy moving out to spend time with his family, because it's still the holidays and that sort of makes sense. He tells Thalia something about Percy being busy with auditions, which isn't the same thing he'd said when they were at the coffee shop a few days ago, and if anyone's going to dig too deep into this it's going to be Thalia.

He tells himself he's taking on extra hours at work to keep his mind off of the whole debacle, but a small part of himself really doesn't want to be alone in that apartment for too long; the absence of Percy is everywhere he looks.

One evening after work, Nico comes home to a message from Percy on the answering machine. He learns that Percy's moved into a high-end apartment complex not too far from here. Nico leaves a pathetically desperate message on voicemail. But Percy doesn't call him back.

Thalia invites him over to her apartment a few days before Christmas, her eyes filled with that pitying look Nico's come to know very well over the past few weeks. "I don't know what your plans are," she says, "but we're having a little early Christmas party if you want to come join us."

Nico nods. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

He pads across the hall in his pajamas, greeted by Rachel, Luke, and Annabeth when he opens the door. But Percy's missing, and that cuts him deeper than he expected it would. Annabeth sort of winces at the sight of him, though she tries to hide it. He must look worse than he thought.

"Percy left something for you," Rachel says, trying to lift Nico's spirits. She skips over to the Christmas tree near the window and grabs a small package at its feet. "He wanted to give it to you in person, but you weren't home." Rachel places the tiny box in his hands, and he sits in the vacant spot on the couch. He stares at the box for a moment before tearing off the paper. Thalia sits beside him and lays a hand on his shoulder.

Inside the box is a gaudy, ostentatious gold bracelet. Nico picks it up and turns it around in his fingers to read the engraving on the inside: _to my best bud_.

Nico feels the half-hearted tug of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He wonders if Percy planned on giving him this before their break-up, and if the message still holds true now. However, this means that he's somewhat friend zoned. _The fuck, man?_ Nico's inner stream of consciousness is not helping the situation right now.

"Ooh, sparkly!" Rachel squeals, snatching the bracelet out of his hand for a closer look. "'To my best bud. 'Aw, Nico, that's so sweet!"

Nico shrugs, his throat suddenly tight. When he can speak again, he says, "He probably couldn't return it," He chuckles dryly and feels the prickle of tears in his eyes. Nico takes the bracelet back, reaches up to wipe away any trace of tears before they can spill over. "God, I'm such an idiot..."

Thalia squeezes his shoulder. "What happened between you two? Is all this refusal to communicate is just macho posturing?"

Nico chokes out a dry laugh. Macho posturing: yeah, that sounds about right. Nico usually avoids being honest with himself, but he thinks that most of his fear of announcing his relationship with Percy stems from his fear of admitting that he likes men. It doesn't feel like it really counts when he's carrying it on behind closed doors, but when people actually know about it... To Nico, that's like admitting that he's not so different from his father.

But Nico's sick of feeling shitty about it now. Percy was the best thing he's ever had in his life, and he threw it away for, what, his ego? His pride? Well, he's got those things, and he's goddamn miserable.

"Percy and I were"—he stumbles over the words—"dating for a while, and he didn't want to keep it a secret any more."

Luke is the only one who looks stunned. The girls just look at Nico, then at each other as if the revelation is old news.

"Dating?" Luke manages. "Like...dating each other?"

Nico just nods.

Rachel's eyes go wide. "Ah! Percy was right!"

"About?"

"He told me a long time ago that he was your secret boyfriend, but I thought he was just kidding!" She laughs. "Aw, you guys."

Annabeth smacks her palm on top of her thigh. "I knew it! I knew you two were hiding something! That's why Percy asked me all those weird questions!"

"How long were you..." Thalia lets the end of that sentence disintegrate.

"About nine months," Nico admits.

"That's like a whole baby!" Rachel sort of shouts.

Nico and Thalia both answer, "I know!"

Luke is still gathering his thoughts in astonished silence. "You—you and Percy?" Nico nods grimly. " _You_...and Percy?" Another nod. "You and _Percy_?"

This is the kind of shit Nico wanted to avoid. "Can we get past this, please?"

"Okay, I—I get you, but _Percy_?"

Nico frowns. "Thanks, man."

"Why did you keep this a secret for so long?" Thalia asks him.

"Because I'm an idiot," Nico says, dropping his head into his hands. "I was scared and stupid. I didn't want to...admit it, y'know? I spent my whole life being embarrassed by my dad, and now it's like...I _am_ him. And the longer I put it off, the bigger it got, until it's this huge secret I can't possibly tell anyone 'cause they're just gonna make a big deal about it." He shoves a hand through his hair, twists the strands in his fingers. "And what's the next step for us? I mean, we already live"—he catches his mistake—" _lived_ together. So it's not like we could take our relationship to the next level that way. It'd have to be something way bigger than that, like marriage or children."

Rachel's staring at him in amazement. "Your head must be a scary place."

"You're not your dad, honey," Thalia says. "You're you. Liking other guys... that doesn't mean you're some new person now or that you're just like him."

Nico wishes he could make sense out of all the doubts and worries in his head. He doesn't know how to describe it, to make it so that they understand why this fear has gripped him for so long. "It's not just that," he says, because he thinks he's just going to let that one fester. "If I told you guys, it'd be like—like we'd be an actual couple. And once I started to... feel things that were more than just physical, it scared me even more. It's like an alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'" There's a horrible sort of guilt inside of him now; he's basically admitting to not telling anyone because he liked Percy _too_ much.

Annabeth sighs like Nico has monumentally disappointed her. "God, that's such a guy thing."

"So he moved out because you two broke up?" Thalia asks.

Nico shuts his eyes and nods. "He felt like I didn't respect him. He took me to his parents' place for Thanksgiving, but I didn't want to tell them about us. And... and I thought he had cheated... and then it turned out _he_ hadn't..."

The girls wince. "Ooh, yikes."

"But for me, it felt too much like the Thanksgiving my parents announced their divorce," he says weakly, like he expects to be punished for admitting it. "I told him we could tell them some other time, but I don't have the best track record with excuses..."

Silence hangs in the air for what feels like an eternity, but it's probably only about a couple seconds before Rachel speaks and breaks it. "We didn't... like, make you feel you couldn't tell us, did we?"

Nico knows that answering that question honestly would be the worst thing he could say. So he just shakes his head and says, "It's not your fault."

No one argues with that, although they seem to want to. "Are you gonna call him?" Annabeth asks.

"Do you think I should?"

"It's Percy," Thalia says in disbelief, like the answer is obvious. "You guys are best friends. Don't you wanna work this out?"

"He's not—he's not gonna want to..."

"I think he does," Luke says. Nico looks over at him, because Luke has been surprisingly silent for this conversation. "He was invested enough in you guys to break up over not telling us. He's probably waiting for you to call and try to fix this."

"He left me a message a couple days ago." Nico sighs out a breath. "I tried calling him back, but I ended up getting his machine. I left a message, and he didn't..." He shrugs into silence.

"What kind of message?"

"Pathetic, needy, desperate, apologetic. All the big ones."

Thalia takes him by the shoulders and forces him to look at her. "Honey, you have to call him and let him know that we know. Once he sees that you've taken that step, he'll want to make this work even more. I promise you: he wants you back, but you have to _try_ , Nico. You have to show him you're willing to commit—" Nico's eyes go impossibly wide. "To an adult relationship," Thalia stresses. "Honestly, I don't know what Percy's told you, but I really, _really_ doubt he's pressing for babies or marriage. That's all _your_ weird commitment crap."

"Yeah," Luke agrees around a huff of a laugh. "I mean, this is _Percy_. I'm surprised he managed to stay with the same person for nine months."

Nico tries a smile, but it's weak and brief, because part of him doesn't think Percy _did_. Moving out was not a snap decision—Percy had probably let his discontent and unhappiness with their relationship build up inside of him for a while, and this argument was merely the final straw. Who's to say Percy wasn't seeing other people on the side?

"He still cares about you," Rachel adds, showing him the bracelet as proof. "And, y'know, maybe you won't go back to being boyfriends, but you can still be friends!"

She's trying to be helpful, but it just hurts. Because Nico remembers the advice he'd given Percy and Luke, about how they shouldn't confess to their crush unless they were certain they could remain friends in the event of rejection. How ironic that he would be the one to cower in the face of his own advice.

Later that night, Nico goes across the hall to his apartment, feels the empty space there in his bones. He toys with the gold bracelet around his wrist for a moment before picking up the phone. He waits through the rings with a nervous dread twisting in his gut. He's throwing caution to the wind and leaving an impromptu message. Or having an impromptu conversation if Percy answers the phone. This is big for him; Nico rarely leaves spontaneous messages.

He breathes out a long, slow exhale, and when the machine picks up, he says: "Hey, Perce, it's—it's me. I just wanted to thank you, y'know, for the bracelet. That was—that was really nice of you. I wish I could've done something for you, but I didn't know..." Shit, this is not going well. He hasn't even mentioned the actual reason for the phone call yet. He swallows hard, panic choked in his throat. "Oh, oh, by the way, uh, I—I told them about, y'know, about us," he says, trying to sound casual. "You were right, Perce." He sighs. "God, I'm so sorry. This whole break-up thing... I just—I need you. I need you to want this as much as I do, Perce, okay? I'm sorry this isn't..." He trails off, starts over. "I'm trying. I really am. So just—let's talk it over, okay?"

* * *

Luke shows up at Percy's new apartment the day after Christmas. It's a rare occasion that his friends stop by this place; usually they catch him at the Stoll's Coffee Shop instead of coming here. Percy wonders why. It must be hard for them to see Percy and Nico living two separate lives instead of being blissfully entangled. Maybe this is what Nico meant about dating all of them, that the repercussions of a break-up would ripple outwards like a nuclear blast.

Luke gives him an awkward half-smile at the door. "Hey!"

"Hey." Percy lets him inside, curious as to the reason for his visit. "Everything okay?"

"No, actually. That's—that's what I came to talk to you about."

"Did somethin' happen to Thalia?" Luke shakes his head, starts to say something, but Percy cuts him off when another thought pops into his head. "Rachel?"

"Nico."

Percy actually gasps out loud as a piercing pain rises up in his chest. "Oh no..." He couldn't— _wouldn't_... Would he?

Luke furrows his brow for a moment, confused, then his eyes go wide and he's flailing in a panic that reminds Percy way too much of Nico. "Oh, no! Oh God, no! That's not—No! I just think you should talk to him!"

Percy lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and drops down into the recliner. It feels strange—lonely, even—without the other chair beside him. "Dammit, Luke, why'd you have to—" He pushes a hand through his hair. "That was just evil, okay?"

"Not on purpose!" Luke whines. "Look, Percy, for what it's worth, Nico told us the truth. He told us about you two. Don't you think you could at least hear the guy out? Maybe you don't have to jump back into dating, but... you could still be friends, right?"

Percy fixes him with a heavy stare. "What if it was you and Annabeth? Could you go back to bein' friends like nothing happened?"

Luke thinks about it, but he doesn't answer. "Nico's your best friend."

"He _was_. Why're you pushin' so hard for him anyway? With him out of the way as my best friend, there's a spot open."

"Oh." Luke blinks. "Who, me?" Percy gives him a look. "Wow, I'm honored! And y'know what I'm gonna do as my first act as your best friend?"

"What?" Percy really hopes it's sandwich-related.

"I'm gonna get you to talk to Nico."

Percy sighs, his entire body getting into it. "Look, Luke, I'm sorry, but it's just too complicated, alright? Look what it took just to get him to tell you guys! This was just a big mistake."

Luke watches him for a moment before he says, "I saw the look on your face when you thought he was dead. You still have... feelings for him."

"Yeah, well, maybe I do, but I gotta let it be. He broke my heart. I never felt that before. Now I get all those songs!" This is an entirely new realm of emotion for Percy, and he hates it. He wants things back the way they were, when he'd wake up with Nico cuddled close and kiss his shoulder or the back of his neck. Instead, he wakes up alone.

Luke gives a small shrug, his eyes sad. "Well, I'm sorry. I tried. But I trust your judgement."

Percy listens as Luke's footsteps move toward the door. He stares at the floor, his eyes unseeing for a moment, before he speaks again. "Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

He wets his lips. "If you and Annabeth broke up for good, and you got a job where you'd never have to see her again, would you take it to save yourself the heartache?"

Luke looks almost wounded at that. "No. No, I couldn't."

Luke was always the weakest one.

* * *

A few days later, Nico gets a phone call. He practically jumps over the top of the recliner in a scramble to answer the phone. "Perce?"

"Hey, Nico."

He hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear Percy's voice again until just now. In an instant, he feels whole again. "Did you, uh, did you get my message?"

"Yeah, I did... Thanks. I'm glad you told them." Nico can hear the faint smile in Percy's voice, but there's something off about it, as if Percy's bracing him for something. Like a doctor informing a patient that he's about to die. "But, uh—"

Nico's heart clenches in his chest. "No! No buts! Please. We can work through this, whatever it is."

Percy gives a drag of a sigh; Nico can picture the way he's pushing his hand through his hair or rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't think we can."

Nico doesn't feel the sting of tears until he hears the way his voice is wrecked when he speaks: "No, no, don't—don't say that. Look, it's not easy for me, but I'm trying. I'm trying the best I can."

"I know you are, Nico, and I appreciate it so much, but..." Percy sighs again, goes silent for a moment. Nico has to remind himself to breathe. Percy's got some excitement to his voice when he starts talking again: "A couple weeks ago, I tried out for this part for this new TV show. I'm up for the part of this like... FBI agent in some actual A-rated Sony directed, like James Cameron movie and... well..."

"You're... you're leaving? For how long?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Nico. I wanted to share it with you, but I never got a chance to and we fought and-'"

Nico smiles despite himself. God, he's missed this. "That _is_ lucky. So, how'd it go?"

The exuberance in Percy's voice begins to fade. "Oh, it went great! I—I got the part, like I said."

"Congratulations!" Nico picks up on the way Percy's dancing around the subject. "Wait, what's the catch? You didn't have to sleep with someone to get it, did you?" He chuckles weakly.

"No, nothin' like that."

"Then why do you sound so sad? Is it—is it a time thing?" Of course it is, Nico thinks. Percy's just unsure if his new job will leave him much time to spend with Nico to mend their relationship. He's relieved, in a way, because they can work through this, they can—

"No, it's more of a... distance thing. Cross continents type of thing."

Nico feels his mouth go dry.

"See, the show's filmed in L.A... Y'know, the one in California."

"I guess the local one was all booked up." Nico's knees go weak, and he steadies himself against the kitchen counter. "So, uh, so I guess you're gonna move there, right?"

"I dunno... I mean, if I go, I'd get to be the star of my own movie for God's sake. They could even turn it into some sort of series, y'know? It's not as big as all of my pornography gigs I realize," Nico takes a second to leave the phone as he's giggling too much, then back to the phone he goes. "But it could be! But... I'd have to leave you and Rachel and Luke and Thalia and Annabeth... I love you guys. You're like my family."

Nico curls his free hand around the back of his neck. Awareness begins to spread like a trickle of acid through his veins. "Have you told them yet?"

"No, I haven't told anybody. Just you. I don't wanna say anything 'til I'm sure."

Nico hears the subtext there: Percy wants him to help make this decision, and he trusts Nico enough to guide him in the right direction. Every synapse in his brain is screaming for Nico to be selfish here, because they're talking again and he's getting a chance to fix what he's broken. But he knows that this is an incredible opportunity for Percy. To take that away just so he doesn't have to lose him would be the most selfish thing Nico could do.

What feels like an eternity of silence passes by, but it's probably only a couple of seconds. "I think you should go," Nico finally says, his voice a whisper.

"Really?" Percy sounds stunned and maybe a little scared. "You do?"

"Yeah, it's—it's what you want, isn't it? Your own movie and then a possible TV show: that's big! They don't give those to just anybody." His voice sort of cracks off at the end, so he stops talking.

Percy tries a chuckle. "Thanks, Nico. I guess I just needed to hear it from you." Nico squeezes his eyes shut, feels the steady trickle of tears. "You guys are gonna come visit me, right?"

"Yeah, of course." It's painful the way Percy says things without saying them at all, the way he just _knows_ Nico isn't going to fix this. Percy might be daft sometimes, but he's not stupid enough to even entertain the idea that Nico might come with him. That unspoken certainty hurts more than any cruel words he could have chosen.

"Hey, listen, I gotta go, but I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Good night, Perce."

"Goodbye, Nico."

Nico feels a dragging, tearing sense of loss as he hangs up the phone. He stares at the counter until he can't see anymore, then he feels the tile beneath his knees. His head swirls dizzily with all the ways he's hurt Percy, every off-handed comment and manipulation, each mistake he's made. The pain knocks him breathless, even as he's curled against the bar and choking out weak sobs.

What feels like a long stretch of time passes by this way before someone's knocking on the door. Nico scrambles for some semblance of composure, wipes his tears away with the too-long sleeves of his sweatshirt. It takes him a moment to get to his feet and ascertain that his voice won't betray him when he answers.

Thalia's at the door, her grey t-shirt covered in a powdery substance that looks like flour. "We're out of milk. Can I use—" Her eyes go wide and anxious when she gets a good look at him. "Oh my God, Nico, are you okay? Did something happen?"

He shakes his head. "No, I'm fine. Percy and I just... had to talk about some things that were hard." He swallows, struggling to keep his voice from breaking under the lie. "We'll be okay."

She curls a hand around his arm. Nico fights for control over the swell in his throat and the wetness in his eyes, "Oh, honey..."

"I'll be fine. It's nothing."

"You don't have the best luck with holidays, do you?" she says, trying humor.

Nico manages a smile. "So, what're you making?"

Her words pull the thread that unravels him: "Mac and cheese." And that's what sends it all toppling down, his reserve of inner strength dropping out from under him. He starts laughing, because it's so goddamn ridiculous, and he pulls her into a hug that's too tight, like he might lose himself if he lets go. He's laughing and crying into her hair, his hands curled into fists behind her back. Thalia hugs him back.

Then he's just crying.

* * *

 **Not gonna lie, I think I literally just sobbed my eyes out. It seems to me that Nico di Angelo's plan at getting his boyfriend back is not working so well, now is it? Now, because I can only give you the title of the chapter, I'm gonna want all your predictions, all the predictions, and damn make them good! Because, Chapter #22 is the end, the complete end to Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Romance and I know it'll be heartbreaking whether it be a good ending or a bad ending, you never know. But yep, Nico has finally come out! And, it is the same exact reaction my friends have had with me and my coming out to them... and that's all I have to say. Anyways, please review! I'd love to hear what you all thought! We're so close guys, it's almost over and I can't wait. Hold on with bated breath for Chapter #22: Sound Kind of Resolve. Thank you all so much for reading! I love you guys so much! Bye!**

 ***P.S* And, actually, an announcement! If any of you are Hunger Games fans, I suggest and plead that you all go and submit a tribute to my new SYOT called Vermillion Shores I started only yesterday! I'd mean so much, and if you like my writing, I am more than confident you'll like this piece and subsequent pieces in that fandom as well! Thanks in advance!**

 **~ Paradigm**


	22. Chapter 22: Sound Kind of Resolve

**Well, hello again everyone, Paradigm of Writing here for some really, _well_... sad news. It is the last chapter of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love, Chapter #22: Sound Kind of Resolve, and I hope it has been a damn journey. I know it has for me, becoming so invested in these characters and the type of trouble I have put them through will forever resonate, because if you all thought the pain in this due to emotional turmoil was bad, and * _sigh_ * it is only because Beautiful Bizarre will be twenty shades of fucked up. And I say it, that'll it push everything about my craft and what is alongside it. I am very happy to have written this piece and reached you guys with it, because f'ing hell, we've been through a lot. Enjoy the last chapter, Chapter #22: Sound Kind of Resolve of Nico Di Angelo's Hopeless Guide to Love. **

* * *

Nico resurfaces after the New Year's festivities have passed. He finds Rachel putting up a sketchpad and there's a warmness that sits inside his heart at the sight of the auburn haired, crazy artist who has given him so much love, at the Stoll's Coffee Shop. "Rachel."

"Nico." She's giving him that tight-lipped, 'sorry for your loss' smile he's become very familiar with lately. "I guess you heard about Percy."

He nods solemnly.

"So what're you gonna do?"

Is there anything else _to_ do other than the right thing? "I'm gonna support him. Let him go."

Rachel stares at him with wide, sad eyes. "You're not going with him?"

Nico struggles for an answer; part of him wants to go, but moving across the country is a huge step for someone who took nine months to admit he was in a relationship, and then to even think about it halfway across the world to god knows where is only going to be part of the worst and horrible kind of journey.

"Have you even thought about it?"

"Until just now? No."

Rachel makes an exasperated noise. "Nico, this is your chance! You have to go with him!"

"Do you—do you think I could?"

"Yes! Yes! And—oh, oh my God"—she grips his arm in sudden realization—"his birthday's coming up! We're throwing him a party 'cause he's leaving next week, so it's like a going-away party _and_ a birthday party! And you could be his present! Doesn't that sound really cute?"

The very idea of all this is frightening—in a good and bad way—and makes his stomach twist into knots and something ball up in his throat. "Do you really think he would want me there?"

"Of course! He's your lobster!"

"He didn't seem like he wanted me to go..." Nico says after a beat.

"Did you ever think maybe he was scared of asking you to come and hearing you say no? I mean, that's like telling someone you love them and they don't say it back."

That one cleaves through Nico's guilty heart, because when Percy first said he loved him Nico didn't say it back. And the only time Nico ever said those words to him was in the heat of an argument where it could be misconstrued as ammo.

Rachel notices the palpable distress on his face. She sets her guitar down and moves so her whole body's facing him. "How hard would it be to just _go_ with him and live around the world like a big-shot movie star? Not to mention that he _is_ your sexy and hot boyfriend."

Nico thinks for a moment and picks out the first hurdle to this tempting offer: "Well, I'd have to... move." He decides to get over the fact Rachel has called Percy sexy and hot, even though he is, it is a kind of uncalled for action on many unwarranted sides.

"We can help you! You know Thalia would go crazy over helping you pack! Organizing, cleaning—that's like sex to her!"

"My job _does_ have an office there..." It's like he can sense that his apprehension is fading, and he has to push at the edges a bit.

"Okay, see? This was meant to be!"

"But—but—but!" Nico panics, because he's already putting too much thought into this. This is ridiculous—isn't it? If Percy wanted to be with him that badly, wouldn't he have fought a little harder?

"Why not?" Rachel asks, completely serious. "How is it any different than Annabeth running out on that one prankster? Or Luke finally asking her out? Or even you and Percy getting together?"

Nico wants to respond with something like "because it just is," but gathers his thoughts with a marginal amount of coherence. "Rachel, this is totally crazy. I can't—I can't just move all the way across the world like that! I mean, this is something people plan for! You don't just...do it!"

"You can't just sit around and plan things, Nico, or you're gonna miss out on something really wonderful."

Nico thinks that his entire relationship with Percy has its foundations in blind leaps of faith: asking Percy to kiss him again, their whole fooling-around period, going to the resort, blurting out all the embarrassing things he'd said while drunk... Even gaining Percy as a roommate wasn't part of Nico's plan.

Maybe that's just the disjointed, clumsy way they work together: spur-of-the-moment decisions that feel right. Maybe this is one of those pivotal moments where Nico can choose to throw caution into the wind and go with his gut feeling. A chance to fix what he's broken. A chance to prove to Percy that he loves him, no matter the cost.

 _Hey, man, if you wanna make it happen, you gotta be a man and lay it all down. Do what you told me! Do something nice, a big gesture to get her attention! C'mon, quit being a wuss!_

Nico laughs to himself; he never expected his advice to Luke would ever work—now it's Luke' turn to give him the confidence he needs to commit wholeheartedly to this.

* * *

Almost a week later, the girls and Luke throw Percy a going-away/birthday party at his apartment. All Percy can see is that Nico isn't here. It shouldn't hurt so much, but it does, because Nico ignores awkward, uncomfortable situations as much as he can, and goodbyes definitely fall into that category. If Percy had known the last time he talked to Nico was actually the _last time_ , he would have said more. He would have suggested that Nico come with him, felt the sting of rejection like the lash of a whip.

Percy gets that Nico has issues with intimacy and commitment and relationships, but Nico didn't even call once and leave a drunken, sob-riddled message begging him to stay in New York. So on top of not being asked to stay, Percy also doesn't seem to be getting a goodbye.

All he wants is some sort of proof that Nico actually gives a shit about him in a way that makes their nine-month relationship more than just a really convenient fling. Because that's the impression Percy's getting here.

He finds Rachel in the corner with a few packed-up boxes and the porcelain dog statue. She's stroking the nape of its neck affectionately when Percy sidles up beside her. "Rachel, you know that's not a real dog, right?"

"I might be a little wasted right now."

"Yeah, maybe." He plucks the glass from her hand, downs the rest of the drink. Rachel sniffles and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "Aw, Rachel, I'm sorry, let me get you another drink—"

"No, no, Percy, I'm just gonna miss you so much." She hugs him close, and he wraps his arms around her. He buries his nose in her hair, tries to keep the waterworks at bay. He holds her a little tighter, and that's when Rachel pulls away and wipes her eyes again. "I'm sorry, I promised myself I wasn't gonna do this."

"Hey, it's okay," he murmurs, kissing her forehead. "I'd be sad too if you were leavin'." He rubs circles on her back until her tears have dried. Percy glances over at the door—still nothing. "Have you heard anything from Nico?"

"No."

Percy doesn't even bother hiding his disappointment at that.

She pats his arm. "You're still each other's lobsters."

Usually Percy and Rachel are on the same wavelength, but this time he's completely lost. "What?"

"Oh, you weren't there for that," Rachel realizes. "It's what we call Luke and Annabeth: the lobsters. 'Cause lobsters fall in love and mate for life. Like, on that one really weird TV show for everyone wants to have sex because they love each other, but only like two do it so..."

"He doesn't love me," Percy says numbly. It actually hurts a little when he hears it out loud.

Rachel gives him a knowing smile. "Trust me, he does."

"Then how come he's not here?"

Rachel shrugs and looks away for a moment. "He had a thing with—with the thing." Percy stares at her, totally out of his depth. "He probably got caught up at work. He'll be here."

He has a feeling that she knows Nico isn't coming but doesn't actually want to tell him. Percy makes a frustrated noise and wanders off for a drink. Instead he finds Thalia, whose eyes are red and wet as she pours herself a drink at the table. "Have you heard from Nico?" he asks.

Thalia shakes her head. "Not yet."

"You think he's comin'?"

"You _don't_?"

Percy doesn't have an answer for that beyond "because he's a jerk," and he knows in his heart that's not true. He wouldn't have dated a jerk for nine months, wouldn't have dreamed about spending the rest of his life with a jerk. So he just settles for, "Maybe it's too hard for him." Thalia's gaze grows sadder, and Percy says, "I don't understand why he didn't ask me to stay, Thal. Why didn't he fight for me?"

Thalia's hands fall to her sides as she stares at him in awe. "Percy, how could you live with Nico for two years and not know one thing about him? Nico has always supported your career! This is a huge step for you! Of course he's gonna tell you to do it; he loves you!"

It should make sense, but Percy still can't wrap his head around it. It's not like Nico ever once said those three words to him during their entire relationship—and, no, their last argument doesn't count, because Nico used it as a bargaining chip rather than an untethered, genuine declaration of love.

"When you had the audition for that one TV show, the uh... ER like thing, did Nico support you?"

He nods. "Yeah, he told me to go for it, even if I had to sleep with the casting director to get it."

Thalia looks at him in shock. "He did?"

"Yeah, I was pretty surprised about that too. He was actually sorta encouragin' me to—" Percy stops, because how the fuck did he not see this coming? Nico didn't actually _want_ Percy to sleep with the casting director for the role, but he encouraged him anyway because he knew the part would make Percy happy. Nico wouldn't tell Percy how he felt because he thought the confession would make Percy uncomfortable. It's like he's always swallowed down his own happiness in lieu of what's best—or at least what he thinks is best—for Percy.

So why should this time be any different?

Percy laughs to himself, kisses Thalia on the cheek. "Thanks, and I mean it."

Thalia smiles at him in a way that's confused. "You're welcome?"

After the other guests have left, Annabeth's crying into Percy's chest and staining his shirt with tears when Nico stumbles in, sucking air. "Oh, good, Perce, you're still here! I'm sorry I'm late. I had a bunch of last-minute stuff at work and—"

Percy pulls Nico into his arms, and the familiar scent of his hair hits Percy like a wrecking ball. He gets his fingers full of fabric and lets his hands tighten into fists over Nico's back. "If you wanted me to stay, why didn't you just tell me, man?"

"Y—you're staying?" Nico asks in a small voice. "But I thought you wanted to go! Why are you—"

"Aw, c'mon, Nico, I'll get other roles! Besides, bein' with you makes me happier than bein' on TV and in the big leagues."

Nico goes stiff in his arms. Percy's about to kiss his unyielding mouth, but apparently this is Nico's breaking point, because he actually puts his hands over Percy's chest and shoves him away. "Oh my God!" Nico shouts, his mouth hanging open. "Are you kidding me?"

Apparently Percy's miscalculated—badly. "What? What's wrong? I thought you wanted me to stay so we could—"

"No! No, I didn't want you to stay! I was trying to do the mature, adult thing! Being selfish is how I screwed this up to begin with!" Nico's doing that whole-body angry flailing thing he's so good at. "I want you to—I want you to be happy!" It sounds fucking awful when he says it like that, like he's not even part of the equation of Percy's happiness. "Take the job if you want it, Perce. Don't hang back on account of me."

Percy shakes his head. "Nico, you always do this. You always put me bein' happy before you. Why can't we both be happy by stayin' here?"

"Because I'm going with you, you idiot!"

Percy's jaw drops, and he stares at Nico with incredulity.

Going with him? Percy can't even let himself think about the concept. It's impossible.

"You wanna know why I was late?" Nico continues, his furious blue eyes pinning Percy in place. "Not because I don't care about you, or because I didn't want to say goodbye, but because I was at work making sure I'd get transferred to the office in L.A. and maybe become like your international secretary or something so you and I could be together and start over!"

Percy's gaping at him in awe. This is Nico, Mr. Anti-Commitment. Nico can barely commit to choosing a restaurant when they go out, but he's willing to uproot himself from his friends and his job just to be with Percy?

"And I did _not_ spend this entire week getting my stuff packed up with Thalia and Rachel and Annabeth and Luke just so that you'd back out and decide to stay, because"—Nico's lower lip quivers like he's going to start crying—"because if you stay, I don't know what else I can do"—he's officially crying now, his words sounding broken and desperate—"to show you that I want to make this work. I am so in love with you, Percy, and I can't—" He's cut off by a sob, and he wipes away the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"You love me," Percy says through unmoving lips, and it's half a question and half a realization.

Nico nods, and his voice is still shaky with emotion when he says, "You make me happier than I ever thought I could be."

Percy's thoughts are all a jumble. "Is this another one of your jokes? 'Cause it's not funny."

"No, no!" Nico reaches for him, pulls him closer. "Percy, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. Just—please, let me try, okay?"

Percy just stares at him, shell-shocked, before lifting a hand to Nico's face and letting his palm curve around his cheek. He's still trying to fit this into his world view, because Nico has flagrantly avoided all types of commitment for the past year, but all of a sudden he's willing to move acLuke the country. "Why didn't you tell me you were comin' with me?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise," Nico admits, chagrined. "Y'know, for your birthday."

"Well, it worked!"

Nico gazes at him with agonized eyes. "Look, I—I promise I'll try to be better, okay? I know you don't believe me, but I want to do this. I can be better because you'll make me better." His hands tighten into fists in Percy's shirt. "Just—please—tell me that you can still love me."

"I never stopped," Percy says before pushing his mouth over Nico's. Nico kisses him back, drags him in, his greedy hands pulling Percy closer and grabbing his hair. Percy's whispering "I love you" over and over in the short moments when his lips are free before Nico drags him back and captures his mouth again, messy and wet and _real_.

The girls "awww" in unison, and Luke tries to join in the recognition of the moment, but it's forced and uncomfortable. Annabeth gives him a look. Luke fidgets and mumbles, "Okay, I'll stop."

Percy's grinning when they break apart, his arms linked around Nico's waist. "He's comin' with me!" he gloats to the others, ecstatic, before the bittersweet expressions on everyone's faces sink in. They're not just saying goodbye to Percy here; they're saying goodbye to Nico too. "Oh."

"What? What's wrong? Did you change your mind again?" Nico panics.

Percy shakes his head. "I'm not the only one who's leavin'," he says quietly.

Nico's face goes solemn for a moment. "Ah, c'mon, give 'em some credit; they can make it without us."

Percy smiles despite his sadness; he knows that they can.

* * *

Annabeth, Thalia, Luke, and Rachel say their tearful goodbyes and promise to see Percy and Nico off at the airport the next day. Nico gets the grand tour of Percy's apartment, which isn't very grand considering nearly all of his possessions are packed away in boxes. But the fold-out couch is sitting in the middle of the living room, and they end up sprawled over it that night after dinner. Nico's lying on top of him, his cheek against the warm skin of Percy's chest, listening to the quiet thrum of his heartbeat. Percy sighs contentment into Nico's hair, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other tracing the curve of his spine.

"That didn't go the way I planned it," Percy says quietly around a chuckle.

"What'd'ya mean?"

"Well, I was kinda hopin' if we got back together"—Nico closes his eyes, feels his heart break because even Percy wasn't sure they'd find their way back to each other—"that I could, y'know, be on top."

"Gimme a minute, and we can go again."

"It's too late. The moment's ruined." Percy pouts. "I had this big thing planned out in my head where I was gonna take it slow, kiss you all over, sorta like our first time." Nico smiles despite himself. "But no, you just had to climb on and take over." Percy's trying to sound put out about this, but Nico is completely certain that Percy really doesn't mind that much at all.

"Well, Perce, a wise philosopher once said if you sit around and plan things you miss out on something better." Percy pushes his fingers through Nico's hair. "Actually, it was Rachel, but the point still stands. And, hey, if you wanna do all that stuff anyway, I am all for it. I know the moment's passed, but I'd still enjoy it." Nico gives Percy his best "look how cute I am" smile. It works, because Percy grins back and crushes his mouth over Nico's.

Percy's always had an insistent edge to his kissing, but now his hand shifts carefully through Nico's hair, like pushing too much might break him or split them apart again. His mouth moves soft and slow, as if they have all the time in the world to reconnect here; Nico really wishes they did, because he has so much to apologize for that he doesn't think sex can fix. "Hey, Perce?" he murmurs a little while later, his fingers tracing the line of Percy's collarbone.

Percy hums a sound that urges Nico to continue.

"Are your parents gonna meet us at the airport tomorrow?"

"Yeah, they said they'd be there."

Nico tips his head so his cheek lies flat over Percy's chest. "Maybe you could tell 'em, y'know, about us?"

Percy springs up to a sit, staring down at Nico in a way he's going to interpret as stunned. "Really? You mean it?"

Nico keeps his gaze averted, shy under Percy's fervent eyes, and sits in Percy's lap. "Yeah! I mean, you don't have to make a big deal of it or anything, but I think they ought'a know." Percy runs his fingertips over Nico's knees. "I know it's kind of last minute, but..." Nico shrugs. "At least if they don't take it well we won't have to stick around." He forces up a hopeful half-smile.

"So you're not scared anymore?"

Nico looks away for a moment. "Losing you...put a lot of things in perspective."

Percy kisses him, his hands gentle against the curve of Nico's face and the edges of his fingers pressing into bone and muscle. He licks into Nico's mouth, and Nico moans, gets his hands full of Percy's hair. He's so fucking _glad_ that this didn't break them, that Percy still loves him and wants him here. They kiss like they're trying to catch up with where they should be, making up for time lost to distance. Percy's mouth is wet and hungry over Nico's own, and the frantic passion makes Nico a little dizzy in the best of ways.

Percy pulls back, wets his lips, and looks at Nico like he's something to eat; Nico burns under the heat of Percy's gaze. "Why don't you do something else with that mouth of yours?" he teases, touching his fingers to Percy's lips.

Percy chuckles and slides a hand down the curve of Nico's spine. "No way, Di Angelo. I told ya: I got plans for you tonight."

Nico feels his cheeks flush when Percy squeezes his ass. "Remember what I told you about planning?" he says with a grin before nudging Percy's back against the couch cushions.

* * *

 **Sweet and soundly I have left this. Man, I actually kind of have tears in my eyes from the sweet, super sweet conversation and half argument Nico and Percy had there at the end. I had in my head an idea that I'd do a story following Percy and Nico during Percy's adventures as a star, but I felt that'd be more cliché than this thing already was, so I'm leaving it here and it is up to you, dear readers to decide what it means and how they'll end up.**

 **Firstly, I have to say thank you to a few people.**

 **Sirius1696- Although your reviews are practical one-liners, they are still effective and mean a lot as you'd catch up at the last minute and personally left a warm feeling in my heart. Thank you very much.**

 **ged565- From the few reviews you have left, they made me smile like nobody's business, and most definitely from that one way back when you called these characters my own creations despite being Riordan's... I can only give you a hug and say thank you for the inspiring words that caused me to push these six past their breaking points.**

 **Darkness, Death and Riches- Do I even need to say anything? We have cried, laughed, screamed, and gotten angry together at this piece every step of the way as I typed up long ass chapter after long ass chapter about Nico and Percy's story, a story even I wasn't completely hooked on which is odd for me. You've been there since Day 1, November 29th, and you'll be here on the last day, May 26th, a near seven month journey that has left me a completely different writer.**

 **So, now my long list of thank you(s).**

 **Thank you to sirius1696, HeartThrobbingFanticyLover, Mr. Squirtle6, Darkness Death and Riches, SupaKoolCookieMonsta, Nutturbuttur, yaoiislife56, Iamapotatoskin, ged565, guest, r, Fos-nox, coralie14, slysilverslytherin87, Golfgirl1218, and Phoenix Deity for reviewing. At the time of posting this chapter, we reached 76 reviews, which I really wish we broke 100, but oh well. It's a start!**

 **Thank you to 1Onyxcat, , Angelblossom15, ArtemisaLilianVestaNightshade, banananna601, BlackRoseSaiyan, Brooke book, Bryson.l, CharlieA6654, Cool-Hanyou, CrownClown1823, Darkness Death and Riches, Drarryforever69, emperador alterran, Fight Like A Girl, Firefly1078, ForeverAngelz, Fos-nox, Gaby Angel Black, ged565, Golfgirl1218, gypsygirl368262, HeartThrobbingFanticyLover, Jacquelyn Frost, Kiley Schatuley, kimberly22137, Labrujadel95, Lams 711, lespride, Lightskinbeauty, Lolita04, lolusername, Lyialp, Maiko, Mr. Squirtle6, Nighty Wolf, Niic-wolf, Nina S Spice, Nutturbuttur, rachel1819, roocat2010, Sakura, scoup709, sirius1696, StoogeMcD, Supernerdyreader, vamplover1232, yaoiislife56, and zzzjem for favoring this story! Because _holy_ shit that it is the most favorites I have had on one story at one time, and we're at fucking _49!_**

 **Thank you to Angelblossom15, ArtemisaLilianVestaNightshade, Cool-Hanyou, Dark Umbreon 19, Darkness Death and Riches, Drarryforever69, , ForeverAngelz, HeartThrobbingFanticyLover, Kiley Schatuley, Kirjake, Leprecon, Lams 711, Loveanyway123, Maiko, Makayla Faith, Mel53001, Mr. Squirtle6, NickAnonymous17, Nighty Wolf, Nina S Spice, Nutturbuttur, Pomme-chan, Sakura, Slytherin Kingship, sora2302, StoogeMcD, SupaKoolCookieMonsta, Supernerdyreader, sylvannas daughter, The Lovegood Oddity, Why Don't You Take A Seat, , banananna601, Bryson.l, coralie14, emperador alterran, ged565,** **gypsygirl368262, nerdybandgeek14, ravensavage, shadowclover, sirius1696, tttfntty, twistedxdream,** **vamplover1232, and zzzjem for following this story. And once again, _holy_ shit, that is the most followers I have had on one story at one time, and we're at fucking _48!_**

 **And last stat, we reached near 13.3k views from when I started this story, making it my 2nd most viewed story, as that one has just capped 49k views in the Super Smash Bros Fandom (Cross Examined, a Lucas x Ness fanfiction). That is huge and monumental.**

 **If you are still here after that long ass fucking Author's Note, thank you. I do this for all my stories that I feel are huge, and this is no exception. Here are some questions I'd love to know your answers to as I type them, as they'll mean a lot for Beautiful Bizarre.**

 **1) What was your favorite moment in this story?**

 **2) What was your favorite _sex_ moment in this story?**

 **3) Out of the four side friends (Annabeth, Rachel, Thalia, or Luke), whom did you like the most?**

 **4) Percy or Nico, and why**

 **5) Any general thoughts on the story not specifically asked?**

 **6) Shall I see be seeing you for Beautiful Bizarre, my next PJO Percy x Nico project?**

 **And there we are! That's a wrap. If you are still _here_ even more, I want to extend an offer for you to go and check out my latest Hunger Games story and SYOT, called Vermillion Shorelines which is need of a cast, as there have been scare pops here and there, but nothing major so go check it out if you want to see more of my work in a different fandom. _Or,_ you can go and check out my Super Smash Bros story and current main WIP called Syrenet, as that is one crazy ride and perhaps my magnum opus. Thank you all for being downright fucking amazing readers and reviewers and plain fans. I shall see you soon with Beautiful Bizarre, which I shall start planning and writing when things settle down. Have an amazing day! Bye!**

 **~ Paradigm**


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